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What was undeniable was that Supernova's dissapearance
would leave The Astral Platypus' chances of survival in a critical situation.
British media immediatly exploited the situation.
"Supernova dissapears in Pelotas. Who gives a fuck about the other platypussys?"
The people from the record company were really worried about the band's future.
They only cared about Supernova...
Would it be possible for the band to go on, having lost their legendary frontman and main composer and guitarist?
Supernova's dissapearace being so strange, it granted us a lot of media coverage
I had a cousin in Chronicle Diary
and he helped me by implanting the idea that Supernova was irreplaceable.
The idea was to hurt the pride of the greatest guitarists of the world
that immediatly contacted me to fill his shoes.
The first one that we tried was Hendrix.
Hmmm
We immediatly turned him down.
We weren't so stupid to fall for the same trick twice.
Jeff Beck was a better choice.
but he wanted grapes on his pizza. I mean....
Late at night I always think about how my life would've turned out if I joined the Platypus.
I want to rip my cock off with a plier every time I think about it.
After auditioning several renowed guitar players
like Blackmore, Gilmour,
May and even Pete Townshend.
The band finds their new guitarist in a young and talented man called Jimmy Page.
In truth I left the Yardbirds to join the Platypus
I got to play in a few shows
like the one filmed for the Animal's Magical Flying Aquarium
An idea that the Rolling Stones didn't take long to steal.
The next they they kicked me out of the Platypus without saying why.
You could say that Zeppelin was born for revenge.
Page was rather sloppy with his guitar.
but what was his doom was his ocarina obsession.
He was a decent player. I don't know...
The thing was that he would suddenly come all excited: "this song desperately needs an ocarina!"
I don't know man, no criteria at all.
One day he came to the bus with a box full of ocarinas for the show.
Anderon and Lynch started throwing out through the window, one by one, so he doesn't notice.
When we got the show the box was empty.
The next gig we didn't even pick him up and that was it.
In reality we had already found the ideal person for the job.
Today I look back and the urge to kill myself grows.
The media coverage about Supernova's dissapearence
ended, sooner rathar than later.
This big auditions for a guitar famous player ended up in nothing when the band chose Steve Galahad Pond,
a complete unknown...
Edipus was really mad at the Platypus.
Not even I could disuade them of hiring Hendrix, Beck,
or even some of the young guys witha bright future that auditioned: Iommi, Howe, Fripp.
There was no way...
Steve Galahad Pond is one of the great misteries of rock history.
Guitarist of classical education. He came from a jazz background
Born amidst contemporary music
a unique electric sound and a stage presence completely absent.
Steve told us in his audition:
"I agree to play with you only if I don't have to appear on interviews, photo shoots, videos
I have to be able to play sitting down, in the dark, at the back of the stage."
He was the one.
The record company gave the band an ultimatum.
The two record deal we had signed finished with this one and they wouldn't renew if it wasn't a hit.
We were in deep shit, up to our balls, actually...
But the pressure of losing their friend,
star and main composer, added to the possibility of losing their job,
Would'nt destroy them.
We locked ourselves up in Keyes parent's farm
and we stayed there writing and composing for months.
Without Supernova we had to develop a new group dynamic.
Long gone where the days when stardom was an individual thing.
Now everything was composed and arranged democratically.
The trouble was that what once took half an hour now took up to three months
until we got along to decide if the chord had 7th, 7th and 9th, 6th, or whatever.
It was then that I realised that all my readings
I had a lof to say lyrically.
If I didn't write we would be left with Anderson hippie, 0-content new age lyrics.
or Lynch's mediocre romance, that only wanted to get laid.
The five of us worked as a unit in those days.
I have to admit that I was getting rather bored on those long instrumental sections we were writing.
I didn't want this whole Supernova thing to happen all over again.
So I began my search of a new instrument. Something completely innovative
That's how Fate led me to the Recorder.
It was impossible to get better than Clapton on guitar, so I had to find my own way.
The band wanted their privacy. They didn't let me be on rehearsals.
Half a year later I finally got to listen to the six, seven songs they were working on.
It was a novelty.
Nobody had ever done something like that.
But it was radioactive shit. Something completely unmarketable. We woulnd't steal a dime from any body with this shit.
To make it worse, this dumbasses wanted to hire a symphonic orchestra to play
on all of the tracks, using the money Edipus gave them to record the album.
And I said:
"Naaah, you're completely insane. I have to put everyone on a pay roll and pay their taxes
If any of them trips and breaks his hand and sues me he'll break my anus.
Piss off!
I have a cousin that has this little enterprise and he'll give you exactly what you need."
Why would you pay to hundreds of musicians in an orchestra qhen you can only pay a single keyboard player?
