- In this video, I'm about to share with you
the top signs that someone, be it a friend,
an enemy, a relative, a parent, a sibling,
literally anyone is envious or jealous of you
and what to do about it.
And I'm also gonna talk about how to deal
with feelings of envy within yourself
because, in one way or another, we all feel envy.
It's just human nature and there's no use denying it.
And this is all based on Robert Greene's latest book
called The Laws of Human Nature, which I highly recommend
and I'll link to it in the comments below.
So, if you're interested in learning
about what to do about feelings of envy,
whether in yourself or in other people, keep watching.
(jazzy guitar music)
Hey, there, and welcome back.
My name is Nancy Da Costa and this is my YouTube channel,
where we talk about developing your awareness,
growing thick skin, and living an out of the ordinary life.
If you happen to like that sort of thing,
I invite you to consider subscribing to my channel.
I publish videos just like this one every single Monday.
Now, let's be honest here.
Have you ever been jealous of anyone?
I know I have.
If you've ever felt any kind of jealousy,
leave a comment below saying, "Yes, I've been jealous
"at one time in my life at least.".
Envy is something a little bit different
and much deeper and more insidious.
And to be honest, it is socially toxic to show envy
because envy is really the emotion
that combines jealousy with hostility
and it's an extremely painful emotion.
And admitting that you feel envious
is like admitting that you feel inferior to another person
because when you're admitting to feeling envious,
you're basically admitting that,
in way or another, you don't believe
you can have the thing that the other person has,
whatever is triggering that feeling of envy.
And whether or not you're dealing
with other people's envious feelings of you
or your own envious feelings,
just understand that envy is a human nature phenomenon.
We all feel it.
It is human nature to compare ourselves to one another.
And when we feel pangs of jealousy
combined with feelings that we can't obtain
the thing that we're envious or jealous of
or we can't have whatever the person
that we're jealous or envious of has, we feel envy.
And it's not just humans who feel envy,
it's actually a primate thing.
Even monkeys and chimps and other primates,
they feel envy, too.
It's one of those primary relational things
that we have in common.
Having said all that, a person with a high degree
of emotional intelligence and maturity
can recognize the signs of envy,
whether with other people or within themselves.
But, sadly, the honest truth is most people,
most people are not emotionally mature.
Instead, most people who feel envy towards us
will sabotage us or they'll ruin a relationship
or they'll gossip about us or they're start to criticize us
in ways that sound like they're watching out for us,
but in reality, they're doing it
because they're just feeling envious.
And when it comes to dealing with critics,
I'll link to my video in the cards up here and down below
about why friends and family don't support you.
Be aware of tall poppy syndrome,
which goes into more depth about why people do this.
The problem for you comes when you can't see
the underlying envy underneath another person's hostility.
And because it's so natural to feel confused
about the unnecessary hate coming from other people,
the natural response and a very common response
that most people have is that when they start
to feel that hate or they notice
that other people are hating on them,
they actually start to think
that there's something wrong with them.
Otherwise why would other people hate on them?
So, in The Laws of Human Nature,
Robert Greene talks about how to become
a master decoder of envy.
Because once you understand envy
and once you understand that envy
is the root of other people's hostility,
it won't trip you up anymore.
And that in of itself is freeing
because being on the receiving end
of an envy attack from another person
is emotionally painful and can cause
serious damage to your self-esteem
and confuse the hell out of you if you don't understand it,
which is why I'm gonna share with you
the signs of envy so that you can notice it.
And when you notice it, you can take action,
whether it's ignoring the person,
understanding where they're coming from,
or choosing to let that relationship go.
And it's not just about recognizing
the signs of envy in other people,
but it's also recognizing them in yourself.
Like I said earlier, it's human nature.
We all feel envy.
Envy's a tricky emotion and it's usually
veiled in irrational anger, but if you understand envy
and if you understand the root of it
and you can recognize it within yourself,
you can actually use the emotion productively,
and I'm about to explain to you how.
With all that said, here are Robert Greene's
signs of envy to watch out for.
The first sign is microexpressions.
This is the look on someone's face
when you first meet someone
and you can tell that they don't like you
or when you share good news with them
and the person almost looks like they're disappointed.
It's that expression of hostility or disappointment,
but then, the person hides it,
obviously or not so obviously,
after you watch this video, by faking a smile.
You can probably imagine what I'm talking about
or you can think of examples in your own life
when this has happened to you.
When you've met someone
and they didn't like you for no apparent reason
or when you're sharing good news
with a friend or loved one and you can tell
that they're almost a little bit disappointed
that something good has happened to you.
This is the first thing to watch out for.
The second sign of envy is poisonous praise,
aka passive aggression and sarcasm.
Poisonous praise comes off as
a compliment followed by a slap.
It doesn't feel good and the reason why it doesn't feel good
is because there's an aggressive undertone
in the compliment that somebody pays you.
It's another person's way
of complimenting you or praising you
and at the same time, slapping you back down.
It's when someone says something like,
"I am so happy for you.
"You are such a lucky person." or something like that.
It doesn't, you can tell by the tone,
it doesn't actually feel good.
It's not a genuine compliment.
And of course, it's confusing because
the person's complimented you but it doesn't feel good.
It doesn't intuitively feel good
but you don't understand why.
And because you're watching this video,
you will understand why.
Take that undertone of hostility as a sign
that that person has been triggered.
Again, something to pay attention to.
The third sign of envy is backbiting,
aka when people gossip.
And just be aware, if you know someone
who gossips about other people,
you can be damn well sure that
they gossip about you when you're not around.
