Hi loves this is Dee and welcome back to my channel so today I'll be doing something
a little bit different.
I will be doing a book review and today's book review is the 5 love languages by Dr
Gary Chapman.
Now sometime last year I had started doing book reviews and I've only done two book
reviews so far, so I do want to continue on with this but I'm not going to promise how
often these book reviews are going to come in.
It's just whenever I'm done reading a book I will be sharing it here.
So we will resume the love challenge, next week but the reason I wanted to do the book
review today is because I just got done reading this book so I really wanted to share it when
its still really fresh on my mind.
So this is a really popular book and I've seen a lot about it and heard a lot about
it and it so it was on my reading queue and it is the first book I've read in 2017 so I am
pretty excited to share with you guys, my thoughts and review on the book overall.
So first I wanted to say that I was reading this book, and this is not a sponsored video,
but on my phone on the kindle, and I was reading it when I'm on the train when I'm going to work
in the morning and when I come back home.
So my whole journey from home to work is about 35 minutes, so back and forth it's about
an hour.
I started reading this book on a Monday and I was done by Thursday.
So it was a pretty quick read, really straight forward, very basic, not complicated at
all and you get it really easily and it's really enjoyable, so I really appreciated
that about the book.
So the premise of the book is that each one of us has a primary love language.
And a love language is basically the way that we express or receive love and there are 5 main love
languages and these are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality
time and physical touch.
So the author says that, basically when we enter into a relationship, there's a window
where we're really driven by our emotions and our hormones and we're really on a love
high.
During this time which on average is usually 2 years, we really can't see the flaws of
person, we just love them unconditionally, we can't see no wrong in anything that they
do and that's why they say love is blind but after the end of this time, we're
brought down to reality.
After this time if you want to sustain your relationship love becomes a choice.
The two people in the relationship have to chose to love each other unconditionally,
they have to go out of their way to prove to each other that they love each other unconditionally and not only prove
but communicate and show each other, that they love each other.
What usually happens is that, most people get married during the love high, either in marriages
or even in other relationships once this love high period ends if the couple do not chose
to unconditionally love each other, it usually ends up with the relationship ending or the
marriage ending in divorce.
Each and everyone of us has a love language for you to be able to show your significant
other that you love them you have to express love in their love language and for your significant
other to feel loved they have to receive love in their love language.
So what usually happens is that people don't know each other's love languages
and there's a miscommunication, each of the people in the relationship end up feeling
unloved, and so he says that, all of us have an emotional love tank and when people give
us love based on our love language then our emotional love tank becomes full and
we're able to give back love or express love to others more easily.
If we do not receive love based on our love language, then our emotional love tank gets depleted.
Once its depleted we start feeling angry, resentful and hateful and at this time, you
become very vulnerable and if another person presents themselves and you end up falling
in love with them or you end up experiencing the love high or if they speak your love language,
then your current relationship may be in danger because at this point you're vulnerable
and most likely to find love elsewhere because, you are starved for love in a sense.
Going through each of the 5 love languages the first one being words of affirmation, for this person
it is really important that you tell them that you love them, you tell them the reason
why you love them, you constantly encourage them, and tell them positive words and express your love to them
and tell them why you're grateful for them, for this person doing those things would fill
up their emotional love tank.
On the opposite of this being negative, being sarcastic, being judgmental, being dismissive,
being negative and always criticizing them would deplete their emotional love tank and
make them feel really unloved by you.
So the second love language is acts of service, for this person they want you to do something
for them to feel loved, it could be you know cooking for them, it could be washing their
dishes, it could be doing chores around the house or outside the home, it could be running
errands whatever it may be, the fact that you took some of your time to do something for them communicates
to them that you love them, and the opposite of that would be being too busy or just
doing other things and not really taking the time to do things for them, maybe you're
always on the computer or on the TV or you're always busy but you never really help them with
with anything.
So that would make them feel unloved and eventually, deplete their love tank.
The third one is receiving gifts, now this person doesn't necessarily mean that their
materialistic, but what it means is that for them to feel loved they need something meaningful
and tangible so for instances for these persons, special occasions, birthdays, wedding anniversaries
or relationship anniversaries, dating anniversaries, or just giving them a gift for any reason is really
important for them.
