I have five little rules that you can follow as you find your spark and bring
your spark to life the first is to go after the things that you want let me
tell you a story so a friend of mine and I we went for a run in Central Park the
Roadrunners organization on the weekends they host races and it's very common at
the end of the race they'll have a sponsor who will give away something
apples or bagels or something and on this particular day when we got to the
end of the run there were some free bagels and they had picnic tables set up
and on one side was a group of volunteers on the table were boxes of
bagels and on the other side was a long line of runners waiting to get their
free bagel so I said to my friend let's let's get a bagel and he looked at me
and said that lines too long and I said free bagel and he said I don't want to
wait in line and I was like free bagel and he says not let's it's too long and
that's when I realized that there's two ways to see the world some people see
the thing that they want and some people see the thing that prevents them from
getting the thing that they want I could only see the bagels he could only see
the line and so I walked up to the line I leaned in between two people put my
hand in the box and pulled out two bagels and no one get
mad at me because the rule is you can go after whatever you want
you just cannot deny anyone else to go after whatever they want
now I had to sacrifice choice I didn't get to choose which bagel I got I got
whatever I pulled out but I didn't have to wait in line so the point is is you
don't have to wait in line you don't have to do it the way everybody else has
done it you can do it your way you can break the rules you just can't get in
the way of somebody else getting what they want that's rule number one
rule number two I like this
in the 18th century there was something that spread across
Europe and eventually made its way to America
also known as the black death of childbed basically what was happening
these women were giving birth they would die within 48 hours after
giving birth this black death of childbirth
is the ravage of Europe and it got worse and worse and worse the course for
century in some hospitals it was as high as 70% of women who gave birth who would
die as a result of people birth but this was the Renaissance this was
the time of empirical data and science and we had thrown away things like
tradition and mysticism these were men of science these were doctors and these
doctors and men of science wanted to study and try and find the reason for
this black death of childbed and so they got to work studying and they would
study the corpses of the of the women who had died and in the morning they
would conduct autopsies and then in the afternoon they would go and deliver
babies and finish their rounds and it wasn't until somewhere in the mid 1800s
that dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes father of Supreme Court justice Oliver Wendell
Holmes realized that all of these doctors who conducting autopsies in the
morning who weren't washing their hands before they delivered babies in the
afternoon and he pointed it out and said guys you're the problem and they ignored
him and called him crazy for 30 years until finally somebody
realized that if they simply washed their hands it would go away
and that's exactly what happened when they started sterilizing their
instruments and washing their hands the black death of child bed disappeared my
point is the lesson here is sometimes you're the problem we've seen this
happen all too recently with our new men of science and empirical studies these
men of Finance
who are smarter than the rest of us until the thing collapsed and they
blamed everything else except themselves and my point is is take accountability
for your actions you can take all the credit in the world for the things that
you do right as long as you also take responsibility for the things you do
wrong it must be a balanced equation you don't get it one way and not the other
you get to take credit when you also take accountability that's lesson 2
lesson 3 take care of each other the United States Navy SEALs are perhaps the
most elite warriors in the world and one of the seals was asked who makes it
through the selection process who is able to become a seal and his answer was
I can't tell you the kind of person that becomes a seal I can't tell you the kind
of person that makes it through buds but I can tell you the kind of people
who don't become seals he says the guys that show up with huge
bulging muscles covered in tattoos who want to prove to the world how tough
they are none of them make it through he said the preening leaders who like to
delegate all their responsibilities and never do anything themselves none of
them said the star college athletes who have
never really been tested to the core of their being
he says some of the guys that make it through her skinny scrawny said some of
the guys that make it through you will see them shivering out of fear
it says however
when they find themselves physically spent emotionally
when they have nothing left to give physically or emotionally somehow some
way they are able to find the energy to dig down deep inside themselves to find
the energy to help the guy next to them they become seals he said you want to be
an elite warrior it's not about how tough you are it's not about how smart
you are it's not about how fast you are if you want to be an elite warrior
you better get really really good at helping the person to the left of you
and helping the person to the right of you because that's how people advanced
in the world the world is too dangerous in the world is too difficult for you to
think that you can do these things alone if you find your spark I commend you now
