Hi, my name's Stephanie, and today I wanted to share with you about how I told my friends
and family about being diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder.
So, to preface, a lot of people are hesitant about sharing their diagnosis and that's okay.
You don't have to share it with everybody if you don't want to.
Some people don't find the need and some people don't really want to deal with the reactions.
So, you don't have to tell anybody or certain people.
You can tell, or not tell, whoever you want.
For me, I had finally found an answer and I knew that my actions affected other people.
I knew that some people might be put off by my reluctance to want to be around people
all the time and go out and do things.
How I'm not very good at maintaining friendships and other relationships.
I knew there was probably some social situations that I handled wrong, even without knowing
it.
And people probably thought I was rude.
And to me, it was important to be able to share with certain people that I wasn't trying
to be rude or ignore them or things like that, but that there was an actual reason.
Now, I only told a few people when I was suspecting about autism.
Someone had actually brought it up to me, actually as Asperger's, and I started looking
into it further than, maybe, the stereotypical idea of Asperger's or autism.
And I started to realize there were, like, names for things that I did or the way that
I felt and it was kind of crazy.
If you're interested in the difference between autism and Asperger's, I explain that in another
video.
I'll go ahead and link that for you.
I did talk to both of my parents when I was suspecting because I was in a lot of emotional
turmoil.
It was like I was looking at this key that was just out of reach because in my area,
it wasn't easy to find people who were even remotely knowledgeable about the idea of an
adult being diagnosed with autism.
And I needed to talk to somebody about it because it was just, like, this is the answer.
I can see it.
I, I felt this weird, like, almost like, I'm "normal," but I'm just not there.
And I don't know how to explain that feeling to you, but if you are a late diagnosed autistic,
you might be able to understand that.
I wanted to keep it limited to who I talked to because I know that especially in my area,
people have a pretty stereotypical view of autism or Asperger's.
And I know that I don't fit the stereotype, so they probably would have thought that I'm
just being dramatic or stupid, or something like that because I didn't have an official
diagnosis.
So, one of my parents encouraged me to see a doctor.
They're like, cool, you know, maybe you'll find some answers and my other parent was
more hesitant and they suggested maybe it was because of my childhood and just stuff
was, like, appearing now because of that.
And so I talked to my husband, too, and he wasn't unsupportive.
He was just kind of reluctant because you don't want something to be wrong with somebody
that you love and care for.
You don't know how to deal with those sorts of things.
It's kind of like being thrown a curve ball and you're like, wh-what?
When it's someone that you care about, you want to be able to, like, fix the things that
are wrong or help in those situations.
And when you're talking about something like autism, that's like mmm...
I don't know how to handle that.
I've never dealt with that.
And it doesn't sound like something that has, like, this simple fix.
So, for a lot of people in my family or in my friend group, there was a lot of hesitation
because no one wants something to be wrong with you, right?
And that's something I want to caution you about as I tell you my story is that a lot
of people have that stereotypical view of autism.
So, suspecting, a lot of people are not interested in your self-diagnosis.
They think of autism as being non-verbal or something like that.
They will compare you to some random, you know, documentary they saw on autism or a
movie, or someone's child who is, like, a support level 3 or lower functioning, and
they'll be like, that's not you.
You can talk just fine.
Or you can, you know, have this conversation with me, so clearly, you're not autistic or
something like that.
So, it's really difficult because not only are they coming from a stereotypical viewpoint,
some of them might not, depending on what kind of family you're from, some people might
not even believe that autism is even a real thing unless if it is non-verbal and even
then some people, some people have issues with believing that things are real.
They want you to be okay.
They want you to just be normal.
And as much as it is coming from a place of love and care, it can be really damaging for
you if you come out and say, hey, look, I think I might have this, and they're just
like, oh, this is just another thing that you're obsessing over.
This is just another thing that you're all up about.
Which is funny because of obsessive behavior being a part of autism.
So, after talking with some people, I decided to try again.
So, at first, I had called around.
I had looked for places that would be willing to diagnose an adult with autism and I talked
to my insurance.
I talked to all sorts of people on the phone and they were just like adult?
Autism?
What?
But I did finally get my doctor's appointment and I did do my best to self-advocate.
I will say that that didn't go the best way possible, but I finally made it through.
I have my diagnosis.
A simple note on a computer by a psychiatrist that says for sure, officially, this person
has autism.
Now, a lot of people don't know how to go about sharing that they have autism.
It's kind of, like, not something that just comes up in conversation naturally.
And I didn't have a great idea of how to do that, either.
I did talk to my husband's sister, so my sister-in-law, because she had actually worked with people
on the spectrum before, children and stuff like that.
She's really sweet.
So, I had talked to her while I was in the process of getting a diagnosis and she was
really sweet and understanding and everything.
And then I waited until I had my official diagnosis to talk to the rest of his family.
My family kind of knew, as in my parents.
We ended up being at a dinner with his family and he was just like, well, do you want me
to tell them?
And I was like, sure.
Because I don't, I don't know how I'm gonna, like, say this.
If you know anything about my husband, he loves to have fun and prank people.
He's sitting there at the table and he's like, oh yeah, we have some news.
And so everybody gets quiet, you know.
And he's like, we're p-.
And I was like, oh my goodness!
Don't do that to somebody!
Because he was making it sound like we were pregnant.
