Hello, Beauty Beasties and Shinigami of passage.
Welcome back to "Movies and the Beast"
Before starting with this exhausting review
- since it's the third time I'm shooting this video -
I'll update you on the latest news:
First, the audio quality is different from the previous videos, you'll have noticed it,
because I'm not using anymore the microphone with shaft, which I edited audio and video separately,
instead I'm using a lavalier, stuck to my shirt,
due to a question of spaces: my room is very tiny
so, setting background wallpaper, lights, microphone with shaft, computer and cables
was starting to become complicated, I wasn't able to move anymore.
Point 2: with my girlfriend we went to Sweden, Stockholm and Göteborg
and, as I used to say when I was eighteen, immediately fell in love with Göteborg,
and would like to go living there.
And now, let's stop taking time and begin with this sucking movie's review.
Netflix's adaptation of "Death Note".
I was sucked it:
I subscribed Netflix, temporarily,
and saw this movie.
If I had crashed my head and enter coma, that would have been a more rewarding experience
and, certainly, a punishment much less deserved.
I will start from the assumption that there will be spoiler,
so you're still in time to quit this video if you haven't still seen the movie
but, since half of the world has seen it, I will go on.
This movie, even if you can say that it sucks, is extremely hard,
hard to judge, because everything is wrong here.
It has holes about the original plot's screenplay and about common logic
that really incapacitate you to get the vision and the analysis on the conclusion.
I won't tell you the original plot, about the note that kills one if you know his face and name,
Light Yagami, extremely intelligent boy, uses this note to clean the world from criminal ones,
the police stands agains him and he loses sanity and will start killing policemen
in order to remain unpunished and continue his destrucion act. Everyone knows it.
Here five points for which the movie went wrong.
Or, better, four because the fifth point is like a side dish.
Number one: the characters.
You'll know very well that Light Yagami, Turner here since we are in Seattle,
was a young man with a photo-memory, very intelligent, meticulous,
cold, calculator and able to become a double agent detective,
here is a loser that has nothing to do with the police,
that uses the note with Mia, this Misa Misa version, just to screw,
since here girls have so much lust to screw with serial killer and become psychotic murderers too,
he does homework for the other guys, in exchange for some cash,
he is discovered by teachers, punished to do the afterschool
so much so that, when he encounters Ryuk for the first time,
where he and the Shinigami make a mess with the class room,
he starts screaming and crying like a hysterical cheek
In the original opera, instead, he was waiting for him coldly and calculating.
Even L has been changed in a destructive way.
I'm not mentioning the fact that the actor is afro, don't make racism please,
just like Michael B. Jordan in "Fant4stic" portayed the Human Torch.
I don't want to say: "He's black, not japanese..." no.
Since it's a new adaptation I can still close an eye.
It's wrong because even L is not that kind of emotionless, calculating, cold person,
and sure about everything at the first try.
Here, he surely is a professional detective, but why it doesn't work?
Because he's just a caricature of what L was.
He huddles in his typical position, eats sweets randomly without caring where he puts his hands,
he doesn't sleep, he has an assistant named Watari, the only japanese character in this movie,
but suddently, he will literally come to vowe revenge
- revenge - on Kira because he made Watari killed.
And also on the first encounter between Light and L,
this cretin of Light clearly tells him that he is Kira.
First he says something like: "What are you saying?",
and then "Yes, I'm Kira, but I'm doing this because..."
...
You're a cretin.
And L, when he finds out that Watary has been killed, becomes mad,
starts screaming, crying, crushing phones, taking cars and running after Light...
Point two: clichés.
Let's make a link with the race between Light and L,
they run, followed by police cars, as if they are just hanging around,
now explain me how the fuck is possible that a car runs after one without taking him,
even if he may be a professional runner, sooner or later they will take him. No!
But L makes it. How?
Following Light in chinese, japanese and mexican restaurants in the whole quarter,
an already seen cliché in all of the worst movies with Bruce Willis and Harrison Ford as a "Die Hard" stuff like.
Why screwing a thing that, if once it would work, now you're just mocking it?