Forget the crippling fear of them claiming for their rights and working conditions and sueing you for it.
And minimize you contact with the idiotic nonsence musicians are famous for!
Just buy a Mellotron!
Mellotron will replace violins
FOREVER!
You could play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on a Mellotron and it would sound like a horror movie!
The Astral Platypus entered the studio owned by Fausto, son of the brother in law of Dino Longobardi's cousin's wife, Mirage Records
in december of 1968
and in less than a month would record their new songs
La Marcha del Ornitorrinco Astral was my first album as a producer. I'll never forget.
I'm deeply grateful towards Dino Longobardi
for giving me that chance.
My toilet was not flushing
and it turned out that the plumber was fixing it just when the band was showing me their raw demo for the album.
They pushed play and the plumber went insane. He thought it was genious.
He must've been high as fuck because that music was completely formless and ugly as an old wart filles with pus.
If you played that music to a woman her cunt would simply dissapear. Your chances of fucking would dissapear forever.
But he loved it.
The situation was so bizarre that I remembered Anderson and all his "destiny" shit.
and I said:
"This is fate, you have to produce this album".
I told the plumber!
One less problem for me. What an eye!
About that record I can only say:
That something very similar to other giant bands happens with them: like the Stones, Floyd or the Beatles.
Each musicians, by itself, is mediocre, boring, bland, and that reflects on their solo albums.
but there is a moment in time and space where they get together
thay all those mediocre ingredients make a historic meal. This is Platypus all the way.
In early '69 a record that changed the musical landscape would emerge
La Marcha del Ornitorrinco Astral was recorded and promoted almost independently
without the support of the record company.
It's considered the birth of Progressive Rock: the most experimental and artistically ambitious of rock's offspring.
The Astral Platypus is everything that's wrong with music. It's complete shit, motherfucker.
The bizarre first single,
that shared name with the album,
would expand the Platypus Fever in a great number of countries
that most Americans actually, ignored that existed.
The song's memorable Mellotron intro
would be very copied by a lot of bands.
Yeah, bitch, I totally stole that La Marcha del Ornitorrinco Astral song, motherfuckers!
The real controversy and legal battle began three years later
when a song titled Stairway to Heaven was released.
Crimson stole the idea of our song.
That is acceptable, we've all done it, nothing wrong there.
But Page went completely off limits.
He came to our rehearsal, learned our song and turned it into Stairway to fucking Heaven
How long do you think it took me to call my brother in law, the lawyer
and legally destroy Jimmy Page's anus?
I even contacted a lot of musicians that had been stolen by Zeppelin.
Which wasn't hard since you could fill a theater with musicians like that.
And we made a class action against Zeppelin. They shat their pants!
I don't know what you're talking about dude. I've never heard of a band with a name so ludicrous!
The court's registry indicated that the parts came to an arrangement and the suit was droped.
We are very thankful to Dino.
He is such a gentle soul.
Thanks to his efforts, Jimmy Page agreed to pay us a barbecue in Lomas de Zamora
every time he and the band traveled at the same time to Argentina.
In perpetuity, man!
We'll never ever starve! We'll always have somewhere to eat!
We came to an agreement, but a legal gag prevents me from revealing the details.
I'll only say that the Longobardi Hotel now has offices in twenty eight countries of the world.
The album starts with a song that broke all the music formulas of the time: Oro Carmesí.
Led by Pond's violent guitar
and Lynch's social critique.
Many consider this piece, not only the birth of progressive rock, but the birth of heavy metal as well.
We saw them with Yes at the end of the '60s.
The first show with Pond, their new guitar player. We shat out pants, (literally in Bank's case)
They were instrumental beasts, not afraid to completely ignore the formulas of that era.
The second piece of the album confirms the influence of their new guitar player in the change of sound.
Fauglia is a classical guitar piece that influenced dozens of imitators in the progressive genre.
It was when I heard that Pond piece that I wanted to learn classical guitar.
Pond is my musical idol.
Último Contacto Visual and Despertar, the next pieces of the album, are two progressive epics
where the band showcases it's instrumental and melodic talents.
But their composition would prove problematic. Leaving in evidence some of the underlying internal struggles
We should've known from the start that this democratic writing process
wouldn't work at all.
Anderson and I wrote a beautiful lyric to Despertar, mixing his ethereal style with my crude vision of reality,
but William didn't like it and wanted to write the lyrics by himself.
Despertar was my favourite track on the album
It was the perfect musicalization to a short story I had written about Prometheous
and his relationship with mankind.
Those two assholes took my story and turned it into this shitty hippie pesudo poetic nonsense.
I don't know how two people so different could be friends, by they were like ass and underpants at the time.
They couldn't be contradicted at all.
