RICK: Those are the most miserable sons of bitches
you have ever come across. DARYN: The worst, the worst.
DARYN: Okay, here's the dirty little secret
about us Canadians: we're not polite.
No, we're passive aggressive,
and there's a big difference.
Being polite means that you're considerate
and respectful of other people.
Being passive aggressive means that you hate the person
who took your armrest on the flight
from Edmonton to Vancouver,
and as soon as they go to the bathroom,
you are totally stealing it back.
That sounds pretty Canadian, eh?
Here's another classic Canadian move.
Oh, is someone in your way at the grocery store?
Why would you ever politely ask them to move
when you can just bump them with your shopping cart,
and then hit them with a Canadian "sorry"
when they turn around? That is so Canadian.
And let's talk about the word "sorry."
Everyone in the world thinks Canadians say "sorry."
It's a "Canadian thing,"
and it is, but we're not saying "sorry"
in the way that they think.
No, when a Canadian says "sorry," what we're saying is,
"Sorry you made things weird between us.
"You are at fault, 100%."
Canadians, we're the mother-in-law
who never quite warmed to you.
If people think Canadians are friendly, we're not.
We just hate confrontation.
Canadians love beating around the bush,
so by the time the other guy has it figured out,
we're safe and sound hiding behind a bush.
And it's nice to be liked, don't get me wrong,
but the world sees us as Americans with manners,
but not a lot of charm.
We're the Littlest Hobo to their Lassie,
the bag of milk to their carton of hormone juice.
And I know what you're saying: "Americans!
"They're loud and obnoxious," but they're friendly!
If you know an American, you've got a friend for life.
You've got a shoulder to cry on if you need it.
A Canadian will just hand you a box of tissues,
and then awkwardly check their phone until you leave.
Now, I lived in the States for a couple of years,
and I couldn't believe
how often my family
was invited over to dinner by other families.
Americans do this all the time.
They eat with people they don't really know.
This is like the Canadian nightmare.
Someone you don't know over for dinner like for an entire meal?
You can't do that.
You're going to have to kill them and hide the body.
Anything to avoid a social interaction.
I can count on one hand how many times I've been
in my Canadian neighbour's house.
Zero.
Zero times, and he's really nice.
So why are we afraid to open up to our fellow Canadians?
Canada, what are we hiding?
I think we're worried that people will find out
that we're not nice all the time,
that we can be obnoxious jerks,
that we say stupid and offensive things.
In other words, that Canadians might be real human beings.
I think it's time we start a new Canadian identity.
Let's be louder. Let's talk to people
in the checkout line instead of staring at your feet.
Invite your neighbour over to your backyard to hang out.
Let's embrace our love of the letter "U," and say,
"F.U." more often.
Or, what do I know? I could be wrong.
In which case, I'm sorry.
♪
DARYN: Let me ask you a question,
why do Canadians say "sorry" all the time?
WOMAN 1: It's out of politeness. [laughs]
DARYN: Have you ever apologized for something
you had no business apologizing for?
WOMAN 1: Yeah, like bumping into a mannequin and saying,
"I'm sorry." [laughs]
DARYN: If I bumped you right now, would you like give me...
WOMAN 1: I'd say I was sorry.
DARYN: So if I go like... WOMAN 1: I'm sorry.
[laughs]
DARYN: Have a great day.
I'm sorry for bother you.
MAN 3: No problem. DARYN: Sorry.
Don't get hit by a car because I would feel sorry.
DARYN: Do you say "sorry" too much in your life?
MAN 4: I do, but I don't think that's a bad thing.
DARYN: So if I were like, "boom," you'd be...
MAN 4: "Oh, sorry, bud, sorry," yeah.
DARYN: It's instinct, isn't it? MAN 4: It is, it is.
For sure, man, yeah. I grew up in New York.
Different story there.
DARYN: Oh, so are you Canadian or American?
MAN 4: Both, both. DARYN: Gotcha.
Oh, so which side of yourself do you like better?
You're like Two Face basically.
