Hi, my name is Ashley Clark Fry.
I was born deaf- to hearing parents.
I'm sharing the interview with my parents where I asked questions
like how they found out I was deaf, did they know anything about the deaf community, sign language,
and what it was like to raise me, etc.
Before I share the interview, I wanted to let you know that my parents spoke and signed at the same time…
I used my voice too, only a little bit.
For the Deaf watching, I'm not hard of hearing.
I've been using my voice since 7th grade and my parents are used to my voice.
Anyways… here's the interview video!!
Hi!! I'm here with my parents.
Okay, so…
Thanks so much for taking the time being here, doing this interview. I have a few questions for you two.
First question… can you tell me about your pregnancy when you were pregnant with me?
Sure- when I was pregnant on the third month everything was going well,
but by the 14th week of pregnancy I started having pain and bleeding.
I went to the doctor and the doctor said that is a sign that you are probably going to lose this baby.
If you want to make sure you have a chance
(Ashley showing the correct sign for "chance")
chance... to keep the baby, you need to rest a lot.
And stay off your feet.
So I did that for a few weeks
and then everything became more normal
about 5 months, everything went better.
So…
So...
Ok… so… what happened after I was born… what happened?
When you were born- everything was fine.
I had a normal delivery
and we took you home.
I cut the cord.
As far as we knew, we had a beautiful normal baby
and we took you home.
Happy!
Ok… so… what happened after that?
Well, we noticed that...
I noticed that even if we make a lot of noise- the baby would continue to sleep.
I thought what a nice baby- she just sleeps through noise and slamming doors from Kimberly and Lindsey.
So we thought it was nice.
Happy normal baby!
So, ok… then what happened after that?
What happened after that?
When you were about 5 months old,
I took you to get vaccines
and then the nurse said, this baby should be able to sit up straight
and she is not sitting normal. Something is not right.
And I thought, well- I know that I always have to hold your little head up
because you were not very firm.
Very soft.
So I would always hold you like this.
Even when you were 4 or 5 months, 6 months.
Always had to hold you like this.
So your head would not go everywhere.
And we noticed that you didn't crawl.
But we thought, maybe she is just a little slow.
Maybe the development was just a little bit behind.
Yes- so we didn't thinking anything wrong. But not crawling,
and not turning, we thought maybe just a little slow, but nothing wrong.
And you were always happy. Happy, Happy, Happy baby!
So... then you decided...
When the nurse said, is something wrong with the baby?
Then I asked the doctor, can you check my baby very good?
And the doctor said- that was the same doctor that had seen you since birth and Kimberly and Lindsey same doctor-
this doctor said- this baby is normal.
There is nothing wrong with this baby.
She is not sitting up, she's not crawling. She's just a little slow, but she is perfectly fine.
And I said, well can you test her hearing?
Maybe? Just check her.
Who suggested… who?
Mom: I asked him. Ashley: Oh, you suggested.
Can you check everything in the baby?
Then the doctor make a lot of noise.
And you didn't respond.
So then the doctor said- we need to send her to Children's Hospital and get some testing.
Ok, so
And you were about 6 months old.
Ok, so… you brought me to the hospital, Children's Hospital… can you tell me about that day?
We took you to Children's Hospital and did a lot of testing
and they said that there was something wrong with your hearing. You couldn't hear.
And there was something wrong with your…
they said you had Cerebral Palsy.
Light Cerebral Palsy.
CP
M-i-l-d
CP
So we asked the doctor- what does that mean?
And then the doctor said- well she may never be the same as your other two girls.
She may never be able to walk,
she may never be able to sit up nicely and play like other children.
Right? Remember that?
And so we went home very sad.
Did he say anything about my hearing too? What did you find out about my hearing?
You can't hear.
Oh, he said I couldn't hear anything?
They did some tests ALL DAY at the hospitals with test.
Mom: More than one day, many days.
Dad: So we were walking and praying
and then later they told us that your cochlear was not developed fully.
At birth- that is the inner ear. It was not developed.
They showed us the picture of what an inner ear should look like and they told us that yours was not complete.
They told us that there was something wrong when you were in mom's tummy.
So we went home
and began to pray.
And continued to pray.
Then very very soon after that you started crawling.
Then very soon after that, you started going up the stairs and coming down the stairs
and very soon after that- you went outside and played.
And go down the slide and swing
and very much normal.
Except that you couldn't hear.
So we continued to trust God to complete what he began, a miracle.
Because it is a miracle that you are normal
and that you were very involved in sports playing basketball and volleyball
[and now] skiing.
Before you found out that I was born deaf, did you know anything about sign language? Did you know about the deaf community…?
We didn't know anything about the deaf community. We didn't know anything about sign language.
We didn't know anything.
And the people from Children's Hospital, you know, told us about an organization
that would help us learn about...
services available to help you.
So you started to go to classes when you were three years old.
Nooo- as soon as we found out that you couldn't hear
then, at first it was very very very hard.
