- Everyone says person of element is cliche,
until they're in crisis, right?
Everyone believes person of element is cliche,
until it's required that they go to the next level.
Then they're like, give me all I can get, right?
Once you're in transition or your challenge,
you're really frustrated,
those are the times person of the elem really matters.
Forgive me if some of these phrases might sound cliche,
it's just that's how people talk
and it is fundamental to you succeeding.
Let's talk about the bubble of You.
The three beliefs that you have to have
to achieve long term success,
at least based on my interviews and experience.
Number one belief,
I am being or trying to be
congruent with the best of who I know I can be.
The last five days were you really trying
to be congruent with the best of who you are?
Meaning, you know the best of who you are,
you know your values.
You woke up everyday and you're like,
"I'm being congruent with the best of who I am."
Or were you just going through the emotions of the day?
Were you just reacting throughout the day?
Were you actually comparing yourself to other people
and letting it get you down?
Were you aware of what makes you unique
and living into that uniqueness?
Living into your values
and attempting consistently and conscientiously
to be the best of who you are
or were you going through the motions this last week?
What I found with high performers,
is they're more consistently testing their congruence
against the standard of their best self,
against the standard of what we call their highest self.
It's easy not to do that,
especially when you're good.
Especially when you're talented.
Especially when things are going well,
you can just get up and go through the day
and do a good job,
but what happens over a series of weeks,
is one day you don't feel like you're really on your path
when you're just going through the motions.
One day you wake and you're kinda like,
man, I feel like I'm in a funk
and you don't even know why you're in a funk.
You don't know why things don't pop for you.
You don't feel like there's momentum in your life.
You want to talk about real misery in your life?
Be out of congruence.
If you're a person whose identity says,
I am a healthy, positive, caring, goal-oriented person
and you just know that's who you are,
but then you're not congruent with that,
that's where misery comes in.
If you identify yourself,
the best of who you are,
you know you're a healthy person,
but for five nights in a row you got drunk,
five nights in a row you ate crappy food,
five days in a row you ate too much,
you know at the end of the week
that does affect your psyche.
Why the dis matter?
Because when you don't have that belief
that I am being congruent
or I feel like I'm trying to be congruent
with the best of who I am,
then self hate comes in,
then that negative, sorta framing of everything,
I'm not good, I'm terrible, all that stuff comes in.
And it's not because, listen,
attempting to be congruent with the best of who you are
does not necessarily mean that everyday
you are the absolute best of who you are
and everything was perfect and you were totally congruent.
Listen to the phrasing here,
I am attempting to live in congruence
with the best of who I can be.
I'm trying, it's an active, thoughtful, discipline approach.
It's not like, yeah I had a great week, Brandon.
It's not about did you have a great week.
A lot of high performers who I've met,
they did have a great week,
their peers are like,
"Oh my god, she's crushing it.
"Oh my gosh, I can't believe she can
"manage all those kids so well.
"I can't believe that they're running the business."
People see you and are impressed by your achievement,
they're impressed by the external reality of your success.
You can have a lot of momentum in your life,
but if physiologically, even if it's unconscious,
that you know you're not truly living in accordance
with the best of who you can be,
if physiologically, you know you're incongruent
with the best of who you can be,
it starts like grating at you
and over a period of time what this does,
think about it, when you're not congruent
you're just kinda grating at your confidence unconsciously.
You might not even know it.
It's just like everyday I wasn't my best.
Everyday I didn't try to do something
and show who I am.
Everyday I wasn't authentic
and suddenly over a period of time,
that lack of congruence just bores a hole
right in your confidence
and you don't even know why.
You just wake up one day not feeling yourself.
Then it becomes this big challenge
because maybe you haven't had training
like this on congruence
and now it feels like this big existential dilemma.
"Oh my god, something's wrong with the universe,
something's wrong with me,"
and the reality is you just weren't trying
often enough to be congruent
with the best of who you can be.
Second big one is,
I am capable or possibly capable
of achieving the future that I want.
Capability, I am capable is everything.
Now here's the thing,
you don't have to believe you have all the competencies
that are necessary to succeed.
You have to believe that you are capable of getting them.
There's so many things that I know, right now today,
that I am incapable of.
I am incapable of many things
'cause I don't have the skill set yet,
but I believe that I am capable.
You give me enough time, energy, resources,
mentorship, hard work, and days at something,
I will figure it out, I will develop that skill,
I will achieve.
This is how high performers think.
It's so clear, under performers,
they get stuck stewing on what they are not capable at,
so they stop forward momentum.
They go, "I'm not good at that", so they stop.
"I never learned to do that," so they stop.
I suck at this thing over here, so they stop.
You've seen it before with the research on mind set
where high performers have a growth mindset,
under performers tend to have a fixed mindset.
That fixed mindset means, they fix on their identity,
who they believe they are and what their capable of.
They think their knowledge, skills,
talents, and abilities are fixed.
They were born that way
and are stuck that way in some ways
or that there's a top to their potential.
Were high performers have that growth mindset
where they really believe,
no, I'm capable of becoming more.
I'm capable of figuring it out.
I am capable of busting through.
I am capable of getting the knowledge,
skills, and abilities that are necessary for me to succeed
and that is what is a motivating driver for them.
