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Oh
Self-approval that's a very challenging area now why is that challenging ladies
and gentlemen that's where most people get stuck an area of self-approval
that's a stage that a lot of people get there and they never move out of that
area why well for a variety of reasons many things can contribute to our not
approving our dream so I'm not feeling good enough a lot of things can
contribute to that many of us never live up to our potential or don't approve
ourselves because we never had anybody to believe in us looking at some of the
things that keep us from approving ourselves that we've all done some
things and we don't feel good about things that if we had to do those things
over again we would not do those things or we would do things differently so
part of what we must do in order to begin to move into your greatness you
got to remove a major energy block and that is dealing with the issue of
forgiveness people that have hurt you someone who's done you wrong make a list
and things that you have done that you you feel bad about that you regret make
a list there may be a time when you weren't a good father a good mother a
good brother a sister or you you were a bad child you didn't do a good job or
you lied or you were dishonest so you stole no one knows this but you or
something you feel good about so you know is a real dog in me to do that
something you just really regret so we make a list of all those things all of
us have some of that which might say there's some good and the worst of us
and some bad and the best of us so none of us escape now here's something I want
you to do I want you to become involved in an active process to get some clutter
out of your life so if there's any area in your life that you need to clean up
start working on it I'm going home tonight to clean my closets and if
you've got any cluttered closet so raise your hand please
let's go home let that be our test this week see the first law of the universe
is order go home and clean the closet out get the clutter out start letting
some of this junk go to make some room for something else do that with people
there's some people whose cluttering up your life they serve no purpose
whatsoever they're just holding and occupying the space that somebody useful
positive nurturing and contributing could be holding that space you'll even
have time to look to see what else is out there because you all have all of
these people surrounding you that's not in enabling you to grow so look at what
is it I need to get out of my life just start cleaning this stuff out getting
the drawers together your dresser drawer just getting stuff together just get
them together maybe your car I gotta clean my car too got a lot of stuff in
that living my car you know can't put anything in my trunk I got all kind of
little things back there to my children back there in the trunk you know
everything stuff everywhere so I just say that's the hey let me guess give
this together see whatever you have in your environment is a reflection of your
consciousness so you got all that chaos there that represents some disorganized
cluttered section of your mind so let's get all this out of there all right work
to get that out clean that up anybody that you feel very strongly about have
some negative feelings about let's look at some good reasons to forgive them
number one you must try and see what has happened or see things from that other
person's point of view let's look at it from their point of view that's that's
one area that's number one then number two holding a grudge hurts you it
doesn't hurt them so just for good health and peace of mind let it go any
feeling of resentment or anger or hatred is called to me the load of bitterness
within every thought that we entertain produces a chemical in our brain that
impacts the body's immune system and besides this person you are hating they
probably are not even aware of it if some place having a good time
don't even know you're really hating them you've turned up the steam learn
from this like to hate intense hate and here you are killing yourself making
yourself vulnerable to various types of illnesses putting yourself in bad health
and I say that person is not worth your sacrificing your health or one minute of
peace of mind one minute of anger robs you of 60 seconds of happiness so decide
it doesn't matter let it go and experience the dignity and the
magnanimous sense of character of being big enough to move on and get on with
your life letting it go so you can grow next step
lack of self-acceptance how does it show up how does it manifest itself seeing
with all of us have greatness within us but when you don't come to grips with
your greatness and you don't work to develop it if you're not seeking it out
if you're not finding where it is if you're not trying to locate it if you're
not experimenting with your life to try and find out what's fits for you I'm
saying that you're positioning yourself to be a miserable person an unfulfilled
person how else do we do it procrastination we just put things off
over and over and over again why because we haven't accepted it we don't feel
deserving we don't feel that we are good enough so we sabotage ourselves by not
ever taking care of business we get real busy doing a lot of things where we
don't have any time but I've never forget our man Dino in the book called
University of success is that many of us never ever discover our greatness
because we become sidetracked by secondary activity we start doing so
many things we just give our time away until we don't have any time for
ourselves or any time to do the things that we want to do and every time you
put it off and move it back whoa I'll do it one day oh yeah I'm going to get to
it I'm saying to you that one day you look around and there goes the year
there goes two years there goes three years so there's something you want to
do do it now do it right now don't put it off start
right now where you are there will never be a perfect ideal time whatever you
have going for you right now that's enough work on that idea work on it work
on it work on it another way in which it shows up and
that is that because of the relationships we form people we have
