CROESUS
Won't deny myself a treat!
All set.
The "bleeding" butcher's knife.
Its sharp blade is solidly mounted
with rosette rivets
on a top quality beech handle.
The "slaughter" master knife-chopper.
Serves as a cleaver and a knife.
What a thing!
"Joan of Arc."
"Broken Eggs."
Made of white porcelain.
"Three Graces."
"Crouching Venus."
And naked.
"Love...
"and Psyche." Exactly. I read it right.
"By Canova at the Louvre."
"Old Sevres style."
What could that mean?
Gosh, I have used the lamp signal for 3 days.
Old Sevres style.
Sweet love.
She won't be long.
One km in 15 minutes. It won't take more.
She'll be here in 15 minutes...
Old Sevres style.
What is it?
Already?
You used our signal, didn't you?
One km in 1 minute. How can you walk at 60 km/h?
I wasn't at home. I was on the crest.
- What were you doing there? - My feet were cold.
- And you warmed them up there? - No.
I was waiting for the signal. Now, my feet are frozen.
With my husband, I didn't need to stand outside.
Always the same old song.
Right! If he weren't dead...
- So what? - I'd be in bed with him.
- I'm cold. Take me in your arms. - Easy! I hate the cold.
- Go by the stove - The fire's dead.
Your husband, the fire... Everyone's dead but me.
- Be patient. - It ain't easy with cold feet.
My feet are cold too.
I don't rush to people's home for all that.
I grant you extra 5 min. See! I'm not selfish.
Have you heard of
- Old Sevres style? - No, never.
- I'll show you. - You expect me to take the bait?
There's no bait to take. It's in the book.
My husband never lured me with any bait.
- He was smart as one, though. - What do you mean?
Let's not get philosophical.
Gilles.
Gilles?
- Gilles? - What?
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
- How's the weather? - I can't say.
- What are you looking at? - Nothing.
It's cold.
Your chimney isn't smoking.
- How could it, since I'm here? - It should, though.
- Do you want me to leave? - Chimneys ought to smoke.
If we were married, it would.
Marriage doesn't make the world go round, but we do.
- Who? You? - Yes, me.
Look!
For you, dear goats.
I'm not a chimney but I matter too.
Can you belch out smoke every morning?
Neither mornings nor evenings.
But I'll make the world go round too.
I can't wait to see it. It'll be nice.
I can't say the same.
What do you mean? I'm working, that's all.
I go about my business.
Yeah right. And for a little luxury,
you use the lamp signal... and I come.
Silly me!
If that's luxury, you aren't hard to please.
It might change, though.
Do you want to get married?
Let's get this straight. You said you did at first.
You know how it is. I didn't mean it.
And what do you mean now?
We're fine. Why would we change it?
How convenient!
I'm a slave.
Don't be ridiculous. You come and stay for a while.
You spend the evening with me. It's very common.
Many books talk about women spending evenings at a friend's.
It's no slavery.
It's over.
Until you'll see our signal.
I wouldn't be so sure.
- You'll eventually get married. - Definitely.
I'll see then.
Tonight, I'll let the lamp by the window.
Look!
Paul!
What a bastard!
He's mean
lazy, stupid
and proud. How nice to see him!
Congrats, Paul.
You badmouthed me so often,
that you got me expelled from the valley.
Now, I'm stuck up there, freezing my ass up.
Look! There's Edouard.
What a crook!
Still the same
big belly.
Don't you dare come near.
Stay away! Look where I am.
Look where you sent me.
Don't deny it.
You made sure that I was driven away.
Yet, I sat up with your dad!
I was also in love with your sister 10 years ago.
But luckily, she turned me down.
It saved me from marrying a crook family.
Who's this one?
Who is he?
Now, they let foreigners...
It might be this murderer of some sort
who rented the Rock Barn.
I won't miss any opportunity to bug you. Trust me!
Where did my sheep go?
A bomb?
Good God!
They're leaking the bomb! They're crazy!
My sheep are lost. And I'm not any better.
Bloody Paul and Edouard!
Expelling me wasn't enough.
You had to get me killed.
You knew about the bomb.
Or maybe not.
No, they didn't know. They never came up here.
They're too lazy? You didn't know about the bomb, did you?
Well, I'll let you know.
I told you I wouldn't miss any chance to bug you.
This time has come.
Let's go.
