Then this horrible fight broke out!
There were two giant Huguenots in front of me! I sneaked in from the rear...
I caught hold of them and shoved my hand underneath one`s chain mail!
And, at the same time, that scoundrel bit into this organ -
I mean finger! And bit it off as cleanly as you please!
A donkey!
Ohhh! Is he for me?!
Your belly is as big as that of Silenus the satyr - also you are as much of a drunkard!
And I bought you this donkey for full resemblance!
Monsieur Chicot, you are like a king to me! Ohhh...
My beautiful donkey! His eyes are so sweet! You belong to me now, donkey!
My smart one! I have dreamed of one just like this for all my life!
I will call you Panurge, yes?
Get ready, up you get, friend! We must be on our way!
And what about the luncheon?
There is a meal waiting for you in Lyon in the afternoon, hurry!
Understood, I am not a fool! Farewell, my beauties! Until our next meeting!
-Monsieur Chicot, may I ride him now? -Of course you may!
When riding a donke-e-ey while holding a bo-o-ottle!
The donkey is swift and the wine flows in rivers!
Based on a novel by Alexandre Dumas (père)
La Dame de Monsoreau
Episode 9
Could you ride faster?
I have a feeling, monsieur Chicot, that you are searching for someone!
I am not searching, I am just looking at the road to see for how much longer we must ride!
Although we might as well be standing still!
-Could you not go any faster? -I could not! My dear Panurge will be exhausted...
Hurry, Gorenflot, I beg you to hurry!
Oh Lord, all these trials just because I am a "somnambulant"! Go!
Move!
-Fine, as soon as we reach the first inn... -What then?
-We will order fried pork stew at once! -Got it.
-Chicken fricassee! -Yes!
And a jug of their best wine!
Why are we standing here, move, Panurge, move, corn is waiting!
We will take the shortcut so that you could eat earlier!
-Yes, monsieur Chicot! -Hurry, Brother!
Lyon
Enjoy your stay, maitre Nicholas David!
Thank Lord we arrived just in time!
I hope you do not mind if we stay in this inn - "Under the Sign of the Cross".
-No no! -Then you must rent a separate room.
While you are busy with this, I will go on a stroll in the city.
When I come back, you will meet me and show me in...
- but do make sure that we are not observed!
The room you rent must be adjacent to the one that traveller over there has just rented.
-Do you understand? -Nah.
And what about the money?
Greed will be your undoing!
Now I understand. Move!
Let us rest, brothers, in our new abode! Enter.
Ugh, what foul language! We will eat in a moment.
Are you tired, Jeanne?
I am well and need nothing else when you are close.
Oh Lord, how lovely freedom is!
You know, it is only now that I came to appreciate it.
Have you not been free before?
-Of course not! -Why?
Why?
You know that I grew up as a member of the royal retinue...
... bound to the king by the unbreakable rules of the etiquette.
Followed everywhere by his nasal voice - "St. Luc, I am bored! Entertain me!"
"Come here and share my boredom!"
And that corset squeezing my ribs, and that frilled collar drawing blood from my neck!
No, my dear. Only now I understand what true freedom means.
And you, have you ever been free?
Have I ever been free, he asks...
Yes, you!
Never!
I could only leave the house in the company of two maids and one intimidatingly huge servant!
And if they catch us and put us into the Bastille?
Not likely! The king would have either sent the guards at once...
...with the order to get us dead or alive...
...or said languidly when leaving his bed: "Friendship is just an empty sound to him!"
Then Meridor will serve as an excellent hiding place!
My best friend Diana will shelter us there.
Can you imagine what a lovely nest we will have -
...endless forest on one side, golden fields on another, Loire in the sun!
I love you, Jeanne!
Oh Lord, someone is approaching! Let us run, I am afraid!
No, he is alone - it makes no sense to run.
Impossible, that is Bussy over there!
Monsieur de Bussy! Bonjour, monsieur de Bussy!
Oh, monseur de St. Luc! Good day, my lady - what an unexpected meeting!
-Have you come to arrest us on the king`s orders? -I? No, I swear!
I am not close enough to His Majesty to be entrusted with such errands!
So it was chance that brought you here?
Call it providence, St. Luc.
-Are you travelling then? -Yes, madame.
-And where to? -Towards Angers.
-Close enough to our destination! -Let us travel together?
