Welcome to Return of The Gentleman with Dr. Dain Heer this
one is called what is a gentleman so Dr.
Dain start us off with what what really
is a gentleman?
well kind of my credit first one say
it's great to be with you and it's
interesting I my senses were actually
going to get to explore that together
over the course of however many of these
series we do and I'm i'm actually
thinking we're going to be doing a lot
of them because it's it is there so not
an easy answer to that question but if i
had to put it into one sentence i would
say a true gentleman is where we as men
get where we get to be the best of what
we are as men and the greatness of us in
every moment with no shame about that
with no apology for that with no
wrongness to that and actually get to
live as the greatness of us we know we
are and you know I wanted to create this
series based on some conversation that I
had with some really good friends of
mine like you uh Liam bramley gram and a
few other guys around the world that are
an access consciousness and we started
recognizing was there's there's really
no resources out there for men who truly
want to be the best of what men are now
I'm gonna have to explain this like
there's just so much this is this is
like it's kind of like you just landed
on Mars now what you know except it's
more beautiful
ok imagine you landed on an unpopulated
earth and you've never been here before
now what and this is really sort of the
conversation that I want to have with
the guys out there in the world because
because we've never been shown how to be
the greatness that a man can be
we've seen what you know i mean if you
search out there for four male resources
out on the internet you get everything
from viagra to and all the advice that's
out there is about how to get women and
how to get laid as though that makes you
a man
well that's not what makes you a man
there are a lot of other things that go
into
actually being a gentleman and being the
gift that you can be to the world and
one of the other aspects of this is
being a gentleman is is I think one word
sums it up really dynamically and that
is honoring your actually honoring of
you you're honoring of women you're
honoring of kids you're honoring your
commitments and you're honoring of our
future as a planet and and you start to
get to to be this level of caring for
yourself and other people and you don't
discount other people and you don't
discount yourself in the process and so
you know this is it is a hugely
multifaceted conversation and you know
we sent out this email to a lot of the
people one on the access consciousness
database so the men and the women
actually and said hey as a man if you
could ask me one question what would it
be
you know we have seven of them we who
knows how many will get to today because
once again it's such a multi-layer
discussion on but in doing that it's
like we got all of these pieces of
information about what people don't get
in the way this this conversation or the
way this concept of return the gentleman
really started was number one my friend
Aaron Gary Douglas and I started a
helical which is now a book called the
gentleman's club and we notice that
every man or woman that read that was
like wow I didn't realize this is what
men face I didn't realize this is what
the kind caring sensitive powerful men
of the world experience and how how
difficult it has been for them to be
them and so the women would say that in
the men looked at that also might wow my
gosh you know this so described so much
of what is going on for me
well in that had a certain change it
created in people's lives but leave and
I were having actually was I was having
a conversation around the table with
some of the ladies that are on the
access consciousness team and we're
really close to a really good friends
and and they said you know what it's
such a sadness that men don't have more
available to them it's like nobody
showing them how to
the greatness of them all they're
showing them is this stuff about getting
late and then my friend Liam join in the
conversation he said day and he's 23 now
and he said Dana he's like you don't get
it is like I searched and searched and
searched every friggin video on YouTube
that I could find before coming to
access about how to actually be a man
he's like it wasn't out there he said
but I have learned how to actually be a
man and honor myself an honor women and
realize it's okay to be sexual and
realize it's okay to have money and
realize it's okay to be happy
he said and I learned it from watching
you I'm saying what he said I learned
that from being around you and seeing
how you really are and seeing how you
are behind the scenes to and that this
is how you actually are and i was like
seriously you got that from me
yeah like really oh my god and i didn't
i just it opened up something in my
world was like oh my god we we guys need
to see guys being the way guys can be
you know and you know when you said that
I was like oh my god i just hit it sort
of basically exploded my head and I was
like okay we had to do something and so
here we are doing it you know we're in
the middle of doing it but I wanted
people to get a sense of how this came
about because we're looking at a
different conversation we're looking to
to truly open the doors to the greatness
that men can be now it's interesting
because all of us have heard have heard
so much about about different women
awakening their power you know their
feminine power and I've been you know
I've had discussions with many women who
are doing that i've had i've actually
been in the workshops where they talked
