Megan: Okay so er, sex. Hey everyone! welcome back to my channel
We've asked for your questions all about sex positivity , so we're just gonna
answer them for you basically. Joeley: Here we go!
Megan: So as someone who is on the asexual spectrum and also quite vanilla, but being very
sex positive, how can I combine those things? Especially asexuality and sex positivity?
Joeley: Hey girl! Time for me to get involved so
essentially I'm not actually that big of a fan of sex. Hello, nice to meet you we
do exist! Again I'm not a particularly sexual person either - I don't wanna go like
I say because I'm a teacher I don't want to go too far into it - but I have been
shamed a lot for that, especially by dudes who are trying to get in my pants and they're
like "you just haven't found the right dick yet!" and I'm like oh okay or I'm just not
attracted to you. And I'm also extremely sex positive like I am a hundred percent
all for people doing whatever they like if it's consensual and you are
consenting adults. It's a difficult line to tread because you kind of feel
like you're left out but please remember that asexuality is a real and valid
thing, people don't have to understand it for you to feel that. You don't have to
be a sexual being, I know that we're told that obviously it's what our worth is put in.
And it took me a long time to realise that actually, you know just owning
myself and my non-sexuality is what makes me very special.
Megan: Very special. Joeley: So special.
And also that doesn't mean that you aren't ever going to be attracted to people,
and they also think that you're never going to have a partner, ever. You're allowed to -
and also in terms of the vanilla sex like you're allowed to have vanilla sex, not
everything's gotta be spicy I mean look at me I'm the walking definition of
vanilla. In every way shape or form. Megan: I think it's really important to like
note that sexuality is such a spectrum and wherever you fall on that is
completely completely valid, there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving sex
and there's nothing wrong with not being interested in it. In the culture we grew
up in, there was a big thing about like "oh you're frigid" Joeley: oh yeah...
Megan: If you don't put out you're frigid, but if you do have sex you're a slut.
you literally, you literally can't win. Joeley: You can't win.
In terms of like sexual experience, you do you. Megan: Absolutely
and it's like, fucking your body your choice! And I think you can combine not
being particularly interested in sex yourself with still being positive around
the topic of sex, still being supportive of other people's sex lives and sex positivity
Joeley: oh yeah whenever like one of my friends has sex I'm like YEAH GIRL! GET IT! WORK!
You can have no sex, you can have vanilla sex, you can have a spicy sex, you can have
hardcore sex, it's whatever you want.
In the last six months I was diagnosed with
herpes which I got from a long-term partner who was not upfront with me I'm
nervous about talking to my friends about it or the idea of telling future
partners about it. No one talks about it and there is a real stigma even to just
hear other people's thoughts on STIs because they're always portrayed as
disgusting and that the people who have them have a particular type of reputation
On the topic of STIs I think the most important thing is openness and
this is for heterosexual or you know homosexual relationships, knowing where
you stand with your own sexual health is important to be able to then talk to
your partners and be open. Megan: But I don't think there should be
a stigma because all kinds of people get STIs, I mean in some cases
that was pretty much out of your control, and even if it isn't you know we all, we all
make mistakes I mean I know I have. I have not always you know, when I was a
teenager I was not being as careful and as protected as I should have been. That
doesn't make me like a horrible gross person, I just wasn't educated enough and
I think that's the key like we all just need to get more educated about
protection, about consent, about STIs, and not be ashamed of talking about it.
Joeley: Never be ashamed to bring up sexual health with a partner. As soon as a sexual
relationship is on the cards it should be the first thing that is addressed.
Megan: And also on the topic of protection and safe sex that is something that you have to,
like you can always always demand. That is a requirement.
When we were growing up like I experienced lots of incidents in my teen years where
guys would just be like "oh well I don't like using condoms" Joeley: Oh yeah what is up with that?
Megan: What? What?! Well I don't like being pregnant so fucking deal with it!
Like put it on! That's not like one person's decision, they don't just get to be like
"oh I don't, I don't like it so no" like no! If they are entering you then they
fucking put on the outfit that you tell them to put on before they come in.
Joeley: And also when it comes to protection, remember that there's not just one form
the condom is not the be-all and end-all. You've got femidoms, you've got dental
dams, you've got the pill Megan: The coil...
but remember that the best form of
contraception is to use more than one. Megan: Multiple Joeley: Multiple contraception
Megan: A goody bag, a pick-and-mix Joeley: Yes.
Megan: Can you talk about how some sex
positions have been terribly taboo for heavier girls. I'm still not able to get
on top because it makes me terribly insecure for them to feel my entire weight
I would really like to know how other people handle these kinds of
insecurities during sex.