Ah, I understand - you wish to hide under the parental wing!
Yes.
Lovely, my lady - I would begrudge you your happiness if envy was not such a vile vice!
Monsieur de Bussy, happiness is an easy feat for those in love!
Forgive me, I must leave you for a moment to search for our horses.
I love you!
Oh madame, your example is a rare one indeed -
... for only few us are afforded the joy of marrying for love.
To hear such words from someone beloved by all!
Alas, my lady, those loved by all are not truly loved.
I promise to arrange for you that happiness the very possibility of which you deny!
Madame, I do not deny that happiness is possible - I just deny it is possible for me!
I will find you a wife!
-You? -Yes!
Count, you will give in if you accompany us to our destination -
... I will arrange the happiness you deserve!
-And which destination is that? -The Meridor Castle.
The Meridor Castle? What is so special about it?
It is the estate of one of my closest friends!
One of your friends... Does she live there then?
How, is it possible you have not heard of the baron de Meridor and his daughter Diana?
No. And is that castle far, my lady?
And now you have taken the first step to your happiness!
Lyon
My thanks.
Saw him... Saw him! I saw him!
Whom?
What do you mean, whom? That traveller!
He changed and is all in black now!
Where is he staying, where?
Here, in the adjacent room! I did as you told me to.
The wall there is not thicker than my finger!
-Well, my friend - you deserve a reward! -Yes!
-Today you will get Jerez! -The wine Jerez?!
Yes, I will be damned, or you may stop calling me friend!
Jerez? I have not been drunk yet with Jerez! This must be very...
And what about dinner? Monsieur Chicot...
Catch! Is this enough?
Go take a stroll in the city!
But before that tell the innkeeper to come here, I would like a word.
Innkeeper! Hello innkeeper!
Enter!
Monsieur, I heard you wanted to talk to me?
Yes yes! Take a seat, dear innkeeper.
-Thank you. I prefer to stand. -As you wish.
-You see, monsieur, we rented this room today... -Yes, with the monk!
-Hush! Monsieur, that monk is banished! -Banished?
Maybe he is a Huguenot in disguise?
Monsieur! He is a devout Catholic!
He was just careless enough to read a sermon cursing Huguenots!
The sermon was a tremendous success...
... and brought upon the poor monk the king`s disfavour, as the king supports all heretics!
-Yes yes! But what then? -Then, monsieur?
-I abducted him, damn it! -Bravo, bravo!
I am on a mission to protect him - the duke de Guise himself sent me!
How?!
-The great Henri de Guise?! -Henri the Saint! -Hush!
Why hush? You do not lodge any supporters of the king here, do you?
No! But right behind this wall, in the next room, I have a new guest...
Forgive me, monsieur...
I cannot take the risk... I must leave!
No! I am with you! Consider me your brother!
-Are you saying..? -Yes!
Death to Huguenots! Bernouillet`s word!
Your name is Bernouillet then?
Call me simply "Protector of the faith"!
One word of yours, and I will throw him out of the inn!
No, monsieur, I don`t think you should! It would be easier to keep an eye on him here!
Of course - you are right, why did I not think of it?!
But tell me why, monsieur, you assumed this man was our enemy?
I say "ours", because I consider you a brother, of course!
Yes. For one, he arrived here dressed as a lackey!
-So? -And now he looks like a lawyer!
But he is no more a lawyer than a lackey!
Secondly... I saw a rapier under the cloak he put on the wall!
If it was not enough, he keeps praising the king!
And the most important clue - he said he was here on an important errand!
You are an observant man indeed! It is decided then.
We are staying here, but not a word about me or my monk to anyone!
-Long live our cause! -Monsieur Chicot!
Who is this?
This is our most revered holy father.
Stand up!
Lead him there! Yes, carefully! Put him on the bed! On it! Stay put!
-Who is this? -Our host - he knows everything, he is with us!
Yes!
-Who are "us"? -The Holy Union!
You see, no need to be afraid - you may be honest with him!
If I should be honest, then I can tell him I was promised Jerez!
Sermons drain all his energy! He is barely holding it together.
Monsieur Bernouillet, please leave us for a few minutes!
-We must discuss the situation. -Understood!
Animal!
No! I cannot put at risk such people! I will throw him out!
Ah, it is you, my dear host! Please enter and take a seat.
