Chase: I want to die right now.
Alayna: I don't wanna do this
[intro]
Hey guys, it's me, Chasey Pooh and today I am here with a guest
Alayna: Hii
Chase: Well, I mean I'm in your house, so I'm the guest
Alayna: yeah so you're the guest
Chase: yeah
This is Alayna Fender
Alayna: It's guest for guest
Chase: oohh [laughs]
Alayna: 'Cause I'm on your channel.. It's guest for guest
Chase: Guest for guest... Today we're doing something we both don't wanna do
[Chase's cockatoo laugh]
We're gonna do... we're gonna call people we're gonna call jobs
[Alanya screaming quietly]
that we don't have and call in sick for different reasons that we're gonna come up with
Alayna: I'm sweating so much, just at the thought of this
Chase: You did this on your channel
Alayna: I hated it,
Chase: But it's one of the best videos I've ever seen
Alayna: Yeah, it's gr... yeah it's...[sigh].. yeah
Chase: If y'all .. if y'all know me I laugh a lot... so it's gonna be very... very hard [Alayna in the background: ooh yeah]
Yeah, you're gonna get evicted... avected????
Alayna: Evi-... If I'm gonna get evicted, it's already happened.
Chase: yeah?
Alayna: We've been here for three hours like screaming
Chase: three hours of it... half past freckle
yep
Alayna: three hours
Chase: k, so um... companies: we'll do in Vancouver or across Canada?
Alayna: I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS! Chase: [laughs]
Like big chains though.
Chase: Like Best Buy?
Alayna: Yeah! Call Best Buy!
Chase: Best Buy
Alayna: Why do I feel like you could work at Best Buy?
Chase: I WORKED AT BEST BUY! I WORKED AT BEST BUY IN HIGH SCHOOL!!
THAT'S WEIRD
Alayna: That's.. that's bizarre.
Chase: What department do you think I worked in? [mumbles] mm..boring
Alayna: [laughs] um... printer.. paper?
Chase: Nahh cash.
Alayna: that's a depar-? that's sooo cheating
Chase: yeah!..?
Alayna: "what department did I work at?"
Chase: COSTUMER SERVICE
Alayna: "the cash register"
Chase: aand returns, okay?
Phone: Thank you for calling Best Buy! For a sales specialist, press 4.
[phone ringing]
Chase: Is no one working at Best Buy today?
I need to quit!
[phone ringing]
Alayna: Are you quiting? Both: No I'm calling in sick.
Chase: I don't know anymore.
[background sneeze]
Alayna: Excuse you.
Chase: Huntys answer your phone.
Alayna: They're very busy
Chase: best buy sucks.
Alayna: [laughs]
It's cuz you don't work there anymore
Chase: right? Oh, it's cause it's lunchtime
Alayna: That shouldn't be a thing!
Phone: Thank you for calling the Candive Home Depot.
For store hours and directions press 1 [both laugh]
For kitchen and bath press-
Chase: Yeah? Alayna: Is that where we are gonna work?
Kitchen and bath?
Phone: Kitchen and bath, good morning!
Chase: Hi is the manager there? it's Peter, and I'm gonna I'm gonna not be in to work today, okay
Phone: Sure, I'll get [them] for you
Chase: Kay, Thanks!
Chase: [snorts] Alayna: I hate this!
Chase: What kind of f***ing transfer music is this?
Do you like my name?
Alayna: Yeah, Peter.
Chase: A really masculine name.
Alayna: [deep voice] Hey this is Peter. [snickers]
Phone: Hi, this is the manager.
Chase: Hi, it's Peter, I won't be coming into work today. Um... I just started YouTube and it like kicked off like crazy today
Alayna: [silent screaming]
Phone: Oh I'm so sorry. This is Peter? From what department?
Chase:Yeah my name is Peter Smith
I'm from the kitchen- I'm from the kitchen department sorry
Phone: Uh- uh-
Okay, and you're not going to be able to make it in today?