MANUFRANCE MAIL ORDER CATALOGUE
Frozen bomb.
"Pan for." What does that mean?
"Stewpot for fat." I'm not fat!
"Pan for"! "Pan for"...
See page 575.
There it is.
"Pan for pies and little pastries"...
Canalization, cutting knife, canon."
Canon!
That could be handy. I have already a rifle, though.
"Party canon, party popper." Irrelevant!
Mortars and canons for public celebrations.
Absolutely safe mortars and canons.
"Absolutely safe"... I like that.
Unhindered recoil.
That's exactly it. I want to recoil unhindered.
"We do it well and you know it."
I might not do it well, but I'll let them know.
Silly me! Small shot ain't enough.
It should be 3 times that size.
I don't have any.
Or I should fire at point blank range.
But then, no more Jules.
Let's have a look.
What a big bomb! It could destroy a house.
Two houses!
Three houses even.
Let's try the groundhog trap.
It'll make a bloody racket.
Who's the idiot who fired at me?
Typical! There's always a knot
when you want to pull the string.
Goddamnit!
There.
Bloody hole!
That's a big one.
Well. That scared the shit out of me!
Dynamite.
It's cold.
It could explode.
I'm afraid it might.
Don't be afraid, Jules. If only I could control it.
Be brave.
It didn't explode.
Of course. Dynamite's common now.
If it were dangerous...
What is it? Five thousand...
Five thousand what?
Five thousand francs. Holy Jesus!
Oh my!
There must be 2m? of them. It's full of dough!
They're safe now.
Is it the signal or a star?
It's a star.
Where is this bloody lamp?
Crap!
What a mess!
Milk and bread. Bloody damn food!
Of course.
What are you doing here?
Are you going to war?
Crap!
What about the signal, then?
The signal! Shit!
God, you're polite tonight! Didn't you want me to come?
Well... I have a toothache.
I'll help you get rid of it.
I don't think it'll do.
That's actually what caused my toothache.
- You're acting oddly. - I always do when my teeth ache.
Who's in your bed?
In my bed? No one.
What kind of question is that? Someone, in my bed!
- My bed's sacred! - Well, not for me.
Sure, but you're the only one.
Please say it again.
- I do. - Do you hear, Rose?
It's not Rose. I don't care about her.
- Say it again. - I don't care about Rose.
Put your arm around my waist.
Repeat everything I say.
Rose, you're a dirty wench!
Rose, you're a dirty wench.
Should I make it worse?
No need. I only say the truth.
- So do I. - I'll pull her hair out.
Don't.
You're scared, aren't you?
- Of course. - It must be Marguerite, then.
I told you there's no one.
And I don't trust you.
She's not from here. You put a helmet to impress her.
- Open, or I'll wreck havoc. - Go on.
There are little pots on the shelves
- You can break them. - I don't care about your pots.
I found something better...
The cupboard!
Not these ones. They belonged to my mom.
What can I do, Dad? War is war.
- I heard you. - It's not for me,
but if my mom heard you, she'd say
the plates belonged to her aunt.
- Tell me who that is. - Who?
The woman in your bed.
It's not Rose, it's not Marguerite,
- it's nobody. - Careful, I'll get your brandy.
Go. It'll do you good.
Get a large bottle with the wheelbarrow.
Take your time.
You wished I'd leave.
No, I like your company.
I'll spend the night here.
What are you doing, Jules?
I'm going to bed, since you stay overnight.
- With her? - Who else?
- She's here anyway. - Not in front of me.
There's a door between us.
What are you doing?
Well... Nobody can tell really.
How dare you laugh?
I'm not laughing. She's tickling me.
- Jules! - What?
Jules, I'll dig this hole for you,
'cause I need cash and I have to work.
But if I were rich, I'd bet you my bottom dollar...
If you were rich, you wouldn't bet your dollar,
you would hide it.
Dig on this side.
If I were rich, I wouldn't dig on this side.
- No? - No. I would on that side.
I wouldn't dig at all even...
unless you tell me what this hole is for.
- I told you! - I don't believe you.
You're exactly like your mom said you were:
"Battistin isn't suspicious, he's stupid."
I told you 50 times I want an American tank
- to filter my water. - Oh my!
What are you all doing here? And you?
- I'm curious. - Mind your own business.
Easy. I don't care about it. I'm busy reading and sewing.
What are you doing, Battistin?
A water tank.
