The reason why I continue to do-
I see it as just being an ally to the communities I lived with-
[I'm un]comfortable even speaking about this now-
because, um, they asked me to.
There was a lot of really genuine exchange and dialogue
between myself and the leaders of those communities
about what would happen when I came back [to the States].
I was given a lot of blessings to talk about these things
and to share my personal experience of it,
to share their stories.
'Cause I come from an academic background, like come on.
I had to fight myself a lot.
"You're a voluntourist, you're colonial, you're doing the same things..."
I am so conscious, like hyper conscious.
I studied cultural anthropology, which is one of the most violent things that ever happened to the planet.
Like "doing" anthropology is just self-crit after self-crit.
[And] continuing to try and step back as much as you can.
I mean you can never be object, but- always, always be transparent about your positionality.
Sometimes, things are just more nuanced on the grounds, I didn't expect.
I laugh at people who go to other countries and think that they're just being there is helping.
You know, I'll bullshit on that any day.
But at the same time, when people ask me what my role is in the camps was-
Technically I was doing a lot:
Keeping busy, lending a hand in certain things- but that could have been anyone's hand.
So the part that was actually my positionality as an American, as a Filipino American, as a politicized American,
as someone who has a background in education, as someone who has a background working with "at-risk" youth...
All of these things about my life kind of came together in this very specific context
just happened to meet some needs.
That's the only reason why it worked.
And if it hadn't work, I would have left.
I had to learn basic shit about everyday exchange and social norm and culture before I could even relate to anyone.
My only expectation that I had was to literally be a tool-
'Cause that's what we do on expo:
We see firsthand, we listen to the people from their own perspectives, we hear their ideas,
we ask them what we can do for them when we go back to the States- that's the point.
Collecting information to then bring back, to enhance the struggle here.
I didn't know that I was going to end up connecting with the students.
The way that I existed in evacuation-
It wasn't hierarchy, it wasn't a certain kind of dynamic.
I just... actually integrated.
A lot of my everyday life with the Lumads was just a lot of bullshitting, a lot of inside jokes, a lot of pranks.
And then after a while of knowing people- because I was there so long,
them- on their own time, in their own way- opening up to me.
That is actually how I was able to learn as much as I did.
Even though you can have such strong collective life,
you can still be an empowered, thriving, unique individual living in that context- and I saw that.
You know, not everyone thinks the same, they're not brainwashed.
You can have communism, in a sense- both communism without sacrificing the self.
We've been conditioned here to think about what individualism is- that's not working here.
The reason why they've survived this long is because of the principles of selflessness and community and collectivism.
And it's not just idealism of indigeneity. It's like, that is sustainable humanity. That is how you survive on this planet.
The individualisms of this country that are manufactured by capitalist founders aren't meant to empower us.
They're meant to disempower us.
When I think of resistance, I always think of the shit that they never wanted to happen.
Uncle Sam never wanted FilAms- like first gen, second gen, whatever- to be Filipinx.
Only my father's Filipino; he moved here very young.
I wasn't raised with the language.
All these things, right?
Why am I in Mindanao?
Why am I involved? Why do I know what's up with the civil war in the south?
Why do I care about Indigenous Peoples if I'm already removed from the Motherland?
That's a threat- the FilAms are identifying with the motherland,
that FilAms are returning to the Motherland politically conscious-
They're [imperialist capitalist white supremacy] scared of that.
Filipinx identity to me is resistance
before anything. It's resistance and revolt.
Because as much as the textbooks will say that everything happened because Filipino culture
is passive, and because Filipinxs are "too nice," and all these things-
Like what?! We are constantly killing the colonizer.
That is the history. Or else we wouldn't still be here.
It makes all the sense in the world to me that the Lumad struggle is your struggle.
This fight should be the fight of every single Filipina and every single Filipino in diaspora.
Everything is so connected. Me reclaiming Filipina identity,
finally allowing myself- after most of my life- just to say, "Yeah, I'm Filipina."
Even though I don't speak the language, even though all these things that like, white people have this like list that I need to- I can't mark all of these things. All these things-
"I'm not really Filipina, I can't really say that."
When I finally was like, "Fuck that, I am. And I wanna know what's up with it."
"And wait a minute, I'm empowered by that. And wait a minute-"
"I'm so empowered by that, that I'm not satisfied."
I wanna be a part of the resistance.
How can you say that you love your country if that doesn't immediately involve the Indigenous Peoples?
Then what do you love?
What is the Philippines without the Indigenous Peoples? Like what...Yeah, it just doesn't make sense.
To be patriotic as a Filipinx means to defend the Lumads.
And to love your country means to defend the Lumads.
To take pride in the natural environment means to defend the Lumads.
All of it.
The Lumads don't separate themselves from the Filipino masses- they very much are patriotic.
They salute to the Philippine flag every morning.
They're very proud, patriotic Filipinos.
Even though they know they're rejected.
I heard one Lumad leader say that he's given up on Filipinos accepting him as a Filipino.
That's why their focus now is international solidarity.
When you look at the history of the Philippines, and how the colonizer- whoever was filling the colonizer's boots at the time-
use that "divide and conquer" strategy, and that's still very much at play on the grounds in Mindanao.
What's happening to them isn't new. What's happening to them is what has always happened in the Philippines- this is just the newest wave of it.
None of us [in this generation] witnessed any of the waves of colonization: the different waves of different violence in different communities,
'cause it also varied from island to island. None of us witnessed that.
They want us to not remember that, and they want there to be no history of that.
I would always frame the discussion around differentiating the uncolonized from the colonized.
I don't attribute blame to those who were colonized.
Colonization was done to a people in the Philippines and in diaspora.
First recognizing that even those who were still colonized in the Philippines- which is all Filipinos, except for these Indigenous communities who are living the Indigenous life-
So then- how can you decolonize self, while recognizing that you can never really return to indigeneity in the way that people are currently existing as Indigenous
because that's all they've every been.
For me, my family is from Metro Manila are, right?
For me to reclaim that identity, reclaim those roots, return to the Indigenous...
What are we each referring to when we say "indigeneity?"
"Returning to our roots?" What are roots?
What does that mean- just literally knowing on what side of the river your family grew up?
Does that mean knowing about animism, does that mean knowing the myths?
It is very harmful for FilAms to use words like "Indigenous" in a less specific context.
It's harmful because it's erasure.
Like it is very important that we identify strongly with Pre-colonial Philippines
because that itself is resistance, you know, and we did lose a lot of aspects of the culture on a massive scale.
As long as that's recognized, I feel like that's work being done.
Nothing is static on this planet. In order for something to literally survive that long would have to be dynamic and fluid and adaptable.
Isn't the point of democracy in the U.S. progress?
Capitalism is progress? What the fuck.
It's the opposite- it's actually like failing.
Indigeneity is actual progress.
The whole world benefits from preserving Indigenous culture.
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