You have this amazing power to move people not just to think but to feel why
don't you realize you had the ability to do that I think everybody has the
ability to feel right you know that that wasn't a great gift I think I just feel
so much and I feel so much what people feel when my youngest son a member when
I was really young even came in and he bring his friends ago watched my dad
watch this movie and I'd be like you know don't open the door I just can't
help myself I feel what they feel and so that produced a lot of drive and me to
help people when they were paying because I feel their pain and even when
I was a little kid I mean my mom reminded me when I was like four years
old in this backyard there was a woman next door I used to call young lady and
she was 80 years old but you know seeing her light up when I called a young lady
I got hooked on at 4 or 5 years old so I love that and because I'm driven for
that my lifetimes and about how to help people how to help people achieve what
they want breakthrough discover things and you can be an idiot if you spend
three or four decades in my case it's been three and a half decades now you
know being obsessed about that and then when you get rewarded all the time
because people you know people are incredibly generous when they feel like
you've touched their life they send out a lot of love and I'm a love bug so I
got hooked on that at a very early stage of life and I still have business
politics or it's all kinds of areas of all the areas what's the most
challenging to move people to move people to be active in their own rescue
it's a great term and active and rescue you and I both have some history with
that way going down the Colorado River the whole nother story
everybody has their hooks everybody's different Peter you know some people
it's their business their finances you know that gets hooked it's like their
identity is tied to that for other people if their body they just feel like
it's impossible they can't change anything they're gone - learned
helplessness where they just have literally learned that they're helpless
they can't do anything about it because they failed so often but if I had to
pick one that probably is most fraud for people overall it's really intimate love
and romance because you can control your business to some extent because you
control you you can control your finances too
I'm extent right by your choices but you can do everything you want to do in an
intimate relationship and it can still blow up in your face because you can't
control another human being and if you could you'd have no relationship so and
I also think that if there's a story that all human beings have it's the
story of fear we all have what we're after
but everybody has fears and I've been with you know four million people now
from a hundred countries over these you know 33 34 years I've been involved with
people now and I can tell you all roads lead to Rome whatever you're afraid of
you're afraid of failing or succeeding or whatever the case be it really comes
down to a fear that we're not enough and if we fear we're not enough our ultimate
fear is if we're not enough we won't be loved who can produce that fear in you
more than somebody whose love you crave somebody that you really want them and
they all of a sudden don't love you as much anymore it crushes the soul so most
people have these plans like I'll be successful and then I'll know him and
not regardless of what someone else does to me or you know I'll be strong enough
or physically beautiful enough but of course all those things are relative and
under the blast so getting people to have the courage and the faith to
realize there there is no security in life and there's no security in
relationship there's only what you can contribute there's only what you can
create and getting people to that place is not an easy thing to do but when they
do it it opens up a whole new universe because when somebody's in love you know
what's wrong with your life you know nothing you know oh what a beautiful
morning doesn't matter you're silly as hell but when they don't have that love
in their life and everything else is going well they still come to that empty
place inside at the end and that's the place where the most successful people
on earth would have been clients of mine you know everybody thinks it's so
incredible that's where they're lonely still very often and that's the area
that you've got to really dig in to help someone do they usually have a story
that happened to them very young which is kind of a back story or Cemil element
that is still present in them 10 20 30 years later and preventing them from
exercising those talents well nothing is preventing them but they choose to go
back to that story right because how many stories we have in our lives
but we have certain seminal months that have so much emotion wrapped up into
them so much pain so much hurt or so much excitement that they shape us and
everybody's got those I always say change your story change your life
because whatever your story is becomes the shaper of all your perceptions what
you're going to try or not try do or not do the problem is most people are so
addicted to telling that same story over again it does become their prison so the
answer is yes I think the oldest story is that all of us were loved
unconditionally we were born you know that even if you thought you had the
worst mother in the world because you know that the baby doesn't have someone