It's a small tank, isn't it?
He's right, Jules.
And he already has one.
He's right, Jules.
Ask him why he wants a second one.
He's right, Jules. Why?
Paul, when you kicked your sister out, because...
I didn't bother you with figures!
- Oh my! - I was sure you'd come.
- You did come too. - I'm working.
- Is it a silo? - It's a water tank.
If it's a silo, the bottom has to slope.
- It's a tank. - That's what I'm saying.
A slope. Or, your beets will be crushed.
Old Man Burle!
You better mind your own business.
If you don't watch your daughter,
she might leave with 4 Italian lumberjacks.
I see what you mean, but it ain't enough.
Make the slope a little steeper.
You should dig on this side.
Battistin, I'm the one who pays. I give orders.
Don't dig on this side, but on that one.
Tell him that his tank will be crooked.
Tell him his face is already crooked.
- Whose face is crooked? - Get lost.
Easy. I was wounded in the war.
Yeah right, brain damaged.
Your aunt was already climbing trees like a monkey
when having fits. Wounded in the war. No kidding!
You should be paying a pension to the state
for letting you live for 4 years among normal people.
- Oh my! - You're no better!
Isn't it time for you to die with your life annuity?
- You're old enough! - What a fuss!
Should I remind you what happened last year?
At the fair on August 6?
- Wow! - Go to hell!
You made a real fuss then. So give me a break!
Battistin, I want the hole for today.
Today.
Today?
Don't be so sure.
The future belongs to no one
but God. Do you know who said that?
- Victor Hugo. - I don't give a damn.
You can't say that.
Still, I don't give a damn.
Look...
I came to you 'cause you're good at building modern things.
You built a toilet flush for Mr. Cassagne.
Well, this water tank needs a flush too.
- It's an invention. - An invention?
Soon enough, I'll tell you the secret.
You'll be able to build such tanks everywhere.
But I don't want anyone else to know about it.
You can count on me. I'll finish it quickly.
A water tank with a flush. Awesome.
This cover ain't junk.
It weighs 5 kg at least.
And 4 to carry...
Back to zero.
There are lots of zeros on 5,000 f notes.
Fool! You can multiply zeros too.
There...
Sorry, Dad.
Fine... But how do you multiply them?
I got it wrong.
It can't be that much. I must have made a mistake.
That's a lot, though.
She killed one.
She killed one again.
Come in.
Hello, sorry to disturb you.
Hello, Jules. Come in.
- What did you do to this kid? - I punished him.
When I said Louis XVI had his head cut, he didn't care.
Now I shot a sparrow and he yelled his head off.
He must learn to make allowances.
It's a thrush.
- No, it's a fieldfare. - You're right, Jules.
- Look at the black feathers. - Yes, Miss.
Copy 3 times "I mixed a fieldfare with a thrush."
Who confuses fieldfares with thrushes
ends in the poorhouse. A fieldfare is worth 12 f.
A thrush is worth 7.
- My dad sells them 10 f. - I'm not surprised.
Stand up.
- Ten francs? - Yes, to Mr. Cassagne.
Forget your punishment. Two francs aren't worth it.
What do you want?
I need to talk to you about the number zero.
What about it?
- How do you multiply it? - I taught you that.
Between what you taught me and what I learnt,
I don't remember anything.
- You can't multiply zeros. - Really?
You can only add them. Is that clear?
Not really.
To the blackboard.
- Write a number. - Whichever I want?
Whichever you want.
What are you doing, you idiot?
- I'm writing my number. - That's not a number.
- There are only zeros. - That's when I'm out of the fire
- into the frying pan. - Shut up, will you?
The expression is, "Out of the frying pan,
into the fire." You didn't know that, did you?
If there are only zeros, it's not a number,
but a succession of zeros, which means zero.
- It's one of the first lessons. - Maybe, but since then...
Since then?
You didn't go further, idiot. You would have known otherwise.
Arithmetic is an exact science.
I agree with you. I don't question exactitude,
I'm actually fond of it. But how do you get to 1,000?
Put a 1 at the front.
- Ever seen a banknote? - Of course.
Well... A few ones.
Write 1. Write it.
Add a zero, you have 10.
Add 2 zeros,
it's 100. With 3 zeros,
it's 1,000. Now, count your zeros.
Six zeros.
One million.
Add 3 more.
Nine zeros make 1 billion.
Three more.
And 3 more...
