Hi folks this is Dr. Dain here from
Access Consciousness speaking for the
Return of the Gentleman Series and one
of the questions I'd like to answer
right now is how does the gentleman handle conflict?
Well there are four questions
you want to have whenever
anything comes up actually including
conflict which is - What is this? What do I do with it?
Can I change it? and then
How do I change it? The thing about conflict
is it occurs when you have a different
point of view than somebody else and
oftentimes where somebody's trying to
impose the point of view on you and so
what happens is the first reaction we
probably have is to go into resistance
to the person. The difficulty is
resistance and reaction never works.
See the way it works is this, so we have
the positive polarity and we have the
negative polarity. The positive polarity
is aligning and agreeing with the point
of view and then the negative polarity
is resisting and reacting to the point
of view but neither of those give you
freedom because you're stuck on one side
or the other and you keep going like this.
Conflict occurs when people
have differing points of view and when
you go into resistance and reaction or
when somebody else is in resistance in
reaction to you
that's when conflict is created and it
can be horrendous for all of us I mean
is there any of us that likes to deal with conflict?
Wouldn't it be nice if we
didn't have to? Yes!
But guess what? The first thing you
have to do is not resist it, not resist
the fact that there is this point of
view that somebody else has and that
they're fighting you on or trying to get
you to be different because resisting is
not going to help. See you have the
positive polarity which is alignment in
agreement. You have the negative polarity
which is resistance and reaction neither
one of those work because you're stuck
in a polarized point of view when you
function from that. So the first thing is
the way to get out of the polarized
point of view is to use a tool from
Access Consciousness called
Interesting Point Of View I Have This Point Of View
So if you're in conflict right now in
some area of your life maybe you're in
conflict with yourself or with another
person just get one thing you're in
conflict with because I'd like to show
you how this works. Get the sense of that
get the energy of that that it brings up
you know how it's kind of like ahhh
and what I'd like you to do is get that
energy and just a interesting point of
view I have this point of view.
Cool now one more time because usually what
happens just saying it once the energy
shifts a little bit then again say
interesting point of view I have this
point of view and it usually shifts
again so interesting point of view I
have this point of view,
interesting point of view I have this point of view
interesting point of view I have this
point of view. Now notice what shifts in
the energy. See one of the things about
a true Gentlemen is they're acutely
aware of the energy of every situation
they're i. They're also acutely aware of
the energy of every person they're
interacting with and unfortunately even
though this should actually set us free
and be a guide to us for how we can be
it often sticks us because if somebody
is getting highly agitated in a
situation we pick up on that and
then you resist it and then we're
stuck. So this interesting point of view
is the first step to getting out of
conflict. Now the second thing is like I
said you want to ask what is this?
Like what's really going on here is really
the question. What do I do with it?
Meaning how can I handle
this, how can I change this?
Can I change it and it's so how?
So as you start to look from that place
what starts to happen is you get a
different sense of what's going on in
the situation that you're in and it
starts to allow it to become unstuck.
The first part is getting to interesting
point of view so you're no longer
functioning from resistance in the
situation. Now there are several ways to
handle different conflicts that you will
have with people. One of them is if you
are in conflict with somebody because of
something that you did or something you
said that really was not what you should
have done or said grow a set of balls
and be willing to apologize, okay? This is
another aspect of a gentleman a
gentleman's like look I'm willing to
acknowledge when I was wrong and this
can be one of the greatest gifts for you
and the people you interact with. So how
does that work well you acknowledge and
what this does this is
really beautiful because it's
takes us out of that place where we're
trying to prove that we were right like
so many people in the world do that's
killing our planet right now, so you can
either be right or you can be free and
happy what would you like to choose?
So here's how you do that if you did
something that was something where you
did something that wasn't kind, wasn't
appropriate or was just being an asshole
in the situation you go I'm sorry,
I am wrong. What can I do to make up for the damage done?
I'm sorry, I was wrong.
What can I do to make up for the damage done
and just in doing that, just in
acknowledging that and you do it with
total vulnerability. I'm sorry I was wrong.
What can I do to make up for the
damage done? Oftentimes you give other
people the doorway to come off of their
fixed position because if we look at it
conflict essentially is created by two
people taking a fixed position about how
right they are and how long the other
person is and once again you can either
be right or you can be free and happy,
which would you like to choose?
So if you want to end the conflict you first get
to interesting point of view and then
you go I'm sorry, I'm wrong. What can I do
to make up to the damage done and
oftentimes just asking that question
opens the door where the other person
goes wow you know what you're not wrong
I thought it was this in this or they go
hey you know what thank you so much for
the apology that's all I really required
and I'll tell you in 90% of the cases
that really is all that's required
because the other thing that creates the
conflict is you say or do something and
the person goes into the idea that
you're wrong and now they have to prove
you wrong and they will prove you wrong
for all eternity unless you do something
to change it. So these are two really
simple tools that you can use the
interesting point of view and I'm sorry
I'm wrong. What can I do to make up for
the damage done that can create an
enormous change in your relationships.
Now are you always wrong, not necessarily.
Are you always right, not necessarily but
if you don't have to be right and you
don't have to be wrong you can be
totally free remember that thing I said
about positive and negative polarity,
the positive being the alignment in
agreement?
That's where you go I'm right.
The negative is where you go I'm wrong and
you stay in the judgment of that.
There's a totally different choice where you go
look I realize that what I said was
wrong
I'm apologizing now what can I do to
make up for the damage done?
So I hope this gives you a totally different
perspective on how you can deal with
conflict, how you can change it as the
gentleman that you are and the thing
about a gentleman please recognize is
they are the potent person in the
situation. It's like the gentleman is the
wizard in the room if they choose to be.
Now if you choose to be less than that,
if you want to act like a six-year-old
and be right and everybody else is wrong
that's totally okay just recognize it's
going to create a totally different
result than if you choose to be the
gentleman you truly are grow a set of
balls and be willing to change the
situation.
Hope that helps from Access Consciousness
and Return Of The Gentleman
this is Dr. Dain Heer
what if you're truly being you are the
gift, the change and the possibility this
world requires you are my beautiful
friends and thank you so much for watching.
We'll have more tools for you soon.
Bye
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