I sincerely believe that there is
no greater sign of a person's insecurity
than when they talk shit about other people
and for your sake, please be aware
that gossips do not make to be good friends
because this person will likely talk shit about you.
If you have people who gossip in your life,
if those are the people that you attract,
I hate to say it, but the problem is probably you.
It's probably because you engage them.
You enjoy it on some level.
And if that's the case and you're a person who is
seeking of knowledge and seeking to better themselves,
I encourage you to really evaluate that relationship
and evaluate if that's the type of person you want to be.
But make no mistake about it,
the people that you choose to spend time with
and surround yourself by say a lot about you
and if you're the type of person,
if you're working on improving yourself
and improving your relationships and actually developing
relationships with high-value people,
you're not gonna be able to keep
the low hanging fruit in your life.
And the reason why is because
birds of a feather flock together.
When you have those people in your life,
you actually detract and deflect
the right people from showing up.
I know that was a little bit of a segue,
but having said that, people who gossip
or when they gossip, they're showing their own envy as well
because the way that they feel better about themselves
is by talking smack about other people.
Just be aware of it.
Finally, the fourth sign that someone is envious of you
is the push and pull.
This is when somebody comes really strong
when wanting to be friends with you
and then they kind of pull back a little bit.
It's almost like the person is a little bit bipolar.
One minute, they want to be your friend
and then the next minute, they're ghosting you.
This is a little bit extreme.
Maybe not as common.
But just know that when someone
is inconsistent in their behavior,
when they're like, really happy
and excited to see you one minute
and then they're hating on you the next,
that's a sign of envy and probably not the type
of person you want to spend time with.
It is critical to your self-esteem
that you learn to detect envy.
Yes, it's human nature to experience envy,
but it is also insidious and extremely dangerous.
But once you learn how to detect it
and how to see it in other people,
it'll become a valuable life skill.
This is so worth getting to understand.
Envy is something that we really need to become aware of
because it can really mess with your head if you're not.
The best thing to do in these situations,
in situations where people are
displaying their signs of envy
or that hostility, that irrational hostility,
the very best thing you can do in those situations
is control your own emotions.
And that's gonna be a lot easier to do
once you understand the signs of envy.
And I promised you that I would also talk about
how to manage your own feelings of envy.
If you've recognized them within yourself,
I want to commend you because most people
will not admit to feeling envious.
But envy can be used productively and here's how.
The first step is to forgive yourself
or cut yourself a little bit of slack
if you feel signs of envy because it's human nature.
Every one of us compares ourselves to other people.
Even monkeys feel envy, so it's not just human nature,
so don't blame yourself for feeling this emotion.
Don't feel guilt when you feel envy.
Instead, just start to notice
and pay attention to your reactions
when you hear good news about other people.
And something to try even is that
when you hear good news about another person,
and it doesn't necessarily have to be
a friend or a loved one,
even a famous person that you've never met.
When you hear good news about them, bless them.
This is something that I learned
in Harv Eker's book Secrets of the Millionaire Mind,
and that is to bless that which you want.
Not in a passive aggressive way, but genuinely.
Use those pangs of jealousy productively.
Instead of feeling resentful that somebody
has accomplished more or succeeded more
in a certain area of life, use the emotion
to raise yourself up to that person's level.
In fact, it's completely healthy
to surround yourself with people
who are more successful than you are
and actually become genuine friends
and genuinely happy for them when they experience success,
because by surrounding yourself with those types of people,
you will start to copy their habit, their ways of thinking,
those things that make them successful,
those habits, those patterns.
You'll start to unconsciously pick up on them
and when you pick up on them,
the natural result of that is that you'll,
in many ways, become more successful yourself.
But you won't attract those types of people
if you're hating on them, so use the feeling productively
by feeling genuinely happy for other people
when they experience something good in their lives.
This is probably gonna take making
some mindset shifts of your own.
Start to develop confidence in your own abilities
and believe that you are capable of getting what you want.
And in addition to that,
start to develop a solid work ethic.
This does take discipline.
And by the way, I'll also add
that it's people who are lazy
and lack discipline who feel envy the most
because they don't want to do the hard work.
And finally, focus on your own life.
The only competition there is is within yourself.
Actively and constantly for as long as you live,
work on becoming a better version of yourself.
This means raising your own standards
and becoming more valuable yourself.
And that includes feeling happy for other people,
but at the same time,
recognizing when someone is envious or jealous of you
and not taking it personally
and not getting tripped up on it.
I promise you that learning this
is gonna be life changing for you.
So, that's it.
That was how to recognize the signs of jealousy and envy
in other people as well as what to do
about those feelings within yourself.
I hope that you like this video.
I hope that this gave you a lot of value.
I hope that this really makes your days better
and makes your life better because, me personally,
before I understood this stuff,
I was a miserable human being.
And I sincerely hope that by you understanding these things
and starting to understand these things,
you'll become a better, happier, healthier,
more valuable version of yourself.
Of course, if you like this video,
give it a thumbs up here on YouTube.
It really helps me out a lot.
It helps other people to find it.
And of course, if you haven't already,
subscribe to my channel.
I publish new videos just like this one every week.
And I'll also add, if there's somebody you know
who needs to watch this video
or who will thoroughly appreciate this video,
hit the share button below and share it with them.
This may very well make a major difference
in another human being's life.
Thank you so much for watching.
Again, my name is Nancy Da Costa
and I publish videos on achieving self-mastery
and emotional intelligence every single Monday.
I will see you next week.
Thank you so much and have a good day.
Buh-bye.
(jazzy guitar music)
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