That's 1 million billion. And so on.
Your zeros count, see?
I'm afraid you got me wrong.
Ten, 100, 1,000, 1 million... So far, I manage.
- Even up to 1 billion. - Wrong. You can't go that far.
To count 1 million in 20 cents coins,
you'd need to count 1 coin/sec 24 hours a day,
for 2,000 years.
And for 1 million billion, you'd need 1 million times more.
That's 1 million coin/sec for 2,000 years.
No lunch break, no nap...
Not even a night with your lover.
Come on.
What are you talking about? Not in front of the kids.
They're here to learn and that's no secret for anyone.
See? Millions, billions and so on...
That's where things get complicated.
I came to talk to you about a number with 30 zeros.
Thirty zeros? What planet were you on
What?
There's no such number on the earth.
It only exists in space.
Whoever has 1,000 f says I have 10,000 f.
Whoever has 100,000 says I have 100,000 f.
Whoever has 1 million says I have 1 million.
Whoever has billions... What does he say?
He doesn't say. He bursts.
Burst?
What else could he do? Everything costs 3 cents here.
A fieldfare costs only 2 francs more that a thrush,
though they taste differently.
What would you want to do with billions?
There's nothing to do but burst.
What if I don't want to burst?
In that case, I don't know.
Go to banks. Banks are safety valves.
Like pressure cookers. They whistle when they need to.
There's a bank over there
- and one down the road. - Thank you very much.
- No problem. - Watch the door.
FARMERS' BANK OF THE ALPS
It might be 2 m wide maximum. It's not much.
Good God! You're impressive!
What's going on?
Tell me if I'm wrong. You seem gigantic.
Forget about my size. Only my skills matter.
Can I help you?
- Maybe. - Follow me, then.
What can I do for you?
Well, given the circumstances...
What circumstances? Please come in.
Well, the size matters.
Sorry.
- How could I help you? - First, let me free my arm.
I'm sorry.
Once the money is deposited, everything'll be like clockwork.
Excuse me.
Some are reluctant but it's worth it.
You might be easily overwhelmed, though.
You'd need many 1,000 f notes to fill my bank up.
Indeed, I have 5,000 f notes to fill it up
and it's rather small to me.
I don't want you to lack oxygen.
Are you kidding me? I have enough space to breathe,
- and to kick you out. - Don't bother.
Jules?
He took the key with him!
Jules?
What is this?
What's in there?
Bloody hell!
Hey! What are you up?
- You're ruining my work. - What's inside?
It's not for you. It's a secret.
- Jules has no secret for me. - Yeah right.
Why not? Step aside and let me finish my work.
How odd that some people aren't curious at all.
They would do anything for money.
- Are you talking about me? - Of course not!
Fine. First, Jules hasn't paid me yet
and second, I know what's inside. Nothing.
It's a water tank.
And I'm about to set the fall pipes for the rain.
So the tank will be filled with rainwater.
BANK OF MARSEILLES
Excuse me, officers.
Could you tell me if it's a large bank?
Is there enough space inside to take your hands out?
Yes, if you have enough time.
- Usually, you don't. - People should take the time...
I'm not in a rush.
Is there anyone?
Me, sir.
- Are you the clerk? - Yes sir.
- How can I help you? - I'd like to takes measurements.
- You don't mind? - I don't.
- What for? - To know how large your bank is.
Of course.
That's 2 m...
and 10 cm.
Excuse me... could you measure yourself?
- The width of your shoulders? - My...
43 cm.
You don't take much space. You must feel at ease.
Sure. I'm fine.
I guess you have money to deposit.
It's already well deposited. It surely is.
Fine.
What kind of stocks did you buy? Industrial?
Industrial stocks? What is that?
- What about them? - They're falling.
- It's always the same. - It's time to buy.
- Buy what? - You're choilt for spoice.
I mean spoilt for choice, depending on the quotes.
All the quotes are here.
Ten pages full of quotes.
Nothing but quotes.
They're all good to buy.
If I had money, I would buy them all.
Take electricity for instance.
It's fantastic. It's the future.
Everything will be electric, eclectric, etrectic...
Trains, trams, tranny...
Even toil, soil, I mean oil.
Oil!
Really! And metallurgy.
What would I do with it?
- Nothing. - I bought some.
Well, don't.
- What are you doing with it? - I ask if they fall.
And they say they fall.