willing to love them that is means take care of them above their own needs
there's no rewards for a mother who let off or all that stuff for a father
literally feel it because we're on drugs we got oxytocin in our body as soon as
we're a woman's pregnant or Father's there and he sees his child that
biochemistry changes in us and we love that thing even though it looks like a
lizard right doesn't matter we know it's our kid so but that doesn't last forever
there's a stage in your life where you could yell scream throw stuff smack
people and you still were taken care of in love and there's a day when that
oxytocin wears off and suddenly somebody yells at you or hits you or even worse
ignores you and that's the moment when the ultimate story is what do I do to
get that attention back what do I do to get that love and so some people you
know they suddenly try to crawl or walk everybody goes look Johnny's walking and
the story is I'm an achiever I do things so I'm significant enough to get
attention to love some people break stuff and people come and they learn I
destroy stuff that's my story then I'll get unconsciously this love some people
you know they go they make some noise and everybody laughs makes them the
comedian's born so that story that experience becomes the story of what
I've got to do when I feel uncertain that I'm significant enough to be worthy
of attention and love in this life and I'm oversimplifying it obviously because
we've had a lot of series of stories in our lives but if we can go back and
reclaim who we are today instead of living an old story everything in your
life changes and that's a part of what I do I recall the President of the United
States calling you remember you were gonna see Princess Diana Gorbachev all
these people are really successful extremely talented
did they all have backstories that ran them did they all have some elements in
them despite their success it was still in the back of the head still telling
them you're not good enough you are good enough for some some elements of their
life that wasn't working because of that well I don't always get the call because
somebody's got you know some emotional problem or challenge you know when the
president called you gave me a lot of crap for what I said to him at time
which was I said something like you know I'm really appreciate if you're calling
and but I'm not a fan at that stage so you still want to hear from me I'd love
to come and do some coaching with you so I was rather direct with him but know
everybody's got parts of their life that shape the way they look at today and how
they day of today everybody knows everybody has a backstory multiple
backstories questions which one's running you now but when I'd say the
common backstory for the successful people is hunger something produced
drive in them if you say what the difference in human beings and how they
perform and how they show up it's not intelligence or ability and find
somebody of plenty of intelligence and ability they don't maximize they can't
fight their way out of a paper bag and then you find this other person that
finds this hunger inside you have it I have it almost anyone we know who has
done something they're proud of in their life where they feel good about their
life they had to get through all the obstacles they had to get through their
own limiting stories and so there had to be something they wanted more that
hunger often comes from a story of frustration or pain or desire and
finding that touchstone and igniting it because how you often can take somebody
who's not driven in hungry and really open to change your life do you think
that people are empowered when they hear that somebody of that high stature also
has some of those same problems of some of those back stories that are in
it's a great question some people are some people use it as a reason to hang
up their old story because they go if Bill Clinton has that experience you
know if Tony Robbins has that experience then what the heck am I going to do and
that's that's part of the challenges I remember one time it was fascinating my
own sister something was going on it was challenging and everything else I said
you know how come you didn't call me and she goes well cuz you're 20 Robin's like
what she goes well you can handle it you know I was going through a really rough
situation I had somebody spritz one of my boys my son Josh one time these
little dad your Tony Robbins right people make up this story because they
don't know the real backstory you know you and I know each other's back stories
you know I know that we didn't just show up this way we've had a lot of gifts in
our life but we've paid the price to do it and we found a way to add value
throughout life and that's why we have the privilege to be here but if you
start thinking that everybody's messed up and it gives you excuse to stay
messed up versus my deal is let me tell you what these people overcame to be
where they are that's what I'm more interested in so that you and I have
something to aspire to because stories will either give you
some form of aspiration some inspiration or they give you an excuse to stay where
you are even make it worse when I see you on
stage on television on any you know interviews you're always you know on
purpose full of enthusiasm full of you know appreciation for the gifts was
there anything that you were insecure about when you were growing up that you