Babe, get on top. Joeley: Suffocate him.
Megan: You do not have to miss out
on that pleasure because of how you think they're perceiving your body, and
what was it like you said earlier? Joeley: oh yeah your full weight is not on them
even when you're on top you can't remember that your knees, your
legs are still taking the brunt of the weight. It's not like you just fully like
lay on top of them and be like...
Megan: That would be really boring sex. Joeley: That would be. That'd be like Will from The Inbetweeners.
Yeah and if he dies he dies... worth it.
Megan: There are some positions that have to be adapted
depending on your body type. Joeley: I've googled this before so just literally Google
"fat girl sex positions" lots of stuff will come up lots of tips
you can get things like wedges and pillows which are really good for taking
a bit of extra weight and helping you to get to a
more comfortable accessible positions. Megan: But in general don't be scared of
getting on top don't be scared of how your body looks or if it's too heavy and
your partner will say if they're not comfortable. Get on there let it all
jiggle, let go! Joeley: And again like, girl he's he knows that
you're fat, okay? Megan: Yeah back to that Joeley: Back to that
Megan: Classic point. Joeley: it's not a shocker.
Okay so, I'm so tired for being called a slag and
easy for showing my body off. I've struggled so hard with body image and
now I'm happy with it people still want to tear me down, why do
people still feel the need to do this? Megan: This is something I talk about quite a lot
slut shaming people for showing skin, being nude, I think the big big problem
we have in our culture is that as soon as we see any kind of nudity we're
automatically like "sex" Joeley: Yeah.
Megan: Like we cannot see a naked body without thinking
that it's for someone else's sexual pleasure. But there are a million
different reasons to to embrace your naked body and it can be completely for
you and about reclaiming yourself, without it being for someone else's pleasure
Joeley: Other people's opinions don't matter, I know obviously it's so
easy to say. I don't actually get like in my underwear, I don't wear skimpy clothes
but the main thing is that whatever you choose to wear whether it is showing off
skin, showing off body-ody-ody or not, it doesn't matter because it's your body
it's what you're putting on it, it's how you want to dress, it's how you want to be
perceived and other people's opinions of that do not matter.
Megan: And like from a feminist perspective, nudity like empowers some people,
modesty empowers others, no one
else has the right to tell you what should empower you or what you should do
with your own body, that is your choice that is the beauty of it, just because
you choose to show some skin on the way to embracing your body, only you get to
define what that means. Joeley: Yeah.
Megan: Like no one else gets to tell you what that means to
you, you get to decide that.
How do you respond to people judging you on the
amount of people you've slept with? Joeley: Tell them to fuck off.
I mean I feel like we come from different ends of the spectrum
on this one because my number is very low Megan: And mine is reasonable
Joeley: It's average. When I tell people people are like oh, like I don't understand what the big deal is.
Megan: It comes at both ends of the spectrum and ultimately
it is literally no one else's business how many people you've slept
with, also it's not a reflection of your morality like it's just not let's
separate that, let's separate how many people someone sleeps with from like
their moral character. You can sleep with as many people as you like and be a good person.
Joeley: Absolutely I mean look at Hugh Hefner, stellar guy.
Megan: Uhmmmm...
Maybe there's a better example?
Joeley: Donald Trump?
Megan: They're just getting worse!
Who's slept with a lot of people but is nice?
Joeley: Satan?
Me and girlfriend (both girls) have been dating for seven months now and I still
struggle with the idea of her seeing me COMPLETELY naked she's half my size and
I'm covered in stretch marks and rolls. How do I feel better with the idea she
loves me for who I am versus how I perceived myself? Well first of all get
it stretch marks and belly rolls that's what I'm all about.
Megan: I think it's getting
over the image that you have in your head of what sex looks like and what
body types engage in sexual acts, and like Joeley said we've all been conditioned to
think of that a certain way particularly in like porn culture, it's often a very
exclusive narrow body type Joeley: Oh god especially in lesbian porn Megan: Yes
Joeley: Honestly it's like two nubile teenage girls have first lesbian experience Megan: Oh my god
yes especially since most lesbian porn is made for the male gaze Joeley: Absolutely. I think one of the things is
to remember that especially as women we are all taught that our body is not good
enough so maybe open up a dialogue with your partner about this
there could be times when your girlfriend has had thoughts like this
but on the opposite end of the spectrum Megan: And you know what you could do as well
is find some representation of like diverse couples being celebrated, there's some
amazing like photographers on Instagram that take pictures like sensual pictures
of couples like boudoir photography or you could even have a photo shoot like
that yourself Joeley: Oh yeah
Megan: And like go and do like a sensual photo shoot and get used
to seeing your two bodies together being celebrated because that's what needs to
shift it's that image in your mind that your bodies like don't go together when
obviously they do.