- Are you happy with it? - No.
I'd like to buy things that please me.
Sure. How much do you have? Millions?
Worse than that.
Don't tell me you have billions.
Well, something of the sort, but much bigger.
No way. You don't know what you're talking about.
Billions, that's beyond human understanding!
Don't you want a bicycle?
Yes. I'd love one.
With 1 billion, you can buy 10,000 bicycles.
Not per year or day, but per second.
Did you hear me?
- Ten thousand biclycles... - What did you say?
Ten thousand cyclibi...
Again?
You know what I mean.
Ten thousand more. And again, every second...
For 5,000 years.
And that's not it.
You'll see. Let's assume that...
What did they do? Bastards.
A fall pipe.
Crap!
Twenty bicycles less... It's no big deal.
Father!
I'm glad I met you. I thought about visiting you.
I'd be delighted, Jules.
I attended your mass once and I heard you say
that if we had worries, you were the Big Boss.
That's not what I exactly said.
I said that I knew where the Big Boss was.
Are you worried, Jules?
More than worried.
It might sound stupid... but I must confess, I'm scared.
Sometimes, it's legitimate.
Actually, I'm not exactly the one who's scared.
- A friend of mine is. - It's even kinder of you.
This friend has a lot of money. He's not from here.
- He comes from Auvergne. - What is he scared of?
He's scared of his money.
It's marvelous to hear
that still today, a man's soul can be pure enough to be scared
of money. It proves God exists.
if proof was needed.
I don't know what it proves, but let me explain.
When I say that my friend has a lot of money,
I really mean a lot. An astronomical amount.
When he knew he had so much, he wondered what to do with it.
He was told to go to the bank, where money should go,
like a security valve.
But it didn't work at all.
On the contrary, the banker told him what were billions.
And he got scared.
Do you know, Father, what billions are?
Billions? Are you sure about that?
- As sure as I am standing here. - Don't take God as witness.
It's forbidden. Billions, but that's huge.
Huge and impossible to say. That's why he's scared.
Who has 1,000 f buys a bicycle and keeps it for life.
Who has 1 million buys 1 bicycle every year for 20 years
if he sleeps at night.
It's already very impressive. But whoever can buy
10,000 bicycles every second during 10,000 years
is scared, trust me.
It's not exactly what I had imagined.
It doesn't matter, though.
This fear comes from a good place.
You know what? Your pal should see himself
as a guardian of earthly goods.
God will take everything back.
I'm afraid it won't soothe him.
You speak of the beyond. I don't want to go that far.
I don't want to... I mean my friend doesn't want to die.
It's not that serious. He's scared.
He can't buy 10,000 bicycles every second.
He has only one set of buttocks.
Sorry, father.
Don't be. I too have only one set of buttocks.
- But you don't have billions. - Nor a bicycle.
I tried to understand.
I know what to do with 1 mule. I'm not scared.
But with 100 million mules, you lose your bearings
and you get scared.
You start to worry when you no longer know
what to do with what you have.
It's time to call the Big Boss.
The Big Boss is always here for sincere calls.
Instead of 10,000 bicycles, your friend should buy
10,000 orphans.
Every second.
He can buy new bicycles every second,
and during 5,000 years. Where should I go then?
I mean where can my friend find so many orphans?
He can't go from door to door.
There'll never be enough. That's a problem.
Are you familiar with generosity?
No.
I'm not surprised. Neither am I.
Except mine, which I understand.
But it's not a proper example.
I'm afraid there's no solution to this situation.
Are you sure? It'd be terrible.
I'm afraid so.
The Big Boss might even be behind it.
How could it be?
I'm not sure, though. He usually prefers the poor.
But he's full of surprises, that's for sure.
Take a closer look at your friend and you'll see
that he's poor.
Are you coming?
I'm thinking.
- What brings you here? - I need your advice.
- You ridiculed me. - It was only the 2 of us.
Ridicule starts with a third person.
I don't care.
- What did you do with your hair? - I put water.
- To smell like a wet dog. - To look clean.
- We need to talk seriously. - Well...
- Let's talk seriously. - Do you know what a billion is?
- I know. - Really?
I told you I knew.
I don't know what to say.
- Aren't you scared of it? - No, not even of 100 billion.
- What would you do with them? - Share them with my husband.
- What would your husband do? - Well...
- Anything he wants. - What if he has no idea?
Then we would just love each other.