about it and so much of it was a
separation from men we need to claim our
power from the man i know you need to
actually empower the men too
so this is not just about empowering men
and separating from women is about
empowering men and in so doing
empowering our women and nurturing them
and being there to care for them and
give them a shoulder to cry on and be
what we always wanted to be that nobody
else is giving us permission to be so
you ask me a question 10 minutes ago
about what is a gentleman I just getting
started you know forehead i was one of
my things is like starting off with this
I'm like wait so there's like like you
talked about the gentleman's club the
book and I might have read it like three
times and I don't have read like divorce
relationship like four times and salon
de femme two times and and there is that
like where do we start like the little
like the beginning yeah and-and-and
actually this thing that really at least
that shows up for me the most right now
we're going to me is um getting back to
you
hello I'm good with that because is when
you for when you very first started
talking about is like being dominated
I'm like whatever what you said because
i can't remember the exact words is be a
gentleman and really the word that
catches me the most is unapologetically
like being you as a gentleman and and at
least me is seeing you choose that and
being like I don't even I don't know how
to have words for but can you speak to
that more
yeah absolutely will let me let me tell
you a little bit about my history and I
don't know some people know that they've
been in classes with me because I don't
hide anything really
um but as a little kid growing up I
literally was I grew up in the ghetto
was living with my mom and I was living
with a lesbian family now why do I say
lesbian family because there was no man
they're there was one kid it was two
years older than me in that house i
experienced horrendous abuse
specifically because I was a boy and at
one point my little naked boy body you
know they were standing over me beating
me with belt hitting me in the penis as
many times they could show me how bad
men were and that was in so but i still
never hated women i always loved women
still and my mom
you know it's like she and I were best
friends and she was a single mom and I
look primarily with her and she and I
were always best friends even after all
this stuff happened even after all this
energy of out of how much women up here
to hate me and it's like and so growing
up you know I had a dad who was sort of
not there in most ways and and truly not
a gentleman in so many ways and and my
primary role model was my mom happens to
be gay and and and my dad who happen not
either and a stepmother who was
extremely mean at the time so it was
like I but i don't i don't have no idea
how um I got it just it's like I've
always wanted to honor all people the
place where I fell short in my own life
and in no injury mastering this question
this way because we've all got a lot of
history and what we do is we use our
history against us and as a reason
justification for what we can't be and
what we can't choose and this is part of
what i'm trying to change by by talking
about this because you say you see me
just being it unapologetically and I
want you to know it it was a road to get
there okay
it was quite the road to get there so
given that and then also the thing that
I haven't told a lot of people about is
my grandmother when I wasn't with my mom
I was with my grandmother and what my
grandmother's goal was to teach me how
to be a good little girl and also she
also hated men like the people that I
grew up with and so she always wanted to
make sure that I was somebody who was
you know honoring of women even if it
meant that i didn't get anything that I
want and this was her point of view that
I should be honoring of women so there
was a part of that I'm really grateful
for
ok so this I've had my whole life
the honoring of others and a dynamically
the honoring of women where I was
falling short is the honoring of myself
and so in a you know there's a lot of we
all have a different story we all have
different aspects of this and I want to
bring in as many aspects
of what you and the other guys that are
part of this team and I love you guys
thank you so much because every fucking
awesome i want to bring in all of this
ok over time it's just once again we're
getting started right now but so we all
have a different history we all have
different sides of this and there's so
much to this like I said it's like a
whole universe but for me what I was
missing was the was the honoring of me
in the process
so what would happen for example is if I
wanted to have sex and I had sex with
somebody and then they thought we should
have a relationship because we just had
sex because that was their point of view
I'd be like okay but do a relationship
with us to parent and family
ok i calculate oh god of dying again
oh shit ok well and i would wait and I
would be in this relationship for
sometimes six months usually more like a
year or two years before I finally was
dying so much I knew if I didn't get out
I would literally die and I mean that
was the only time i would make the
choice to leave
well that was pre access consciousness
when it came to access a I met the
amazing and phenomenal Gary Douglas who
is freaking out of this world and also
so brilliantly aware of what true
wondering of yourself is what true
learning of other people is in open my
eyes to the fact that wasn't actually
honoring myself and this was an
eye-opener for me because i thought what
are you talking about not honoring
