Hey, it's Aga!
I'm recording today's video with no make up on,
with hair that I didn't do anything with,
although I rarely do anything ;),
and wearing a "home-top"
because I thought that this kind of appearance will be
the best for the topic I want to talk about today.
When I go to playgrounds I watch people,
I watch parents and how they treat their kids,
how the kids react
how and what parents say to their little ones and so on.
One of the most common problems I've observed so far
during, let's say, last year
is that parents really criticize their children's appearance.
They say: how do you look?!
You are dirty! There's a hole in your pants, wee need to go home!
Don't get yourself dirty!
A bow isn't straight, hair is messy, ponytail holder is falling down,
a bracelet isn't where it should be...
One woman put a handbag into her 2-year-old
daughter and commanded her to carry it.
So this is how it goes.
Children hear from the beginning of their lives
that they need to look nice, they need to be clean,
everything has to match,
clothes have to look nicely together,
everything has to be perfect,
hair has to be in a ponytail or a braid,
that if it gets messy they have to fix it right then
because you can't go to people like that.
And this is very sad, in my opinion.
I think that it's not the way to go
and that it has bad effects on those children.
If it comes to me, I sometimes like putting nice clothes on April
and when I buy clothes for her I pay attention to
how they look, what they have on them and so on.
I avoid things that have princesses on them,
a lot of hearts and are very sweet.
I prefer the ones that go with a lot of things like
white, grey, blue... Things like that.
But I totally don't care when April gets dirty,
when she gets her clothes dirty,
when her hair gets messy
or she has dirty face,
or her shirt gets torn, etc.
What I care about is her being happy,
having a good time.
That she feels well with herself.
And she wouldn't feel well if I repeated all the time
that she doesn't look nice, that we need to fix something,
this is wrong and that is wrong,
that she needs to be careful not to get dirty and so on.
Look, Alicia from the first days of her life
her mother has been putting bows and headbands on her head.
And now Alicia who's 8 years old
won't go outside, anywhere, without a headband on
or without some bow because she's so used to it
that she doesn't feel good enough without it.
Unfortunately, this is how it affects us.
Hearing things like that from the beginning affects us like this
and later it's very hard to get rid of.
And the thing is that later people get surprised
that a 10-year-old girl says she's fat,
or a 15-year-old girl says she's not feminine enough,
that other girls look better.
People have so many insecurities in themselves,
there's always something they don't like,
there's always something wrong.
Girls want to look better and better,
I mean "better" - in quotes,
want to wear nicer clothes...
I'm sure that a big influence here
is that all those billboards, ads and others
there are perfect bodies of perfect women
with perfect skin, perfect hair,
perfect make up and so on...
And this is what all those girls, and often boys too, look at
and think: man, I don't look like that
and this is how a real woman looks
because this is what billboards and other ads show
and I see women like that in tv...
This has a huge effect on how they see themselves.
How they want to see themselves, how they want to be.
BUT we can't forget something I think a lot of people forget
which is that the way parents or other caregivers
who are with children from the beginning
treat them, talk to them, what they say about appearance
has bigger affect than the billboards
because those are noticed by children later in life.
And unfortunately... or fortunately, depends on the situation
parents who tell their child he looks bad,
he's dirty and looks terrible,
he has to clean himself and she won't go out
until she puts a bow on her head and so on
are the main reasons why these girls at the age of 15
are so self-conscious and are afraid to go out without make up.
They're afraid of being judged by others,
they think they'll always be judged because this is how it's been their whole life.
This is very sad.
This is something that's worth avoiding.
And I really recommend avoiding this
because this doesn't make things good.
I can't say that I remember hearing things like that,
if I was told all that I just don't recall,
but in general I don't remember a lot of years of my life,
my mind is just empty.
But I remember later when I was older,
let's say 17 and over,
my family members telling me that
I couldn't wear such short shorts
even though they weren't that short
but I'm tall and I have long legs so automatically
on my legs everything looks shorter
than on a girl who is much shorter.
Some told me that I looked like a "whore".
Which was a huge exaggeration
because I never looked like that!
Even though I'm not very objective about how I look,
I still guarantee you that I didn't look like that.
And comments like this had an effect on how I saw myself,
how I wanted to see myself, how ashamed I was
to wear clothes I felt well in.
Even though I was older it still left a scar on me
and I had to fight with it.
Notice how many people in the world have insecurities,
how many people don't like how they look,
how many people say their nose is too big,
their legs are too short or too long,
fingers too skinny or too fat...