Chase: No no no, I won't- I don't know if I'll be in tomorrow either like honestly this YouTube thing is blooowing up
I'm so happy like I don't know if you remember me like we were talking about this last year
And I've been waiting for this to happen and oh my god
Phone: Sorry, I don't remember this.
Chase: Oh, that's fine well I won't be coming in to work today anyways because I'm like- hmm
So I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to work next week this week who knows if he keeps growing like, huh?
Phone: Okay, are you going to the doctor?
Chase: Excuse me?! Where'd you say am I going, to the doctor?
Phone: Yeah.
Alayna: [whispers] Al forno
Chase: Al Forno oh, sorry, I was like my videos are sick, so ya
[breathy laugh]
Phone: Oh! Sorry, you keep cutting out.
Can you please say that again?
Chase: Ah- It's fine. Thanks so much [mumbles]
[laughs] Alayna: OH MY GOD!
He had no idea what you were talking about.
Chase: [repeats mumbling] [laughs]
Alayna: He was like- he was like, 'you- you're going to the doctor?'
He was trying to help you.
He was trying to help you call in sick.
Chase: My videos are sick.
[both laughing] Chase: You like that?
Here, you're turn. Alayna: NOOO!!
Chase: Here's mine you can use it. Or- no- I Alayna: Yours is already blocked. Yeah.
I'll call...Uh... JJ Bean
Because there are lots of those out here.
Chase: What the f*** is a JJ Bean? Is that a bean place? Alayna: It's like coffee.
Chase: Is that a bean place?! [laughs] Alayna: Coffee!
Why aren't you on like- like hidden?
Chase: I don't know
Alayna: Hi, can I speak to a manager?
Phone: Yeah, how can I help you?
Alayna: Um, I need to call in sick. I'm not gonna be able to come in to my shift tomorrow
Phone: Sorry?
Alayna: I'm not gonna be able to call in- come in to my shift tomorrow
For work. Phone: Your name please?
Alayna: Jamie
Phone: Oh, I think you might have called the wrong number.
Alayna: Is this bean ar- the bean around the world?
Phone: Yes the Bean in Yaletown.
Alayna: Yeah, yeah yeah, that's yeah in Yaletown.
I have a shi- I have a shift tomorrow at 11:00, and I won't be able to come in.
I won't be able to come in.
Phone: No, we don't have anybody at 11.
Alayna: I don't- oh, I don't have a shift tomorrow
Phone: No, um... uhhh- no we don't have any...
Alayna: Could you let me know when my next shift is?
Phone: You work in our coffee shop?
Alayna: Yeah, I think, maybe I got the wrong schedule.
Did Sam make the schedule this round?
Phone: Um, I don't even know your name.
Alayna: Jamie
Phone: Jaime... No we don't have anyone by the name Jamie.
Alayna: So... like I'm fired?
Phone: No! You never worked in our place.
Alayna: But I don't- did I do something?
Was it something that I said?
Phone: No like- uh... You did say you are working the Bean around the World?
Alayna: Yeah, and yeah-
Phone: In the Yaletown location?
Alayna: In Yaletown, yeah.
Phone: Well you don't work.
Alayna: Well I haven't actually had a shift yet
But I thought that- I thought tomorrow was my first shift, and I got nerve and I'm nervous
So I wasn't- I can't come in
Phone: So, uh... who told you like...-
Alayna: Sam. Phone: - you were going to work?
Alayna: Sam? I talked to Sam
Phone: Yeah?
Yeah, he said he makes the schedules and that he put me on for tomorrow
But I was hoping that I- that I could call in sick and reschedule my first shift
Phone: Yeah, like you called the wrong-- the wrong number
We don't have.. any workers
...named Sam... In our coffee shop.
Alayna: Oh.
Phone: I'm the manager here,
Alayna: Oh!
