Hey, guys.
It's Artie.
Hopefully you know that since you subscribe to my channel.
It's probably the reason you're seeing this.
It's good to see you!
It's now February.
I agree that January was the longest month of the year.
Like, it felt like forever.
I'm glad it's over.
But I'm here in San Jose again, enjoying a nice day.
Thus, the nice lighting.
And, um, wanted to check in.
So I'm sort of doing a Q&A except I've just decided to do two questions this time
and I'll save the other questions for another time.
The point being, uh, that I will be, like, focused on a certain topic and also won't
be so in my head about when I ramble on or hung up on the time.
'Cause a lot of you in the comments were like, "Talk as long as you want.
Don't worry about it.
The longer the better."
Uh, a guy said, "Hey, I listen to you while I'm at work.
So, it's fine.
Just talk as long as you want."
So if you're that guy that listens to me while you're at work, hope work's going well.
I'll try to talk long for you.
Um…
Yeah, so… a few of you were, like, also, like, just make it, like, five minutes, otherwise
it's too long.
Sorry, that's never gonna happen.
Clearly.
But I am gonna try to pick a topic.
First of all, really quick about "Bad Boy", 'cause "Bad Boy" news is always good, right?
For one thing: February 27th, we will be shooting the next "Bad Boy", uh, which means hopefully
I can edit it fast and get it out, you know, within seven to ten days later, but I'm
very excited that we have a shoot date set now.
I'm actually hoping to do two that day.
Depends if I've got the money saved but at least one on that day, so I'm very excited!
Um… and then those of you— some of you donated to when we had an Indiegogo fundraiser.
One of the perks was you get, like, an 8x10.
It just came in the mail.
Do you like it?
Do you wanna see?
Can you see it?
I went for, like, a collage instead of, like, a still because, you know… there's more
than just, like, a couple people in the show.
And then I'll, like, sign it and ship it off to you.
Is this a good perk?
I struggle with that because I feel like it's also somewhat narcissistic to be, like, "Here's
my autograph", to offer that up.
The flip side is: I'm totally into autographs.
Like, if I'm a fan of you, I want your autograph.
And I will get it.
That sounded like a threat.
But, like, I don't know.
I waited in line for hours to meet Dolly Parton and get her autograph.
Same with Mariah Carey.
That story I will share in the next video.
Um...
Like, I was just telling my boyfriend, way back in 1995 - yes, I'm old - uh... she was
hosting-- not hosting, she was the emcee or whatever.
She was the main person of the AIDS Walk Los Angeles, which starts at Paramount Studios.
Everyone gathers there and then they do, like, a big walkathon through the streets of Hollywood
and she was... again, the host.
She was just becoming famous.
Like, she'd done, like, "Speed" and "While You Were Sleeping" and "The Net".
I think that was out.
And I'm like, "Oh my god, I love her.
She's the best thing ever."
So afterwards, she's done and she's gonna leave and people, like, crowd up to the stage
to get her autograph, and I'm like, "I want her autograph."
And I had, like, the AIDS Walk book and a random postcard and on the back was blank.
And I'm like, "How am I gonna get up there and get her autograph with all, like, these
hordes of people?"
So I didn't get a F. I put the postcard ready and I just went up and I went, "[grunts]!"
And, like, shoved it so that she would see it.
She grabbed it out of my hand.
She signed "Sandra Bullock".
She put it back in my hand.
And I got it back.
And I went, "Yes!!"
And I went back to my friends.
And I was like, "I got it, guys!
I got her autograph!"
And they were like, "Great, Artie."
I was like, "Oh my god."
It was exhilarating.
'Cause all I saw was the challenge and how hard it was gonna be and I-- [claps] fuckin'
got in there and nailed it.
Pardon my swearing.
Do you guys care if I swear?
I swear a lot.
Anyway...
So, point is, I do like autographs.
Um...
And if you do, too.
So you're saying, like, "Hey, do the patreon thing," I'm thinking something like that is
a good perk in the future of a patreon?
'Cause I think you have to have perks all the time?
I don't know.
I'm still learning.
But you guys say I should do it, so I guess I will.
[sighs] All right.
So, two questions.
Xsari wants to know if Jim Parsons is nice.
This is from when I worked on "Big Bang Theory".
And Helion Prestant wants to know about my time on "Modern Family".
"What's that story?"
So, I figure I will talk about those.
Also, like Brian Povolo wants to know, like, my favorite shows and so did Xsari, so I can--
I can-- I can mention that at the end.
But let's get to the meat of this.
Um...
This was like season three of "Big Bang Theory".
Um, and so it was a relatively new show but it was a huge hit right away, like, the number
one show on TV, so I was very excited to be there playing a super small part.
It's the one where, if you watch "Big Bang Theory", Sheldon's apartment gets robbed.