Joeley: Absolutely, jigsaw pieces do not look the same but they still fit together
Megan: Ooooooohhhhh! Oooohhhh! Did you just come up with that?
Joeley: Ooooh bitch! BOW B-B-B-BOWWWW
I did just come up with that. Megan: That was amazing.
This is an interesting one. Do you think it's okay for girls to call their friends or
other girls whores or sluts in a joking manner? Joeley: I for one am all for
this if you are both on board. There's nothing more than I love saying "you slag"
it's the same with any kind of subjective humor you both need to be on
board with it and you need to make sure that it's not coming from an unbalanced
power. For example I think that it would be very difficult if a guy with more
power is telling a woman she's a slag. Megan: And it's the whole thing of
reclaiming certain words and there are lines like certain words I think should
be reclaimed like the word fat take it back,
own it, use it as a positive thing, and even like I never used to like the word
bitch but now we're like
Both: oh bitch. Bitch. Oh bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Girl.
Megan: Yeah yeah, so... Joeley: I use bitch all the time.
Megan: I think it's possible to reclaim those words positively.
Joeley: Yeah I was gonna bring up Amber Rose's Slut Walk, which obviously is
all about reclaiming the word slut and gives a lot of power to sex workers and
very sexual beings Megan: The word slut is like rooted in shame like you're
supposed to feel wrongful you're supposed to feel ashamed
of having sex with a lot of people and that's what's a slut means but you know
fuck it! Just destroy that meaning of the word slut because there is nothing
shameful about having sex with as many people as you like!
Joeley: Oh my god yeah it's like oh you're gonna
call me a slut because I enjoy having sex with lots of people and really good sex?
Oh no! Megan: What is that quote that's like we live in a culture that will
shame people for having sex and eating junk food, excuse me for enjoying my
miserable life filled with pleasures. Joeley: Fill it with all the pleasure you want.
Why are women shamed for going into sex work when it's men who tend to hire sex workers?
Why does anyone need to be ashamed at all? I really love this question because
I am like a hundred percent pro sex workers I think it is a job just like any
other I think it's a job that deserves to have you know the same rights and
privileges as other jobs. It's got a real stigma surrounding it which is
ridiculous there's a big difference between being forced into sex work which
you're not consensually doing and choosing to be a sex worker which
millions of people choose to do Megan: That stigma that sex work is like selling
your body, hun if you do any kind of labor heavy job like if you're a
construction worker are you not selling your body?
Joeley: I'm dance teacher which means that I am constantly selling my body
Megan: if you are a
feminist you have to include sex workers in your feminism, they are worthy of
respect because it's about choice even if it's
not something that you would choose to do with your own body that doesn't give
you the right to shame or belittle or judge someone for doing that with their body
Joeley: Absolutely and in terms of the why is anyone ashamed at all, I think this
goes way back to yonks ago, decades ago, centuries ago, when sex was seen as a
sin. Everyone who participated in it would seem as shameful, then
obviously the stigma changed a little bit so it was seen as just the women who are
shameful and I'm hoping now that we can go into a society
where it's not seen as shameful at all Megan: And I think it's this whole thing as well
of of not judging women for surviving in the cultural landscape they've been given. We live
in a patriarchal society where there is huge demand for sex work where women are
sexualized pretty much everywhere and it's not fair to then judge women for
getting by in that narrative it's the same as like diet culture as much as I
fucking hate diet culture I don't blame individuals for going on
diets like they're they're surviving the best way they know how in a world that's
taught them that they need to diet. Joeley: Yeah, absolutely.
Megan: It's respecting women's own choices about
their bodies and the fact that all women are worthy of respect even if they are
very different to you and doing things that you personally would not do.
Joeley: And here's the thing someone being a sex worker is not taking away anything
from you. You are completely two different beings just because you both
identify as women it does not mean that you are the same.
Megan: Okay so sex? Joeley: Done.
Megan: Thank you so much for watching that was really fun!
Joeley: I enjoyed having questions Megan: Me too maybe we'll do more question and answers
Joeley: Let us know in
the comments what topic you'd like us to... go at. Megan: Get sexy with.
Joeley: Do!
Megan: Yes definitely let us know if you enjoyed it, give us a thumbs up and a subscribe so you can see
what's coming next Joeley: Oh you're so professional. She's got this Youtube down.
Megan: We'll be back soon Joeley: BITCH
Megan: We'll be back soon. Thank you for watching.
Joeley: Thank you for watching Megan: Bye Joeley: Bye
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