Here's the test, if you have been lacking
confidence or motivation to go for those bigger goals,
somewhere in your psychology,
you do not believe that you are capable.
Not believing that you are capable is why you stopped.
Even if you have all the reasons
in the world to be confident,
people like ya, you've achieved things in the past,
you're a good person, you believe in your worth,
even if you have all that,
but if you don't believe you're capable of breaking through
or getting that next level of skill,
that's why you've stopped.
Listen, the nice thing about capability is to get it,
you only need a few things.
The first thing you need if you want to feel more capable,
you gotta make sure that you are very clear on the map,
you gotta know step one, two and three,
and you gotta go,
the goal doesn't need to be in your mind,
"I'm gonna achieve step 70,"
what we really need to do is start
working step one, two and three.
Just work it.
Capability, the belief of capability
is tied to momentum.
You gotta take those first couple of steps.
The third one in your little bubble of You is,
I am worthy or deserving of having extraordinary success.
I am worthy or deserving of having extraordinary success.
Listen, most people who really live
a little below their potential here's their belief,
"I am worthy or deserving of survival."
Literally stops at that.
Their belief and their envisioning
for what their life is worth and who they are
is low ball, their standard is so low.
Most people standard in their worth is survival.
I deserve to have food.
I'm worthy of having a job.
I am worthy of making rent.
They don't say, I am worthy one day of flying in that jet.
You know what, I am deserving of having a deep,
connecting, magical, sensual marriage.
They're just like, I deserve a good husband
and it stops there.
I'm worthy of good is sometimes why you only ever got good.
Sometimes people's belief matches up with their worth
in such a way, that they don't get to experience
the brighter colors of life.
All they ever get to experience is baseline, good.
Because I am worthy of survival.
I'm worthy of paying the rent.
I deserve to have a good husband.
I deserve to have happy kids.
But they don't think about depth,
they don't think about richness,
they don't think about abundance.
Their belief is always I deserve good things
and if your belief is just good things,
good things is all you get.
You need to adopt the belief that you deserve
an extraordinary quality of life
and whatever it takes to achieve that.
If you gotta repeat that motto to yourself over
and over again, do that.
Look at the subtitle of this book,
I don't know if you guys noticed,
how extraordinary people became that way.
Not how good people, not how great people,
how extraordinary people.
The reason that I put that word down
is because so many of the 300 bad asses I interviewed
for this, used that word.
They didn't want good.
They didn't just think they deserved good,
they thought they deserved something special.
They thought they deserved and were worthy
of that magical part of life where things have vibrancy
and zest and pop.
Where the adverbs and the adjectives had color
and richness that were so different
than what the regular mundane person wants
who just has gray walls built around them of belief.
Where it's all just enough
or always just great.
That look, yeah, high performers want more
for themselves and their families.
A high performer doesn't feel bad about saying,
you know what, I want to make a 100 thousand,
I want to make a quarter of a million,
I want a make a million.
There's no guilt to that
because they believe that they are worthy of it.
It doesn't mean they always believe,
I deserve it because sometimes they're not doing the work
and it's hard to believe you deserve something
if you're not doing the work.
You can feel worthy of it
because you're a child of God,
because you have been a good person
and a trust worthy person
and a giving person,
because you want good things for other people
and you want good things for yourself,
but you also know that makes you worthy
because you care.
The fact that you are a person right here with us right now,
who's interested in person of element,
who's working on yourself,
who's looking at these concepts not through
criticism or skepticism,
but rather saying, wow is there something here
that I could embrace that could help
me feel better about the day?
Help me be a better leader?
The fact that you're here alone,
makes you worthy of the next level.
The work will make you deserving,
the belief will make you feel worthy.
You deserve and you are worthy
of climbing that next level
and if you don't tell yourself that,
it's easy to sit back.
Take what you get.
Feel grateful for it,
I know a lot of people who are deeply grateful for life,
but because they don't feel worthy,
they're broke.
How's that for a mind screw.
They're grateful.
They're practicing what all these books say,
be grateful, live a grateful life.
Life is precious.
Do your gratitude journal so you write in your gratitude
journal and everything else.
I know a lot of grateful people who are miserable
because they don't believe that they are also
worthy of more.
They're grateful but they've settled for a crappy marriage.
They're grateful but they've settled for being in bad shape.
They're grateful but they've settled for a job
that's beneath them.
You have to be in that place where you go,
you know what, I am worthy of being around A players,
I'm worthy of being paid well
I am worthy of achieving that next level,
I'm worthy of an extraordinary experience in my life.
Because if you don't have worth,
you can have the gratitude in the world
and still be emotionally broke.
That's the challenge that most people don't see.
That's why a lot of the self help that gets criticized
to just be happy, be happy, be happy,
be grateful, be grateful, be grateful
is criticized by practitioners like myself
and go, I know a lot of grateful people
who can't break through.
If you're grateful without worthiness,
you won't work, you won't excel,
you won't challenge yourself.
You have to feel worthy, ready,
deserving of the next level
and you gotta put in the work to it.
Which I know you know,
I'm just sharing what high performers shared.
It is the distinction between high performers
and under performers.
This is what high performers believe,
I am congruent and attempting to be congruent
with the best of who I am.
I am capable of figuring things out
and going to another level
and building a future I deserve
and I am worthy of experiencing an extraordinary
quality of life.
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