Like, we're not pregnant!
So, he was like, p-.
And ... his family know him, so they know he's kind of messing around and he was like,
possibly, and then he said something else.
And we continued to eat and I was waiting.
Now I was, like, really anxious.
Like, did he change his mind?
I don't know.
I guess, like, he was, kind of, not sure how to go about it, either.
And then he went around again with the p-, we're p-, thing.
Trying to fool them into thinking things that weren't true to see if they would react.
But again, they know him.
They didn't react.
He basically said that we'll be learning more about my autism diagnosis.
And he said it kind of weird, and so, at first, his family was like what?
Who told you that?
You know, like, who would say that?
Like you seem normal, right?
Then it was my turn to explain that I had gone through literally three different medical
professionals to get a diagnosis and that I was on the high-functioning end.
So that means that that makes sense, I can hold this conversation with you.
You know, I'm not fitting your, maybe, stereotypical view of autism, because not everybody knows
all about it, right?
And so that's actually how we kind of told most of, like, family members and everything.
And then my sister and pretty much the rest of my family and friends pretty much found
out via YouTube.
I was encouraged to kind of keep it to myself because of people's perceptions.
And, you know, I can understand that.
I can understand that people can be kind of cruel about things and, so, if they think,
you know, oh, she has autism, so she can't do this.
Or she has autism, so, you know, whatever she's doing is just weird, and stuff like
that.
I can get where that's coming from but it's really something that is important to me to
share, and so I'm going to do it.
So, hi.
Here I am, sharing to the entire world about my autism diagnosis.
I don't think most people are going to go this particular route of just making a video
and telling the entire world that they have an autism diagnosis, because some of my family,
as I said, found out that way.
Now, of course, I'm assuming that some of my friends, and I say "friends" loosely.
I don't have really a lot of really close friends.
I have acquaintances and people I like to talk to, but I don't really have like a lot
of friends, friends.
Like people I can call if something were, you know, bothering me or something.
But, either way, people at my church or other places like that, I think they know, because
they say they see my videos.
But no one really brings it up.
A lot of people don't really know how to, like, deal with it, and so, I'm pretty sure
they know.
Some people now kind of, like, just stare at at me, and I'm like, hey, you know.
Yeah, I have autism.
Deal with it.
It's not a big deal, okay?
Like, it's not the end of the world.
I'm still me that you knew before.
It's not a big deal.
And some people might think that it's just trying to get attention or that the doctors
are stupid, and why would they, you know, diagnose me with this or whatnot.
And to that, I say, educate yourself.
Go find out more about it.
If you don't know and, you know, that's part of what my channel here is for, too, because
I understand people are coming from ... they don't know.
And that's really not their fault that they don't know.
So, I like to try to help other people on the spectrum as well as people learning about
the spectrum because, like me, people are coming from this perspective of not knowing
anything about it.
Not really understanding that it's even a spectrum.
That you don't have to be, you know, non-verbal to be an autistic.
And, so, those are just some thoughts I wanted to share with you about how I shared with
my friends and family.
Again, I would highly suggest if you're thinking about sharing with your friends and family,
that you have a diagnosis.
I wouldn't say that you would have to go through the whole thing by yourself, 'cause obviously,
I talked to my husband and I wanted to talk to my parents, but I would say, only find
the people that you really, really trust and also present them with your research.
'Cause those people will know and they'll see also why that makes sense if you ever,
like, talk with them about those things.
But as for a lot of other people, they're not really ready or willing to accept things
until there is an official diagnosis.
And for those of you who were like me and were having a lot of trouble finding people
who were willing to even think of someone who was an adult needing an autism diagnosis,
if you're already in, like, therapy or something like that, bring it up.
Say, I think I might have this, can we just look into it?
If you're not in therapy, you might have to go to a doctor and then be referred over to
therapy.
I would like to actually share that experience of going to my primary care doctor and getting
a referral and that whole shebang with you guys.
If you're interested in that story, go ahead and let me know in the comments below because
I think it is something definitely to share.
But if you, you know, are struggling finding a place like that, just try.
Even though it seems impossible, trying will at least alleviate the pain of you knowing
and not really being able to share it with other people.
Because that was an immense pain for me.
Because people kept on being like, oh, you're weird because of x, y, and z.
Or why are you doing that?
I have the answer, but I can't tell you because you won't believe me.
And that is really painful.
So, if it's at all possible, I know it can be expensive.
I know it can be difficult, but just give it a shot if you can to see if you can get
a diagnosis.
If that is the case that you do have it.
Sorry, I know this one's a lot more low energy than some of my other videos.
If you want to see more high-energy videos, check out my playlist.
If you're interested in seeing my story about going to my primary care doctor, trying to
get a diagnosis, 'cause that is quite the story in my opinion, let me know, again, in
the comments below.
If you enjoyed this video, go ahead and give it a thumbs up and also in the comments below,
let me know if you've had any experiences with telling your family or if you're thinking
about it, etc.
All that sort of thing, let me know in the comments below.
And if you're not subscribed already, please do so.
I post to this channel every single Thursday on autism topics in general.
So, if you are interested in learning more about autism or help for you if you're on
the spectrum, awareness, etc.
Go ahead and hit that subscribe button and I hope you're having a wonderful week and
I hope you'll see me in my next video.
Bye!
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