around us thinking about two guys Larry littles he went to bethune-cookman
college he was a football player at Booker T Washington High School where I
graduated from Larry ended up playing for the Miami Dolphins became an
all-star Offensive God great guy Larry really wasn't the most talented guy in
that position at boogity Washington High School's guy named Willie Covington that
was far more talented he was stronger physically he was faster but Willie
coming to never ever made it out of high school while s he started running with
the wrong crowd big cub is what we called it start running with the wrong
crowd and those people led him to the penitentiary and ultimately to a
premature death got the word a few months ago he was shot and killed in
Liberty City on 62nd Street where I was born on the floor my twin brother named
Willie Covington had great talent great potential running with the wrong crowd
watch out with the relationships you have what kind of person are you
becoming because of the relationships that you have right now do those people
contribute to you do they help you grow and develop yourself what kind of person
are you becoming people who have not except rate this for themselves these
people don't study ladies and gentlemen these people don't study they don't have
time for personal growth and development their have time to work on their minds
no they don't have time for that too busy for that people can affect this
peers can affect as our environment can affect us just working consciously to
overcome the comedy consciousness that I was raised in the feeling constantly of
saying Les Brown you deserve this there's no need for you to be afraid
it's not too good to be true it's true because you've earned it the
old-fashioned way you have worked for it but every once in a while it comes up
when I least expected my heart start beating fast and I start questioning
myself and doubting myself and I have to catch myself you've got to be
consciously conscious so let's look at how we can begin to
evaluate our self-esteem our self approval number one to determine the
height of your self approval it's important that you evaluate yourself
because you know you quite well but it's almost impossible to do it totally by
yourself you must get some caring feedback find somebody close enough to
you that has observed you of it around you that you value their opinion and ask
them how do they see you how do they rate you in terms of your self-esteem
and then compare what you have with what they say see there are things many times
that people can see in us that we can't see because it's a blind spot if I were
to be talking to you and my breath is offensive and you don't tell me and then
I go around not only do you know everybody else right here no and then
when I'm walking toward people they say well let's not be right back you know
and I don't know why people said well last we don't we thought you we want you
to come to the party but you can't go now all you have to do just tell me
Celeste you need to goggle with some ammonia something you know have you ever
smelled someone's Brenda didn't tell them raise your hand if you're done so
so we all have those blind spots we have those areas of our lives that we need to
get some caring feedback we need some coaching we need someone to let us know
that and now why don't people just volunteer that one they don't want to
hurt your feelings one they don't want to embarrass you but see there's some
people you know you know they don't want to hear it they're gonna argue with you
they're gonna become defensive if you one of those people just decide to shut
up and listen next thing is a good barometer to check
out how you feel about yourself is how well you handle compliments when someone
pays you a compliment can you handle it well lady was coming down the hall at
least oh what a beautiful dress you have a oh it's nothing I caught it on sales
nothing no I didn't ask you did you get that on sale I just that's a beautiful
dress can you handle compliments well that's a
good barometer about your self-esteem can you handle
well can you give criticism next thing is what are your expectations what do
you expect to get from life what do you expect to get from your business what do
you expect to get from your relationships what is your ideal day
what is it that you expect from this experience this trip this journey that
you're involved in people that that have a strong sense of self approval they
have high expectations for themselves and from life and from others see a lot
of people don't expect much from life so they don't shoot for much they're not
preparing for much a lot of people are just showing up in life a lot of people
just get up in the morning and they go through the day they go to the job just
to pull a check down watching the clock coming in so you want to be a different
kind of person as you followed your life you want to get something out of this if
you're going to do it it's worth your time your energy you've got some
expectations from this I do not let people waste my time so I want to meet
with meet with me it's accuse me what is this dealing with I want to get to the
bottom line because if it does not measure up to my expectations I'm not
going to invest my time I don't have the luxury to waste time I'm expecting some
great things from life and so I have to spend some time working on myself in
developing myself so examine your expectations versus your wishes some
people wish they could do better but some people expect to do better were you
on that next thing let's look at one of the things we can do to increase our
self approval our self appreciation our self acceptance here's number one love
yourself make caring for you the highest priority in your life take care of you
look out for what truly satisfies you we're not taught to love ourselves we're
not taught to look out for ourselves we're not taught to take care of
ourselves to become since the to our wants to our needs our our
desires so make a conscious effort make you number one priority your a peace of
mind your health is more important than your family in any and everybody because
if you don't have peace of mind if you don't have your health you can't serve
anybody don't neglect yourself a lot of us in particularly ladies have been
