Hello and welcome to my channel.
Today we are going to talk about triggers and how we can actually use triggers
to cope better with life.
So if you want to learn more about that keep on watching.
"Triggers are any actions that serve as a stimulus and initiate or precipitate a reaction
or series."
So a trigger is something that happens that initiates a reaction.
So we smell something, and then we think of a memory related to that.
The trigger is the scent and the reaction that we can have can be positive or negative
depending on what stimulated memory comes about.
Because sometimes its the cologne of our husband, and other times it's the cologne of our rapist,
and it can bring up very different memories.
So I think it's really important to always remember that triggers are neutral.
They're not negative or positive.
So when people say "I'm triggered" I just don't really resonate with that saying.
Triggers aren't some joke or some way to put somebody down.
When I am triggered it is like the time when I flooded my bathroom because as I stood up
in the bathtub I was wobbling, and it took me back to a moment where my ex-was beating
me in the head and I was going blind, and stumbling from being blind.
And falling on the ground and trying to get up as he repeatedly hit me in the head and
gave me multiple concussions.
Feeling that wobbly feeling just triggered a memory that I did not remember and then
I come back when my dad is banging on the bathroom door because as I stood up I moved
the shower head so the water was going into the middle of the bathroom.
And I not only flooded the bathroom but it was going into the first floor as well.
Which is when he noticed so I was probably out of it for a few minutes because it was
quite a lot of water.
There's a lot of like strange things that people might do that if you actually know
about them and their circumstances might not seem that strange.
Being a person with these weird issues that I tried to hide a lot of people are going
through a lot of things because our society makes it so challenging to just LOVE each
other and has become so abusive.
it's so challenging to be in a healthy place if you go through trauma.
It's very easy to judge when you're ignorant to a person's circumstances.
So triggers for me were tons of things I think a huge one is that I used to be terrified
of the word rape.
I couldn't say it.
I could not hear it, like I would freak out.
I would have panic attacks just from the word and the fact that I can say it on camera and
in public is amazing to me.
I'm so proud of myself for no longer freaking out at that word.
I really feel its something we need to talk about in society and that's really what helped
me to overcome it.
I would also like to talk a bit about how the word triggered is very misused in today's culture.
It's used as a joke it's used to put people down.
It's really a clinical word with something very serious.
When you're talking about people like me.
Like to me, a trigger is something that will trigger take me back into feeling like I am
being beaten or raped or something like that.
And dealing with a trigger like that to me was much more challenging to overcome than
the triggers for doing drugs because really the triggers for the stress of being raped
were leading me to want to do drugs because I thought that drugs would help me cope with
those symptoms.
But really I needed to go into that trigger and see what I can learn from it.
When you were a kid did you ever touch a hot stove or something hot and burn yourself?
I know I did.
Do you burn yourself and then remember it and then never use the stove again?
Or, do you learn how to not burn yourself and learn how to maneuver things differently?
Well that's what I do.
I don't just run away from the stove because I get burned I want to learn how do I get
past this whole thing?
And if I get burned again I think to myself ok, what can I learn to avoid a worse burn
in the future.
When this applies to a trigger what helped me was to talk to myself alot.
There are a lot of studies that I read about that being helpful.
Where I am acknowledging the truth of what happened and also the positives that I can see out of it.
Like yes, I was beaten and it was really hard.
Recovering from the injuries was hard.
I see that I can use my experiences to share
with other people and help them talk about it and overcome it.
The thought of sharing it with other people also pushed me to go within myself more.
And to work on myself more because there were moments when I didn't really want to do it.
But I felt like I was doing it for more than just me and that really helped me through.
Sadly when it comes to abuse sometimes it's actually very logical to have PTSD the reason
is because sometimes PTSD is our brain knowing that we are in trouble and we really need
to be on alert.
And I know people that when they were awakened up at night by a loud noise and they woke
up in the ready to move mode: fight or flight.
Sometimes it really was the guy breaking in.
And it really was him coming to try to kill them.
The thing about domestic violence is that when the victim decides to leave
that's actually the most dangerous time.
For instance, when the air conditioner fell on my head it was because I dumped her and
she decided to break into my apartment by pushing the air conditioner in and it fell on my head.
The most dangerous time is when the victim tries to leave.
And it's really easy to judge and put somebody down for staying in a relationship like that.
Or getting into a relationship like that in the first place.
Abusers are incredibly good at manipulating people a lot of people were very shocked when
they saw my injuries because he was really good at pretending to be nice.
That is one reason why my PTSD really didn't subside until he was deported and I knew that
he was out of the country and he couldn't come anywhere near me.
That made me feel safe.
And that changed my life completely.
So I realize if our legal system actually protected domestic violence victims we would
have been so much better off.
We would be more productive people because we wouldn't be dealing with as much PTSD because
there is something about knowing that the person is not able to access you at all.
It's something that is so stressful that I thought that I thought I had compassion for
people going through that.
But until I really went through it, I really, like, actually being the person that wakes
up at every little noise is so mind-blowingly hard to live in that way.
I really think if we get to a place where the government actually protects victims and
actually locks up abusers for the correct length of time.