Phone: I also write the schedule.
Alayna: Oh.
Okay, um well, could you put me on the schedule?
Phone: [laugh] um, not now.
Alayna: Okay, okay, well, thank you so much oh
Phone: Yeah, sorry. We do have cafes that have people work in the Yaletown.
Alayna: OH! Okay, okay, yeah great. Thank you so much
Phone: yeah.
[laughing] Alayna: OH MY-
Chase: You're good, oh you're so good at this. Alayna: Oh, my heart right now!
Chase: You're so good at this!
Alayna: Improv Chase: Right. Yeah, what the f*** is Bean Around the World? aw
Alayna: I'm like - I hate this.
Chase: And I think I make people think I'm making you do this
Alayna: Well you kind of are. [laughing]
Chase: No one ever answers me.
Phone: Forever 21, how may I help you?
Chase: Hi, can I speak to a manager please?
Phone: Yeah, one second.
Chase: Yeah, thanks.
Alayna: Why does your voice?
[both mouthing words]
Alayna: They don't even have you on hold.
Chase: I feel like my name is Susan, and I have that can I speak to a manager haircut?
[laughing]
Phone: Hi, thank you for holding. [] speaking.
Chase: Yeah, hi it's Paul. I'm not gonna be able to come to my shift tomorrow. I just want to call in sick
Phone: Uh, for tomorrow?
Chase: Yeah
Phone: Can you hold for one moment please?
Chase: Yeah.
[beeps]
Alayna: You're voice goes- You're like talking to me and you're like [normal] 'Oh hey what's up?"
And here you're going like- [high pitch] Yeah!
[laughs] 'Hi this is Paul'
Chase: Well when you call in sick you're nervous Alayna: Yeah
[beeps]
Well you have a sore throat, so your voice is all wacky.
Phone: Hi, yes can I have your name one more time?
Chase: Yeah, my name is Paul
Phone: Paul? Chase: Yeah, Paul Ryan.
Phone: Paul Ryan?
Chase: Yeah.
Phone: And um, what was your shift?
Chase: My shift is tomorrow. If this is the Burnaby store right? It's at 5:00, tomorrow.
Phone: Uh, no. This is Metrotown.
Chase: Metrotown?
It's not in Burnaby?
Phone: Uh, yeah we are in Burnaby, um..
Chase: Yeah, that's what I meant like it's like in Burnaby not the Burnaby.
Phone: Are you new?
Chase: Yeah, I'm new.
I started yesterday.
Phone: You started yesterday?
Chase: Yeah
Phone: Okay, well hold on one minute.
Chase: Okay.
[beeps]
Alayna: Oh my god. [laughing]
Yeah, I'm new.
I started yesterday.
You sound so mad!
[both laughing]
[beeps]
Chase: [clearing throat]
Alayna: [clears throat]
This is Paul. When she comes back
Phone: Can ask what manager you worked with yesterday?
Chase: Yeah, Ryan.
Phone: No, no. Uh, what manager you worked with?
Chase: Oooh! Sorry, Jamie. Am I not on the schedule?
I just started him. I- I haven't had a job in so long. I'm so sad.
Am I fired?
Phone: Can I have your phone number please?
Chase: Am I fired?
Phone: Can I get your phone number, because we are actually tracking all of the calls that are coming in.
Because we are actually getting prank calls right now.
Chase: Oh that sucks
Phone: yeah.
[laughing]
Alayna: Oh. My. God. Chase: I'm so bad at this.
She clocked you.
Chase: Well because we were laughing.
She clocked me.
We were laughing.
You were laughing.
Alayna: Yeah, I know!
Oh my god!
Well what did- Yeah, oh my god.
Oh, yeah, cuz people probably don't really call with blocked numbers.
Chase: Yeah Alayna: So they were probably already like-
Well and then she's like- and then she's like what's your name?
And your like Paul, Paul Ryan.