We didn't want to accept that it was real.
Then you accept that and say God we are trusting you for a miracle,
but we need to be able to communicate with her.
So immediately- quick- I started taking lessons at Southwestern College.
Then I went to Mesa College for like 2 years.
Dad: Right.
2 years.
I was talking about- we sent Ashley to school at like 3 years old for some classes
I think she was 4 years old
When you went to the college to learn sign, was it hard to learn sign?
Learning sign language was not hard.
It was hard when the teacher would go from signing to fingerspelling.
Then I would get lost. And then-
that was a very hard experience because the teacher was not very merciful- so...
I made it through.
Thanks so much for making it through for me learning sign, [then to Dad] and thank you too… you took
And later I went to adult school in the night and took some sign lessons
but really you have been my best teacher!
Mom: Yep!
Thank you.
We kept jumping through the questions…
Ok, so…
after…
after they… after you found…
Dad: [Use your] voice.
after you found out that I was deaf… what did they suggest that you do?
Like school, or speech or sign...?
Well they suggest that you will start going to school right away- like 2 years old and we said no
because we felt that being at home was more important
for you than being at school with other kids.
So you start going to school when you were 4.
How did you find out about that school?
Vista Square.
The people at the Children's Hospital told us about the school for deaf kids to help us.
So when we found out that you couldn't hear
then very quick after that we started speech for you when you were like 9 months old.
So I would drive 2 or 3 times a week to Children's Hospital and they would do speech for you.
So I would sit down with the lady and sit down and they would teach you words.
First words you learned were mom and dad.
Ashley: How old was I?
Mom: You were like 10 months old.
Ashley: 10 years old? Mom: 10 years old… 1 year old.
We started early. Remember we used to drive all the way there for her to sit down
and so they started teaching you words. They would teach you words like Mom and Dad.
Dad: Sign language words, right?
Mom: Yes- but it was also speech.. but...
Ashley: Was I 10 years old?
Mom: 10 months old.
Ashley: Ohhh 10 months… 10 months.
Mom: 10 months old they started teaching you how to sign- so I learned, so mom, dad, sister, cookies.
You learned that word very good- cookie!
Ok, so did they tell you about deaf schools?
Yes- they told us about the deaf schools.
So, they did tell you about deaf schools... and... why didn't you want to send me to a deaf school?
We knew you needed the help from a deaf school
and didn't have a problem with you going to Vista Square Elementary
and you went for like preschool there and that was...
you needed to have
Hold on, I need to stop [filming] this and then [hit record] again… one minute.
Now [it's recording] again… [we have] 19 minutes.
So...
So we had you go to Vista Square Elementary for preschool and
that was helping you and you were learning and we learning too- Mom more than me
because Mom was taking classes.
And as you continued to grow and first, second, third...
What grade when she started to mainstream?
Mom: Third or second grade?
Dad: Second, third grade... which?
(Ashley showing the correct sign for "grade")... I think kindergarten…
Dad: Kindergarten… Ashley: Yeah, I think kindergarten.
Dad: you had some? At first when you would mainstream…
I think maybe just one or two classes and that's it… not all day, like one or two classes and that's it…
then later in like 2nd or 3rd grade, [I mainstreamed] all day.
Mom: Right. Ashley: Right.
But… but did they tell you about DEAF schools like all deaf kids school…
Mom: All deaf school. Ashley: …did they tell you?
Dad: When you were in Junior High
Ashley: Was that the first time you…
Dad: or in 5th grade, old enough to have your own opinion about things-
you wanted us to send you to a live-in
Ashley: Middle school… in middle school.
Dad: school for deaf kids in Riverside.
And you cried, cried cried because Mom and Dad said no- we don't want to send you away to school
and so we thought it was more important to have our input in your life
more than the language you would get from full time deaf school.
Ok...
You were not happy about that.
Middle school was very hard, I felt very, very lonely…yeah.
But now I'm really, really glad that you didn't send me to a deaf school.
You are glad you didn't go?! Good!
Ashley: Yeah.
I'm glad I didn't. I mean it would have been cool to have an opportunity to have all deaf classes, deaf teachers…
all of that would have been nice but I would not… go back [in time] and change…
I'm glad I didn't go.
Good, because we feel that family is very, very important
Ashley: Yeah.
and when children leave home young,
they still need parents more than classmates, we think...
so I am glad you feel that way now
Ashley: Yeah…
because we love you.
Back then, I wasn't happy [about it] but now I'm happy [I didn't go].
Happy, very thankful that I stayed home.
We felt strongly that it was our responsibility to raise you
(Ashley showing the correct sign for "raise")
Raise you. Not School.
I agree… that's how it should be.
So you were mainstreamed then when it came time for Junior High, you changed schools, remember?
And you went to a campus where there were no other deaf kids there.
Was Estefania there at first? Or no?
Mom: Yes, at middle school.
