GUEST: - Last we spoke on the Mexican Cruise, you said you know if I continue need jerk responding
Then I'd continue to have the same outcome
So, I returned from the cruise with my fiance
Turn on the printer, one afternoon, and it was already in queue...
This really adorable young ladies profile from match.com popped out
And I moved out
And I need jerk reacted. Yes.
And this is what's really hard for me
Because I still carry on my brain
My feelings around that the way people treat you is more about you and it is about them
So, my girl friends, who are psychologists are really angry with you
Because they think that you are keeping women or anybody...
But it's like a "battered woman syndrome"
"Well, you created it! You created it !you created it!"
It's your fault!
And that's why the tears know.
ABRAHAM: - They're right to be mad at us
Because we will not tell you something different than we know.
In other words, on the one hand, you could say that by us saying to you
That you are the creator of your own reality
Could be blamed pointing
Or you could say it is empowering
When you're not getting something that you want and you feel mad at yourself
Because you're not getting something you want
We can see how uncomfortable that would be, but...
How much more uncomfortable is it to believe that it is someone else's creation and you cannot control what they do?
What was it that you are so angry with him about?
GUEST: - Well, you know, I did want him to be different
There was drug addiction. There was volatility and abuse.
And the gambling and all this stuff in the beginning.
ABRAHAM: - So, was this person a match to the perfect relationship...
That through time you have launched into your vibrational escrow?
GUEST: - I focused on the good in the beginning
And... And then...
ABRAHAM: - And what happened when you were focused upon the good?
GUEST: - It felt great!
ABRAHAM: - And beyond, how it felt? What happened to the relationship?
GUEST: - Well...
ABRAHAM: - In other words, here's what we're getting at.
Sometimes people will say to us: "Abraham, I want a partner and I want a partner now."
And we say... (Stay with us!)
We're really going to get to where you want to go .
We can feel you tune in a way, because you think we're dragging you away from where you want to go
But we're just preparing the basis to drag you to where you don't want to go.
[The audience laughs]
GUEST: - I'm focused!
ABRAHAM: - Some people will say: "but, Abraham, I want my partner and I want my partner now."
And we say: "well, if the now factor is the most important thing to you..."
And you really emphasize that in your vibration, the Universe is going to match you up quickly
But it will match you up quickly with what's active in your vibration right now
So, if you've had past hurts or past things you don't like that are still active in your vibration
And you insist that the relationship come now, now, now, now, now.
When it gets there, while you might be thrilled that it came now
As you begin to sort through it, it may not be exactly what you are looking for
So, then, we say, as you approach or evaluate some partner
They are multifaceted. Many components
You could become so pure in your vibration of expecting to get from this person
What you've been telling the Universe all along that you want
That if the Universe has delivered this person to you and if your vibration is really in alignment with what you want
This person must be a vibrational match to what you want
Now, people say: "well, where does free will come in?"
"What if that person doesn't want to be like that?"
We say: "then the Universe would not have brought you together."
But what happens is, most of you have got your vibration going all over the place
So, it's sort of like a grab bag of potential experiences that you can have with most people
And so, there are things that you love about relationships and things that you about relationships
But we would not have moved out for this reason
We want to say to you, in this powerful, powerful way that if there was so much there that...
You were feeling satisfied with. And if you could have trained your own vibration
Into alignment with the parts of that relationship that you like the most
You could have this wonderful relationship with those parts of this person
But where it gets screwy is, it's sort of like coming to boulder
And having a wonderful meal at the restaurant next door and having a good time at a seminar
or wherever
And then being angry with the city of boulder
That every aspect of it could not meet your expectations
And we say: "well, the city of Boulder is a diverse place."
"And so why not just find the parts of it that you do resonate with and live in those parts?"
But relative to a city, you never say no.
"The rest of the city needs to clean up its act, so that it all pleases me."
We know where you're going with this and we know where your psychologist friends are going with it
And we know where most of the female population
And a small part of the male population on the planet is going with this
And that is: "I should own this person! He should not have thoughts that are other than me."
"He should not have interests that are outside of me. He should make a commitment only to me."
It is illogical to expect any other human to come holy to you
And if you could just be thrilled with the parts that are coming to you
Larger and larger parts would come to you
But it's defying the laws of the Universe to want to completely own anyone
GUEST: - I so don't feel that I wanted to own him
ABRAHAM: - And then why did it upset you when a piece of paper came out of a that showed printer...?
GUEST: - It was a culmination of, as I mentioned, drug addiction and abuse and gambling
And I wanted to look anywhere else! I...
ABRAHAM: - So where are you at here with this?
GUEST: - I'm heartbroken and I know that I failed myself. I failed.
ABRAHAM: - Heartbroken, but let's talk...
ABRAHAM: - Heartbroken GUEST: - And failed him.
ABRAHAM: - Heartbroken because...?
GUEST: - I guess it's the idea of...
ABRAHAM: " - Heartbroken because I fell in love with parts of a person who had other parts
I couldn't fall in love with"
You hear that?
"He needed to be different for me to fall in love with all of the parts of him."