MAN 4: Yeah. I like the Canadian side better.
DARYN: Yeah? MAN 4: The nicer side.
DARYN: The nicer side? MAN 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
DARYN: The healthcare side? MAN 4: Yeah, exactly.
DARYN: We're going around the pole.
Hello, how are you?
WOMAN 2: Good, how are you? DARYN: Good.
Do you think Canadians are too polite?
WOMAN 2: Um, no, I don't think so.
DARYN: Do you think we're very polite?
Like, do you say "sorry" a lot?
WOMAN 2: When I hit furniture sometimes, yeah.
DARYN: Wait, so... explain that.
What exactly happens?
WOMAN 2: It's more of a reflex.
You know when you like hit furniture and you stub your toe,
you're like, "Woops, sorry"?
DARYN: Here's what I want you to do,
next time you bump into your couch or your bed,
swear at the bed. WOMAN 2: Okay.
DARYN: Right? Don't say, "Sorry, man."
Like, go and swear. WOMAN 2: Power pose.
DARYN: Like, yeah. WOMAN 2: Sort of dominant.
DARYN: You stub your toe, what do you say?
WOMAN 2: "Excuse you." [laughter]
DARYN: We're talking about Canadians
saying "sorry" all the time, and the polite thing.
Are you from Canada? MAN 5: I'm from Canada.
I actually reside in Windsor,
and so I do a lot of transactions in Detroit.
DARYN: Oh, okay.
MAN 5: And so they're always making fun of me
for always saying "sorry." DARYN: [laughs]
In what scenarios are you saying "sorry"?
MAN 5: You bump into someone...
DARYN: Like if we went like that...
MAN 5: I would say "sorry." DARYN: And I would too.
MAN 5: And Americans don't.
DARYN: Do you think that you're Detroit pals,
your American colleagues, could learn from your, uh...
love of the word "sorry"?
MAN 5: It would be a good thing if they did.
It would be a good thing. It's good to be polite.
It just makes Canada a much friendlier, nicer,
happier place for everyone to live.
DARYN: Thank you very much, man. MAN 5: You're very welcome.
DARYN: Have a great day. MAN 5: You too.
DARYN: Sorry. MAN 5: Sorry.
DARYN: Sorry, man.
Catch you later. Sorry.
There's a lot of different ways to say "sorry."
"Sorry." "Ooh, sorry."
"Sor-ry."
"Sorry?"
"Sorry?"
Do you find yourself apologizing for things
that you don't really need to be apologizing for?
WOMAN 3: Every day. DARYN: Oh, really?
Can you give me, like, an example?
WOMAN 3: "Oh, sorry, did I get in your way?"
DARYN: So do you apologize at times to your friends
on the playground?
Do you find that "sorry" is something that you guys say?
CHILD 1: Yeah. DARYN: Yeah?
Like if somebody pushed you, would you say "sorry"
or would you push them back?
CHILD 1: I would say "sorry." DARYN: [laughs]
DARYN: Mom, would you rather her push them back?
WOMAN 3: In the back of your head...
you're like, "Just do it back so they learn a lesson."
DARYN: Yes. You know what,
maybe you can do both-- you push them back,
and then when they're standing over them go "sorry."
Yeah. [laughs]
DARYN: All right, gang, it's science time.
I'm going undercover to see if it's true
that us Canadians say "sorry" all the time.
They're never gonna spot me.
I'm on the case.
Excuse me, do you know what time it is in Winnipeg?
WOMAN 4: Sorry. DARYN: No, don't know?
Do you know you know where the Justin Bieber Museum is?
WOMAN 4: Sorry. DARYN: Sorry, no?
Can I have $200 please? MAN 6: No, sorry.
DARYN: No? Can I have that jacket?
MAN 7: No, sorry. DARYN: You're sure?
Okay. Thanks very much.
Have a good day. MAN 7: Thanks.
DARYN: Ow, you stepped on my foot.
MAN 7: No, sorry.
DARYN: Wow, thanks.
Ah, my college thesis!
No!
How could you do that?
