Hello and welcome to the channel and a new video
todays video is going to be a bit different than the usual videos I put up on my channel
I hope my video helps out people who are going through difficult times in their lives
but before let me say that this video is going to be my youtube story
and of course in parallel I am going to tell you about my life during this period
I am not going to go into details because its pointless
but i am going to give you a general idea
how youtube has helped me pass difficult times in my life
Youtube filled up my time and give me an outlet to escape from everyday stress and problems
I am so grateful to youtube for this and I am always going to be grateful it it for that
Youtube is not only an job or an income
in my opinion it was a divine mercy that came in a time where I really needed it
let me tell you the beginning of my youtube story
I first started youtube when I was living in Austin, Texas
at the time i didnt have any friends at all
I didnt know anyone at all i was on my own a 100%
I lived there for a year and half and I never had any friends at all
not a single person entered my home during the whole year and a half
the bizzar thing thing that I see now as divine intervention
is that I got hold of a nice digital camera at the time
and with the camera I started taking pictures of my everyday meals
at the time there were no smart phones yet
at first i didnt have a reason or a plan for the photos I used to take
after a while of taking random food pictures the idea came to why not put the pictures together and make a youtube video
youtube at the time was a new thing
I believe I was the first Moroccan youtuber to post Videos about Moroccan cuisine and Moroccan food
I might be wrong but I believe there were noone else Moroccan on Youtube at the time
the video you see here was my first videos on youtube EVER
the video was pictures with English subtitles
the first video was posted on july 2007
at the time I was living under a lots of stress and endless problems
but I found an escape in youtube from all these life problems
at the time i shared a lots of my food picture on the internet in cooking forums
Forums were very popular at the time
i was one of the many people who loved sharing recipes on these forums
I am glad I did share these photos because otherwise I would have lost them
these photos weer taken between 2007 and 2009
in 2009 a big event took place in my life that changed everything
unfortunately in 2009 I quit youtube
even before I quit youtube I posted video just for the fun and the joy it brought me
youtube was an oasis where I could be happy and at peace
however in 2009 I stopped posting on youtube
whatever strength I had to find joy somewhere else other than my real life was lost
it was like an earthquake that paralyzed everything
I stopped posting on youtube for two years
during these two years I lived on my own in the states
after the two years I felt exhausted and tired emotionally and physically
I saw my life going in a direction that I wasnt happy with
so I decided to go back to Morocco
so at the end of 2012 I went back to my parents house in Morocco
imagine I had my own house job car etc and had to leave all that behind
and go back to the starting point of your life
it was a very difficult thing to do
the most difficult thing was to trying to get used to living in Morocco
dealing with peoples endless questions to why I did go back to Morocco
here comes the youtube again
I decided to go back to posting videos on youtube
at the beginning I was filming with my old phone
I started posting regularly on youtube again on 2013
for two years almost I filmed with my phone with no voiceover
even though I didnt have any equipement to film I continued to use my phone to film
because I knew that was my ticket to getting away from the reality of my life back then
the questions that people keep asking repeatedly
the thing is I decided on my own to come go back to Morocco none forced me to
I was trying to find inner peace and redirect my life path
during that time I struggled between dealing with society and my inner personal issues
even though almost none watched my videos on youtube
the views were very low
but I didnt want to let go of my youtube channel
I kept filming and uploading videos many times a week
I had opened a second channel for Bread recipes
even though like I said my videos were not very interesting to viewers at the time
I did enjoy every single video I filmed
I spent hours filming moving the camera to different places to get different shot angels
that was such a big source of joy and happiness for me
I will always be grateful for the opportunity that youtube gave me
my brain was so focused on filming I forgot completely about the reality I was living in at the time
i was to tell you guys that for many many year I didnt earn anything from youtube
but starting from 2013 I started getting paid for my videos
it wasnt a lot but it was enough
it was nice getting paid with money but the most important thing was the happiness and the peace I was getting from the whole thing
I spent three years in Morocco doing youtube filming and posting video on youtube
I always went to the farmers market in here in Morocco
it was such a joy to go the market and get the fresh produce and take pictures and videos of the beauty of it
I was learning so much more about everything than I was teaching
after a while of filming only food recipe and bread recipes
I had this idea of getting into crafts and
I had always loved crafts sewing and DIYs since I was little kid
but I never had the opportunity to learn any on it
none in my mediate family likes or enjoys crafting so it was an unusual thing to get into
I started from a big zero because I literally didnt know anything about crafting
I learnt most of what I knew from youtube and of course with time I added my own ideas and creations
example here I used hanging wire and old clothing items to make 3D words
along the crafting I continued with the food and cooking videos on my main channel
not many people watched my videos
because my videos were more about the filming than about the recipes
I totally understand because most people who watch cooking videos they are looking for recipes and not videos of the ingredients
so a lots of my subscribers did leave the channel after a while because they didnt find what they were looking for it in it
here I am sharing with you some of the videos I used to film at the time
from where I stand now I see it as a mercy that I had that outlet
I absolutely loved and enjoyed going to the farmers market
moroccan farmers markets are full of an abundance of vegetables and fruits
I didnt even know what i was going to the market for before I leave the house
I love to go and see whats there fresh and be inspired by that to make my meals
I continued posting videos of my crafts channel for almost a year
I posted videos almost every day
I cant describe how happy and content I was during this period
I finally found what i really loved to do
I used to go a fabric market not too far from my parents house
I used to go one or twice during the week and walk around and see whats new
Everyday I made something different and I enjoyed that so enormously
it was such a happy time for me
at that point even in my cooking channel I filmed things that were more innovative rather than the traditional recipes and videos
because i needed an outlet to express myself and to create and try new things
