Hello Internet. It is MarissaSmokes.
Today is going to be more on the side of a
talk-y, sort of update video,
after I smoke this bong bowl.
But if you were looking for a smoke sesh video
go check out my last video.
I'll have it linked up in the corner
That was a musical smoke sesh,
cuz after this I'm just going to be
chit-chattin' with you all.
Also, real quick, before we get into things
if you do like this video please be sure to give it
a thumbs up to let me know that you liked it
and subscribe to my channel to stay up to date
with all my future videos.
Now, we're going to smoke this
Hog right here. This is from
Eugreen. I just picked up an ounce of this yesterday.
It was one of their hundred dollar ounces.
It looks like it was an outdoor grow but
I can't really be sure.
It's just a little bit more on the leafy side
with, uh, less compact nugs,
which, to me, tends to be
a sign of an outdoor grown weed.
I'm not picky about it. It's a $100 ounce.
So.. Let's.. Smoke.. This..
Okay,
so now it's time
for some updates.
This might be a little ramble-y.
I'm going to try and kind of go
in some sort of an order that makes sense though.
The last update that I gave you all,
well, that was that I had a job.
I'm.. I.. I don't have a job anymore.
But that's not really.. ugh.
I'm already rambling. That's not a good place to start.
Okay, back track.
This whole year
I have felt like my mental health was doing better
and for that reason I haven't really been talking
about it or focusing on it that much.
That's an unhealthy habit that I have,
when I feel like I'm doing "okay"
then I kind of ignore and stop
treatment or upkeep of my
own mental well being.
And so then, when I get out of balance
again it happens quickly or unexpectedly,
which is what happened to me recently.
So, also, throughout this year I've had a number of
family members who have had
health concerns. I'm not going to list
which family member had which health concerns
because my family is
more on the private side,
and that's why I don't talk about them that much.
But I will say
which family members have had some sort of issues
this year, uh, and that would be
my younger brother, my stepmom,
my grandma, my grandpa - those ones
are on my mom's side - and then
my great grandma on my father's side.
So, those are five people.
My great grandma, she is probably
going to be passing away soon.
She's, um, I believe 94 or 95,
so she's lived quite a long life.
That has just been hard on the family because
there's nobody with the finances to put
her in a care service, so she's been
passed between different family members who can
take care of her, including my grandparents,
which has been a strain on them.
Then, um,
among the other four
the health problems have ranged
from depression related
health side effects,
heart problems, multiple strokes,
a sudden, unexpected palsy,
ankle replacement surgery
with complications.
Just, all sorts of things.
All sorts of things happening to my family.
And it seems like it's almost each month
something new will happen and,
as someone who has anxiety, I stress about that.
I know that there's not anything
that I can do about it,
so I try to let it go,
kind of let it be water off my back,
help as I can,
be there in a support way.
But it builds up.
So, that's kind of the pretext
of the past week, I guess.
It's that, I've been ignoring my mental health
and not keeping up on any of my
counseling or medication or anything like that,
and then have had a number of things happen
with my family that have been stressful to me.
So then I got this job
at a Halloween store.
Within 4 days of working there
they offered me a promotion
to Store Assistant Manager,
which I accepted
because I thought it was an honor, they needed
me to be that.. they needed to fill the position,
the store was only going to be around for a couple months
so I figured I could handle that.
They quickly shifted me from part-time
to putting my schedule to a full-time work
schedule where I'd be working 6 days a week.
And I started realizing
over the next couple days
the full scope of the responsibilities.
Because this store is just a seasonal Halloween
store, the way that it's set up
in their management there is
not a lot of levels. There's general
store workers, then there's the store
assistant managers, then there's the
store manager, and then there's the store owner,
and that's it.
And so the amount of responsibility
that the assistant manager has is a lot,
and I didn't really take that into account
when I accepted the position.
And so I found that the amount of added
responsi- I.. Ugh..
I started having panic attacks
each night when I would come home from work,
well into the night.
It would cause me to not be able to sleep.
And then again when I would wake up in the morning.
But something new happened
with these panic attacks.
