hi all right so a couple weeks ago I
told you that I got a new little toy and
I wanted to take some time to play with
it really what I should have said was I
wanted to take some time to bond with it
you guys ready meet Mickey oh cool
Mickey is is just under 1 we're not sure
100% how old he is he's a mini golden
and here's the story not a biter
either Mickey come here look look here
say hi everyone look Nicky so fucking
cute
I love you so much mmm I guess you know
it wasn't a shot right that I became a
dad before I had a relationship not the
surprise for me all right so here's the
little story of how Mickey became my
puppy and I have to put him down because
he will just keep biting my face and
between the lights and now I feel like
I'm just wearing a little like like a
little fur coat with a heartbeat hello
all right so this is little Mickey he'll
be running around in the background come
here baby
go all right so here's how I acquired
Mickey a couple weeks ago I was so
fucking lonely I used to live in this
really beautiful Los but it was in the
real shit neighborhood downtown and I
knew that there was a big la shelter
that was down there so I go you know I'm
thinking I'm just going to adopt a dog
you know like normally right and stay
home everyone says go save a puppy so I
wanted to see you know if there was
anything down there but of course I had
my heart set on those little mini golden
so I go down there I see this one I go
oh my god he's in there one day he's in
there one day I'm like they haven't
designed her dog holy shit I wonder if
anyone in this fucking neighborhood even
realizes what this dog is so that's
actually that squeak doesn't even bother
me usually he's jumping on me and shit
he's a very clingy dog real clingy oh my
god all right so I go down there
turns out he's so fucking cute I go
there to adopt him there's like a dozen
people that want the dog I'm like oh man
so he goes to how la is that he goes up
for adoption auction now it's a silent
auction and you have to like you have to
place a bid and like on an index card
you can't show you can't talk about it
you can't beat someone's it's one shot
you get to put it in and you see who
wins and I'm like oh man long story
short I over bid by an embarrassing
amount
Oh totally over but if my brother is so
fucking sweet my brother bought me the
dog I went into my credit line to get
this dog my brothers like ah shit you
can't afford the happy birthday Merry
Christmas
bought me the dog and he wired the money
into my account he's such a sweetheart
so I've gone into like a couple weeks
he's got he was in a cone he got
neutered and everyone was saying through
there like huh he got 60 got six
meanwhile Mickey's looking like I don't
know why they're saying I was fixed I'm
pretty sure my bones were not broken you
know he's like I don't know why or you
took what you're licking my foot what
the good boy
anyone knows how to stop this right here
that the biting on your face I like it
but sometimes you really clench down
will go boy so Nikki mi CKY it's not
them and you know how I named him by the
way
his name is Mickey because I was calling
a whole shitload of names it's the only
one he responded to I hate Mickey be
like yes like that's clearly my name
what is it so he would come running for
Mickey so I was like all right Mickey
and I spell it like the nightclub in
West Hollywood not like the Mickey Mouse
but my brother suggested the name
because they're called Mickey that was
one of my first off anyway so what was I
saying so he had his cone on for a
couple weeks just careening into things
and I made a mistake the other day I
walked all the way from here all the way
to my Co box to go and check it no vodka
Shh he sees a reflection he's like who's
the heavyset dog but he gloves dogs
that's another thing that I really love
he's not violent my
sawzall Jencks lover but she was a
lawsuit on a leash oh my god
at any moment she could yeah you know
like just go from licking to violent
attack and this one me stop Oh No
well no doesn't really listen either
girl well come here all right
anyway so he had the cone on for the
couple weeks there and so we're walking
oh that's the story right so I'm taking
for a really long walk it was really
freaking hot here in LA the other day so
I take up to this long walk we get home
he starts shaking he falls over just
falls right over I know in his little
head was like shaking and then he throws
up and I'm like are I fucked this so I
pick up his puke I put in a ziploc bag
right I fly down to the vets that used
to be my last dog and they're like he he
doesn't look he doesn't look stable
right now we need to get him into a room
which you never want VIP treatment when
it comes to like a medical thing you
don't want to skip lines and get the red
carpet when you're in a hospital right
that's the bad thing so Mickey goes to
the front of the line I'm like oh shit
like an hour or so later they're there
and they do blood tests like everything
is fine but he's not he's not being very
responsive we can't in good conscience
send him home we need to you need to
take him to an overnight 24-hour Pet
Hospital which by the way don't know if
you've ever done this before they build
the same way as if it's a human going in
for surgery oh my god so I'm down in
Culver City this little guy turns out he
was just severely dehydrated because
he's one of those dogs I was taking him
on the walk and I'm like here Mickey
drink the water cuz all the stores you
know like put little bowls of water out
to the dog ha shit
he's like I'm like come on drink the
water cuz I know he needs it he's like
panting he's taking one look at he's
like that is not my water he doesn't
like to share why don't you drink water
from other bulls
alright great right so um he's not
drinking he was severely dehydrated and
he was overheated and was
the end of it but I tell you one thing
it was so sweet of my brother to buy the
dog for me could have bottom again I
should have to Mickey's for what he
tossed in the last two weeks and CNN
just put out this thing - so funny it
was like the cost for owners who have
pets is much greater than they think you
know and they'd like for a dog they said
the average cost to have a doctor like
it's $42,000 over the course of the dog
lifetime so now Eric quotes that fucking
headline every time I say something to
them like Eric this dog was so supposed
to be mine he loves organic chicken and
apples you know and Erica is it goes mmm
flying by that 42 flying by oh you're my
little Ferrari yes you are so they're
like after two weeks of being a dad what
what what's my big conclusion what's my
take on things well brings an inordinate
amount of love into my life are not
lonely anymore but also everything has
become less efficient oh what a little
hindrance I'm talking getting in out of
a car walking just walking somewhere
trying to eat everything has become more
difficult he's destroyed my sex life oh
my god that's not existed anymore I had
someone over the other night tries
jumping in the bed I'm like pushing them
off the guys like it's okay I'm like it
is not okay it is not we're not even
like a football fields away it okay is
here I'm in a different stadium it's not
okay then I try to put him in the
bathroom set up a whole thing with two
toys now he's open on the other end of
the door I'm like you know what I
finally did I locked him in my car with
the air conditioning running it was so
nice and cool in there was actually more
comfortable in the fucking vehicle than
it was in the apartment but still I was
like I don't know where do I put him I
need like I need like a 30-minute doggy
daycare for that's what they should have
some kind of service really can you just
walk in for 20 minutes let's go
a company oh all right anyway that is
alright make you come up here for our
clothes come up here baby come here we
have to do this this is the reason we
have food so that's not your item ik
denk on here I know I wish I wish
youtube Cepheid jicama let's bring me up
from what I'm making now unlike that
commercial man one oh I felt so fuckin
stupid
the whole whole Union stuff is all new
to me I got my invite letter today I
shot that commercial and it was a sag
project so I just got invited into the
Union I'm like great what do I put up
about a thousand videos bubkis I work
one afternoon the god damn thing I'm in
the Union and based on what my agent
told me I might make up weight on my
credit cards find out ow stop that you
need to stop the biting all right love
you guys so much I will talk to you soon
Mickey say goodbye love you bye can you
do a wink a little more biting and
looking no nose oh boy look over here
look over there look of it what you read
do you hate the camera how could you
hate the camera you might keep I do not
like that camera I do not want to be
exploited why boy you put me up tonight
wha alright love you bye
they were working just time I was
leaking them they like some set of balls
six
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