myself look at how happy I make her I'm
honoring myself
she's happy except I had to look at that
realize she still wasn't happy no matter
how much dishonouring me I did no matter
how much I no matter how much of myself
I cut off i couldn't cut off enough to
give her enough to actually make her
happy
now I say her as though it's one person
well it was when I was just coming to
access but it was any her that I was
with Jose kept choosing the people that
I tried to make happy and I'm like here
you're not happy here
here's an arm let me cut off my arm here
you go uh-oh you were happy for five
minutes
oh wow ok so you have me 45 minutes I'm
gonna cut off my leg because it's bigger
and you'll probably be happy for ever
oh wait that only lasted 10 minutes oh
shit and the more and more and I started
realizing that the more and more of me
that I was cutting off the it wasn't
making them any happier and I finally
started getting thanks to the
conversations with Gary that I needed to
look from a different place because we
all have this weird point-of-view
somewhere in our heads that what we're
doing is somehow working we just need to
do it better
we just need to do it more and what do
it more than people are going to be
happy and wants to do it more than I can
be happy to but once i make everybody
else happy that I can be happy to
and this is a common this is so common
for us and and the other thing about
that is if you know what I'm talking
about what you obviously do you laughter
you don't mean because it's like we just
think we just need to do what we're
doing better
we don't need to do something different
than what you're doing is not working
don't try to keep fixing it it's not
gonna work we need to do something
fundamentally fucking different FD
fundamentally fucking different by the
way a gentleman is more than willing to
say fuck when it's a fucking appropriate
okay yeah i want to say that too because
again you're honoring people and you're
also honoring of yourself and your hate
like the best my brother
yeah I'm doing something if he said I'm
like you know it's hot in the unbidden
hot here take off all your clothes
there we go nice ok work now we're
having a conversation
yeah I need a glass of whiskey and a
innovative box or something anyway I
digress
so so as I started having these
conversations I started recognizing that
the missing element in this was me i was
honoring everybody else and i was
looking out for everybody else I was
seeing a beautiful and amazing they
weren't i was trying to make them happy
and i already cut off my arms and my
legs and all my penis's and all my stuff
all my penis is out of interesting
anyway I digress
you know I got off of these bits and all
these parts and they still weren't happy
I was like look I've got to do something
different and so what I started looking
at doing is I started looking at what
would actually be happy for me
like what would make me happy like and i
started in and so it was that search
that finally it's
part of a continuous search i would say
because one of the other things about a
gentleman is there continuously growing
there continuously getting getting
greater they never stop where they are
but as you start to consider yourself a
gentleman and as you start to function
as a gentleman in your own life and your
own awareness you you don't do it from
that frantic need to make something
better to feel okay about yourself you
do it from wow I have an am so much and
I'm so grateful for it
how does it get even better than this
and so as you continuously get more
awareness of what's true for you
what starts to happen as you start to
get this space where you really start to
like you
when when you see that person looking
back at you in the mirror you actually
start to like them actually start to
have a gratitude for them and you start
to be willing to recognize that there's
something about you that is actually
valuable there's something about you
that you can value there's something
about also that women will value or if
you happen to be gay the men will value
you know whoever you're looking to to
interact with and it starts to create a
piece in your life and a gratitude for
you and this is what i'd like to invite
everybody to the awareness that this is
actually possible so to add to that
would you say like like it came up a
week ago at the seven-day event that we
just had at your class what it was what
did you call for that the intro to be
used to being totally chaotic i think
that one yeah taste being totally
chaotic and there's a gentleman in the
class that actually brought up how much
she admires you for never giving up and
your responses and often times is with
access consciousness tools as if you can
see it you can be it and and I'd like
can you talk a little bit more about
never giving up as a gentleman or how
that relates to a gentleman or that's a
part of the definition ER or what do you
have there
absolutely that is
definitely part of the undead definition
and that's called in
undef inition looking to undefined this
area you know and and so that so that
guys have the freedom to actually choose
their way whatever it is for them you
know and and so this idea about never
giving up
it's like it's it it's definitely part
of a gentleman and it is where you may
not see the path to get somewhere you
may not know all the steps or any of the
steps at this point except that you
desire it it really is being willing to
ask and know that you will receive and
it's vital that we don't give up because
what happens is there gonna be so many
people who have so many points of view
about what you can do and what you can't