who you gonna ask for help and when are you gonna accept help when it's offered
learn that skill learn by practicing helping each other it'll be the single
most valuable thing you ever learn in your entire life to accept help when
it's offered and to ask for it when you know that you can't do it the amazing
thing is when you learn to ask for help you'll discover that there are people
all around you who've always wanted to help you they just didn't think you
needed it because you kept pretending that you had everything under control
and the minute you say I don't know what I'm doing I'm stuck I'm scared I don't
think I can do this you will find that lots of people who love you will rush in
and take care of you but that'll only happen if you learn to take care of them
first
lesson four Nelson Mandela is a particularly special case study in the
leadership world because he is universally regarded as a great leader
you can take other personalities and depending on the nation you go to we
have different opinions about other personalities but Nelson Mandela across
the world is universally regarded as a great leader he was actually the son of
a tribal chief and he was asked one day how did you learn to be a great leader
and he responded that he would go with his father to tribal meetings and he
remembers two things when his father would meet with other elders one they
would always sit in a circle and to his father was always the last to speak
you'll be told your whole life
I would say that you need to learn to be the last to speak I see it in boardrooms
every day of the week even people who consider themselves good leaders who may
actually be decent leaders will walk into a room and say here's the problem
here's what I think but I'm interested in your opinion let's go around the room
it's too late the skill to hold your opinions to
yourself until everyone has spoken it's one it gives everybody else the
feeling that they have been heard the giving gives everyone else the ability
to feel that they have contributed and two you get the benefit of hearing what
everybody else has to think before you render the skill is really to keep your
opinions to yourself if you agree with somebody don't not yes if you disagree
with somebody simply sit there take it all in and the
only thing you're allowed to do is ask questions so that
understand what they need and why they have the opinion that they had you must
understand from where they are speaking why they have the opinion they have not
just what they are saying and at the end you will get your turn
it sounds easy it's not practice being the last to speak
that's what Nelson Mandela did number three number five this Monty Python one
two five three four all the other nerds in the audience there's one number five
my favorite one of all true story there was a former Undersecretary of
Defense who was invited to give a speech at a large conference about a thousand
people and he was standing on the stage with his cup of coffee and a Styrofoam
cup giving his prepared remarks with his
PowerPoint behind him and he took a sip of his coffee and he smiled and he
looked down at the coffee and then he went off-script
and he said you know last year I spoke at this exact same conference last year
I was still the undersecretary and when I spoke here last year they flew me here
business class and when I arrived at the airport there was somebody waiting for
me to take me to my hotel and they took me to my hotel and they had already
checked me in and they just took me up to my room and the next morning I came
downstairs and there was someone waiting in the lobby to greet me and they drove
me to this here same venue they took me through the back entrance and took me
into the green room and handed me a coffee cup of coffee in a beautiful
ceramic cup he says I'm no longer the undersecretary
I flew here coach I took a taxi to my hotel and I checked myself in when I
came down the lobby this morning I took another taxi to this venue I came in the
front door and found my way backstage and when I asked someone do you have any
coffee he pointed to the coffee machine in the corner and I poured myself a cup
of coffee into this here Styrofoam cup he says the lesson is the ceramic cup
was never meant for me he was meant for the position I held I deserved a
Styrofoam cup remember this as you gain Fame as you gain fortune as you gain
position and seniority people will treat you better they will hold doors open for
you they will get you a cup of tea and coffee without you even asking they will
call you sir and man they give you stuff none of that stuff
is meant for you that stuff is meant for the position you
hold is meant for the level that you have achieved a leader or success or
whatever you want to call it but you will always
a Styrofoam cup remember that remember that lesson of humility and gratitude
you and accept all the free stuff you can accept all the perks absolutely you
could enjoy them but just be grateful for them and know that they're not for
you I remember getting off the Acela it took the Acela from New York to
Washington DC and I got off the train like everybody else and I was walking
down the platform like everyone else and I walked past general Nordy Schwartz who
used to be a chief of staff of the United States Air Force the head of the
Air Force and here I did you see a guy in a suit slapping his own suitcase down
the platform just like me and just a couple months ago he was flying on
private jets and an entourage and other people carried his luggage but he no
longer held the position and so now he got to drag his own suitcase and never
did it sort of remind me more that none of us deserve the perks that we get we
all deserve a Styrofoam cup
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