so you're going through a divorce and you want to know if you're gonna get
screwed in court okay this one might be a little bit different we're gonna get
to the bottom of this I swear if you're a dad there's a couple things you need
to know in fact there's three things that we cover in this video but there's
gonna be more this is gonna be a part of a series of videos for man that talk you
through what you need to know when you're going through a child custody
battle what we're gonna have to put this on pause I just wanted you to know now
one of the things that I am huge on and especially what I live for is I am a
men's coach I've been doing this for 12 years one of the greatest standards that
I have for you is a man to have a great relationship with your kids as a father
and so on what are you doing he wants me to chase him hold on
oh no you don't okay okay Wilbur say hi it's my dog ah see this
was supposed to be a video about fighting to get your kids back without
I'm just fighting my kid and he thinks it's funny so one of the things that is
paramount in all of this is how you become a great man out of this whole
thing but also how you get to spend time with your kids even if it's this see
there's so much in this entire situation that could go absolutely wrong not just
with your children but also with how you develop as a man and the thing that I
know about coaching for the last 12 years with men is that it can go wrong
in a lot of ways in fact the worst ways that can go wrong is how you develop
because that affects your foundation of how great of a father you're gonna be
this might just be to just now know eventually all this is gonna pass and
you need to be strong as a man you have to be strong as a man your job of being
a father is a lifetime commitment okay so I think it's best if we just wrap up
this intro and get to the other intros so that we get to the meat of it let's
get let's get to be a girl hey guys my name is Steve Mayeda and I'm a men's coach
in Austin Texas I'm a BJJ practitioner wim HOF enthusiast's I have an amazing
family four awesome boys at a beautiful wife and what this podcast is about is
about being the better man what we talk about is tried and trued because we've
been doing it with groups of men just like you for 12 years listen up do dads
get screwed in divorce court how do they get screwed all these different things
we look for and search for especially when you're a father and you go through
a divorce you're going through a separation you're looking into it you're
looking into these different ideas how
do I minimize problems or getting screwed
over how do I get custody of my kids here's the thing guys is right now right
now while we're recording this we're on our Wednesday night call it's January
the 30th 2019 and this is what we've been talking about we've been talking
about it a lot actually since 6:00 p.m. tonight and it's been 10 wow so we've
been on the call a long time discussing this issues with with dads and so on
about many different things but let me just tell you what's important about
this and this is the number one thing that I want you to get in it and that is
this the worst decision that you could make in all of this is the decision that
you make emotional and alone if you decide how to take action on
going through your child's life your role as a father and enter into a court
situation man you're blowing it in any case guys that's what we're talking
about here very quickly we'll get to all of this but the number one thing that
you got to know and do when you're in this situation is you have to find a
lawyer now a lot of people freaked out about this I also have a video which
talks about it but I want to add an extra caveat to this and there's much
more that goes into it than just getting a lawyer now in finding the lawyer you
want to make sure you have a good lawyer now I'm not a lawyer I don't give legal
advice this is about the maximum that I can give about legal advice which is to
get somebody who can so if you live in New Hampshire or Chicago or whatever I
don't know good lawyers there and maybe some people my groups may know I know
some and Austin I know some and DFW but for the most part you got to find a
lawyer one thing you need to know about finding a lawyer that is very important
is that lawyers are meaning to sell you so family law businesses are built off
of desperation from men and women seeking revenge being angry and a lot of
the times lawyers play on to that now the lawyers can be great lawyers they
can do the job they can take you where you need to go into your court case to
do what is best and all these different things for your situation and they may
serve you great but you have to see between the end result that that lawyer
can provide and what their sales tactics are
because ultimately it is a business where they're trying to get your
business and what can often happen is you get into a good relationship with a
lawyer and that lawyer lets you down okay that that happens all the time
they're really good in the first couple months but they're not good later on one
of the things that I say to this and this comes from actually a couple my
lawyer friends in fact I have a lawyer friend who I was going through a child
custody case before he was a lawyer and one of the things that he said that was
so important is you want to get a lawyer that is young and tenacious solid very
good has a good track record but he's still trying to prove himself in the
community now also he said but you should be interviewing lawyers who are
established in the community have been around for a long time some of those
guys don't want to fight anymore they're so used to getting business they don't
have to do it anymore but they also have that experience and know the court