And so he wants to move to the safest place in America.
Discovers it's Bozeman, Montana.
When he arrives in, like, the train station or the bus stop, I come up to him, I ask if
I can carry his bags.
He's like, "Sure! Thank you!"
He gives them to me and I run off with them.
I steal from him.
It's irony.
It's good comedy.
Anyway, so he was nice.
He was very Sheldon-esque.
He thought we had worked together before at the Old Globe Theatre.
And I was like, "No!
We haven't.
I wish.
I'm doing one line on your huge sitcom.
You are the star of the show.
I don't think that we've worked together on a play before."
Although I wish we had.
Sorry. There's...
"A Quiet Place" is happening outside my apartment right now.
Scary.
Um...
So then...
But you know who was really nice on that show was Kaley Cuoco.
She's amazing, guys.
I hadn't even met her yet.
You show up for the table read, which is, like, the first thing that happens on a sitcom
like that.
You gather at, like, ten in the morning on the first day and read the script.
And she's across the table, still standing, we haven't even sat down yet, and she sees
me and she goes, "Good morning, Artie!"
And I went...
"Good morning, Kaley Cuoco!"
Like, how do you know my name?
I didn't say that.
That's what I should have said.
"How do you know my name?!
Kaley!"
I didn't say that.
I was just so moved that she had even taken the time to be like, "Okay, who's the guest star?
What is his name?
I will know it."
I mean, she probably did that to, like, make me feel welcome or to like her.
Either way, it worked.
So then later on, on the shoot day, I make these treats for everybody.
This is kinda a thing I do as a thank you gift for, like, whatever.
Or for like, if I'm going to a party, I make these treats.
It's peanut butter and butterscotch and cornflakes.
My mom would make them.
I would make them for my friends.
My friends have since named them "Artie Clumps".
I did not name that.
But they are popular so I can say that everyone likes my clumps.
Everyone likes my clumps!
Um...
So I bring them to "Big Bang Theory" and I set them out on, like, the craft service with,
like, a note saying, "Thanks so much for having me, guys.
Love, The Thief".
There's too much noise going on out there.
I don't like it.
It sounds like an alien crawling through the wall!
It just...
It stopped for a second.
I hate sounds!
So, anyway...
I put that note and then I go up to my dressing room, which is like upstairs on the stage.
And the first person that comes by is Kaley.
And she's like, "Oh my god!"
She's like, "Did you make those treats?" I was like, "Yeah!"
She was like, "They are so good.
They're amazing.
Ah, we love having you here.
You're the sweetest."
And I was like, "I love you, Kaley Cuoco!"
I think that every time I see her now.
I'm like, "She is so sweet."
She reminds me of how I imagine Jennifer Aniston to be, which is just, like, sweet and loving
and... but still super famous.
I don't know.
Anyway...
So then, later on, I'm in my dressing room just, like, chillin' and... [knocks].
And it's Jim Parsons.
And I'm like, "Hi!"
He's like, um, being very Sheldon, he's like, "Did you make those treats that are downstairs?"
And I said, "Yeah, I did!
Did you have one?"
He's like, "I haven't sampled them yet because I'm certain they're poisoned."
And then he left.
Isn't that perfect?
So perfect.
I was like, "Ah, yeah.
You're sellin' it, buddy."
I love him.
So it was a great experience, guys.
"Big Bang Theory" was a wonderful, wonderful time.
And it's... it was...
My dream has always been to work on a sitcom where it's, like, multi-cameras like that,
'cause it's like theater mixed with TV, so I was very happy to be there.
Moving on.
"Modern Family".
[thump] Can you hear that?
[sighs] All night with the firecrackers.
Did I already tell you about the firecrackers in San Jose?
Firecrackers go off all night lately.
Someone is setting them off to, like, scare people, I think.
They were going off everywhere.
Like, they were moving at, like, in the middle of the night.
And it's not just like a "Pew! [crash]" It's not like that kind of firecracker.
It's like the kind where there's a bunch on a string so it's like, "[rapid fire sounds]".
You think there's machine guns goin' outside your window.
So I'm waking up and I'm like, "Oh my god, what's going on?"
And then it's moving.
So it's like outside the window there, but then it's down the street and now it's behind
the place.
I'm like, in my head, I'm thinking -- this is my scenario -- it's a psycho person that's
doing this to get people to come outside to be like, "Knock it off with those firecrackers!"
And when they do that, they kill 'em.
Doesn't that sound like a horror movie?
Definitely does.
The movie would probably be called "Firecracker".
But it's too scary.
I don't like it.
Anyway, so I wanted to-- I wanted to be the guy that opens the door and be like,
"Knock it off with those darn firecrackers!"
But I'm like, "Oh, if I do that, I'm gonna get firecracked."
So I didn't do it.
Anyway, I barely slept last night and now there's a snake in my wall, so.