Curly hair or straight hair... And more.
This list can be endless!
Most people have that, have some insecurities about themselves.
If you ask people on the street "what would you change in yourself?"
only a few will say "nothing".
Unfortunately this is the reality.
This all is about some weird standards
that were put on us by
cosmetics manufacturers,
clothing industry,
people hiring models,
photos that were edited to a degree when you can't recognize a person...
And we see all those fake people
because notice that in a shaving gel commercial
a girl shaves her hairless legs...
And it's one example that came to my mind just now.
Those are standards that people want to meet.
They think that since "it's this way"
and this is what we're told
we need to adjust to it.
Not even mentioning the fact
how much women want to be attractive in men's eyes.
Instead of wearing something nice
and put some make up on if they want to
and do their hair to feel different,
to do something new and look different than usual
for themselves, to feel better,
to do something new, like I already said,
just for themselves,
a lot of them do it for men.
They go out wearing high heels not because
they like high heels
but because they think that men like high heels.
I suppose, although I don't know because I have no experience,
but I suppose that it's like this with men sometimes too.
But I also suppose that it works a little different in their case
because there's no such pressure on men,
they don't have this pressure from everywhere
that they always have to look good,
that they always have to be look like "real men".
If you, men, watch me let me know
how it is in your case
because it seems to me like men rather
feel comfortable and yes, they care about being seen as attractive in women's eyes too
but I still think they don't have this pressure on them
to always look good to always be seen as attractive,
I hope you know what I mean.
I hope you understand my message...
The point in this collection of my thoughts is that
it's good to look nice for yourself,
to feel well about yourself
and not for other people.
Unfortunately, YouTube is one of the places where we hear
comments like "OF COURSE we want to cover those freckles",
"OF COURSE we want to make our nose smaller",
"of course we want our eyes to be bigger"...
Girls hear comments like that and...
[I changed the subject here a little bit]
You know what would make a big difference?
Instead of "of course we need to do it"
or that it's better to cover this and that,
or highlight something else
people would say "I like when my eyes seem bigger",
or "I like to put on make up that will cover my freckles".
Instead of putting this on others
that well you need to cover the freckles
or you need to cover this one pimple,
or you need to highlight your eye lashes,
or eyebrows and so on...
Because not everyone needs or should
do that and the fact that one person thinks
that highlighting eyebrows, like in my case
with my eyes being so light,
and a lot of people tell me I should highlight them
because sometimes they're invisible.
They don't give any character to my face and so on...
None of that means that I have to do it.
Because I like my eyebrows, I have no issue with them.
I've never done anything to them in my life.
And I'm not going to do it or to fix them in any way
only because someone thinks they're not straight,
that they should be waxed and highlighted.
It doesn't work on me
and I really would like it not to work on others
but I know it's hard to do.
It's not only about family or teachers
but also about total strangers.
I bet most of you heard some
negative comments about how you look
from people you completely don't know
either from the Internet or on the street.
I had terrible problems with my skin
several years ago and I mean it was really bad.
And I heard comments from total strangers saying
you look gross, you're gross,
don't sit by me because you're gross.
And more...
And so I heard things like that from strangers
who aren't in my life and I don't even cause them any problem.
You know, some won't care about it
and others will have that in them for a long time, sometimes forever.
To me personally it doesn't matter at all
if, according to popular norms, my nose is too small
or too big, too wide, too narrow...
If my hair is too curly or too straight.
Too frizzy or too flat...
If my legs are too skinny, too bony, too fat...
Because this is my nose, my hair,
my face, my legs, my arms, my stomach...
And the fact that someone sees a specific body type as a so-called "beach body"
is like... ok, well, if you're ok with that then fine,
you can get there but I feel well in my body.
Even if someone tells me I look like this or that
and I should change something in myself
and in my body because this person doesn't like that,
I'm not here to satisfy other people!
Especially if it comes to how I look,
how my own body looks,
how I feel with this body
and how I see all that.
Like I said, it's my own body
and I' m the one who has to feel well with it.
Because if I don't feel well in my body,
with how I look,
even when appearance isn't the most important thing in our lives
which I said a lot of times on my blog and I really think that,
even then if we don't like ourselves and how we look
other problems will follow and will fall on us like a waterfall.
You can't separate it
because if you don't like your appearance
which can be caused by a lot of things
like comments from others,
you'll feel bad with yourself, obviously,
you'll be embarrassed, you'll be afraid to go to people,
you'll be embarrassed to wear what you like and so on.
So it really affects your mental health
and it'll always happen.