do what you should do
how you should do it how you shouldn't
do it and if you're willing to give up
based on any outside stimulus you're
going to be selling yourself short
continuously and once again you know
this is exactly what I did prior to
access so having said that is so
interesting to have these guys these
amazing men in their own right that I
see like you Liam Graham and some of the
other guys and Anthony is another
example is like have them look at me and
go wow you've really inspired me i'm
like me crazy I know
wow I didn't even realize that that was
a thing you know like I and so but this
thing about never give up
it's like one of the things that I've
learned about me is that is just who I
am now if you look and i want to i want
to say that acknowledging that for me
and acknowledging some of these other
things for me is not as easier flawless
as it might seem
you know it's like even when in
receiving this acknowledgement of while
you show me a lot of what i like to be
like whoa really like I just because
because I've always one of the things
that that I sort of and I'm only saying
this for anybody out there is doing its
like but
other things for me that I sort of did
was like I was stuck in a lot of my
views at me from the past even as I had
gone out of those i was stuck in a lot
of use of me from the past so as a
little kid growing up like a little boy
and you know your mom bigger and you
have people around you that hate you and
all this sort of stuff it's like and you
don't get it you have any value it was
like wow I didn't realize so much of
that change but one of the and so part
of the reason I'm saying that is because
a lot of you are already or have been at
some point in your life so much of what
we're already talking about this really
why we can have this conversation to
sort of like lift up the covers a little
bit and go Picabo ACU you're still there
you are this you know it's like and so
if you recognize that it's not it's not
just something that while one day I hope
to be
it's an acknowledgement of what you
already are because anything that I'm
saying this sort of sits in your world
and go yeah we're where it makes you
feel lighter
well that's because you actually are
this and so the reason I'm saying this
is this thing about never giving up is
something i've always been but I truly
didn't acknowledge it until the last
couple of years it's like I literally
will not stop my thing is I'm gonna
fucking get where I'm gonna fucking go
and I'm gonna have everything I desire
and I'm not gonna take no for an answer
and i will not give up and I will be
everything I am and that's what's gonna
happen
Jerry universe here's what's happening
you know and this I my sense is that a
lot of us have a lot more of that than
we've ever acknowledged and so one of
things I'd like to ask you to do is can
you please acknowledge that you are this
to you actually have that ability and
willingness and capacity to never give
up never give in and never quit and
everything that doesn't like to know
that and proceed know being receive it
we destroy it and created please
yeah time to Godzilla and roundabouts
all nine potluck shorts boys and beyonds
now if you're coming to this
conversation and you never heard of
access consciousness you've never heard
of the clearing statement
the thing that I just used we're gonna
actually be using in
several of the future get together that
we have and it's called the clearing
statement and it's a way of changing all
the crap you've been carrying with you
that you don't know how to deal with it
don't know how to change we basically
call it up and then we run the clearing
statement ask if you're willing to let
it go and then it changes and it really
works effortlessly beautifully i
definitely a tool a gentleman one has in
there at one-half one definitely Tula
gentlemen once that has been a toolbox
ok I'm definitely a total gentleman
wants to have in your toolbox go to the
clearing statement dot com and there's
an explanation
it's the clearing statement com it's not
really all that weird and it works
wonders to change your world and we've
got there will be posting back in the
chat read but red bull for buddy to
click on and just access
yes hmm so we've actually got to do you
want to do have some things you want to
keep going with we've got questions we
can just keep keep rolling for not go
baby go
so what there's a so i'll actually asked
it specifically this very one but there
are a lot of others that sort of fall in
line with it and I get that you can
probably talk for days on this but Dane
can you talk more about how to get to
that space of possibilities with sex and
with being a met a man and how to get
out of that disgusting porn reality we
as men all grow up with move
that's a long discussion absolutely
um first thing that I would that I would
suggest okay number one the thing that's
disgusting about the porn reality is all
of the judgment and and really is it the
lack of joy and the lack of fun and the
lack of fun with bodies
it's like nobody there is having fun ok
and i think that's the difficult one of
the difficulties with it and the
dishonouring that it is but you know
like blah blah blah blah blah you go
into that
not but it it's an energetic thing
really
and that's why you know after you watch
it you're like oh yeah this is such a
shirt on and then you get off and then
you have to turn it off because you feel
like you've just been slimed you know
and so but the first thing is i guess
they don't make you wrong so ensures
kind once again this is like every grain
of sand with any of these conversations
can you put some water on it and it