E-s-t-e-f-a-n-i-a
Oh, Estefania… she was in high school, I was in middle school
Dad: Not at middle school- you were alone.
so I was alone for two years…. in middle school, I was alone, then in high school, I had a deaf friend, Estefania.
I'm just amazed how...
amazed at how you raised me… back then in 18.. 1989… there wasn't internet that you could google how to raise a deaf child…
what to do… how to…nothing like that… nothing… no internet… and you did a good job…
I think you did a great job. Thanks so much.
And I remember asking Dad one time… how did you do it...
and he just pointed at Him… it was God who helped us…
and I was like, wow… so true… that it was God, His love in you two that saved me, saved my life, gave me life…
so, I'm very thankful for God and for you two. So happy you two are my parents.
We know that the journey has not always been easy,
but we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength
and we will never trade you for another girl.
And if they could give us one billion girls-
we would always pick you because we love you.
Ashley: Thanks, I love you [too]!
Raising you was not that different than raising your sisters.
(Ashley showing the correct sign for "sister")
Sisters. We needed to love you lots and lots and lots
and the communication was the harder part
but you always were affectionate girl and we just loved you loved you love you a lot
and God helped us.
And you were also very very patient
(Ashley showing the correct sign for "patient")
Patient with us. When we don't know how to sign perfectly, but we can understand each other.
Yeah, that's what really matters… it doesn't matter if… you know everything or not… it doesn't really matter.
I understand you and you understand me… that's what matters.
Mom: Right, right!
Yeah… I have always signed differently with other deaf kids, I signed differently with them...
when I came home, I signed differently… it was normal for me…
Mom: Right!
I didn't even think about it.
I'm very, very thankful that you two learned sign language for me, I really can't imagine my life not being able to communicate with you-
you not signing, I can't imagine [what] my life [would have been like].
I'm very thankful to God that He led you two through this journey and helped all of us.
Ok…
I think I have two more questions.
Two more questions.
What was the hardest part about having, raising a deaf children... child?
What was the hardest part of raising a deaf child?
Seeing your child not being able to hear and you wishing you could trade places with that child and you couldn't.
But Jesus can do that. So we are expecting a miracle.
What about you?
Same as what mom said but...
we see you the same as your sisters.
And you had your moments - same as all kids do-
do mischievous things- but has nothing to do with deafness.
We raised you the same. Communication a little more difficult, yes
but
Mom: Not always- because we did feel that we always treated you the same as the other two.
But what was hard about it was that I wanted you to hear and not miss anything.
But I know that I needed to treat you the same and always feel proud and thankful to God for you.
Ashley: Thanks.
We tried to always give you the same opportunities your sisters had.
Ashley: Like piano!!
She took piano lessons.
Mom: Then became very bored at it so we stopped.
Ashley: Three months then no more… no thanks.
Played sports and did very good. Probably the best of the three girls.
But you had a good raising up.
I'm very, very blessed that I had a good childhood. It wouldn't be the same if not… if you didn't learn sign
because then how would you be able to communicate with me… so, I'm very, very thankful…
thankful to have had a good childhood. I really, really think you two did an amazing job with me
and I'm very thankful to God.
I know that sometimes especially in high school when you were in public school
and your sisters had gone to Christian high school
that you always had extra eyes on you because of the interpreters
and like having a second mom always there to tell you and correct you,
made it a little more hard
but Mom and Dad always wanted to have you mainstream
because you needed to learn to live in a hearing world
and then later when you changed schools
we got some help to get more services from the school district
because your speech after 5th grade was very limited
and after we got more help from the school district,
your speech started to improve a lot.
And your Mom has continued to work on that.
And I think that is a good thing because it helps you with your communication with me and Mom
and other people too.
What do you wish you would have known or done?
If anything I think we would have wanted to press to get more speech earlier
because there was no reason why you shouldn't have had that opportunity earlier than 6th grade.
Ashley: 7th grade... 7th grade.
Dad: 7th grade.
Ashley: I agree.
What would be your word of advice for new hearing parents?
I think- you know-
find out what services are available
sometimes you maybe need to get a consultant and find out what your rights are
because the school don't always tell you what your
Ashley: True.
Dad: rights are, but communication is very very very very important
and find out what your rights are and then be proactive to enforce them for the benefit
(Ashley showing the correct sign for "benefit")
benefit of your child.
That's a good one.
I think the same way. Be very very involved in your child's life.
Learning sign…
spend time with your child
Dad: Spend time- that is a big one.
and make them feel that he/she is very important.
Because they ARE very important
and they are very valuable too.
That's really good.
Thanks so much for taking the time to do this interview.
I'm really, really thankful to God for you two… really amazing parents. I'm thankful for you two.
Thanks so much!!
I hope this video is really helpful for you new hearing parents.
Don't give up! It's not the end of the world if your child, baby is deaf… it's not the end of the world.
Don't give up. Everything will work out.
Thanks for watching.
Byeee.
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