Oh. Oh, no, my thesis!
I worked so hard on it.
No, it's fine. You can go.
You go. Yeah.
Excuse me, can you tell me the capital of Brazil?
MAN 8: Sorry.
DARYN: Do you know?
Excuse me? WOMAN 5: Yes
DARYN: Have you seen my emotional support animal?
I lost it. It's like a big bird.
WOMAN 5: No, sorry. We haven't seen it.
DARYN: Okay. WOMAN 5: Have you seen it?
DARYN: Thank you so much.
Check it out, exotic fish. Just bought him.
What could go wrong?
Oh, and before you write to the CBC Ombudsman,
these are fake fish, okay?
So put the keyboard down.
Ah, my exotic fish.
Why, could you...
MAN 9: Sorry. WOMAN 6: Sorry.
DARYN: Well that's not gonna bring him back to life!
Oh, they're dead!
Oh, well. Circle of life.
♪
DARYN: I'm here with my former boss,
and the star of the Mercer Report
here on CBC, Rick Mercer. How are you, buddy?
RICK: I'm good, DJ. How are you?
DARYN: I'm good.
RICK: Congratulations on the show.
It's very exciting. DARYN: Thanks, man.
I do want to ask a question. RICK: Sure.
DARYN: I wrote on your show for the first three seasons.
RICK: You certainly did, and you appeared on the show.
DARYN: That's correct. RICK: Yes.
DARYN: And then I left, and I never got an exit interview.
I was hoping I could get, like, a performance review,
12 years later. RICK: Well it's, you know,
you're taxing my memory, but I can do that.
DARYN: [laughs] RICK: I can do that.
This may sound cliche,
but you know this as a comedian
or someone who works in comedy,
your instinct is to tear down and destroy.
That's your instinct. You get your first laugh
tearing the teacher down. DARYN: Right.
RICK: Then you realize, the further up
the food chain you go, the funnier it gets, right?
You take down the principal.
Suddenly you're a god among men, you know?
Tear down.
On my show, we don't tear down.
It's counterintuitive. DARYN: That's right.
RICK: You have to celebrate. DARYN: You build up.
RICK: You gotta celebrate Canada, and you...
DARYN: [laughs] RICK: You love to tear down.
That's your instinct, and I used to have to remind you.
DARYN: [laughs] RICK: Um... celebrate.
DARYN: [laughs] RICK: Daryn...
DARYN: That's right. You have shot...
I mean, you've probably been in every nook and cranny...
RICK: Pretty much.
DARYN: ...of this entire country.
Are Canadians actually polite? Do you think that we are,
as a nation, that is the true definition of who we are?
RICK: I don't like any of those cliches.
I think sure, some Canadians are polite,
but we have all the problems that other people
in the world have. We have angry people.
Well, my partner, you've seen him in traffic.
He's not-- he's not polite,
but I think that's one of those cliches that in order to be
Canadian you have to be polite. DARYN: I agree.
RICK: And you have to go to Tim Horton's.
And you gotta love that coffee.
Oh, my God, there's nothing better.
And listen, if you love Tim Horton's, that's fine.
Why do I have to love this thing
in order to be a Canadian? DARYN: Yes... yes.
RICK: And I don't have anything against Tim Horton's.
I've eaten more ham and cheese at Tim Horton's
than I can even count. But yeah...
You know, when the pressure is there?
DARYN: You've been doing the show, what, 15 years?
RICK: Fifteen years. DARYN: Okay, so how many times
have you been dipped in cold water over the years?
RICK: Oh, now, see that... that...
I don't like that, and I've-- that's one of the go-to things,
because, you know, there's certain weeks of the year
where nothing's happening,
and one of them is the first week of January.
Like, everyone is done, right?
But I've gotta go do something, and suddenly the only thing
going on are people jumping into freezing cold water.
RICK: So they go, "Hey Rick, jump in the freezing..."
DARYN: "It'll be great." RICK: Oh, so many times.
DARYN: "It'll be great," with the mayor of so-and-so.