But here I realize that the fault is not only the director's,
the fault is his because he accepted to direct this shit,
the fault is the screenwriters' because they didn't know how to fill 1:80-like movie timing.
Second cliché:
explain me how the fuck is possible that, in a class room,
both of Light and Ryuk destroy everything, make a mess and Light returns home as nothing has happened.
Don't tell me that it's a cut scene, there would have been a specific consequence,
maybe returning home with a letter explaining that he destroyed the school's room...
Anything but no, there's nothing. That happened enters the teacher and:
"Ah ok, the room is destroyed but ok, go home".
See? These are the kind of things that, in a good or bad movie, do not make me sleep at night.
Point three: "Death Note - Final Destination".
Aaaah! And here let's begin chuckling!
This note, here, it's not only able to kill one and design specific causes, just like the original,
example, it was not said that you had to kill one just causing him a death by heart attack,
you could decide to decapitate him, shoot him, knock down under a car
or, remaining in the limit rules, at a certain hour the guy quits home, does this and that and then dies.
Light also managed to trick the detectives making them write their and the others names on a Death Note paper.
Here, this fact is spoiled, literaly mocked, scuttled, parodized.
There are clichés with splatter scenes - useless in this movie, due to it's final product -
that you, often, seem to watch an ugly copy of "Final Destination".
Because, due to certain and uncertain causes,
you also notice this fucking slow motion that makes me wish to crush my head on the wall,
to crush it 'till I break my cerebellum...
that's no more Death Note.
You see that one that walks laughing on rallenty, then the car slowly coming,
the crane falling, the ball that comes through his brain and passes on the other side,
his head mauled 'til you see the inside of his brain and fuck off!, he dies!
Now I... enough!
Point four:
and here a little glimmer of home, that anyway won't be enough to save this mess, is visible.
Ryuk:
he has been dubbed by Willem Dafoe.
But only dubbed.
Because he is portayed by a stuntman in motion capture.
Now I'm talking to the producers of this movie:
Do you know who Willem Dafoe is?
Have you ever looked at his face? Leaving the Green Goblin of Raimi's "Spider-Man" trilogy,
and that he was a capable candidate for the Joker in Tim Burton's movie or the ones about to come out,
not only he has a psychotic face, if he wants to, but he's also a great actor,
that would be like: "Hey you, listen... Jack Nicholson, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino,
you have to dub these characters and then, if you're lucky, portait them
with this suit with little balls on your face, so that you won't be really seen in face.
You can do that with a moron mr. nobody,
someone like a shitty actor like Zac Efron or Jesse McCartney and all the "High School musical" teens,
but not with a pillar of the institution like Willem Dafoe.
If i were him I would piss off.
He himself ammitted, to be kind, because he is still a sire,
he said: "Yes, the movie is very free, not that it sucks, that's a shit and that they pissed me off
on this role of this Ryuk but, anyway thei paid me, so...
Beside this act of disrespect, Ryuk
even if he hasn't been made with a handmade make-up...
I wanna know how hard would have been taking a white aquacolor
- I'm telling this because I do make-up, in a certain way, with acquacolor, when I have a stage concert -
what would take in using some aquacolor, colour the skin, applying lenses and fake teeth,
and the hair were perfect like that, just for this dark blue pigment,
the dress could be made by a tailor or bought on Amazon and voilà! Motion capture.
They wasted time and money.
But, anyway, I liked some points.
Firstly, the colour of Ryuk's skin, that is not this pale white like the Joker or Jeff the Killer,
since they wanted to make the idea much more clear,
we have a pigment that, due also to the shadow and, other point that I loved,
that Ryuk is not slammed on the camera like any other character,
but is a figure in the shadow and the half-light, like Freddy Krueger in the first "Nightmare on Elm Street",
so you see him but not completely,
the skin's colour is surely white but with other pigments like green water, black, brownish, I found it interesting.
On the other hand, why did you not make him wearing gloves and show those aberrant white fingers
painted like a chicken breast when you leave it out of the fridge and it has become white like a bed sheet.