- Nothing else matters. - It's not about me.
- I came for a friend of mine. - Why would I help your friend?
Because my friend has a lot of money, many billions.
Why should I care?
My dad used to call my mom his Finance Minister.
She used to keep the books. She was good at it.
Not like my friend. He copes with little money,
but with million...
Imagine that he could buy 10,000 bicycles every second.
- What would he do with them? - You got the point.
- I'm smarter than you think. - I came especially 'cause I knew
you would be like my mom. I asked many people around.
I heard funny things about generosity and bicycles,
but I knew you'd be like a Finance Minister.
That's not what you used to say.
Don't get me wrong.
Never mix finances with feelings.
They don't belong together.
I'm worried about my friend.
Do you know what he's up to with his billions?
He's scared.
What about me? Don't you wonder if I'm scared?
I know you're not!
What is it? It smells good. Is it a casserole?
- Made with despair. - Really?
- My mom made them with beef. - So do I, silly you.
And with the boar I bought in town.
But deep down in my casserole, there is despair.
When I'm unhappy, I cook.
And when I'm scared,
I eat.
Your invitation was a pleasant surprise.
It's my friend's treat. I'm sure he'd be glad...
- It's generosity. - I'm not sure, Father.
Sit next to me. I'll feel better.
- So you came, Joseph? - I never miss a meal.
Bring me the plate.
It's good to see you, Miss Delphine.
Bring me the knives.
Where are the olives?
Thank you.
Serve me some olives.
Put the big lumps in the dish.
- Where's the bread? - There.
The big lumps in the dish.
It must be terribly expensive.
Today, leave the arithmetic behind.
Arithmetic is prohibited at the table.
Save it for later.
Never save arithmetic for later, or you'll pay for it.
Except when it is for a good cause.
It won't take you anywhere.
Who cares? We don't want to go anywhere.
We just enjoy where we are.
You won't enjoy it long, if you keep spending money.
There's a Big Boss for everyone, even for the little birds.
I kill 15 little birds every day, Father.
And believe me, they have no fat to spare.
They aren't well cared for, if anyone does. I weigh them
on my scales and none of them exceeds 75 g.
We'll all be weighed on celestial scale.
Hopefully, our bad deeds won't exceed 75g.
What does he have in mind?
Nothing. I'm hungry. I eat. I don't care about the rest.
Give me some cheese.
Pour me some wine.
What are you doing, Henri?
He wants to enjoy the food too.
They're all full of themselves in this family.
He has something at the back of his mind.
In 1913, the county councilor invited all the villagers
to a dinner at the post office.
But then he vanished.
I don't like underhand methods.
You would see things underhand
even if you were armless.
You have never offered us anything before.
It's suspicious.
He used to eat raw onions.
Now, he orders stews. Who cook them?
The inn downtown.
Such a meal must be expensive.
- 1,000 f per head. - More than that.
- The cake is worth a fortune. - Oh My!
I knew it. The stew tastes bitter.
- What's inside? - 1,000 f banknotes.
What? Oil! It's pretty spicy.
How dare you, now that you've all eaten?
Do you know what was bitter? The wild boar bought in town.
With a little, a tiny bit of despair.
You can say what you want. I don't believe you.
How could you buy the boar?
- They didn't want to sell it. - They wouldn't give it away
but they would sell it.
Money can buy everything.
Come on. Remember what you told me last time.
- Where did you get this money? - It's none of your business.
I don't want to owe the innkeeper for the meal.
- Neither do I. - I was invited.
You won't owe him anything. I paid him already.
- With what? - This.
Let me see.
Excuse me.
Don't forget it's got my name on it.
Saint Thomas is always punished.
- I don't like that. - You're jealous.
I'm an honest man.
It couldn't be stolen money.
Stop your innuendos! Should I remind you of your uncle
who stole cod at the grocery.
I'll sue you for slander.
- It's not slander. It's history. - Forget Albert's uncle.
I didn't ask you anything. I only drank milk,
which I brought up here. I'm even with anyone.
Why are you so mysterious?
Mysterious?
She said mysterious, Father!
Where there's money, there's always mystery.
In "Happiness Thief",
Rodolphe has the money, but he stabs himself to death.
It's all very mysterious.
Who talked about a dagger? Don't get carried away...
- It's a friend. - What friend?
You don't know him. He's not from here.
He lives far, very far away, in Auvergne.