systems and know different judges and built relationships with people and that
is very important too so you want to interview multiple lawyers before
deciding one okay so that's the first thing okay the second thing that is
super important so that you don't get screwed in your child custody case is
that you need to keep your head on straight you need to not lose focus as a
man now your kids your life with them their relationship is the most important
thing here now the judges the attorneys the prosecutors the whatever and however
your case is set up because I've talked to many guys I know for myself I had a
criminal case involved where my accident pressed charges against me and it was it
was really terrible and there's a lot of guys who have commented on my youtube
videos about this that in that situation CPS the judges everybody says we just
want what's best for the kids they don't want what's best for the kids
they want what's best for who knows and and they may say that they may really
believe that but from what I've seen in the whole system of seeing the parents
seeing the kids having it happen with my own kids they did not care about what
happened to my kids what happened who cared about the kids was myself and the
mother and whoever else was the family member that was heavily involved in
their life and that is who's always going to care for those kids now in a
conflict where the husband and wife or the
girlfriend and boyfriend are split all you can care about is yourself and this
is where we need to gain heavy heavy perspective and there should be more
videos and resources on this for you but you need to just clean your side of the
street it is not your job in and I know this is so crazy and I read the comments
and they're they're just so nuts and I and uh man I I feel for you guys cuz
I've been there myself is that all you need to do is worry about yourself
now if she's doing something toxic to the kids and so on you got to let go of
that and if you can't let go of it then you need to be able to take action but
if it turns into drama and so this is what's important let's say we hear this
all the time it's like man she's doing drugs in front of the kids she's abusing
the kids she's neglecting the kids she's making the kids sleep in the closet
whatever it is there's all these horror stories of where the woman should just
be you know demonized because of her actions then your job is is you need to
handle it through the legal process you don't need to gossip about it you don't
need to talk shit about it you don't need to bash her to her own kids you
don't need to get your kids to testify and do all this weird stuff to serve
your needs you need to be a father and that's very important so clean your side
of the street and make sure that you're building yourself up and building a
foundation for who you are in this now in all of this these two things here if
getting a lawyer selecting the right lawyer but also keeping your head
straight I'm gonna tell you that the most important thing in this and this
may sound counterintuitive is keeping your head straight and the reason why I
say that that's the most important thing is is it's the one thing you can control
okay now legally man get a lawyer that's very very important I'm not trying to
downplay that but you can control your own headspace and how you parent do
everything you can to benefit that and I know from just being a father myself man
there wasn't a rulebook in all the different resources there were out there
on how to be a father and how to be good to your kids and so on and if you're
going through a divorce were people that I couldn't relate with you know they
were just either too clean to clean cut they were too you know I don't know man
dr. Spock is the wrong word because he's from a generation before me or they were
to like fake alpha whatever you just couldn't believe what they were saying
it just didn't have any reality to it but get yourself involved in a men's
group that's very very important you find a local group you can join our
groups and that's something that I would highly recommend is that if you look in
the free stuff link down below or how to join our group so you click that link
and it takes you to a page where you can sign up for the free Austin men's
Development Facebook group but more importantly our paid groups which in
2019 we're doing some really really cool stuff for and making it really available
for everybody to be able to join that that's that's pretty powerful and I
don't even want to say it's pretty powerful we've been talking about it for
the last four hours you're on this call about what it means to be a good man in
many different situations but how to date again how to man when you are you
have your kids for the weekends what do you do when you have that awkward moment
you know and in my situation I didn't get to see my kids for five years how do
I reintegrate in that relationship and make it make it good you know so the
third thing that we want to get to in all of this that's super important of
how not to get screwed in your divorce is stop fighting in man I I know
everybody hears the lawyer thing I know and then they want to say like well how
do I decimate her how do I get custody from her and all this sort of stuff and
there could be other resources for that that we put out there and so on but that
would definitely be somewhere I'd have a lawyer interviewed and so on but stop
the fight okay I just want to point out in my situation and in every other man's
situation who has made it to the end to build a good relationship with his kids
like we have in our groups and this is something that again why you should look
at our groups as a very important thing is there are guys here now it's not all
the guys some of the guys are single and so on but there are guys here who have
