They say the femininity creates and transforms, while masculinity makes it real
When they compensate each other they reach a balance.
"Desire is the most appropriate manifestation of individuality
No two desires are alike. Each person has their own."
I am a woman who has not always felt female
There was a time, as a child, when I felt like I boy
That's how I felt comfortable in the world
I liked dressing up as a cow-boy and I played football all day with the boys,
I was one of them
But in time I realised masculine and feminine are not always in perfect harmony
Growing up took me through radical changes
The first change of the feminine is menstruation
They call it mystery, a sacred time in the life of every woman
transforming us from little girls into girls with the potential of giving life
In this phase I came in touch with reality
Why were boys treating me so differently now?
The second transformation mystery is pregnancy
a passage from women to mothers.
In spite of that, masculinity and femininity were all but defined within me,
still, I had the feeling there was more to explore first hand.
So I went looking for answers
I met over fifty people from Torino, Bologna, Berlin and Madrid
I spent time with each one of them and I listened to their stories
I feel I belong to both sexes
I feel neither totally a woman nor a man
You may not have financial problems, you may have loving children,
but the truth is, you don't know who you are.
I don't think I have reached a level of definition
In life I dress up as a man to go to work
There are two big divisions in my life my life as a man,
and my life as a transsexual woman
That need of defining oneself which had been drummed into me
instilled even, made me suffer
I don't identify myself as a male or female
I consider myself as a more complex being
that I have to develop.
Each person entrusted me with pieces of their story
and I started to feel I had many things in common with each one of them.
I gradually realised that I had been on the quest for something
Their stories were starting to become my own.
I feel liberated
And once I realised that this was my journey my life really began
I understood that behind the feeling of being a woman or man
there is an intimate place called desire.
What we feel we are, doesn't necessarily coincide
with what other people see about us.
What we feel we are doesn't necessarily conform to a norm
or mean we are like someone else.
Calling yourself homosexual or transexual,
because you have to tell yourself first, and only then you can tell others.
I always feel serene, because when you know who you are
nothing can scare you
I rejoice with myself
and I find this a great satisfaction and a conquest.
One has to learn to adapt to a completely different life from the previous one
Although there is an original substance you are a form in the making
I have often felt uncomfortable being a woman
Looking back I think I drew on a female role model which wasn't completely my own
I imitated someone else
without realising it, I built my womanhood on outside images, behaviours and attitudes
Tell me why you did it?
The truth is with heels I feel free at last no one judges me,
now they even applaud me.
If you feel comfortable with yourself Others will see you as being attractive
After all these encounters,
the strength of my masculinity
was re-emerging from within
and I wasn't so sure of my femininity it felt as if I had to reinvent my womanhood
I desired again, I felt alive,
I wanted to find what in truth I had always been.
The people I met are places of my soul
that I was able to explore
I went back home and a few days later I had a dream
I was a lonely warrior with the task of wiping out every reference point of my past
breaking a chain thousands of years old
becoming something else from my mother, grandmother
and all the women that had come before them
I felt naked but free from all conditioning
Desire and vocation unsettles, possesses and animates you
yet it is who you are.
You could be a female or a male you would never expect
but you have to do it your own way.
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