[Applause]
the strongest force in the human
personality is the need to remain
consistent but how we define ourselves
I'm gonna say that again the strongest
force in the human personality is the
need to remain consistent with how we
define ourselves what does that mean we
live in a world of so much uncertainty
now because change happens how often
instilling men's roles women's roles
jobs environments businesses bam-bam-bam
it's all changing so we have a need as
human beings for certainty we're not
certain about relationships businesses
time we're not certain that a lot but
one thing at least were certain about us
I know who I am if you don't know that
you freak out you have what's called an
identity crisis we can't make any
decisions you're freaking out so we all
define ourselves subconsciously so some
people see themselves as being
extraordinary conservative how they're
gonna do something crazy they're gonna
know hey hey I'm not that kind of person
what kind of person I don't know but I'm
not that kind of person
then they're true if you think you're
outrageous you move differently you talk
to me you do things differently there's
no one right or wrong but most of us
have trapped ourselves in an old
identity we've never done dated who we
are today
and so you go learn something a skill a
talent or ability but your identity is
this is who I am and so you never far
surpass it I'll give you a metaphor and
this will make more sense if in this
room we set the thermostat at 78 degrees
and the temperature drops let's say 78
degrees is a metaphor for your comfort
zone not your goals your comfort zone
which is known as your identity and
people have goals that are more than
their identity that's why they don't
usually get their goals unless they
expand their identity so 70 degrees is
how about your body weight not your goal
but the one you're comfortable with that
you live regularly 70 degrees is how
much intimate emotion you have in your
personal relationship
70 degrees is how much money you need to
make to feel comfortable not your
ultimate goal but your comfort zone
70 degrees is the kind of relationship
you need to have with God it's at 70
degrees and let's say the temperature
drops to 72
what happens this thermostat your brain
goes hey hey hey
I am a 78 degree or not 72 and what
happens heaters kick on the heaters kick
on to give you some kind of drive to
change it to make it better to do
something how many of ever experienced
the part of your life your body your
finances somewhere where it dropped and
it wasn't good enough and you felt drive
to change it how many had that
experience say I now if it's 72 degrees
you're supposed to be at 78 you try to
change it it doesn't work and try
something else doesn't work try
something as doesn't work after a while
nobody wants to have disappointment in
pain so what some people do is they
lower the thermostat they go I'm not 78
degree remember 72 degree or those 78
degree years of full themself I'm
downsizing and being smarter next thing
you know they're at 68 then they're 54
by the way when they get to 54 who do
these surround themselves with 78 degree
people who do they surround themselves
with 50 degree people so they can feel
good about themselves in a regular basis
isn't it true now you people are not
like that you're all overachievers so if
you drop down to 78 degree or excuse me
72 degrees you don't settle you try
something doesn't work do something else
do something else breakthrough get a
simmer I learned something get a cut
whatever it takes I do it and by the way
you stop when you get back to 70 degrees
people yes or no no you get to 80 85 90
95 98 99 degrees and also your brain
goes what are you doing what do you
think you are you're not a 90 degree
what are you doing up here what are you
doing and as soon as you realize you're
outside your comfort zone your brain
clicks on and guess what happens the
heater stop and you lose your drive and
now instead of selling you're shopping
right now all of a sudden you're in a
position where if that's not enough the
air conditioners kick on and you begin
to sabotage yourself to get you back to
where you think you deserve to be how
many of you I know none of you've done
this but how many have seen other people
sabotage themselves how many other
people do this cuff stuff I thought so
right how many of you ever sabotage
yourself say hi can you raise your hand
you lie about other things too don't you
come on
how many been in a relationship and it's
going really well and then you like say
something why do they say that you know
it's gonna screw it up time we've ever
done this say I so sabotage is because
you're outside your comfort zone you're
beyond your identity
so the reason I tell you this is today
to get the most another stay one change
your state because the fastest way to
change your identity is to do things you
don't normally do and your brand of oh I
don't do this I just did it it felt good
maybe I could do this maybe have more
does that make sense what gives you the
edge it's understanding why people do
what they do doesn't understand why you
can have a powerful positive influence
says everything human beings do they do
for one of two reasons we know what they
are to avoid what or to gain what now as
overly simplistic as that is everything
we do to avoid pain or gain pleasure
it's not quite true here's what I mean
by that we avoid what we associate pain
- we don't avoid real pain we avoid what