Well, how disempowering is that?
GUEST: - It's just baffling. I'm trying to get clarity here in that
You say, on one hand, how someone treats you is about you...
So much more than it's about them.
So, maybe he wasn't violent with anyone else. That was my fault.
And yet our wedding vows are to be...
"We'll see how it goes!"
"Good feels good. Bad feels bad!"
"We'll just see how it goes!"
But then if we focus on one thing out of 6 thousand that is good
6 thousand things that aren't good, then all the other things will drop away?
ABRAHAM: - Sorry, are you telling us that you met someone who had one good quality and thousand bad qualities
you developed a relationship with this person?
GUEST: - I tried to focus on the good, but that went away when we got him sober, quite frankly.
This chemistry and earth shattering sex and yada yada yada
There was more than that. It was an adventure. It was thrilling. It was all these things. And...
ABRAHAM: - So why are you heartbroken?
GUEST: - Because I feel I have let myself down
ABRAHAM: - But why are you heartbroken?
When you use the word heartbroken, it's particularly pointed. What's it pointed out?
GUEST: - Because I want this love that I dream and I couldn't give up it to him unconditionally.
I can't love him it through it.
ABRAHAM: - But hear what you're saying. And this is really wonderful.
What you're saying is: "over time, I've created what I consider to be the perfect relationship."
"And it's out there being held for me in vibrational escrow."
"And I so wanted this person to be that and he wasn't."
So, we want to say to you in very logical terms
So, he's only one of a few million who aren't it
But that doesn't mean that it cannot still come to be
So, why the self-torture about him not matching your dream?
GUEST: - Because we created all. And I was very arrogant before I met him: I thought:
"I am with Abraham. I understand this and that the other."
I've got it going on and yet I called this him?
Hello?
ABRAHAM: - Well, it's just part of that post manifestation awareness that we're talking about
In other words, sometimes you have to have an experience to clarify
Do you think that through the experience that what's being held for you in vibrational escrow
Is even sharper and clearer than it was before? Did you do any amending during this experience?
So, don't you think that now your future reality has even more potential to please you
Than it did before because of this experience?
In other words, this is what we were talking about earlier
And you are the quintessential example of the reason that we say it.
We want so much for you to make peace with where you are
And instead of making peace with where you are, you're beating up on who you are
You're saying: "I did something wrong! I should have known better!"
And we say: "How do you figure anything out if it is not through the exposure to the experience?"
And so all that happened in this episode of your life is that
You wanted your dream relationship so much that you made a decision based on action
Without really taking the emotional journey in a full way.
And there's no problem with doing that
Because all that happened as it unfolded
Was that it showed to you that this wasn't the perfect match
That would be like Jerry and Esther, from Phoenix on their way to San Diego,
and taking a wrong turn and heading off into the desert
And then being so mad at themselves that they headed off into the desert
that they don't feel worthy of correcting their course and never getting back to San Diego
just spinning around out in the desert endlessly
and saying: "we're so bad! We should have known better! How did we do this stupid thing?"
And we would say instead of beating up on yourself and running around in circles till you run out of gas or water
Why not get hold of the map? Why not figure out what it is that you want?
Why not get headed back in the direction of what you want?
And that's where the making peace with yourself comes in.
What you want to begin saying is: "hey, I did the best that I knew how to do then."
"And I was so eager and he did sort of trick me. He did pretend to be the person that I really wanted him to be."
"And I let my head lead me rather than my guts lead me"
"I let that what I wanted be stronger than what I knew. I felt reservations. I felt plenty of reservations."
"But I so wanted this to be the one that i disregarded my reservations"
"And I went along with it only to discover that when you disregard reservations."
"And there's really a reason for the reservation. The reason for the reservation gets bigger..."
"And bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger"
"Because when there is vibrational variance between who I am and what I say I want"
"And what I am allowing myself to have or be or do in this moment
"my guidance system is always telling me that."
So, we can understand how you might be saying to us:
"I'm a little upset that I didn't follow my guidance."
Better and we say: "how do you think anybody figures out how to follow their guidance?"
You watch a baby walk and fall down, you don't say: "get up, your little dummy!"
[The audience laughs]
You appreciate the effort and you know that you'll gain is balanced and in time he'll be running
And having a good time and so when you don't go exactly the way you want to go
You got to stop saying: "you're stupid little dummy" you've got to start saying:
"Hey that was interesting! Now I understand more clearly what those feelings were about>"
"And once it manifested, I can see the vibrational matches."
"And I just wanted so much to be a deliberate creator and I wanted so much to get it right"
"And I wanted so much to get this one thing right that I've wanted for so long."
And we say: you never get it done! And you cannot get it wrong.
So, you had some experiences that were uncomfortable. We understand that
and we do not wish uncomfortable experiences on you. But what we do know
is that you've got to give yourself a break and say "hey I attracted that to me..."
"because it was active in my vibration in some way ."
"And now I got the full dose of what was active in my vibration."
"I think I'm going to do a little cleaning up of my vibration before I let the next one in"
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