For several days straight
every time that I would work myself into one of these panic attacks
I would vomit or throw-up.
Which is gross. But that's just what was happening
to my body.
It wasn't healthy. I wasn't able
to keep down food. I didn't have an appetite,
like, the whole entire time that I was home.
I wasn't able to sleep.
I just took too much onto myself
too quickly after not doing a lot
and after not taking care of myself.
So, that's my mistake,
but I also need to focus on my own health too.
So, I stepped away from that job.
On Monday I'm going to be calling my counselor
and setting up an appointment
to go talk to her, even though I'm not
sure if she's exactly the person I want to be
seeing still.
I know I definitely don't want to go back
to that same medication doctor,
so, I'm going to try to transfer
to somebody else within the same building,
see if they have anybody else available to see me.
I'll also probably figure that out
next week since it's late
on a Friday, er no, late on a Saturday
as I'm filming this, so, it's impossible for me to do it now.
Ummmm.
Yeah.
Those, I guess, are kind of my updates.
My mental health update,
my "I don't have a job anymore" update.
I've been working on getting my house in order,
cleaning up everything.
I have a few more things that I need to go do
today in terms of errands.
Just in that brief span of time
that I was working I really
ended up not being able to keep up on my
house chores either.
Yeah, I'm not great at multi-tasking
when I have a job or when I have
to go out and give my energy
to people out in the outside world
and do human interaction and that sort of thing.
Today, a couple of the errands I need to run:
I think I'm going to go to Ross Dress For Less.
I don't need any sort of clothes or any
thing but there are a couple homeware sort of goods
that I need, that I'm going to check and see
if they have discounted there first
before I buy them full price somewhere else.
And then I'm also going to go to Hobby Lobby
even though I really, really don't
support their business practices.
They're the only craft store
near me. Otherwise I would have to
bus or bike at least
like 20 - 25 minutes to get to any other craft store
and also pay $3.50 for a bus pass.
So, I'm not going to be doing that
but I need to pick up a couple things from the craft store
because I'm trying to get back
into all the artistic pursuits that I have.
I have been talking to some
photographers to schedule
some modeling shoots.
I have been talking to some models
to schedule some photography shoots.
I have been working on my online portfolios
and profiles
for my photography and my modeling,
which, by the way, are linked down
in the description box,
as well as all my social media.
If you want to go check any of that out,
please do.
I would much appreciate.
And then aside from that, some of
of the other things that I'm really interested in..
I really like..
I don't want to say collaging
necessarily, but kind of collaging.
Um, re-purposing..
I like to, like, re-purpose, cut up
magazines, um, glue them back together
in interesting ways,
draw on them, so..
Maybe I'll
go grab one in a second to show you
what I'm talking about or
maybe I'll just do a, kind of, video
on it, I don't know.
I'm thinking about doing more
sorts of arts focused videos
since I'm trying to get more into art.
In addition to that sort of stuff
I also like working with fabric, sewing.
I really want to get a sewing machine but I can't afford one.
So right now I'm just stuck with having
to hand sew things which is
a pain in the butt and so I don't
really sew all that much.
But I have, like, all the supplies,
aside from the machine.
And so, I should really just try and
work on my hand sewing since
I have the time now.
And I also, actually, got some
polymer clay because I thought that I
wanted to start trying to do some polymer clay scultping
but then when I started I
realized that the clay that I got was too
hard and I needed to get a clay softener,
which I don't have right now, so..
I'll have to maybe pick that up at the craft store. We'll see.
Yeah.
I, uh, think that those are all the updates I have.
My brain just went blank there for a second.
I didn't write down a list of all the talking
points I had or all the things I wanted to
remember to say to you guys
so, I'm just running off the top of my head here.
I think that that's it
so I'm going to say peace out.
Until next time friends..
Something, something, peace out..
And.. Uh.. Bluh.
See.. I.. On my live ones
I never get this right,
this isn't even a live stream
but I'm not going to edit this video any or cut anything.
So..
Ugh.
Peace out friends..
No.
So, until next time friends
peace out and stay stoney!
Ughhh.
No comments:
Post a Comment