Your death is inevitable.
You are a fleshy bag of meat and bones with just a few pounds of pressure in just the
wrong place all that's needed to permanently erase you from existence.
But did you know that there are many things that could kill you right now in the supposed
safety of your own home?
It's true.
Meteorites, toilets and toddlers are all out to get you, as are a bunch of other things
you'd never even think of.
So let's find out what's gonna make your friends and family all teary-eyed, in our list of
ten things that could kill you right now.
Number 10: Space Rock Imagine waking up one morning to see a large
hole in your roof.
That definitely wasn't like that last night; I wonder where it came from?
You turn to your wife for an answer.
But something's not quite right.
She has a giant smouldering mess of pulp and bone where her face used to be.
That definitely wasn't like that last night.
Tragically, your poor beloved's skull has been caved in by a meteor.
Huh, what are the chances?
About one-in-250-million, according to statisticians anyway, who have based this figure on the
20 people supposedly killed by meteorites over the past 100 years.
This figure is highly debated, though, and the only confirmed meteor murder in history
came just last year in 2016, when a meteorite struck an Indian man square on the noggin
in Tamil Nadu, southern India.
It is extremely rare for humans to even witness a meteor strike, let alone be injured by one.
But with an estimated 18,000 to 84,000 meteorites striking the Earth every single year, the
threat of death by space rock remains ever present.
Number 9: A Gamma Ray Burst Gamma Ray Bursts are hugely energetic space
explosions that produce gamma radiation in gigantic quantities, and if one were to strike
the Earth it could kill every last one of us in less time than it takes me to decide
if I want cheese on something.
For a Gamma Ray Burst to be this deadly it would need a supernova, pulsar jet or antimatter
collision to occur within a few hundred light years of Earth.
We know of a few potential sources for these catastrophic events inside this range, but
what's scary is that we think there are many more Gamma Ray events which have taken place
close by without us noticing.
If a GRB hit us it would have been hundreds or possibly thousands of years in the making,
with humanity having been oblivious to its fate for the entirety of recorded history.
But don't worry, it won't hurt.
Because if a Gamma Ray Burst did strike the Earth, not a single one of us would know it
was coming, and you, your friends, your family, Hulk Hogan, the Wiggles, the cast of Moonlight,
Macauley Culkin and indeed the entire human race would be gone in the blink of an eye.
Number 8: Choking Are you eating while watching Strange Mysteries?
I hope not, because choking is the fourth leading cause of unintentional injury death,
with most cases involving some sort of food or chunky beverage - like skittlebrau, or
vomit.
Your average chance of choking to death is one in 4,404, with someone in the USA dying
from throat nonsense every two hours - although this figure is probably skewed by the fact
that most Americans take part in at least one eating contest every 48 hours.
But if you do find yourself gagging on a hunk of steak and you're all alone, you'd be well
advised to haul ass and get help pronto.
If your choking incident lasts between 4 and 6 minutes then brain damage is possible, and
after this it becomes very likely, with brain death or full on regular death almost certain
after 10 minutes.
Unfortunately, the average emergency response time is 7 to 12 minutes, so you'd better hope
that old broad next door knows the Heimlich, otherwise you're done diddly-un for.
Number 7: The Mini Menace Are firearms legal in your country?
Then make sure you're packing one yourself, because someone is coming for you and everyone
you love.
It's not terrorists, and it's not the government, no…it's toddlers.
Armed toddlers were responsible for 49 deaths and 53 woundings in 2016, with similar numbers
posted back in 2015 when this meme went viral…
…making the statistically accurate claim that in that year, more toddlers had killed
Americans than terrorists had.
Therefore, Strange Mysteries would like to call for a complete and total shutdown of
babies leaving wombs until we can figure out what the heck is going on.
Number 6: Sitting on your butt Heart disease is the world's number one killer,
with 17.3 million people clutching frantically at their ticker and collapsing dead every
single year.
But what is the most common cause of heart disease?
Is it smoking?
Eating too much fatty food?
Letting your mom use your laptop when you're only 50% certain you've closed all your browser
tabs?
No, it's none of these, because the main lifestyle choice behind the majority of heart attacks
is in fact the art of doing jack all.