felt oh my god this is going to this could cripple me now you know or it was
something that you know one thing how many of the one thing you want up here I
I have trained myself a certainty not just with stories by focusing on when I
did succeed and building those stories but honestly by building into my body
that's certainly physically like driving into myself I had so many fears I mean I
had minestrone soup acne on my face and in high school I didn't feel attractive
I was I was 5-1 my sophomore year in high school that's a scary thought
that's a scary figure 10 inches in a year well the next guy that met you a
year later that's a scary thought oh well what's the scary thought oh you
know I was with you when I found out you know I had a tumor that made me grow
like that and I have no idea so you know you go from five one to six foot six to
now six seven people say what's the difference I always say personal growth
but it was a lot of personal growth right I mean like not only physically
going through but what I went to mentally and emotionally to make that
happening so I had I was the little guy I wasn't
that strong I had quite a mouth I wouldn't take squat from anybody and
senior guy come to me and get in my face but I had a mouth on they wouldn't take
it but I was slow and not that strong a good combination Hey
but I overcame that mostly by saying in the end if I find a way to add enough
value to somebody else's life and I'm totally sincere in rah they made out it
all they want but if I do that for year after year decade after decade and then
should I'm gonna get through to him and my life is kind of pan that out is a
large number of people millions of people I've never served that way many
of which you thought mister idiot this motivated a big tooth guy but then they
see me work my guts out for someone I'm really crept results day after day year
after year and they start to come maybe the guys you know the real thing you
know that's people get to touch that by results rather than by discussion I did
that I did that I told you my story that
and that's what have another time then finally Noble vulnerable moments this
high bit I got you when I was bold when you revolted that's the right needy
that's when you'll need yeah and so yeah I do think that's true the interesting
element is that sharing the fact that you had you know perfect and born that
way and we're ready you're ready to go from the go yeah it's important because
I think most people don't realize that they have the ability to tell a
different story to transform themselves well the best way is not for me to tell
my story you know that's something that's not my goal my goal is I think
you know is to show people actually making that change happen you know when
I do a film and you see this person stand up and they're suicidal and then
you watch them turn around and then the people do the follow-up three years
later five years later and you see this person's life still change when people
see that over and over again or they see relationships come together
that are ending or they see guys that were struggling in business and now
their guy is so successful and they saw the moment it happened and they see the
follow-up and they hear from the guy then it starts to penetrate people that
there's no free lunch but there's some strategies that can accelerate your
growth massively and your sense of fulfillment your sense of enjoyment is
if you succeed they're gonna have to fill you've failed so those are the two
missions that aren't trying to do not so much with my story but with thousands
actually millions now stories of other people well as a storyteller one of the
magic things that I watched you in the audience I learned from you was that
you're a great story listen in other words the idea is that you don't just
hear people you get people and when people feel that have gotten that
they're really heard in that unique way empathetically they engage in a
different way is that a talent that you learned or you just felt you had or did
you did you really work on it or was it something that you perceived and how
important is that skill in a creating a relationship that is successful well
that's your last question last a lot of questions there how important is it to
be able to really listen I mean I think communication is hearing what's not
being said and if you don't have that all you do is take the words you're
gonna have a disastrous intimate relationship you're gonna probably have
some really disastrous business relationships because most people don't
speak what they're really feeling or saying most the time they're either
scared - afraid - or they're hiding their agenda because they have another
agenda and most of us have a pretty big BS filter in the world we live in today
but it's more than that it's not saying where they biessing it's saying what are
they really feeling what's underneath this what's really going on and that's
really important to me I don't care about the others it was you know thirty
thousand percent audiences but an average-sized audience and yesterday was
like less than 3,000 people Las Vegas it was salesforce.com it's a business
group this long room as far as you can see you know over there at the Wynn
Hotel and I'm on these big screens and there's guys way in the back how do you
get the gun back I get off the stage and I'm proud I walk through the crowd I'm
there I'm talking because what I want to do is I want to look into your eyes and