Thank you, I prefer to stand.
Monsieur, the circumstances have changed and I must take back this room.
I do not understand the rules you impose in this inn, maitre Bernouillet -
I paid for a week in advance and you appear and demand that I leave?
Yes, I need the room for a certain worthy man, one of my regulars!
It is impossible - I will stay here as long as I wish to!
-I repeat - please vacate the room! -And I say go to hell!
What?!
I said go to hell, or I will find a way for you to be polite!
Listen, monsieur! Should you raise your voice again...
... I will call my servants!
And they will work you over... before throwing you out!
-What is it?! What is going on with you?! -It is a fit! My fit...
-A fit? -Yes.
Strange. A minute ago you felt well enough to threaten me!
It always... arrives... unexpectedly... This disease! I feel terrible...
I care little for your disease! Please get up and vacate the room!
Listen... you are... a good Christian! Please show... some compassion!
Please let me... stay until morning...
And I will vacate... the room, as soon as you wish.
You are really pale, it must be true!
Let me help you to the bed.
-Come with me! -Thank... you...
Almost there!
Lie down, monsieur!
Like this.
-Fine, you may stay - but only until morning! -My.. thanks...
This I really don`t need!
And yet this heretic was struck down by divine retribution!
Lord bless all idiots!
Just you wait, swine! A couple of days more and you will pay for everything!
A couple of days! Well well...
The Meridor Castle
And here we are - in Meridor!
How long has it been since I saw it last!
Hurry, monsieur de Bussy!
-To whom do we owe the pleasure? -I am Jeanne de Brissac!
Welcome to Meridor.
I must warn you though that the baron de Meridor is severely ill.
What happened to him?!
You will see for yourself.
Monsieur Augustin, guests to see you.
Welcome, messieurs. Who are you?
Who has honoured me with a visit?
It is I, monsieur Augustin!
And which "I" are you? I do not seem to recall you.
Oh Lord, I cannot believe you do not recognize me... Ah yes, I am disguised!
It is I!
I can barely see... You know, when old people cry, tears tend to burn their eyes...
I am madame de St. Luc...
De St. Luc? I do not know you, my lady.
I am Jeanne! My maiden name was Jeanne de Casse-Brissac.
Oh Lord, Jeanne!
So you are married now, dear girl?
Yes, yes! And this is my husband, monsieur de St. Luc!
And is that young man a relative of yours?
This is our friend, Louis de Clermont, Comte de Bussy, Seigneur d`Amboise...
... attendant to the duke of Anjou.
-We met him on the way here! -The duke of Anjou?!That monster?!
And you dared to come here?
Monsieur Augustin, monsieur de Bussy is one of our noblest knights!
A knight to that demon?! To my daughter`s murderer?!
What have you just said?
And you... you did not know? I thought all universe must be mourning my Diana...
The duke of Anjou killed... killed my child!
My poor girl!
Diana..?
It is not true! This cannot be true!
It is not true, it cannot be the truth, it cannot be... It cannot be!
Baron, please allow me to talk to you in confidence.
I will explain everything later, Jeanne.
But this cannot be, no!
Monsieur le Baron, why are you convinced that your daughter is dead?
Who told you of her demise?
Monsieur de Monsoreau.
And you trust him completely?
Yes. He attempted to save her, but failed.
Have you heard anything from the count since that terrible day?
No. But it has not been that long - he is probably ashamed of appearing here.
Considering that he failed to fulfil his noble promise.
Baron, although you trust monsieur de Monsoreau to such an extent...
I am afraid you do not know everything that happened to your daughter.
What is it you are trying to say?
Baron, you must accompany me to Paris.
To Paris? Why?
The duke of Anjou wishes to talk to you.
To me? What can he tell me?
Baron, he might be able to clear his name.
I have no need for his excuses! No, I thank you, but I will not go to Paris.
I must insist, baron - trust me, it is of utmost importance!
Should you be dissatisfied with the duke`s excuses, petition the king.
You might be correct. In my pain I forgot I have another weapon at my disposal -
I will petition the king to punish my daughter`s murderer!
Should he not wish to listen, I will appeal to all of French nobility!
I will come to Paris with you.
For some reason I trust you, monsieur de Bussy.
Lyon
Monsieur Chicot!
A few days ago I brought you the happy news that your neighbor is sick with the fever!