I didn't like it, absolutely.
Ah, I also want to say that in the original plot Ryuk used to fly. Here he doesn't.
The personality has remained almost the same:
this ironic, histrionic and joking character, he laughs with the original Willem Dafoe's laugh, luckily not dubbed,
that makes it's scene.
In the italian dubbing, Ryuk has not been dubbed by Alessandro Rossi but, instead, Mario Cordova,
Richard Gere's italian official voice.
It works, because for this adaptation it's ok, this hoarse voice like a witch,
eheheheheh!
But, what I didn't get is:
as in the original, Ryuk says: "I'm with anyone, I just want to enjoy the match",
then why, suddently at the end of the movie you, Ryuk, begin to decide the cause of death of Light?
With a hand move he destroys the panoramic wheel where Light and Mia are,
and make them fall, laughing.
Act that he would never have commited; in the anime he clearly said:
"When you, Light, are about to die, whatever may be, I will write your name on my Death Note and close it".
Here instead he himself is a Death Note writer.
And why he doesn't die?
It was decided that if a Shinigami would have written one's name, or interfere with a cause,
he would die. Here no. He lives.
Now, go to finish it.
The movie has been directed by Adam Wingard, that will also direct "Godzilla Vs. Kong",
and worse for you, Wingard, if you let those cackles of producers and screenplayers comand you
and make a shit movie.
You must treat well the last Monsterverse Legendary Pictures movie, or else... guess what.
You will face this:
see that? This is Vengeance, also called Vengie.
My personal baseball bat. Just as every Negan has his Lucille and every Joker his knife or jemmy, I've my bat.
If you'll try to make "Godzilla Vs. Kong" a shit movie like this "Death Note",
I will firstly write your name on the Death Note and then slam it on your head.
But, easy!, I know that with "Godzilla Vs. Kong" you will do a good job, or better
I certainly know it, because if it's not like that I will piss off like a hyena.
You will know what it means waking the Beast in Alfred Bestia.
There have been particular things that sucked, but some have been pretty.
Pretty particular things? Light that browses the book seeing Ryuk's images
of these pages on this story book, just like the Losers do in Muschietti's "It" - obsessed with this movie!
And sees Ryuk with the kimono, with an apple, with his note, interesting things.
Then why the fuck did you have to write "Normal people scare me" on Light and Mia's school locker?
This has nothing to do with.
Ah, a little trivia: the actor that portaits James Turner, Light's father, also acted in "Kong: Skull Island".
And go on.
Well, I... I'd say I've already told everything...
I repeat: this movie is hard to judge because is totally wrong.
Full of holes that neither the most perfect donut - I'm starving and have no money to eat,
and have to survive this entire week - would have.
Anyway, before we finish, I would not condemn completely the movie
because it still has positive points: photography and directing are adequate.
Let's give a green sticker of this colour, so not an original green screen, but like this wallpaper and my hair.
Adequate. A 6 1/2. 7, let's say.
It's not high as George Miller's "Mad Max: Fury Road"
talking about editing, photography and directing,
but it's the only point that, along with Ryuk's personality and design that save the movie - at least a little bit.
I know the fauls hasn't totally been the director's. Producers and screenplayers made the movie a filth.
You know "Clown" produced by Eli Roth? Directing and photography were excellent,
the story sucked because, due to screenplay and producing, it was a shit.
Now I really go to finish it, reminding that the fault is not entirely the director's
but useless producers' and screenplayers' that will always be on the top of the director, on the pyramid,
and... Wingard please: do not ruin "Godzilla Vs. Kong" and...
Oooh, right!
The sequel of this "Death Note!".
Despite the badly shit reviews, the director wants to make a sequel.
Then, are you cockoo? This time it's really your fault!
Make "Godzilla Vs. Kong" and then this?!
And what will you make?
Light in jail, Ryuk hanging around with the other two Shinigami, Rem and Shido,
the chump who liked chocolate.
There will be Mello and Near up-ended in america...
Guys, can you give me a sec? Just hold a second, I'll be back, promise.
Holy shit!
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