A friend from Auvergne.
He's tall, very tall.
A tall friend from Auvergne.
He is...
He's big. Not big like fat...
He's not big.
Big or not? What does he do?
He governs. He's a governor.
What does he govern?
- A government. - What kind of government?
- A government of Auvergne. - There's no such thing.
There's a French government and that's it.
I didn't mean that kind of government.
- It's a governors' government. - I know what he means.
It's like in "The Mysteries of Paris."
It's a mysterious government full of princes.
Exactly. That's not a French government,
but a government of governors with princes.
One of those secret societies.
Who said that?
In my time, people were rude, but we watched our words
- while having a meal. - I didn't say anything wrong.
- I said society, good God! - If God says so!
- That's a great friend. - Sure. That's just too bad
- he's Jules' friend. - Even worse, he could be yours.
- My friends aren't governors. - He doesn't need to be one.
- Who? - Me.
- Would you do that? - Yes.
One for me!
Don't forget me, Jules.
I can't believe it.
One for you.
Incredible! They must be fake.
No, look.
- Want one, Paul? - Since you give them away.
I'm off.
- What about you? - That's the least you owe me.
- Get 2. - No.
One, like everyone else.
Two would be crass.
I won't forgive you for hiding it from me.
- What did he hide? - That's none of our business.
Hand me the dish.
- I don't want any trouble. - He's just giving money.
I'm off. It's dubious.
- May God pay you back! - Please tell him not to,
I wouldn't know how to spend it.
- For you, Miss Delphine. - For me too?
- He's Croesus! - He doesn't know...
- ...how to spend it. - I would know,
if a cretin dropped by my house 10,000 f every day.
You could ask for 50,000 f. I'd go up to 100,000.
I'm sure I'd have lots of ideas to spend them.
We're living a Golden Age.
I thought you priests were into spiritual matters.
I was wrong.
Do you believe that a golden age is about getting money?
Look what's going on.
We are stripped bare by the curse of plenty.
Look closer and you'll find demons in there.
I know demons well.
I live around one. His name is misery.
What do you really know about misery?
Misery is lust.
Come to us if you want to know more about misery.
Shut up, Albert. You know nothing about it.
And neither do I. When we're cold, we burn wood.
When we're hot, we go out. When we're hungry, we eat.
When we're thirsty, we drink. When we're tired, we sleep.
- You call that misery? - Yes, I do!
That's not fair.
He had us come here because it pleases him.
If we had money, we would have been pleased not to come.
That's misery.
See? There are all kinds of misery.
I respect you and don't want to be rude
But he has to know what I think of him.
Look at him...
Misery is not what is eating away at him.
He has money like dogs have fleas.
What does he do with his money?
Let me tell you.
He hides it in his closet, under piles of sheets.
What will happen if he has more cash than sheets?
- That's misery! - Either you're drunk
or it's me, but I didn't understand a word.
- Are you threatening me? - Exactly.
- How are you threatening us? - With being rich.
You complain about misery, you'll complain about wealth.
- Did he come again? - Yes.
- Did he give some more? - Yes.
A lot?
- And the others? - Don't know.
- Rose? Albert? - I saw no one.
He gave everyone money again.
- Morning, Albert. - Morning, Paul.
- Morning, Emile, - Morning, Paul.
- Morning, Marie. - Morning, Paul.
Morning, Old Man Burle.
What? Morning, Paul.
- Morning, Rose. - Morning, Paul.
- Morning, Old Man Martin. - Morning, Paul
Won't you store your potatoes?
No.
- You don't intend to? - No.
- What are you waiting for? - The same as you.
You haven't stored your rye, have you?
He came back, didn't he?
What does he want?
- Nothing. - He didn't say.
He probably wants something in return.
- Maybe he wants power. - Do you think so?
Or something else.
He wouldn't need to pay to have you.
Or something else.
What?
No one can tell.
He must want a lot!
But we don't have anything.
We must have something that he wants.
Gishlaine, bring Grandpa home.
- She doesn't trust us. - Everyone has secrets.
- They're all suspicious. - They have reasons to.
- What did I do to you? - Nothing.
- You speak too much. - What?
- Stay at home. - I can come out if I want.
- What for? - Who cares?
- I do. - Who will stop me?
- Me. - How?
- Does it hurt? - No.
- Is your tooth still loose? - It was already the case.