Welcome to life in San Jose.
"Modern Family".
I auditioned for that show six, seven, eight times.
Great casting directors there.
Their names are Jeff Greenberg and Allen Hooper, in case you're curious.
They're legends in the industry.
And, uh, yeah, they brought me back a lot, which is very nice of them.
Finally booked a part in season 8 where I played a masseuse.
It's Claire's birthday and Gloria puts a spa day in Claire's office and I'm the masseuse
for Claire.
And I show up and I'm super flamboyant but I swear I'm not gay.
And it was really fun.
Julie Bowen, who plays Claire...
My thought was like, "What if you don't watch the show?
Are you interested in this?"
My head, guys.
You don't wanna live in here.
Uh...
Julie Bowen was exceptionally friendly and garrulous and loved to talk to me about anything
and she was wonderful.
Um, so I'm her masseuse.
So she's, like, in the chair and, like, she sits down.
I'm, like, massaging her.
Lightly.
'Cause she's like, you know, number one on the call sheet and I'm the guest star for
the day.
Like, I'm not gonna fuck with Julie Bowen.
So I'm doin' it.
Then they yell, "Cut!"
And then she, like, gets up from the chair and she looks at me and she was like,
she's like, "Oh!"
She's like, "You're an actor!
I was wondering why the massage was so soft!"
And I was like, "Well, yeah!
I don't wanna-- I don't wanna, like, go-- hurt you!"
And she's like, "Go hard!"
And I was like, "Okay!
Julie Bowen!
I'm gonna go hard."
So from then on, when I was doing the massage parts... like, even-- we were just watching
it with my boyfriend the other day.
Like, you can see, like, she's kinda, like, shaking 'cause I'm, like, trying to get in
there on Julie Bowen.
Never thought I'd say that.
But I did.
Also, she's not very muscley, so when you give her a massage, it's-- it's-- like a lot.
She's kinda skin and bo-wen-sy.
I was trying to do a pun with "bones" and "Bowen".
Didn't quite work.
Anyway, but she was lovely.
Sofia Vergara, meanwhile, has, like, the movie star mystique all about her.
I'm sure it's partly because she is so beautiful and now so famous that she has a bit of, like,
a invisible wall around her.
She was love-- she was talking to people and she saw me and, like, smiled, but she didn't
come up and be like, "Hi, I'm Sofia."
You know, she was just there.
Even when I was standing next to her.
And in fact, I don't know if you remember this, like, this was, I don't know,
two and a half years ago?
And, like, her ex-husband was, like, suing her for her frozen embryos or something ridiculous,
and the news had just come out, like, that day.
So it was so wild to be standing next to someone where there was, like, this national entertainment
news story happening.
And I overheard her talking to a crew member, she was like...
All I heard was-- caught was part of it...
She was like, "Yeah, it's so stupid!
It's like, what the fuck is he doing?"
That's what she said about it.
I was like, "This is fascinating!"
Anyway...
So, my other little tidbit about "Modern Family".
This isn't, like, rambling worthy.
This is more just, like, interesting where I talked to one of the writers/executive producers
on the show.
His name's Danny Zuker.
I believe he pronounces it "Zuker", not "Zucker".
Z-U-K-E-R.
He's a wonderful man.
He's hilarious as F and I was talking to him and he was saying how he used to do, like,
stand up and I'm like, "You should 'cause you're so funny just, like, talking!"
He's like, "Uh, it's too hard."
Like, "I like this."
And somehow we get into talking about, like, is it easier to make it-- pardon me-- as an
actor or a writer 'cause I'd been having that thought a lot and I still do.
He's like, "You know what?
I think it's easier to make it as a writer, um... and I'll tell you why.
Because acting and actors, everyone tends to disagree about what good acting is and
who a good actor is."
So, like, he's saying, if they come in to audition, not everyone's gonna agree on that
was the best person or they did a good job or they're the funniest.
He's like, "But, with writing, everyone tends to agree what good writing is and the cream
always does rise to the top."
And I was like, "That's interesting."
He's like, "Yeah, so, like, if you're a good writer, odds are you're gonna make it.
If you're a good actor, you don't know."
It's like, "Oh, snap!"
And so, this happened-- this was, I think I'd just done the first season of "Successful
People" or I was just...
I was writing more.
I was getting on this path that I'm on now about making my own content.
And a month prior, I'd worked on this sitcom called "The Odd Couple" and one of the writers
came up to me.
He's like, "Good job!
I know it's hard when it's just a couple lines, but, like, you know, you did a good audition
and I used to do that."
I was like, "Really?"
He's like, "Yeah, I would go out for these small parts.
I know how hard it is and I just...
I got tired of doing it so I decided to become a writer 'cause I felt like it was, you know,
easier to make it that way."
And I was like, "He's telling me the same thing!"