That fucking gnome looks like a nice guy but he's a complete motherfucker. We called him Hitler.
and the other one was Genghis Kahn.
Our version of the lyrics was way better.
Clarke always pretends his like he's such a cultured author
but all he ever does is lame fan fiction!
Anderson kidnapped Periquín Pindulfo III, my pet hamster
and started sending rescue notes giving hints of his whereabouts.
The only way to save him was to sign a contract giving Anderson complete rights to the lyrics to Despertar.
Finally I had to agree and Steve and I unburied the poor thing, safe from harm, from the studio's garden.
Luckily Dino stuck with me and let me write the lyrics to Último Contacto Visual.
Motherfucking hippie!
But the internal struggles that started to appear,
and that would give them so many headaches the decade later,
weren't only creative.
It was during the recording of this album that we started to notice that
Wendell Keyes wasn't the kind of keyboardist we wanted.
"His Soul was not in tune with ours", Anderson kept saying.
Wendell always said nonsensical things like:
"The Mellotron doesn't sound like an orchestra, Dino is screwing us."
Or stuff like:
"Are you sure those are sugar bags Dino is putting on the back of my Hammond?""
"Wendy is about to deliver, is it absolutely necesary to add shows in Colombia?"
I don't know. This just couldn't go on like this.
Wendell didn't share our Vision
and we told him in the middle of the tour that he wouldn't be playing us anymore.
We didn't have a replacement yet,
but I was confident that Fate had something in store for us.
The last track on the album was the one chosen as the single.
It achieved unprecedented success in countries like Italy, Estonia, Mongolia and Argentina.
The band finished it's "Ornitorrinco Astral World Tour" on the last of this countries, to perform on the trending tv show of the era:
El Club del Clan.
I'll never forget that day. I had to perform after the guest band, none other than the Astral Platypus.
Some brittish dudes, and I was scared as fuck.
The show was a historic event in argentine TV.
The band started playing and soon after Anderson Anderson appeared dressed up as a platypus!
But the icing of the cake was this weird instrumental piece that they played after.
where the dude came back for the interlude dressed up as a Gaucho!
People went absolutely mad to see a Gringo doing that! Their buttcrack dissapeared!!!
It was exactly then that the argentine crowds took The Astral Platypus as their own.
Something that the band would cherish over anything.
It was meant to be, really.
The Argentine Embassy han invited me to perform a piano concert on the Teatro Colón, which was awesome.
At the end they invited me to the Casino in Tigre
where I lost all of my money and got stranded without a penny.
I lost my last pounds when the cab driver wanted to show me the seven obeliscos of Buenos Aires.
It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I was drunk as fuck, so I took it.
And that's how I ended up on the streets.
And that's how this guys from my own country found me
while I was playing the piano with one hand, the Hammond with the other and the Mellotron with my dick on the argentine Subway.
and they were looking for a keyboard player!
It was fate!
Dino had already bought the six passages home in Economic class, to protect the enviroment, like he always did,
and there was no time to change it.
But this was a clear sign from the Ancestral Gods
the best keyboard player in the world was there and needed our help!
Without consulting anybody Anderson said to Wendell:
"You're out of the band, this random dude takes your place"
They gave my plane ticket to this Sleepman guy
and they left me stranded without any money on Malabia station.
Three days later Wendy had my first daughter.
I missed the birth of my daughter because of this motherfucking son of a bitch of a gnome!
Back in England, the Edipus records executives, as well as Dino Longobardi,
were astonished of the success of the band in peripheric countries.
They offered us a new record deal to make five more albums that we couldn't refuse.
We'd made it!!!
All of our dreams would come true!
What do I think of the accusations that there is something fishy with the new Edipus Records contract with the Platypus?
If i think it's weird for an english speaking company to be interested in a band that didn't mean a fly in the anglo speaking market
and that only had fans in countries like Cyprus
Mauritania
Argentina
Feroe Islands
Caymán Islands
Panamá?
I don't know.
I was absolved for lack of evidence.
There is irrefutable proof that the contract that Edipus extended for the Platypus
was 100% subsidised by the U.S government
Edgar J. Hoover, in his search for mind control weapons, accidentaly saw an extract from the band's show in El Club del Clan
It was then that he convinced himself of the idiocy of the people in the third world
and that motivating and controling that stupidity would bea great way to keep communism on hold
Who would want to live in Communism if the other choice was to be able to buy three different sizes of the Space Platypus costume,
that came in twenty eight different colors?
Everyone asks me why do I look so young and joyful, being 79 years old.
I'll show you.
This is the bathtub where I periodically bathe in baby's blood.
That does the trick. That's how I keep this young skin.
Oh, and two litres of water, everyday.
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