Everyone I have come across thinks it's absolutely insane that he only got 55 days in jail.
And that was really time served.
It would have been less if he had more access to money.
He would have been out a lot quicker.
So sometimes PTSD actually does save peoples lives and when you think about it we are really
the descendants of the people that would jump at every little thing because a like bear
sometimes was gonna come and eat you and like back then statistically it was a lot more
likely when you didn't have a house that was a good structure and all that jazz.
It's really I think logical that a lot of people end up with PTSD especially when they're
being abused and the law isn't taking care of their abuser to actually protect them.
For me, I see when I have flashbacks which hasn't been for a while but I have had a lot
of them in my life.
I see that when I have a flashback this is something for me to work on.
This is something for me to grow from, this is something I need to go towards, not run
away from.
Because I often find the things I am the most afraid to do are the things that give me the
most rewards.
When it comes to like Mental stability and fulfilment.
Feeling like, happy!?
It's like truly insane how resilient I've become mentally and how I can just keep getting
back up no matter what happens and now I am at a point where its just so hard for things
to get to me.
I'm so less triggered by life and I really want to share that with you.
When I was getting flashbacks the first thing I would do is separate myself from any people
and go and meditate and just chill and tell myself I'm fine.
I am safe.
I'm not in that environment.
I am in this room.
I'm on this carpet.
I'm in front of this bookshelf
and I would just start looking around the room
and thinking about the objects physically in my presence
to take me out of that memory and really bring
me back in this room and also, my hands and my feet.
Rubbing them or really feeling the grass sometimes I would go outside and be in the grass.
Nature really helps me, sometimes music.
If I feel that I am going somewhere that will be stressful.
I play music on my phone.
I have meditation apps, I have music.
The first times I went to the doctors office you better believe I had that blasting in
my purse, the doctor was like ooo I like that music it's so relaxing.
I was like yea, I need it I am so stressed being here.
I will also go into the flashback and say to myself all of the things that I remember,
all of the things that I feel about in that moment and I think about this is how I felt
in that moment.
This is how I feel about it now.
I feel sad for myself.
I feel compassionate that I had to go through such horrible things.
I wish that I could have had a friend at that time or whatever those are the types of things
that I will think.
And then I'll say you know what, but now I'm in a different place.
And now I'm in a place where I can make better friends that are healthier.
Now I have the ability to build a community with a focus on coping with life
and all of us getting to share that.
Which is always my goal and I hope that I can achieve that
because I think ever ybody would benefit from it
So for me I think it is really important when I have these PTSD moments
that I would focus on facing the reality of the moment
and the full horror of the moment.
Because deep down I knew how bad it was
and by lying to myself I created more of a mental issue
because deep down I knew that it was horrible but I was trying to tell myself.
Like oh, it's fine.
It's fine.
It'll be fine.
It's not fine.
And I needed to really center myself and see the truth of this is really bad, this is really
something you don't deserve and you really need to get out of this.
Because he is going to kill you...
That is what I was feeling.
And then I started to tell myself you know what I think that I can turn this into something.
I should do what people have been telling me to do for years.
I should write about these things that I am going through.
I should share these things and open up and you know what.
Maybe all of this is for a reason if I can change my pain into something beautiful then
that is something I want my talent to be.
I am going to make beauty out of all of this bulls***.
When I tried to deny reality my PTSD got worse, I had more flashbacks when I started doing
these things my panic attacks have dissipated so much my therapist says that my PTSD is
so much better but she wouldn't say it's like gone.
So again there are so many things you can do to cope.
You can go to therapy, you can take a bath, you can go to nature, you can play an instrument,
you can listen to some music, you can go to a concert.
Whatever makes you feel fulfilled, happy, centered, awesome.
Whatever makes you feel the feels that you wanna feel on a real level.
From a centered place.
Those are the things.
Like when I meditate.
I am not saying go to a show and get trashed.
If you are going to go to go and enjoy the music for the art.
That kind of fulfillment.
That's what I am talking about.
There are certain tv shows that I watch where I have watched them before and I know they
are not triggering and I'll watch things like that again whenever I am going through a tough
time.
Sometimes I do crafty stuff like when I basically make stuff for my room.
There are a million things that you can do to help you to cope with all of the triggers
in your life.
We are all very different and we all have different things that work for us.
And we all have different types of triggers.
Some of us have the clinical trauma triggers and some of us are just triggered by things
we don't like and it annoys us and I think it's really important to make sure that we
are knowing the distinction between the two.
Not all triggers are created equally, and I think it is really important that we learn
and educate ourselves on the truth of the reality of these things.
When we are trying to share with people that we are triggered letting them know, I am talking
about this kind of trigger- not just being annoyed by something.
So my question for you today is.
So what makes you feel triggered?
What are some of your positive triggers and what are some of your negative triggers?
And do you have any interesting stories regarding panic attacks or triggers in your history?
Please share below in the comments section.
I hope to hear from you, I am so excited to be back here and actually being in a place
where I can make videos every week I am feeling so much healthier and I know it's going to
be challenging as the winter rolls around but hopefully I can keep this going for a while.
I hope that you have a beautiful day filled with endless wonder and beauty.
Bye! 😘
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