starts turning into a universe you know
because it really these things are so
misidentified and misapplied so so I'm
gonna try to rein in my ADHD long enough
to have this conversation first thing is
you want to recognize it if you're even
attracted to port at all it's probably
because you're a sexual person and the
things that you can see on poor not
necessarily things that you feel
comfortable asking your sexual partner
to do or you don't have a sexual partner
or you just want to go and explore this
and like take a dive off the deep end
where they're pretty much are no rules
or any limits especially with what the
internet is now and so what if you
recognize number one that you're
probably a sexual person and that's not
a bad thing
another aspect of being a gentleman is
you actually function from sexualness
now I say you're a sexual person
sexualness is healing caring nurturing
joyful generative expansive creative and
orgasmic and that's probably more you
than you've ever been willing to know
now getting there and embracing it is
going to be the subject of a future
conversation we're trying to set a
little platform up for it or a large
platform up for us we can jump off into
these conversations you want to
recognize that though and you also want
to recognize that this world functions
on something called sexuality sexuality
is a constant state of judgment of what
is right what is wrong what is good what
is bad and what can be received and what
can't be received and most of what you
see on porn is a bunch of people doing
major sexuality that they're only turn
on for doing what they're doing is the
fact that it's judgmental and taboo
therefore they're cool and you're not um
if you actually function from a sense of
sexualness which is where you actually
like sex you like the energy of it you
like the bodies you like the people
you're having sex with men or women
hey it's like you to have a totally
different energy than the people doing
porn so the reason you feel klonda's cuz
it's not actually your energy a lot of
you who if you're highly sexual you may
get this quantity that
oh my gosh these are my people um they
are in the sense that they're willing to
explore something different
they're not in this in the sense of
where they're coming at it from and the
whole energy in their world about it and
the lack of lightness in it and the
judgment in it and the sexuality and so
this so does the block
um having said all of that I wanted to
give you that perspective so hopefully
you can come out of some of the
wrongness of you that you have done and
i will give you one other suggestion and
and then a few other suggestion on the
first suggestion i want to give you if
you're gonna watch porn number one don't
make yourself wrong please we're gonna
watch it enjoy it like have as much fun
as you can possibly have and even all
that weird energy that you're aware what
if you're like oh my god is like the
weirdest energy I've ever perceived this
also also that I could be aware of this
like wrongness of it if you're gonna
watch it might as well enjoy and have a
good time don't use it as another source
of judging you
although what you will pick up on his
all their judgments and the weird other
thing is a lot of your so psychic you'll
pick up on all the projections
expectation separations judgments and
rejection that have been directed at
those people but everybody has ever
watch that video
oh my god talk about diving into the
deep end early Jesus Christ I feel so
very well that's because you're we're
not because you're fucked up gotta get
this
there's a lot of things in life that are
there because you're aware not because
you're fucked up isn't that nice to know
so first don't judge it if you're gonna
watch it enjoy it at the best damn time
you can
and really enjoy it including everything
you're aware of the other thing that I
want to say is for those of you who are
really aware of bodies what you want to
do is don't go in you want to use it as
a visual uh turn on it you will visual
it's a visual what you're looking to get
from it is the visual don't go into
their worlds is if you go into their
world you're gonna feel messed up to a
degree I can't even begin to tell you
because so many people that are doing
porn are not present there there you
know al Qaeda and i don't mean to say
this as a judgment of people who
department that's the other thing is a
gentleman it's like you don't judge you
can't judge anyone or anything and so
you walked a mile in their shoes
the reason I'm even bringing up that
part of the conversation is because and
it's not true for all of them just a
huge majority the reason I bring it up
is because it is true that the huge
majority of people that are doing it and
I would never judge somebody is doing it
I'm just want to have this is an
awareness so don't get stuck by what's
going on that's the other thing about a
gentleman is you don't judge but you are
willing to function from your awareness
and you're not willing to cut off your
awareness thinking that his judgment
how many of you have had a quote-unquote
negative awareness a place where you are
aware of where somebody was doing
something smaller than they could where
they were doing something stupid
they were doing something that wasn't
going to turn out well or they're doing
something that was gonna run a rest we
run them around in that same look they
say they're trying to get out of and you
thought you were judging them know you
gotta recognize that you have awareness
and an awareness of where somebody's
being stupid small less than they are
weak mean unkind judgmental is not a
judgment that's an awareness as long as