It'll always affect your mind as well
and, like I just said,
some will ignore it and some will keep it for a long time.
You know, I think that after all I've seen in my life,
what I've heard and read,
it shouldn't surprise me anymore but it still does
that many people have this unstoppable desire -
insulting others if it comes to how they look.
That there's this urge
to tell someone he looks bad,
to show others they're worse and so on.
I am a great example that shows it happens all the time
because I get comments about my appearance every week.
Usually those comments say that I look like a "corpse",
that I'm "the walking dead",
that I'm thin as a stick and I look as if I got up from a grave
and what else... I look "very sick".
I look like I'm very sick.
My body is destroyed and so on.
I get them every single week,
there's no week without them!
I always remove comments like those
because I simply don't want to have such negative energy in here.
But before I responded to a few and said, for example,
I understand you don't like the way I look
but I don't feel a need to change myself
to make you feel better.
And one person responded to me that I'm "stubborn"!
So I'm stubborn because I don't want to change my appearance
in order for this person to like it.
And someone else said to me that
"it's not about my taste,
it's about the fact it's not healthy."
But it's unhealthy based on who's opinion?
Yours.
This person who thinks it's not healthy.
According to this person - yes.
According to me - no, because I'm healthy.
And the fact that I'm skinny...
I am skinny. When you tell me that I'm skinny
I'll tell you I KNOW, it's not new for me.
The same thing if you tell me I'm tall,
I know I'm tall, it's not new for me either.
I'm just one example and where's the rest?
Where are all the people who are insulted all the time?
Those woman who are overweight
and hear that they're disgusting,
that they should eat less,
that their fat is falling down and so on.
OK, I understand that this might not be liked by others
and that, unfortunately, this isn't healthy
but on the other hand, does it give anyone the right
to insult and judge others like that?
I don't think so because the fact that someone is overweight
doesn't mean he eats like crazy
because what if that woman who just gave birth
is fat not because she was eating a lot while pregnant
and ate for two let's say,
but what if she was on meds that increased her appetite very much?
We don't know her story,
we don't know why she looks how she looks
and also it shouldn't really be our business
because why, does it cause us any problem
that a woman in a store is skinny,
that guy is fat
and that other woman is too tall,
and the other one too short?
Does it cause me any problem that someone is shorter or taller than me?
Does it cause me any problem that someone is skinnier or fatter than me?
If you ask me that question I'll say I don't know.
Because there's no problem.
And if I ask you what kind of problem does it cause you
that I am skinny...
that I have skinny arms,
that I have skinny legs,
that I have skinny stomach,
what problem does it cause you?
I guarantee nobody will find it
because there's just no such thing.
A lot of people think they have this right
to judge and insult others "just because".
That if you don't like the way someone looks then you can
tell them that they're disgusting, skinny, fat
or whatever else.
And that's cool in their world...
But...
You know, I'm far away from setting any norms
or rules and so on,
but in this case I think that
we shouldn't cross our own boundaries.
Because if you stay in yours...
Oh, I meant we shouldn't cross other people's boundaries!
Because when you tell someone
"you're very fat"
then you're crossing this person's boundaries.
You're not staying within yours then.
So instead of saying "you're very fat"
why don't you say "you know, I don't feel comfortable
and I wonder if there's everything fine with you,
if you're healthy, maybe there's something wrong."
Anything like that, you'll then stay within your boundaries
by saying that you're afraid and worried about this person,
you're worried about this person's health and stuff like that.
And no, I don't like how everyone looks,
of course there are people who
I will always react emotionally to.
There are people who I feel disgusted by.
But I personally don't have a need to go to them
and insulting them, crossing their own boundaries and so on.
If I wanted to say something I'd say
"hey, you know, I don't really feel comfortable
being close to you
because I wonder how it's possible that you like how you look,
that you like your body and feel well in it."
Would it hurt that person?
Probably yes, they'd then realize that
others see it too.
But I'll stay within my boundaries and won't say
"damn, you look like a pig!" (this is an insult in Poland)
This is a huge difference.
Earlier when I wrote about this on my blog
I posted a comment from one of my readers
that fit there very well and I want to read it here too.
This is an important message, in my opinion,
that it's worth paying attention to, listen.
I heard negative comments about my appearance a lot of times.
It was mainly about my weight.
I have neurosis with heavy episodes of depression.
My symptoms are disgust and even phobia of food.
The effect is that I drastically lose weight
and eating two spoons of soup is a miracle.