- What's wrong? - I'm listening.
It's the wind.
- And that? - Must be a rat.
- Are the banknotes safe? - From what?
- The rats. - No.
- Where are they? - The closet.
We should put them in a tin box. Don't you have any cake tin?
In the closet.
- It's humid. - Let's put them in a container.
- What? - Something solid.
- An iron casserole! - Let me see it.
- Does it hurt? - He kicked me in the back.
Why the hell did you fight?
Listen.
- It's the wind. - No, it's not.
Burle has his light on.
Don't let Grandpa out.
Paul?
Paul? Your cash is here.
If you don't want it, I'll give it to the others.
Albert!
What?
It has to stop.
We're not puppets.
Emile!
- What? - It has to stop. We're going.
I'm coming.
- Mr. Jules? - Yes.
That's right.
We are 2. We love to play this trick.
I thought my head was spinning.
Normally, heads spin
after we have left.
Sometimes, heads fall.
- Do they? - In serious cases.
How can you tell a case is serious?
It's our decision.
- The weather's nice today. - We wished it were warmer.
- You don't live in the open? - We do.
- Any friends in the region? - No.
- It ain't easy to chat with you. - It is...
- I'll help you out. - Don't bother.
It's no big deal. We came here on purpose.
- For me? - For you.
- From far? - Pretty much.
- Did you walk? - No.
- How can I help you? - I have a question.
Where does the money you gave to the innkeeper come from?
- The innkeeper? - Yes.
A week ago, you had a feast. The innkeeper delivered it.
You paid him with new banknotes.
Every banknote has to be new before it's old.
We don't have any problem with that.
We just want to know where you took them.
I said "took".
- It's a friend of mine. - We don't believe it, do we?
- Even from Auvergne? - From Auvergne or anywhere else,
friends are against our religion.
I thought so.
Let's not beat around the bush. You're an intelligence agent,
and you'd better stay one. Where did you take the money?
It's the third time I ask.
Next, you'll deal with my brother.
It's too bad. He's a stutterer. He uses his hands.
I found the cash in a bomb in the mountain.
- An aluminum container. - How could I know?
My paper says it's an aluminum container.
Around here, we don't care about such details.
But I have to. We've been on this case for 2 years.
"An aluminum container dropped by a plane."
We're lucky it's deserted around here.
Didn't you wonder at all about that money?
Did you think it was the Holy Spirit?
I didn't think anything. I found it and I took it.
Why should I wonder at it? I'm a shepherd.
- Know what this money was? - No.
It's the arrow of Parthe.
Also called the Jarnac Stroke around here
or as you would say, "some deep shit".
Do you remember the Normandy landings 2 years ago?
The army of occupation left, but they weren't happy.
They wanted the rot to set in.
So, they made billion of forged banknotes.
But as good as true.
To ruin the national economy...
- It doesn't ring any bell. - Right. What about the money?
In my house, in potato sacks.
- Did you spend much? - I gave some in the village.
- Get in the car. - And my sheep?
Later.
Hurry up! I don't want to spend the night here.
- You didn't spend anything? - No.
- That was a lot of cash, though. - We didn't know how to.
It befell us like misery befalls the poor.
- I got scared. - It's harmless, though.
We wondered what he wanted.
What could I want?
Look around you.
Is there anything you want?
If you want it, you can have it.
And for free.
I'd have never believed that people could be so complicated.
Well, buddy,
Money is best used for buying. If you have other plans,
- it's at your own risk. - But I was buying.
Not what they had, but what they didn't.
I was buying misery. Misery is on sale.
You should have spent it for the common good.
The common good? Like what?
We could have built a bridge?
- Over what? - Nothing. Just a bridge.
- What would we use it for? - Nothing. It'd be just a bridge.
- And where would you want it? - There.
Where there's nothing.
Sir?
- For you. - Thank you, my dear. Thanks.
Eat the last one.
It's good.
60 km/h.
One minute.
Thirty seconds.
She went over 500m,
600, 700...
950...
10...3,2...0.
Shit, she didn't come.
- Who's there? - It's me.
Why are you here?
I told you that only my husband would pass through this door.
- Come on. Open. - Only my husband!
Open the door. It's... your husband.
- What did you say? - It's your husband.
Where is he?
Right here, before you. It's me.
You?
- Do you know what happened? - I know.
Come in.
- I'll set a place for you. - Thank you.
THE END
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