Yes?
And today I bear even happier tidings - he is dying!
-Dying? -Yes!
Are you certain?
He is hallucinating! Over-excited! Tried to grab me by the throat and throttle me!
-What?! -Yes!
He keeps screaming "Protect the king!" and "Where is that man from Avignon?!".
"Where is that man from Avignon?!"
And the most interesting part -
That man from Avignon he has been screaming for? Appeared today!
-And where is he now? -There!
It would be interesting to hear what they are talking about!
Yes, I tried to listen, but they ejected me! Apparently he is confessing.
And what is preventing you from eavesdropping at the door?
What an idea! Why didn`t I think of it myself?
Here. Everything worked out extremely well.
You may be certain of that.
-He left! -I know.
Find brother Gorenflot and bring him here at once!
-Even if he is drunk? -Even faster then!
I will try!
Damn it! Which one of them has the document?
Where is he?
Triple damn it!
By all saints! I hope he did not steal away with the ancestral tree!
Unlikely, lawyers are sly beasts!
And this one is particularly beastly. And where is that good-for-nothing, Gorenflot?!
-Let me take care of this! -Help me! -Put him there. Lie down!
Poor man, completely exhausted!
-The confessor left then? -He is as much of a confessor as I am!
What confession could that be? They were whispering for less than a minute!
And the sick one?
He is not sick, he is half dead!
Such a pity he could not give a last confession!
No no, let that godless reprobate die without repenting!
Monsieur!
My hatred cannot be strong enough to wish that both the body and the soul perish!
Such lovely words!
You are the kindest of men and a proper Christian to boot!
What should be done then?
Father Gorenflot must receive his last confession!
Please leave us for a few minutes, monsieur - we must prepare!
Ah, of course, of course! Why didn`t I think about that?
In my he-e-e-ad for a long whi-i-ile...
Shut up!
Animal.
Get up, up, up! Up with you, drunkard!
Drunk a sip of wine and am already a drunkard?
Could anyone talk seriously with you?
Yes. I will be as serious as a drinking donkey!
A donkey who finished drinking! Look at yourself, do you know what it is like?
It is disgusting, you are drinking yourself into a stupor while our holy faith is left to its own devices!
Are you talking about me?
You, damn it! Who else?
As I thought... You are right, Chicot!
You deserve for the heavenly fire to burn you down to your sandals!
If this continues, I will leave you!
-No, Chicot, you will not do it! -Watch me!
No, Chicot, please don`t...
-You animal! -Yes, animal.
-You scoundrel! -Yes, scoundrel.
-You slime! -Yes, slime.
What time have you chosen for debauchery?!
Right when our neighbor, a Christian, is on his deathbed!
-Are you a Christian? -Yes, a Christian.
Then do not let your brother, another Christian, die without repenting!
I will not let him! I will not.
And where is he, my Christian brother? I will get a confession out of him at once!
Chicot, let me drink a sip first, I am parched and cannot speak like this!
Go drink then.
I am ready!
And? Where is my brother?
Wait. Listen to my instructions first.
I will leave 100 pistoles in the Horn of Plenty tavern in your name.
You may eat and drink everything you want...
... if you conduct that most reputable half-corpse`s confession the way I tell you.
Chicot, I have been a professional monk for 20 years! I will do everything properly.
Listen to me! Your cassock grants great power to you-
... you may speak both in the name of God and in the name of the king.
-Of course! -This is why, using your silver tongue...
... you must convince that man to give you the scroll he received from Avignon!
-What for? -To get 100 pistoles!
On my way.
You may speak of God, of the Devil, of whatever you like to him - but you must get those papers at any cost!
Understood.
And if he refuses to cough them up?
Then do not forgive him his sins - or an anathema might work just as well!
No! I will take them by force if I must!
-Go. - I am going!
If something goes wrong, scream! Call me.
I will scream, do not doubt it!
Here I am, my son, here I am!
Good day to you, my poor, poor brother!
Why are you here, holy father?
I... just to talk... about your soul`s salvation?
Thank you, but there is no need - I feel much improved!
Machinations!.. Devil`s scheming!
He wants you to die without repenting for sure!
No no, I assure you I am well!
And I - I am telling you you must prepare for the worst! Do not idle about!
My dear child! Get on with it - start confessing your sins!