we associate pleasure - because we're
not dogs as human beings can we decide
to make something that's painful
actually pleasurable is that possible
yes or no can a hunger striker go on a
strike and feel the physical pain of
hunger and convert that into ecstatic
feelings because they believe they're
doing something that's morally right yes
or no so we have the power to change
what things mean to us and therefore
what we feel in our body about them we
are not just like dogs you know a Nelson
Mandela can be locked up for almost 27
years right and be in a position where
it wasn't painful when I met him the
first time I said how did you survive
that and he looked at me with this
really indignant look like how dare you
even use such a word I looked at him he
said I didn't survive that he said I
prepared I thought whoa he said I knew
one or two things would happen either I
would die and it would spark a
revolution of change or I would live and
I have to be prepared to lead and to be
a real leader I didn't be prepared for
them I mean can you imagine man coming
out and don't want to kill everybody if
someone took a quarter of a century of
your life he might be just a smidge
upset wouldn't you but instead he comes
out and says you know what you guys have
put me in jail lead with me that's what
human beings are capable of but that
means taking control of what equals pain
and what equals pleasure most of us
though live like dogs we let other
people train us what equals pains our
pleasure so we fit into their world
we must take control that process and
leadership management salesmanship is
all influence which is changing what
people link pain and pleasure to as long
as someone thinks pain to something they
want to avoid it I think my pleasure to
it they're gonna go for it let's take an
example what all the ladies in the room
when all the women in the room please
raise their hands so we can see the
woman Wow
keep your hands up where we might even
have slightly more women than men in
this room wow that's amazing okay great
so we have about 40 to p40 200 people
here so let's let's take it as twenty
one hundred out of twenty one hundred
women I'd like to do a survey how many
women in this room are wearing makeup
this morning raise your head if you're
wearing makeup Wow should be a makeup
salesman this room right okay all right
how many are not wearing makeup that'll
be an easier thing to measure okay keep
me hands up 2 4 6 8 10 12 14 16 18 20 22
24 26 28 30 32 34 36 38 40 42 44 46 48
50 so half weighs 50 so let's say
there's even a hundred out of 20 100
women max there's 100 not wearing makeup
2,000 wearing makeup only 100 not now
why is that it's because women love the
process of putting on the makeup how
many wait good morning oh I'd love to do
this I'm gonna do it for that reason
okay couple women on drugs there's
usually a few okay how many do not like
to put on makeup but you like the result
ie you associate pleasure too if I wear
makeup you know I feel more attractive
with other people more attractive to me
how many do it for pleasure regions say
I how many women in this room sometimes
wake up and think how could men don't
have to do this but how many of you put
it on anyway because you think if I
don't put on my makeup someone's gonna
say what happened to your face how many
do it to avoid pain ladies out there to
avoid pain how many do for both these
reasons let's see a show hands
now how many men in the room are wearing
makeup how many men in the room wearing
makeup
one man thank you sir very much why
aren't men wearing makeup is because men
are so naturally beautiful yeah
beautiful babe no I don't think so but
it's because we associate something
different for a man wearing makeup in a
woman that's all and for a man it will
usually equal pain in this culture okay
well it's for a woman equals pleasure
everything we do drop us down anywhere
you want your notes just write down this
what I linked pain to and what I linked
pleasure to shapes my destiny what I
linked pain to and what I linked
pleasure to shapes my destiny what I
like pain to what I linked pleasure to
shapes my destiny no what does this mean
well lots of things shape our destiny
and I don't know what your spiritual
beliefs alright I certainly believe in
God and I believe that there are choices
that are there but I think God gives you
choices and I believe your decisions are
what shape your destiny how many believe
that you make choices and they shape
your destiny say now if that's true and
I don't know that it is but if that's
true your decision shape your destiny
what shapes your decisions and the
answer is whatever you're gonna do
something it's what you associate if you
think it's massive pain to do that and
this is gonna be pleasurable it's not
hard to figure out that your
decision-making shapes your destiny but
what shapes your decision-making what
you link pain and pleasure to that's
your whole life so what's interesting is
we all have learned ways to get out of
pain and into pleasure
some people do drugs some people drink
alcohol some people find a way to take
care of their family or their kids or
society some people achieved overcome
that pain some people eat everybody's
got different ways on whatever ways
you've learned as ways to get out of
pain and the pleasure is shaping your
destiny right now say I'm here to tell
you that Mother Teresa
god rest her soul and Donald Trump are
driven by the same force you say Robbins
you sounded somewhat intelligent up