you don't have a point of view about
equally we tend to think that the things
where we go oh my god they're beautiful
they're perfect they're amazing they're
phenomenal they're the greatest gift to
the world we act like that's not a
judgment no that's a judgment so just
because it's positive doesn't mean it's
not a judgment just because it's
negative doesn't mean it is a judgment
and one of the things a gentleman has an
awareness of is the distinction between
when
there is judgment being done and when
there isn't the gentleman does not judge
a gentleman functions from awareness now
I say that like it's an absolute what
I'm trying to give you is the awareness
of some aspects of being this way in the
world and what that actually in bytes as
your possibility for how you can choose
to be and notice I'm I'm segwaying have
it you know we start off in one place
might jump to another that jump to
another jump to another
whoa i get used to it
okay number one that's the way I
function in the world and notice I'm not
apologizing for it i'm just letting you
know it's gonna be there but number two
these particular conversations that we
have lend themselves to being able to
give you other pieces of information
that may or may not seem directly
related but what they'll do is they'll
complete a much fuller picture of this
possibility for what it actually can be
like to be us as potent powerful men and
gentlemen in the world so they gave you
that information so far about the porn
etc and then the next thing i would
suggest that you do before you flip the
switch before you go to your favorite
porn site before you turn on the DVD or
whatever it is ask
will this be honoring of meat Wow
will this be honoring of need and this
my beautiful friends is a question that
if we start to ask it for every
relationship for every sexual experience
we will start to get a totally different
awareness and then the other thing you
want to ask is so with the porn will
this be honoring me and then the other
thing that you want to ask is will this
create a greater future or will this DK
my future was create a greater future or
will indicate my future
now you may still choose to do it
because you have that impetus you know
that intense desire and believe me I
understand that intense desire for many
things and usually I just indulge it
when I have it ok that's another thing a
gentleman get
to do is actually have an awareness of
them they're willing to indulge things
but you don't have to be perfect
ok so if you have this intense desire
and you're probably not going to be
willing to ask the question if it's
going to be a decay of your future what
you say is it's going to create a future
or DK my future and let's say you get it
going to decay my future but you want to
do it anyway so badly that you know
you're gonna do it go okay cool
how can i how can I make this show up
how can I make this the easiest possible
on me in my future and how much fun can
I have doing it anyway
and what if you can even enjoy the fact
that you could make a choice that would
decay your future I mean how friggin
cool are you see this is a totally
different way of being in the world
where you don't try to be perfect you be
as perfect as you can that day is great
as you can but recognize that perfection
is not what's required enjoyment of your
choices and gratitude for the fact that
you can choose is what's required even
when that choice doesn't seem like the
choice that's going to create the most
enjoy it if you're going to choose it
that help was that conversation helpful
little at was extremely helpful I think
you personally I think he hit all the
basis of anybody out there but what
about this what about that what about
that because and hitting all of those
bases school and I think along the lines
of that conversation if you want to say
like it came up earlier when you're
talking is that I'm really the gift that
you have been that I've gotten to just
watch and observe is when you do make a
choice you like I've watched it you make
a choice that doesn't really work out in
a way that you enjoyed azum as well as
other people involved you're just you're
like okay I'm here all receiver and and
maybe you can talk a little bit about
that like certain times you just like
like is is it your willingness to be
wrong is it can you sort of speak to
this a little bit what I'm dancing is
absolutely absolutely
I'm sorry about my thing going off I
can't seem to stop it
um it's is the biggest part i would say
is the willingness to be wrong and it's
interesting i'm really grateful there
was a friend that I had his name was
Jeff when I was growing up and we were I
was going through some tough times my
family is getting a divorce
we were losing our house I just
graduated from college of his home
hoping I could have you know some time
to actually start my life on some track
and put it back together and blah blah
blah
after graduating college and and LA and
we used to go and have these
conversations and it was so funny he had
this wonderful way of totally poking fun
at himself when he did something that
was just totally stupid and i love that
you know I was so and so I started
poking fun at myself and I'm so grateful
for this one guy in my life
well actually sell forgot to my life
probably will talk about more than later
but this one beautiful man who would
just had no pretense of anything it was
always willing to be wrong
it made it so much lighter because when
I would screw up I be I would respond
the same way he had and I basically
carried that into my life and didn't
realize until right now that that's
really where I got that because