groomed to be sacrificial lambs putting their dreams on the back burner in
deference to their children's dreams or their husbands dreams or their family's
dreams and forget about themselves they become resentful and angry and bitter so
start taking care of yourself looking out for you develop a health plan your
health is all you got so start taking care of you eating nutritious meals
willing to exercise your body taking care of this body loving yourself so do
some good stuff for yourself on purpose take some time out for you I have some
good things I do for me one of the things I enjoy that I do I take
spiritual baths my assistant introduced me to someone
called sister Sarah who gave me my first future bath I never heard of this before
she told me about it and I said come on come on Regina spiritual bath and soothe
my Secretary's husband and Larry he said a spiritual bath for $50 I give you a
spiritual shower yeah but I plays soft music I've taped some of my favorite
music I play burn a candle and I have different oils that I put in the tub of
hot water and I have flowers that I picked and I put my like you know I saw
coming to America you know at Eddie Murphy you know they would sprinkle your
little flowers on the ground right up so it gives me a feeling of royalty so I I
sprinkle these flowers in the water and I soak I like doing that and I soak it
sometimes I read or just relax and enjoy the music and just cool out that's my
time for me put the answering service on I just
lock out some time for me I'm into meditation been working and and
exercising now just doing some things for me taking care of myself mentally
emotionally and spiritually and physically you can't develop and
manifest your greatness you can't be a high achiever if you don't feel good you
don't take care of yourself so I'm taking care of me and then you're not it
takes the edge off your life it helps you to manage things rather than
allowing them to manage you gives you more personal power to deal with stuff
take care of you now here's something else I suggest for
you become aware of what your needs are and develop compassion towards yourself
despite your human defense develop compassion for yourself despite your
human defects you will never be perfect hello you will never be perfect you're
human you've made a lot of mistakes you've done a lot of dumb stupid things
guess what you're not through yet you're gonna do some more hurry up and
get it over with it's alright gotta learn to be gentle
with yourself make it alright what you don't know mistakes that you make it's
okay handle it learn from the experience
decide that you are going to whatever you become involved in to be upfront to
be true to yourself are you getting what you need out of it and be upfront with
people and tell them what you need from them don't assume that they know don't
say I thought you knew no tell people up front here's what I need from this in
order for this to work for me be upfront with your stuff tell them up front so
they are not surprised later on so your feelings aren't hurt later on see if
they tell you upfront they can't do it now you know you can keep on stepping
but tell people upfront here's what I want in order for me to play this game
with you and we're going to dance that's what I got to get out of it see if you
don't take care of your needs guess what you will always have that nagging song
in the back of your mind say well when do I get mine what am I going to start
enjoying this so we're going to have a good time together do I get any noodles
out of this at all you're just not asking that question
everybody's happy having a good time but you they said what we thought you were
happy how could you think that way you weren't saying anything well I'm saying
something now hope you got that
see we're taught to be quiet and not speak up for ourselves and not
to be selfish if you don't take care of you who do you think is gonna take care
of you who's gonna look out for you better than you will no one no one's
gonna do that you got a business no one's going to take care of your
business better than you nobody nobody anything you want to do in life you've
got to take ownership of it and say hey I'm gonna make this happen
be willing to venture out and do something that you have fantasize about
doing and you know you probably won't be good at it but do it anyhow case in
point I have always wanted to say I've always wanted to do that I'm gonna sing
a song and if I don't do nothing but just a few lines chances all
now it might not be a loop of Andhra you know on Andy Williams you know but it
might be a little Perry Como up in there a little map is in that kinkow this
thing is avoid people and situations that upset you hello see there's some
people that know just how to push your button they know just what to say
so you know what I don't even deal with them I just support excuse me hey um I
want to talk about something I'm Sam excuse me I'll be right back
now you might call that cowardly but I'm not going to expend any energy arguing
with anybody life is too short ladies and gentleman and unpredictable I don't
want to spend my time arguing with anybody so I avoid situations that will
get me upset I don't argue with people I fought things I don't look at movies
that that frightened me last right movie I saw was the Exorcist I never saw
another and after that I never forget going home at that time I was married
and I was blowing the horn going up into the driveway I said open the door
I pull up open the door to get out and I saw Lord to godness I blowing the horn
my wife said I'm fasten your seat belt fool I said oh all right that movie
scared me out of my wits so I don't look at scary movies I'm one of the people in
the scary movie like this tell me tell me what's happening out n17 I threw
popcorn all over everybody that girls spitting on those people I don't do that
no no no no no sorry that I slept in the house of lights on all over the house
for two weeks I was embarrassed but your children said daddy turn myself No so I
don't do I just avoid things I go see comedies I love Danny DeVito and Steve
Martin I like things that make me laugh make me feel good they're like the