When I was exhausted by the fear,
panic attacks, not eating, depression,
I heard comments that I was thin as a stick,
that I looked like a corpse,
that I had to eat because I'd die.
Things like that weren't edifying at all,
they were increasing my depression.
I'd close in my own room even more
and I really avoided any family gatherings
because each meeting meant comments -
painful, hurtful and memorable.
As you can see, not everyone is skinny because they don't eat (meaning they don't want to eat).
There are different problems, different situations
and, like this girl said,
painful, hurtful, memorable...
Unfortunately this is how it is and it happens on a daily basis.
I personally grew enough not to care about
what others think about me
and if someone tells me that I'm skinny like a corpse
then well, too bad, you think that I'm skinny like a corpse
and does it change the way I see myself?
Absolutely not.
Because I feel well in my body,
I have no issue with my body.
If you asked me what I'd change in myself
I'd say...
I don't know, I don't really have something I'd like to change.
So comments like that don't work on me.
And I noticed that it's hard for people to handle that
because people writing comments like this
expect some reply.
They expect a reply in the same tone,
the same way they wrote their comment.
They expect something like
"you're fat too!" or "you're so rude!"
or something like that.
And I don't feel a need to write anything like this because
it's a waste of time both for me and you.
In my opinion, there's no point.
And you know what I think?
I strongly believe that people writing those comments
or telling others those type of things
do it because they're impressed
by this certain person who feels well in their own skin,
feels self-confident, beautiful
and so on...
That's because the commentator
doesn't feel the same!
This person is jealous of others feeling well
because they can't do it themselves,
they can't feel well with their own body,
with the way they look, the way they are.
It might even be about a behavior, way of speaking or other.
So this person feels a need to insult someone else
in order to feel better himself.
One more thing is that if everyone was happy with themselves
and happy with life, happy in general
wasn't depressed, sad, stressed and so on,
nobody would feel any need at all
to write comments like that to other people
just because they felt well
and why would they do such a thing?
Because you can't deny that people writing those things
enjoy it! They enjoy sitting in front of their computer,
eating chips or drinking water,
depending if they're fat or skinny ;),
according to all the norms and what people think generally,
and insulting other people.
They click "enter" and they're happy with themselves,
proud, proud that they insulted someone,
that they're so clever and so on...
You simply enjoy it.
I feel sorry for you!
And I'm totally honest about it,
because I know it's hard to handle something like that
and since you go with this way,
which is insulting other people
to feel better,
then you're in a pretty bad condition
and you need help because it's hard to handle it by yourself.
It's really very hard.
And you're not bad people, you're not rude just because
it's not the case.
It's not about you being bad people.
You're just people who at the moment comment others like that
in order to help yourself.
It'll absolutely never happen
that everyone in the world looks the same,
that everyone is the same height,
the same weight, the same hair and so on.
There will always be people looking different than others
there will always be someone taller or with different eye or hair color, or anything else.
And one of the things that
is on my "dream world" list
is that I'd really want people to accept the fact
not everyone has to meet their standards
and that not everyone has to fit in the box they came up with.
Not everyone has to look the way they think is nice and good.
Notice that everyone has their own taste
and everyone likes something different.
A lot of time ago the ideal woman was one
that was a little bigger.
Now the ideal woman looks a little different.
And I'm curious what this ideal woman will be like
in 15 years. Let me add something very important here,
this "ideal" is different for each one of us.
Each one of us has some ideal man or woman, right?
There's no way that one man or one woman
will be attractive in everyone's eyes.
Honestly, I can't imagine that.
I think it's worth remembering and considering,
and use your time for something else, to help yourself
some other way than affecting others in a negative way.
I hope that I influenced thinking of some of you somehow.
Maybe I helped someone who feels badly with themselves.
If you want to share something or vent, or anything like that,
feel free to leave comments or send e-mails.
I enjoy reading your messages and replying to them.
It sometimes takes me some time because I'm usually busy
but I'll reply so if you feel like writing - go ahead.
I'm saying bye for now!
If you enjoyed this video leave thumbs up
and the more active you are
the higher the chance that my videos will show up in your subscriptions.
So I think it's very important if you're interested.
If you're new remember to subscribe!
I'll see you next time!
Today's question of the day is: "will you show what Alicia eats?"
No, I'm not planning to make a video like that
and my answer for "why?"
is that Alicia doesn't eat in a way that I support,
that I'd like to show on my channel.
It's not a diet that fits in what I've been doing here
and what I see as the best and the healthiest
so I'm not planning a video like this for now.
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