until now you try to tell me those two
people that are both alive that they
were both driven by the same force
that's insane Donald Trump clearly is
driven by economics and she's driven by
changing the world true but they're
driven by what they've learned a link
pain and pleasure to see Donald's learn
to link pleasure to being number one
building the best building you know
building a brand having money etc etc
and being number two is he
to death that'll give you some
motivation right mother teresa is
equally driven I had the privilege of
meeting her before she passed on I don't
know if you remember but she at one time
had a heart attack when she was down in
San Diego California I lived there and I
flew in the night afterwards and I know
on the top heart surgeons in the country
and I went to go see her to see if she
was gonna get that kind of care and when
I went to see her she was already out of
the hospital in the middle of the night
the nuns had taken her out without the
doctors knowing he imagined being the
hospital that lost mother Teresa and she
left a note that basically said I'm busy
not exactly but she said listen thank
you so much don't worry about me I'm
okay now I can't sit in this hospital
bed people need me
and so she said I'm going across the
border to Tijuana and Mexico and if you
want to help me don't send me flowers
send me a mobile medical unit which is
like a giant ambulance with special
stuff so she can get out to people that
don't get health services so I read
about the thing in the paper and was on
the news that night and Scripps
hospitals talking about well we're gonna
have a board meeting to talk about this
and four days later still nothing had
happened so I called a friend of mine
Martin Sheen the actor and I said Martin
I know you love them on the trees and
he's a friend of mine it's how about you
and I going together let's buy this
mobile medical unit and let's not call a
press conference it's not doing for any
reason let's just deliver it to her if
we're lucky we'll meet her and if we
don't we'll done a good thing so Martin
agreed we went negotiating we bought the
thing we drove it ourselves crossed the
border went down there and we meet
mother Teresa now remember I told you
state is what influences people so much
I mean this woman her state of love was
so much you just felt permeated by it
plus you've changed taker she's about
that tall like how you doing how are you
got this picture of she and I waving
like this you know so I'm talking to her
and I'm a believer in the idea of
modeling modeling is the concept that
success leaves clues that if someone is
successful again and again and again
they are not lucky they're doing
something right and if you sow the same
seeds you'll reap the same what rewards
doesn't matter your gender your age your
color your background your history now
that matters if you so you're gonna reap
if you so the right seeds so I've spent
most of my life modeling this seminar
comes from modeling the best influence
that I know and putting into a package
that we can all use so I thought man
Mother Teresa she's a saint
I'm with a saint I could model a saint
sessom mother tree she might ask if I
ask you a few questions
she said no let me find Tony I said I'd
like to know what gives you ecstasy in
life what gives you absolute total
ecstasy and then the second time I said
ecstasy man ecstasy a nun all right I
was like well what like juices you and I
want juices you and she start god I
thought she was choking to death I was
about to give her mouth-to-mouth no I
thought maybe I should wait and I
realized she was laughing she had this
cackle out she said you can use the word
ecstasy with me I said really
that's all right well what gives you
ecstasy I'll never forget she paused she
looked at me she said Tony what gives me
ecstasy is to see a person die not
number one on my list but in that moment
can you see why she went to 76 countries
the last year of her life when her heart
was terrible
see she wasn't always this way time she
was 50 years old she was a schoolteacher
she was a nun but she taught the richest
kids in India she wasn't helping people
that were dying she had an experience
that changed her life changed what meant
pain and pleasure a man was dying she
was in the city of joy as that's called
is not a beautiful place as man was
dying he saw she was not he tripped into
her and fell in her arms and she
couldn't drop him I came sister sister
please help me please help me she wants
someone else feel but she couldn't so
she took him to hospital try to drive
him off he said please they won't help
me please stay with me and he begged her
and after a while she realized that they
didn't help him because he was a in that
country a lower caste took him another
hospital by the third Hospital nobody
helped him so she took him home and he
died in her arms heavy
and one moment she changed what equals
pain into what equals pleasure it used
to be being around a dying person was
alternate pain now not helping a dying
person was the greatest pain of her life
he tried to leave the feelings you got
in a train and went away from the city
but you can't leave what's inside you so
she promised God that as long as she
lived no one within the range of her
influence would ever die again without
dignity and love she keep her word
because it became her standard my
friends not her desire and she lived
you
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