Where he used to be an actor and then now he's writing on a CBS sitcom?
You can just make that switch?
So here I am, guys.
Like, you-- the comments I get more often than not about "Bad Boy" is that you guys
like the writing.
I don't get lots of comments saying, "Artie, your acting was so great!"
You do give nice comments.
I also think I'm, like, the "straight man" [laughs] in the show, so it's not like I'm
the comedy superstar, but I'm like-- am I-- should I be writing more and more?
Acting is my first love.
Like, I just love doing it.
But I wanna make it, guys.
Maybe I'm supposed to be a writer.
Maybe I'm supposed to be doing exactly what I'm doing.
And maybe one of these shows that I'm making needs to get sold to a network where I can
write it and act in it and edit it and produce it and be the whole rigamarole.
Wouldn't that be good?
That's my dream, guys.
That's my dream.
Anyway, I thought you'd like to know about that.
Um...
I hope this was interesting, of course.
It's still weird to me to kinda do these, like, Q&A's for you guys, uh... because of,
like, the narcissism that I feel like is involved in it.
To just be sitting and talking as myself and be like, "You wanna watch this."
[laughs] It's not like something I'm creating and writing and then wanting you to see, like,
"Look what I've crafted."
It's just, like, "Here.
Listen to my voice for fifteen minutes."
But it's the flip side where I also get it.
I get that it's... we like it.
It's just weird to be the person-- This is the hard thing about being an actor, guys.
At least for me.
I don't really like actors.
I find them to be obnoxious, self-involved, again narcissistic, and difficult to have
true friendships with.
If you're my friend and you're an actor, I don't mean you.
I wouldn't keep you around otherwise.
But I've had many relationships like that where it's like, "Oh, this is not real.
This is just about you."
And I never wanna come across as the guy where it's just about me.
'Cause I care about people and the last thing I typically wanna talk about is, like, my
audition or, like, some acting thing.
If you're, like, my boyfriend or my mom or something, like, yeah, I wanna share the good
news, but I don't know.
I'm not the guy that's gonna walk up to you and be like, "Hi.
I'm Artie. I'm an actor. I have a YouTube channel.
You should watch my show. Have you seen me on this?"
I don't know.
I wanna be like, "What's going on with you?"
I know about me already.
Why do I wanna talk about me?
But then, you're giving me this little-- this avenue where you tend to ask me questions
and wanna know things and maybe it's good for me.
This is a symbiotic relationship without me even realizing that's what I was walking into.
So thanks, guys.
Um...
I guess that's it for now.
Uh, let me know what's going on with you.
Anything.
In the comments.
You don't have to comment about what I said.
Tell me what's going on with you.
Tell me what your favorite TV shows are.
To answer your question, um, Brian, about the favorite shows, I... the ones that are
currently on, I love "The Good Place", I do like "Modern Family" still, "Unbreakable Kimmy
Schmidt" just ended.
Thought that show was so funny, so twisted and absurd.
"Archer".
"American Vandal" on Netflix, got canceled.
I make-- I made a list 'cause I knew I'd forget.
"Will & Grace" I still love.
Although this last episode was tonally all over the place.
Um, the one where they, like, drank the chocolate milk?
I'm like, "This is not 'Will & Grace'."
"Broad City", "Veep" - so funny, can't wait for it to come back - "Silicon Valley".
Dramas: "Good Fight", uh, "Money Heist", "Black Mirror", "The Sinner".
But my all-time-- here's the thing, guys: I stick with shows I've already seen and watch
them over and over again.
This is why I know every-- I wanted to get closer to tell you-- this is why I know every
line of "The Golden Girls".
'Cause I've seen it so many times because I know I like it already.
It's my comfort place.
So why am I gonna go watch something I've never seen and might not like if I can watch
something I know I like and be comfortable?
That's actually bad advice, right?
Isn't the thing is you gotta take a chance?
'Cause you might find something even better?
Or at least expand?
I know this.
But I've always been that guy where I'm like, I know the foods I like, the music I like,
the TV shows I like.
Stay here.
But it's flip side, too.
Like, I will try other things.
I have.
I've kinda gone through that.
And I do watch some new shows, but, like, I would love to watch all of "30 Rock" again!
Or "Parks & Rec".
You know?
"Pushing Daisies"!
Gone too soon.
"Veronica Mars" I just started again. It's still good.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Comfort zone.
It's called "comfort zone" for a reason, guys. 'Cause it's comfortable.
All right, I'm drifting.
[laughs] Uh...
Have a fabulous day.
Please eat a cookie for me again because I'm gonna eat one for myself and-- although I'd
like to lose five pounds by the time we shoot, uh, the next "Bad Boy".
Wish me luck with that.
I literally ate a bag of cookies this morning.
All right.
Take care and talk soon.
All right. Bye!
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