everybody else in my life was trying to
prove how perfect they were all the time
and I so much more like the way he was
with it so it's like for me and I screw
up and I'll go to class and tell people
oh my god totally screwed this up it was
awesome i like only like there was
making at the middle of the street and I
was like oh my god laughs at it because
really for me it's funny it's like it
just is something that it brings me joy
to be able to fuck up when i fuck up you
know in the ways that i do because it's
just like why the hell is so fucking
stupid
that was awesome so what you want to do
is like start having a lightness around
being as stupid as you know you are
it's like dude you're going to fuck shit
up we all do but what if you could enjoy
it what if you could have a good time
doing it
what if you didn't have to make yourself
wrong and what if you didn't have to try
to prove you're so damn perfect anymore
now my table shake my camera shaking
because I'm counting on the table
what if you like that in some people's
mind would be a screw-up you know oh my
god you're being videotaped don't make
the camera shake I like you kidding how
fucking silly is that
let's laugh at it you know and it's not
that everything is to be laughed at but
when you screw up it's time to laugh
really i mean let's get you out of that
soured our place and give you some
lightness around it because that thing
is you know laughter creates far more
change in tears and when you're willing
to laugh at yourself when you're willing
to not take yourself so fucking
seriously life gets to be so much more
fun and I gotta tell you though and I
also recognize it's very interesting
looking over my childhood I was such I
was I was the parent to my parents okay
was one of those kids and what do I mean
by that what I mean is I was always the
one who is more responsible than anybody
around me including my parents and so I
was always freaking serious and I don't
know I will you know it but at the same
time I always wanted to laugh and the
only thing where I stopped myself was
where I felt like I had to be serious
instead of being able to actually have a
good time so I was like a little kid
sometimes walk around like a stick up
his butt because I was because I what I
think if you look I'm family invites you
know family situations and everything
being the man that I am and the young
man that I was then even when I was a
little kid it was like I was like yes I
will take responsibility for everybody
and everything
well if you're a guy out there that's
done that let's say you have sisters you
know and you protect them or your
parents are not nearly as competent as
they should be
or friends or whatever and you have the
willingness to step up and go yes I will
take care of everything
even though you've been made wrong for
being a control freak your whole life
guess what
because you have a level of power and
potency there that nobody else is
acknowledging and i would like you to
acknowledge it
ok like the little kid that i was i was
willing to look around at my mom who
love my mom but success was not exactly
her item look at my dad who and my
stepmom who judgment and meanness and
smallness was there I
and look at my grandparents who one of
them was successful in the other one was
just interested in keeping everybody
small and I was like look I will take
charge here
ok it's good i'm here ok I've arrived ok
yes I'm six years old I didn't arrive it
is whatever six ok i just want you to
know I didn't like that would be where
you like oh hey why'd you get there you
know that kind of thing anyway I don't
even though i feel like an alien i don't
think i got here when I was six anyways
so but at six years old I was willing to
take responsibility for everyone and
everything around me and it made me very
serious for a very long time so this
sense of humor that I have purged from
the depths I is more my natural sense of
humor and i'm going to be it now animal
it takes a lot of stuff like seriously
but I totally get what it is to take
stuff really seriously and be so
freaking serious as a result of it that
you feel responsible for everyone and
everything a mother yourself be happy
until everybody else happy
believe me I get all that I was
functioning from all of that and I
recognize now that it was a level of
strength that i have so guys if you're
out there doing that it's a level of
strength that you have and if you feel
like you're serious and here's the other
thing that happens is you feel like
you're really serious and you're with a
girl and she's like why are you so
serious all the time why are you so
serious
um you want to let her know is because I
feel responsible for you and our
happiness and I feel responsible to make
sure nothing bad ever goes wrong and i'm
really trying to change this because i
would like to be happier too but I've
never been shown away and I'm doing my
best part of this seriousness is because
I care about you so much and I don't
really know what I would do if anything
bad ever happened to you and I feel like
I've got it continuously be on the
lookout for that these know it's part of
my caring for you now notice the
conversation that I just had with that
so you notice how that changes the
dynamic of the situation because a lot
of you out there made wrong for being
too serious
the reason you're so serious because
you're so freakin aware and you've been
trying to handle everything since you
were a little kid when he didn't have
the tools and trying to protect everyone
your whole life when
didn't have the tools to do it and it's
not anything that should be put on
anybody's shoulders but you took it on