had the same problem that you have had and years down that road now have a good
relationship with their child that doesn't mean that there aren't problems
that doesn't mean that there wasn't drama it means that they fought through
it and did the right thing we're to establish a good family to be a dad
right and not be some reaction to the system or whatever the qiam component in
all of that is that they stopped fighting at some point see when we're
fighting and we're fighting in a battle where the court systems are not
favorable towards men and they're our guys they're actually guys on our calls
who have custody of the kids one of them was just talking to me and you know he
had his own situation that got him there and one of the other guys he had his own
situation that got him there it wasn't a bunch of dirty tricks which got him
there and to be honest it was the lack of fighting which got him there now it
was a different situation than mine but that lack of fighting allowed everybody
to calm down because when people aren't calm in they're angry at you in they're
pissed off and they want to always always poke at you and over and over
again then we react we tend to overreact well what happens when we can overreact
in a system and I don't want to make this a political thing because I to be
honest I hate that I hate that the best men have to offer is stuff like these
extremist groups that just judge and blame and get mad at women and so on and
there are problems in the system just because I sight a problem doesn't mean
that I agree with your solution in fact I agree with the solution that tends to
work for men because that's what I do for a living is work with them in that
situation is that when we are fighting with somebody and we pissed somebody off
and we make them really really angry and they have an ability to completely floor
us when it comes to alimony when it comes to child support when it comes to
custody you know 50/50 custody which usually means 50/50 of liability I could
be screwing up the legal terminology of that but it doesn't mean the time okay
but when those things are in their favor and they're angry that's how men get
taken for a ride and I'll guarantee you this if it's
cited on us and some sort of masculine way which it may and I may be unaware of
it we would probably in our anger react upon that so when we
stop that fighting that's very very important when we can stop going back
and forth now for me what I needed to do is I need to physically remove myself
from the ex I need you to cut all communication from the ex I needed to
have a mediator I needed to do things in these ways where it was very
inconvenient but in order to have a good relationship with my kids and to
basically in order to have a good a good relation with my kids I needed to stop
the fighting I needed that divide there I'm not a big
fan of excessive boundaries or things like that but in this situation that was
necessary because we kept causing damage we proved it to one another if you are
continuing to communicate with your ex but you're maintaining a fight that is
quite possibly one of the best ways to screw yourself in a divorce reason why
what did we say at the beginning of this the worst thing that you can do the
worst thing that you as a man can do in this situation is make an emotional
decision by yourself and when you piss off your ex and they come back at you
and they now realize how the law can move in certain directions to totally
screw you man 1 you're gonna be emotional - you're gonna be so
frustrated you're gonna think nobody can talk to you the only people that are
gonna talk to you our angry men who lament and take your side and polarize
everything you can't think anything through straight and you walk into a
courtroom alone pissed off disempowered not thinking you
can get your best here's the deal guys and this is what is so important about
all of this we of all or not we of all but there's on this call right now
there's there's three dudes who actually there's two guys who have custody of
their child on the call right now but there's three guys who've gone through a
major major custody battle a major one that just tax you that just kills you
right and in all of this that we've gone through that man I can tell you
that you can make it out on the other end you don't have to freak out you
don't have to be overwhelmed I guarantee you well b-but you can get out of it
it's all gonna pass it's all gonna work out in a good way where you can be a dad
again but there's gonna be a huge learning curve of how those things
happen I would heavily highly encourage you to check out the links below get
involved under groups things like men's development excellence like I said in
2019 we're opening up that group for some pretty awesome stuff I would really
really really encourage you to look into signing up for that if that's something
that doesn't fit in your budget because I understand you're going through this
crazy custody case you need to hold on to every single dollar check out our
free group with the Austin men's development Facebook group or of course
you can email me plenty of you guys do that and I've loved getting your emails
in fact I don't love it cuz it's very sad some of the times the stories I hear
but I read every single one of them I write you guys back and usually I invite
you guys on to one of our calls for some support because that's what you need in
any case guys this is about being a better man this about being a dad this
is about being one of the most important jobs that you're ever gonna get in your
life that you have for the rest of your life take it seriously don't fuck this
up for lack of a better term and you don't have to that's you man and Sammy
and Sammy Papa and Sammy Sammy I'm dead amy-jo
Sammy
No comments:
Post a Comment