little boy in me life is just too serious here's something else that can
help to increase your self-esteem draw the line ladies and gentlemen there are
certain things that we just go through life just taking and at some point you
just got to draw the line and just say enough is enough you got to do that with
yourself just draw the line you know see when I manage my food choices I get
on scale every day but I get to a certain level that's a crisis level I
just get down stop doing setups right this your duck breasts look hey right
away if I if my income drop to a certain level I go crazy I start working like
you see this callus on my ear you see that callous right there that's not I
can't let's got there yeah my income drop and I made 200 calls a day as
punishment don't you ever let this happen again
because I'll never never never be broke again so you got to draw a line you just
got a drunk there's certain things that you just don't permit if you got
negative people in your life just once look here I was talking to someone who
loved very much ahead of just dynamic relationship with us look here I can't
grow from that if you persist in and saying those kind of things to me I'm
saying to you right now I won't tolerate that
and I will terminate this because I'm not going to expose myself to this type
of humiliation I don't like that I don't like to get any calling names and
putting each other down like that come back to them I'm sorry no that won't get
it so you put a nail in a hole you make that impress you pull a nail out that
mark is still there that's not for God we can't subtract
that from the record so don't don't say that to me so we were talking about
something else person said again boom you'll loser very good and you are too
because you just lost a very good friend I don't choose to be around you anymore
and that was it I say that's cold maybe it is but I get people out of my life
that aren't good for me one negative stroke is sixteen times more powerful
than a positive stroke and if you have people around you who are not sensitive
to who you are and the people that can hurt you the most ladies and gentlemen
are the people that you love that you love they're the ones that you're
vulnerable to they're the ones that can get to you and they're first insensitive
I don't care who they are see if you don't draw the line with
people if you just let them run rampant in your life and you let things happen
to you that you don't feel good about if you continue to allow it to happen you
won't feel good about yourself your image of yourself will erode so you've
got to draw the line in the conditions that you find yourself in here's a
jarring question why are known Hills preferable to strange heavens why would
people live in a known hell a lot of people just go to a job where they're
miserable day in and day out why do people stay together and they're
miserable sleeping in separate rooms or arguing are the only
thing they have in common is paying the bills don't talk don't communicate don't
share anything together day in and day out is short and unpredictable that life
is being mean to each other what do people do that known Hills are
preferable to strange heavens because it's familiar see life is rough ladies
and gentlemen it's rough and it's scary it's scary growing it's scary taking a
chance it's scary acting on your intuition on your guts it's scary it's
frightening there are people that just tolerating things right now
and they're immobilized by fear they can see the hammer coming and they afraid to
even move because it's scary
federal White said something to go against the dominant thinking of your
family friends and those people you associate with everyday is perhaps the
most difficult act of courage you will ever perform see when you start growing
when you start changing the way you walk the way you talk the way you act the way
you respond to things the way you use your time when you start saying no I
can't do that why you do you're too busy you don't have the time to I have my own
agenda I've got something that I'm doing not lying to try and get out of it just
said no I'm busy doing something that I want to do or I don't want to do that
and I'm not going to do it
I'm not mad not upset about it I just don't want to do it why well I
don't have to give you any reasons why I don't want to do it but listen thank you
so much for asking me take it easier hey I thought you were alright is that
Alright oh boy ask me do I care about that if people can put you on a guilt
trip they will and use you and abuse you over and over and over again you gotta
draw the line you have to draw the line on it don't go through life feeling like
you're powerless victims are people that are powerless you're not powerless you
are powerful you direct the power in your life whatever your life is right
now it is a duplication of your consciousness is result of how you have
decided to use your power that's all it is that's not who you are that's just a
perverted use of your power that you aren't satisfied with and you've got the
power to change that wherever you are huh I don't know but I know you've got
the power to do that but you don't know what has happened to me it really
doesn't matter what has happened to you see the only thing that really matters
is what are you going to do about it that's all that matters that's all that
matters you can allow it to destroy you or you can allow it to bill you up John
Powell a book all while I'm afraid to tell you I am and he went to get a
newspaper guy was very discourteous to and he was very courteous to the guy the
guy who was with him said why would you be as courteous to this guy as you were
considering how Rudy was to you he said I'm not going to allow that man to
determine how I'm going to act the things that's going to happen to you in
life ladies and gentlemen make it okay Lord grant me the serenity to accept the
things that I cannot change I cannot change the fact that when I ask my son
to go that I will no longer take care of him then he became angry and perhaps
hate my guts the change of things that I can I can change how I respond to it
I can become upset nervous tense about it
think about it or I can say it's okay he who cares less wins
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