recognize the strength in that recognize
the the true gentleman that that is that
that that you have been even as a little
kid taking all that on and recognize
that there's a gift in you that other
people may not get so it's up to you to
find it so that once you find it they'll
actually be able to see it amazing
that's that's fantastic so I think we're
planning on 45 minutes and we are pretty
much right on money there
I had personally just to let everybody
know that's watching I i read all your
questions we got all your questions I
did what I could to sort of and I did
what I could to ask the questions of
dane to encompass all the questions
because i know it's like we talked about
earlier it's such a huge world that
we're tapping into here and yes and I
believe we will have someone different
on for the next call I don't know if we
know who that will be yet we've either
got Liam bramley or gram scale lined up
and down i just want to say thank you so
much dr. Dane Dane dr. Dane here however
you'd like to be called the gentleman
gain David thank you so much for this
well as someone that has been involved
in doing the tools of access
consciousness and really in the last two
weeks I feel like I'd I'm starting from
scratch at the very beginning which is
fucking awesome
uh I just want to say thank you so much
i got a lot out of this very first 45
minutes and and for anybody else if you
didn't then you probably aren't
interested in becoming a gentleman
that's just my own point of view but
there's that accounted is that that that
may have been a challenge that may have
been well so and Connor thank you for
that and I'm I'm really grateful for you
and and being part of this and desiring
to to be part of this and bring it to
the world as
and with Liam and graham i love you guys
you're just such a gift and if and
basically like Connor said I'm gonna put
it in slightly different words if you
felt like you didn't get anything out of
this
this may not be the place for you ok and
that's totally okay no judgment on that
I'm you know you could try coming back
to it in a year or two and see if it is
and just recognize that truly know
wrongness it's like this is not
everybody's cup of tea speaking to a
very particular set of gentlemen out
there in the world that i'm looking to
get the tools they need or and i started
this one with awareness of what i'd like
to give you more in the future is more
tools and actually some processes to
change the places you haven't been able
to be this but we needed to jump in and
start this discussion somewhere and also
what I'm doing is we're doing that is
diving into my awareness of your world
that I couldn't get to it until i
started talking about what i can give
you and what what questions what
processes with different things that i
can offer you that will make this area a
lot easier for you and as connor said
you know we got all of your questions
and I apologize for not specifically
getting to each and every question but
this is definitely a work in progress
and once again this is a huge universe
of exploration that make we're all
excited to explore and I'm hoping that
some of these conversations have been a
contribution to you to open some doors
get you to look from a different place
and get you to recognize that there's a
different choice available and then you
are not wrong for being you and the only
thing that is when you judge you for
being you and put you into that state of
wrongness or let anybody else do it to
you and so please recognize that you are
a gift and what if you truly being you
as the gentleman you r is the gift of
change in the possibility this world
requires and I thank you all for being
and I look forward to being with you
next time and if this was a contribution
please send an email to that email that
you've got the question on the one
question you wanted to ask
please let us know we really love your
feedback and if there's something you
different wanted to change feel free to
ask I can't guarantee we'll change it
because well because I can't but it
would be great to get your input and
your feedback and I think all of you for
being on with this for this inaugural
return of the gentleman google live so
thank you guys came on or anything else
I just wanted to add for those of you as
i know we say a lot of times for those
of you that still desire to have your
question asks we don't like just send it
in again if you still have the same one
that didn't get addressed will still
keep the list will still keep all the
questions that we got during this call
and down see we can have them be
addressed in the future as well
yeah we will and with this is the guys
this is just the beginning and as we've
said so many times and I i hope you
really get this is just the start of so
many places we want to go and also so
many resources we want to create we're
just not sure what you require and how
to get them into your hand so I'm this
is definitely a work in progress so yeah
if you want to send your question again
feel free to do that or recognize that
we still have your questions and we'll
be holding onto them and we're gonna get
through as many of them as we can each
time we get together and this format
will probably involve I have no idea how
but that's the way it works with us so
it's probably going to evolve in chains
because we want to create the greatest
shift and gift for you
possible so there you go
I think I'm done talking now Thank You
Dane and we'll see anything so much
honor you guys have a great day out
there
look forward to being with you next time
bye
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