RICK: So many times. Yeah, exactly.
DARYN: I'm gonna take you region by region.
RICK: Okay.
DARYN: You're gonna describe the people.
I know... RICK: No, no, 'cause...
DARYN: In a positive, in a positive.
RICK: Of course in a positive. DARYN: But the uniqueness of it.
RICK: Or maybe this time...
you could just mention a province and I could say,
"Those are the most miserable sons of bitches
"you have ever come across.
"Every single one of them from the minute you get off the plane
"to the minute you leave that godforsaken place,
"nothing good to say." DARYN: I dare you.
RICK: Well, but if you noticed, I didn't say a province, did I?
It was a pretend province in a fantasy land.
DARYN: Describe a Montrealer bragging about a bagel.
RICK: Were you on the show when we went to Montreal
with Trudeau? DARYN: No.
RICK: And Trudeau was... he wasn't Trudeau then.
He was just Justin Trudeau,
so he was famous but he hadn't done anything.
DARYN: Like the drama teacher Trudeau,
or the sitting in the house? RICK: I think he was unemployed.
RICK: I mean, he wasn't a drama teacher,
and he wasn't an MP yet, and he was available.
So he toured me around Montreal,
and I remember he brought me to The Main.
And we wanted to go to Schwartz's but he said,
"No, we gotta go to The Main."
And I always thought he was cracked,
but last summer I was in Montreal
and the crowd from Just for Laughs basically
told me that's where you go. DARYN: Really?
I'm gonna try to find something about this nation
that you'll be negative about. Poutine.
RICK: See, that's not gonna be it.
I don't eat it, but I've had it, and it's good,
because you know I love gravy almost as a beverage.
DARYN: Let's talk about the word "sorry."
RICK: Sorry, yeah. DARYN: A Canadian...
this is a trope.
RICK: Yeah, yeah.
DARYN: You think we do it-- you think this is actually a thing?
Is it something we should stop?
RICK: I don't think it's a thing.
I don't think it's a thing-- maybe because there's a woman
in our office who says "sorry" a lot,
and she's from South Africa.
And it's like her vocal tick,
or like I might do that when I see it.
And she says "sorry."
DARYN: Your show's wrapping up. RICK: Yeah.
DARYN: What are you gonna do, for real?
RICK: I've got some pretty big news.
I can't tell you. DARYN: Come on.
RICK: Because it's secret, and it involves many networks.
Have you heard of the show called "The Social"?
DARYN: [laughs]
RICK: They're adding a boy, and I'm the boy.
DARYN: Who'd you jump in the lake with naked?
RICK: That was Bob Rae. DARYN: Bob Rae.
RICK: And that was, uh...
that was fun because I knew I was making TV history.
Not big TV history, but still,
he was running for the leader of Liberal Party,
and I convinced him to take his pants off
on national television.
DARYN: This is our Stormy Daniels.
RICK: That's as good as it gets.
DARYN: That's as good as it gets in Canada.
RICK: That's our scandal. DARYN: Yeah.
RICK: Yeah, two dudes got naked and jumped in a lake
in Northern Ontario.
DARYN: My man, Rick Mercer. Thank you very much.
RICK: Thank you, DJ.
DARYN: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Oh, I'm saying sorry.
I got this all backwards.
♪
DARYN: Food for the weekend.
Sorry, whoa.
MAN 10: Sorry. DARYN: That's okay.
♪
WOMAN 7: Sorry. DARYN: That's all right.
That's all right.
♪
MAN 11: Sorry.
DARYN: [whistling]
♪
♪
MAN 12: Sorry. Sorry.
DARYN: It's all right, it's all right.
It's your fault. It is your fault.
♪
MAN 13: Oh, sorry. Sorry.
DARYN: That's fine, that's fine. No, go ahead, go ahead.
Stop apologizing.
♪
MAN 14: Sorry.
DARYN: That's okay, that's okay.
Around, you gotta go around.
Where is the CN Tower around here?
That's okay, it's okay. You're in my way.
That's okay.
What a big city.
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