And which manager did you work with - Both: Ryan.
No the manager. OH!!!
Chase: Jaime. Alayna: Jaime
Chase: I'm all over the place. Also. I did not mean to actually say Paul Ryan
Because that's just like a super conservative
Alayna: that's something- that's someone.
Chase: That's a conservative politician in the states, isn't it?
Alayna: Good.
Chase: Good Alayna: Now they're gonna be like that Paul Ryan
He's pranking everyone these days
Chase: I feel like people are gonna think I'm abusing you and making you-
Alayna: no no no Chase: like I don't want to do this either.
But we're doing this because it's funny.
Alayna: cause it's funny. Chase: Yeah.
I suck, but you're good. Cuz you did improv.
Go check out her channel. She's funny
She comes up with things that are funny
I don't know. My name is Paul Ryan.
Alayna: [laughing] you're name is Paul Ryan.
Chase: [singing] you gotta have faith.
Alayna: [singing] Stop holding me hostage and making me do this.
[phone ringing]
I can't do anymore - I can't do another one.
Like I'm like - and -
Chase: I feel like you hate me.
Alayna: No I- Chase: I feel like you like -
Alayna: No - it's just, after that other lady called you out,
Now I'm like I can't, I can't. If someone if someone got mad at me like that
I would just shrivel up and die.
Chase: I don't think she got mad at me
It's like we're actually tracking all the calls. Oh shit!
Okay, all that sucks. Bye.
Alayna: Bye. Chase: I don't even think you said bye
Alayna: You didn't. You were like "oh that sucks"
[laughing]
That was good.
Chase: Yeah, I wonder if one of these days one of these people is ever gonna watch this video and be like hmm
Alayna: Probably -
- if I bet you
Chase: The forever 21 lady is - Alayna: Yeah,
cuz she's probably gonna be like on YouTube and just like search it.
Chase: Also, look at this body language
I'm like completely away from you and you're like inside me.
[laughing] Chase: no?
Alayna: Well, why are you mad?
Oh, because I won't do another call?
Chase: No. I'm not mad. I said the body language, I'm like 'hmm don't touch me'
Alayna: Yeah, exactly that why I'm asking. What did I do wrong?
Chase: you didn't do anything? Alayna: What did I do wrong?
What did I do deserve this kind of treatment?
Chase: You didn't do -
Both: another call. [laughing]
Anyways, please go check out her Channel and her videos
cuz they're hilarious and the one that we talked about bisexuality a lot.
On my channel. Alayna: Oh, yeah.
Chase: Which will probably be posted -
[high-pitched] before - after this! Who knows? Alayna: We don't know.
You know me I'm on a schedule. Thank you for joining me. Thank you
Sorry this video is - I feel like this video is like you think this videos funny
Alayna: Yeah.
Chase: I would say sorry this video is boring always after my videos
Alayna: Don't do that. Chase: Don't do that? Okay.
Sorry this video is awesome!!
[laughing]
Alayna: Because if someone watches it and
Thinks it's the best video ever and then you're like sorry. It's boring
Chase: oh right Alayna: and then they're gonna go. 'Oh was it?'
Chase: I'm gonna try to stop saying that. Alayna: Yes, now the deprecating stop it.
Chase: Oh, you're like a therapist. That's what your talk to me like that.
I like it. I need a therapist - hunty.
Alayna: Now you've got your arm around me!
Chase: Masc. Alayna: the time's have changed.
Chase: Oh how the turntables
Alayna: The tables have turned? Chase: The turntables.
Alayna: oh how the turntables. Chase: Exactly
Thank you so much. Alayna: What are we even -
what have we now been talking about for like- Chase: 25 minutes.
Alayna: 3 more minutes.
Chase: Thank you. Love you guys so much.
Have a bee. Think of swell.
[giggling]
Alayna: Okay, we have to go. Chase: Goodbye
both: BYE! Bye!
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