A lack of physical activity has been blamed for thirty percent of all heart attacks worldwide,
and that equates to a whopping nine percent of all global premature deaths.
The movies would have you believe that kickass gunfights, shark attacks and ninjas are the
most probable cause of your demise, but if the silver screen was truthful, most of Sean
Bean's billion movie deaths would come from sitting on his butt and doing nothing.
Number 5: Getting out of Bed Are you watching us from a pillowy fortess
of duvet-based slumber paradise?
Then be careful as you get out, because every year 450 Americans die from falling out of
bed.
This figure can be compared to a total of zero Americans killed each year by foreign
nationals coming from the countries affected by Donald Trump's travel ban, but do we see
the rampant bed menace tackled?
No we do not?
Therefore, at Strange Mysteries we are calling for a complete and total shutdown on people
getting out of bed until we can figure out what the heck is going on.
I wonder how many times I can use that joke.
I think at least four more times, maybe twelve.
Number 4: Your Doctor's Messy Handwriting Are you on prescription drugs at the moment?
Well I sure hope your Doctor has great penmanship, because in the USA alone 7,000 people are
killed annually due to unreadable prescriptions.
Such confusion often leads to an accidental overdose, so the next time you get a script
that looks a little bit like this…
…take the time to double check it why don't you.
Number 3: Brain Aneurysms At some point in their lives, approximately
1.5 to 3 percent of all people either have or will develop a brain aneurysm, and while
most are entirely symptomless, a ruptured aneurysm is fatal in 40% of all cases.
Aneurysms occur when a weak part of a blood vessel begins to fill up with blood, and if
you're one of the unlucky few who have a brain-flavoured one, you've got a 1% chance of it rupturing
every single year.
The symptoms of an aneurysm include severe, sudden headache, nausea and loss of consciousness,
and it's this last one which often prevents people getting treatment in time.
The number of people worldwide who die from a ruptured aneurysm is a shocking 500,000
per year, and when you compare this to how many people die from Gorilla attacks every
year - zero - it makes you wonder why we ever shot Harambe at all.
Because the real threat to that dumb little kid was his own human brain.
Number 2: Your Boiler Carbon Monoxide is an odourless, colourless
and tasteless gas, and because of its subtle, undetectable nature it remains responsible
for around half of all fatal poisonings in most countries.
Faulty heaters, fires and boilers are the main source of Carbon Monoxide leaks in the
home, and if you've been feeling lightheaded, confused and suffered from flu symptoms for
a considerable period of time, you may want to get yourself a carbon monoxide alarm to
make sure your home isn't trying to murder you.
Number 1: Taking a Whiz Are you desperately waiting for this video
to end because you really need to pee?
Well clearly you've never heard of the pause button, dingus, but don't go rushing off to
play with the yellow lightsaber just yet, because draining the weasel might actually
kill you.
If your toilet has been recently cleaned with bleach, it is possible that the ammonia in
your urine could mix with it to create deadly chlorine gas.
Now for this to occur you would have to have some seriously stinky peepee, as the amount
of ammonia needed would only be present in the urine of someone who is very sick indeed.
But don't drop your pants just yet, because you could still be at risk from poison gas
if you've mixed two or more of your cleaning products.
Toilet cleaners come in a wide range of varieties, with each one designed to be used on their
own.
But if you've got a particularly troublesome deuce lodged in your U-Bend you might be tempted
to just throw a little bit of everything down there.
Do.
Not.
Do this.
Many accidental deaths have been caused by someone inadvertently creating a toxic gas
cloud from ordinary household chemicals, and let's be honest folks, the last thing you
want written on your headstone is "killed by a toilet".
So if your can is clogged let Toilet Duck do his magic, and if he needs reinforcements,
wait until he's gone.
So that's our list.
Did you enjoy the video or are you now too scared to leave your bed and go poop?
Just poop the bed!
Easy peasy, and while you wait for someone to come home and discover the mess you've
made, why not watch our recent video on the seven most mysterious selfies ever taken,
because taking a selfie is another one of the ways you could be killed right now.
Either by falling over, taking unnecessary risks, or if I see you taking a selfie and
become so enraged I beat you to death with your selfie stick.
Could happen.
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