now that I watching this clips many memories come back
I would like to tell anyone who is going through tough time
try to find something that makes you truly happy
try not to be fully consumed by the problems you have
if you are dealing with illness or death or even a divorce
dont allow the negative part of your life to take over the positive side of it
even if it is very difficult to do so
I myself went through similar situation
where I could see no light or hope anywhere in my life
I was in a situation where I wanted to find anything that would bring me joy and I couldnt find any
I lived through some very difficult times
I was so sad and broken that I didnt find words to express them even in my prayers
I couldnt find words that would describe the loss I was feeling other than the name of calling the name God
but I can tell you now that all wounds heal
everyone of us in life has to go through tests thats what life is about
if you are going through something similar be patient it will pass and fade away
you will get through it for sure
as I am watching these videos a lots of sad memories come to my mind
I was in the worst situation you could imagine but I am grateful that I found a way to escape to
thats why youtube has a special place in my heart for giving me that happy place where i did find peace at the time
with very simple things you can make beautiful things from nothing you can create your own happiness and peace
I am forever grateful for that
please dont think I went through some horrible things in my life
because compared to other people around the world my tests are almost nothing
they are people who are going through endless wars and endless loss and pain
I am accepting my tests and grateful that I didnt have to go through bigger miseries other people around the world are going through everyday
please that if God put you in a difficult situation it is because He knows you have enough strenght to go through it otherwise He wouldnt have put you throught it
that was story during the years 2013-2015
I was fully concentrated on making youtube videos
bitter sweet memories at the same time
I concentrated on the few happy positive things that were in my life
I am grateful too that youtube became a job for me at the time
I had enough money to support myself and get the things that brought me joy
little by little I found happiness with the filming or food and recipes and the crafting
I avoided completely people that might have had a negative impact on me
sometimes society forces you into a small space where you dont necessarily feel good
a lots of people expected me to go find a "real job" outside the house
in my heart I knew a job outside was not for me at that point in my life
I could find a job as a teacher or may be other jobs
but I was sure if Ii took that road I would be miserable
so add misery to misery was not a good thing to ad at all
so i took the road of youtube instead
it was one of the best decision i made in my life
even though none really watched my videos but for me it definitely therapeutic
I always will be grateful to God for making this possible
here I am sharing with you some of the videos I shared in my craft channel year ago
unfortunately I had to stop filming videos for the Craft channel for reasons above me
although I posted over a hundred videos on the craft channel I never earned a dime from it
because none was interested in my craft videos a the time
I wanted to continue posting videos in the craft channel even if i didnt make any money from it but I had to stop unfortunately
the reason was because I didnt have the space to film and store my craft supplies anymore
but its ok because i continued and refocused on filming for my main cooking channel
the food videos took the back burner while I was filming for my craft channel
the thing that i found so beautiful in this story is most of my videos I filmed them in the smallest space you could imagine
it is small space between the stairs and the door to the roof that was about a one meter long
there was a room there but it wasnt mine to use
I enjoyed decorating the small space and making it look pretty for the camera
here are some of the struggle of filming in an open roof
it wasnt easy at time for sure
but we have to think and be content with the positive things that are in our lives
trust in the DIvine wisdom and that God is watching over you and will not let you fall in you do the right thing
each person has a unique different story
we are not copies of each other so our lives should not be copies of one an other
we have to go through tests in life its the way it is
even you see people that look happy and have everything in life to be happy
they might have a house kids jobs everything but be sure that none in this life is happy 100% all the time
appearances are very deceiving
everyone has his or her own struggle and set of tests that she has or he has to go through
the thing is even if during the years that I was going through some difficult times there were moments of pure joy in my life
when i first came back to Morocco my sister had just had her first baby girl
because my sister had to work she left her daughter often at my parents house
so i got to spent so much time with my sisters baby
I always took care of her and went out with her
when I came to Morocco she was one month and when i left she was five years old
of course she spent time in her home with her parents but I got to see her pretty often
I have so many happy memories with her
she was in many of my old videos for those of you who have been watching me for a long time would remember that I think
God always puts things in your life that would help you find peace and happiness in the most difficult times
after the so many years of being truly tested I got a second chance and a new fresh start
I moved to a whole new country a new culture and new adventures and experiences
even though I never though in a million year that i would live one day in france
I was convinced that I was made to live in the states as I was so used to the life over there
but I believe God has chosen for me to live here
I am fully in love with the life here and I could be happier
I have peace tranquility and content finally
I am in love with the French countryside
I feel like my life was a race car running in all sorts of crazy directions that finally dropped me off here
I am so grateful that my life journey had lead me here
ten years full of pain tears heartbreak and struggles but did come to peaceful end
life is very unpredictable
that was my life story and my youtube story
I truly hope that the video was not too incoherent
before making the video I decided to not take notes and take straight from my heart
I hope that the video is going to help those who are going through hard times
be sure that whatever test you are going through its going to end at a certain point
trust in God mercy and Gods plan for you in this life
do whats right always and keep your faith high and you will get through it
you dont have to follow what society expects of you do what you think is right for you
I have to stop here otherwise this video is going to go on forever
I am hoping to go back to my home soon so i can get back to my routine and my daily series A Day in life of a Stay at Home Woman
I miss you all very very much
thank you for all the lovely comments you guys leave me
May God always be with you and may he always ease your pain and struggles
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