I repeat - I am quite well!
And I am telling you you are wrong!
Before the light is kindle... er, no, extinguished, the lamp always burns more brightly!
Or is it the other way around? Don`t remember...
Go, go, start telling me about your machinations, plots, intrigues!
What are you talking about?!
What about? Our Lord will permit me to forgive your sins only if you give me your papers!
Which papers?
Those you received from Avignon! Give me those at once - or forget about any repentance!
I do not give a damn about any repentance, you idiot!
What a dirty pig! How do you like this?
What do you think, father?
Well well, now it is your turn to confess!
So your disease was a pretense?!
No asking questions, only answering them! Who are you?
-Who are you?! -You see who I am!
-I see, but your name! Tell me your name! -Brother... Brother Gorenflot...
-How did you find out that I had the papers? -I was told!
-Who told you? -He who sent me here!
-Who sent you? Give me the name! -I cannot!
-No, you will tell me! His name! -I will scream!
-Then I will kill you! -Lord! Oh Lord, I did all I could!
-Tell me! -Chicot!
The king`s jester? Where is he now?
I am here!
Monsieur David!
-So it is you! -Yes, of course it is I!
I am so glad to see you!
My poor Gorenflot! Come here.
Oh, my dear friend, I am sorry! Please calm down - you suffered so much!
And now that we have found out that he is not on his deathbed...
... he does not need a confessor. A nobleman will take care of him instead!
Friend, please go stand at the stairs and see to it that we are not disturbed.
I do not think our conversation will last long!
I know that you are an excellent swordsman... But this will not save you today!
-The joke is not bad! -It is a very good joke, for it is mine.
-Congratulations! -But you will like it even more in a moment.
Maitre Nicholas David, why do you think I am here?
I suspect it might be for that one missing whip blow...
...that I still owe you in the name of the duke of Mayenne!
I have owed it to you since that day when you left through the window oh so nimbly!
No, monsieur. I counted those lashes well!
And rest assured, I will return them to the one who had me lashed!
I am here, monsieur, for a certain genealogy monsieur de Gondy brought from Avignon.
Which genealogy do you mean?
That of the dukes de Guise!
So you are a spy as well. I assumed you were just a buffoon!
Both, monsieur, if you please.
As a spy, I will lead you to the gallows - and laugh about it afterwards as a "buffoon"!
-Gallows? -Yes, where you will be hanged high and fast!
I hope you will not insist on a beheading - as it is the privilege of the nobility.
And yet, we might come to an agreement, maitre Nicholas.
How so?
You will help me to destroy the duke and give me the papers -
... and I in turn will save you - a nobleman`s word!
And if I fail to comply?
If you do, I will kill you - I give you my word as well!
No, jester! I will kill you first!
The one who knows the secret of the de Guise ancestral tree must die.
You are starting to understand! Now for the last time - papers!
Papers?
You are being so uncooperative, monsieur!
-I will kill you! -I am here!
Well, you did not accept my offer - and now, maitre Nicholas, I will kill you!
Here comes that blow!
Pray forgive me, maitre Nicholas David - I gave a nobleman`s word.
I thought you cunning, but you proved to be as dense as a goose!
I did not know where you were hiding the papers, you showed me yourself!
-Gorenflot! -Here!
-He is dead! -There are many reasons to assume that.
Oh Lord! And he was so vigorous a minute ago!
Even too much so! He tried to swallow some inedible things.
Gorenflot, I will ride too fast for you to keep up.
W-wait! And what about me? What will I eat?
When I do give, I give properly - instead of having my friends beg for alms as they do in your abbey!
Is that blasphemer still alive?
Maitre Bernouillet! Please enter.
Maitre Bernouillet, a grand event has taken place under your roof.
Forgive me, I do not understand?
That man from Avignon, the Pope`s messenger, was here on a secret mission.
Yes, yes, yes! Which mission?
What horror! Horror! What will happen now? I will lose all my clients!
Shame on you, maitre Bernouillet!
This royalist and blasphemer is dead!
Our Lord`s judgement was carried out in your house!
The Pope himself chose to bestow this great honour on you.
Yes! Yes, how did I not guess it was like you say!
This is how enemies of our holy faith die!
-Amen! -Eh?
I said "Amen!".
Translated by Grafinyademonsoro on Tumblr
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