It shows them that you went out of your way and you thought about them and you put in
the time and effort and money to get them something and it doesn't necessarily have
to be expensive but it has to have meaning to them, so constantly listening to what they
want, if they ever say I would really love to have this thing, or to go this place, actually getting
that for them, would really mean a lot to this person and would make them feel loved,
the opposite of that would be forgetting their birthday, missing special occasions like valentines
day, missing Christmas gifts and things of that nature would really communicate to them that you don't love them or going
really long periods of time without giving them anything.
That would communicate to them that you don't really care for them; it would deplete their
emotional love tank.
The fourth one would be quality time, for this person giving them your undivided attention
is really important to them, that means that when you're with them don't be on the phone simultaneously,
don't be surfing the net simultaneously, don't be on social media or don't be watching
TV or doing something else but give them you're undivided attention.
Take some time out of your time to really spend time with them, really listen to what
they're communicating to you and really give them yourself, that's how they feel
loved.
For this person not responding to their text messages, not calling them on a regular basis,
not spending time with them on a regular basis would really communicate to them that you
really don't care about them and will deplete their emotional love tank.
The fifth one would be physical touch, to this person constantly touching them, holding
them, hugging them, kissing them, holding hands, caressing them, touching them in a
loving way really communicates to them that you care for them and you love them, if you
go long periods of time without being physical with them, they would feel really neglected
and abandoned and these love languages can be applied to all sorts of relationships and
are not only reserved to love relationships but can also apply to children, with friends
with co workers and in all sorts of relationships.
I thought that this was a really good revelation to me, I thought it was really helpful and
I could really see how this could help make a relationship stronger.
The thing with these love languages is that, both of you have to agree and have to be on the
same page that, you will go out of your way to show each other that you care by speaking
the other persons love language, it's not a way to bribing someone into loving you,
each person has to make that choice that Because I love this person, I will speak their
love language that's how I show them that I care and I love them, this is not a way
to black mail people and tell them, you know if you love me, you should do this and that and that for me
…no that wouldn't work either.
My only concern with this premise and it's something that wasn't addressed in the book
so I'm not really familiar how this would really play out in a real life situation.
is that the author did not talk about abusive relationships, toxic relationships, people who are in relationships
with people with mental illnesses for instance Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline
Personality Disorder and Psychopathic Personality Disorder.
These type of people lack empathy, they can not put themselves in other people's shoes
and use people as tools for their own means to an end, so they can not really love people
unconditionally in that sense, they're usually manipulative, so I'm not really sure
how this would work in such a situation and if you are in an unhealthy relationship I
would not recommend just applying these blindly into your relationship but I would advise
you to seek counseling and help to get through your toxic relationship.
Although in the book the author does talk about a woman who, as he describes the relationship in my opinion,
it felt like an abusive relationship, and according to the author it did work out for the wife
and her husband but I do not know the specific details of their relationship but the verse
that was mentioned by the author to support this was a bible verse and I would like to read that verse
Luke 6 : 27 – 38 and it says, 27 "But I say to you who hear, Love your
enemies, do good to those who hate you,28 bless those who curse you, pray for those
who abuse you.
29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away
your cloak do not withhold your tunic[a] either.
30 Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not
demand them back.
31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.
32 "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you?
For even sinners love those who love them.
33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you?
For even sinners do the same.
34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to
you?
Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount.
35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your
reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful
and the evil.
36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.
37 "Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned;
forgive, and you will be forgiven; 38 give, and it will be given to you.
Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap.
For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you."
Basically what I get from these verses is that we are to love unconditionally, if you
chose to love unconditionally you just give them the love but you cant really force them
to love you back how they chose to respond to your love is on them, but I really do not
condone just staying in toxic and unhealthy relationships…so I really thing that if
you are in that situation you should proceed with a professional to get the help that you
need, for your own well being.
So I hope you guys enjoyed today's video if you've read the book and actually applied
the principles of the book please let me know down in the comment section how this has worked
out for you and your relationships, you can take a quiz and I'll live the link to the
quiz down below so that you can find out what your own love language is and one tip that
is mentioned in the book on how to find out your own love language is to pay attention
how you show others that you love them because how you show others that you love them is
most likely how you want to receive love.
If you guys have any other book recommendations especially Christian books I would really
appreciate if you leave them down in the comment section below.
Thank you so much for watching today's video I hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward
to seeing you in the next one, and remember to love God love others and love yourself.
Much love and stay blessed.
Bye
this is how I'm earning my way into heaven.
And those people who don't do this and that and that, theyre bad Christians.
But this is exactly what Paul warns the galatians in these verses we read today, He warns us
that we cant earn our way into a relationship with God, we can't earn our way
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