I want to feel what's going on see it I want you to know I'm not some guy over
there on the stage it's just talking at you I'm gonna engage you in
any moment I can striking at that conversation it so produces a different
energy in that room it's not some passive listening and it's not with me
either the minute they speak I'm now suing in on what they're feeling and I'm
also saying how does who else does this relate to in the room and how can I use
their story to help other people simultaneously so if you ask me the
listening part is better than the storytelling part you can entertain
people as a storyteller but you can transform people if you can really
understand what their needs are listen and sometimes just by listening alone
people's lives can change when you're on stage or when you're dealing coaching
people directly how important is it to really be interested in who we are
talking with as opposed to being interesting I think that what is
anybody's honest know the answer to that question right but knowing the answer
and behaving that way that's a big difference right we all know that if
you're interesting you might have a relationship that's on the surface but
if you're interested you're going to go deep because you're going to follow up
and ask questions and the person is not just gonna feel gotten or some fancy
term they're gonna feel that real connection that's happening because we
live in a world where there's so little raw reality reality television we all
know is bullshit right so what is real anymore and those people are so good at
presenting that I think most people they brother seem to screw up they'd rather
see a presentation that's not as refined so that I know that it's something
that's real underneath it but I think if you're interested in them you don't have
to work on the presentation side because people can see the start stops that are
really real and more importantly they'll feel that connection with you and so you
know your your whole thesis in life is understanding that the story is what
drives everything in life it's what drives the influence of that human being
but the understanding of that person's story is more important than your
ability to formulate your story that's why I think in your book one the most
valuable things Peter is the backstory because sometimes you can find that
backstory in advance sometimes you can't but if you're watching and listening and
asking questions the back story will show up right in front of your eyes if
you're engaged with that person if you've got some rehearsal it'll talk
you're going to do you're going to be in your head instead of being here I caught
up time if you're an uptime I'm in you now to do
that I have to know enough things and have a large enough bank account things
I've investigated or I understand or I've talked about that I don't have to
worry about what I'm gonna say I've got so many like you've got so many life
experiences that I have a good idea what I want to talk about but then when we
get here it changes when I was in at this seminar the other day I had this
whole thing I designed and I'm a I'm a I'm not so I think things through I
design and I never do what I've designed my team it's the big job you drop this
bad I dropped the script because when I step out there I'm here and go nope
that's not what's needed right now and that's also I'm never bored I'll be
bored out of my mind if I was 33 34 years doing this stuff and I was doing
the same stuff I've got pieces I know work stories are examples
I'm not even planning to use it but when I get out there I could see no something
else and so it becomes art and alive instead of some Devoy you have a tape
recorder otherwise and just do that's right well you know it's great she said
the whole thing you have to prepare ferociously ferocious and then you're
going to drop your script because you want the spontaneity you want the
aliveness you want the centricity of things happening yeah but when you see
somebody telling their story and you're decoding it or they're a business person
if they're not authentic does it shine through no matter what they say well I'd
love to say yes but I'm I know I've gotten the wool pulled over my eye so
that would be a lie but I would say most of the time at this stage of my life I'm
pretty good at that and I think most of us are only because unfortunately we've
all been disappointed so many times that we have a little part of ourselves it's
like it's all BS and unfortunately that can become a filtered you know actually
seeing somebody experiencing somebody because you have all your
presuppositions right there running your life instead of being here now but I'm a
little bit more trusting so I probably stay with a little bit longer and I've
had so many people you know make up a story about me and never met me because
I don't so my style I talked rapidly and that's just me I'm
passionate you know you know I get together it's like they've ever been you
know other people stand around and watch the two of us when you go
sure about the house or go skiing or whatever and so I love that I love the
speed of our interaction is my brain works so fast so some people don't trust
that it's fast talking salesman is their metaphor for it there's a personal
passion it's not about something you know just that I really am sick son of a
bitch I love you thank you I love you so much
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