"Hey"
"That time, why didn't you save me?"
"Why did you not have sex with me?"
"Why did you abandoned me?"
I didn't abandoned
I only wanted just once to be "normal"
It wasn't because I rejected you
It just happened to be you by chance
That was it
By chance
It was fate
But
That is why I can't abandon anyone else
You were the first person I could not save
And I'll make you the last
I promise
"Hey"
"Why did you kill me?"
Complain to god
"Ah... ahh.. ahhh..! This, this is amazing! A-ah..!"
An ecstatic voice resonates the dim room despite painfully breathing
Because the fireplace was lit up recently, the room was still cold
It was winter
That's why by touching the skin, warmth is transmitted comfortably [Skipping to after the upcoming h-scene]
I supported the girl's body, slowly lifting her up to lie on the bed
The girl feel asleep, breathing happily
Perhaps she have had sleepless nights for awhile
Fear and anxiety not only erodes reality but also even the most gentle dreams
"... May your dreams also be peaceful"
I performed the sign of the cross and once more touched the wound on her wrist
I sit on the edge of the bed, taking a sigh
Usually this would be the end
"... What will you do?"
I called out to the darkness in the corner of the room
There was another girl who watched us
There were two girls who visited me
It's common for girls to do things in groups
Coming to this place in groups is unusual, but is not the first time it happened
The most people who came was 4 I believe
"... If you are afraid, I won't force you to have sex"
In order to not frighten her, I talked slowly
I could only see the lower half of the girl in darkness from here
I move my eyes to the girl sleeping on the bed
"If you were asked by her and just came in with your curiosity, you can wait in another room until she wakes up"
Otherwise, if you want me to get rid of little anxiety, I can just touch your hands and forehead
There's no need to overdo it
The other girl was trembling
It was natural fear
Like I don't know them, the girls don't know my inner side at all
Only that, I was rumored to "be able to remove the anxiety and fear of people and give happiness and pleasure comparable to heaven"
Whether it be curiosity or being driven into a corner seeking salvation, it was natural to be scared being held by an unknown man
Of course that is until they are touched by me
But
There seems to be a more complicated reason for the girl trembling in the dark
Shyness, expectation, perplexity, expectation, envy, expectation.
Expectation
Therefore, she kept watching our sex all this time from the dark
Even though she could leave this room anytime, she watched closely at our sex and private areas and concentrated her hearing to the impure voices and sounds
While she was repeatedly touching her crotch and wetted her undergarments, she enviously looked on at her friend who trembled with pleasure
Being envious and ashamed, she was in a dilemma
That rabbit-like fear is something that would agitate other's mind
The girl suppresses her breath that leaks intensely
Almost as if she would be attacked by a beast if she raises her voice
I move my eyes to the fireplace
When the impure smell fades, I noticed that the firewood made from the apple tree left a good fragrance in the room
"Let's talk for a bit"
"Talk?"
The girl muttered at a loss
I smile
She had an elegant way of speaking
'You seem confused and can't decide what to do at the moment. Meanwhile it'll be awkward if you keep silent"
If I can you calm down by talking, I might be able to to have yourself leave the room
I don't mind having sex with the girl, but I also feel terrible exhaustion in loveless affairs.
"But..."
"If you don't want to talk about yourself, I'll talk about me"
"...You're"
"Shiratori, Ritsu"
"That's right. That is my name"
I don't know her name. But she knew my name and career
I am quite famous here
Kirihara private school
In a remote school boarding school, it is impossible for only one exceptional male student to stand out.
All the more that he is a priest
"I apologize if I offend you... but I heard that you were abandoned in front of this school when you were just born"
"...Is that true?"
"It's true. It's not like I'm hiding it"
I answer calmly
"I don't know my real parents or where my hometown is"
"This school is my home"
Of course, there is the different reason why I can't leave this building
This girl seems to have not thought about it
"Then... do you have faith?"
It was an honest voice
At this timing a very unusual question
Most likely she herself is a religious believer.
"I believe in God"
"At the very least, I believe there are miracles here"
I show her the palm of my hand
"Well, people outside would see this as a joke or a chuunibyou sickness"
"Christ turned water into wine. There are many records of saints that not only have healing hands but also bring miracles even after death"
"MIracles exist in reality"
"You're right"
It would seem like a continuation of a joke, but even Wikipedia has a page that summarizes the miracles created by Christ and saints.
She didn't laugh at me.
That's why I didn't want to lie to her
"There are miracles... but because I'm pious, there probably isn't"
"It is not a matter of ethics or position"
"I am just at a loss"
Why did god give me this power? Why didn't he choose some other way to save people?
Miracles conflict with faith
"... I see"
I felt discouragement from her voice
To be honest, I was expecting her to be disappointed in me and leave the room
But
The girl appeared from the dark
She was a beautiful, neat who seemed cowardly
"... If you have hesitation in faith, why are you doing something like this?"
"Things like removing anxiety by touching and giving happiness through sexual activity… I believe in it"
Watching her friend's sex, she had no choice but to believe.
"But, if you're not doing it for faith or for rewards, what exactly is your reason for doing this?"
"Besides embracing girls, isn't there overwhelmingly more demerits to be known doing this"
She had bewildered and fear in her expression, but timidly came closeer.
It was a very "normal" reaction.
It was strange
Because when visiting here, that line has already been crossed.
But her eyes remained fearful.
Still stopped in place, barely aware of where she stands
Nevertheless she comes closer
Insecure...
I won't forcibly ask for her identity or troubles, but I am little curious about her
"Um..."
I gazed silently, the girl muttered anxiously
"Ah. Why am I doing this sort of thing?"
That was a question asked frequently
I made a bitter smile
"Usually I lie about it"
I felt like answering to the girl's earnest fear and curiosity.
"First of all, I have good intentions to save people from anxiety and fear, even without faith"
"Also I'm afraid of people outside the school know what I'm doing"
"This is the only place where I belong after all"
"However I won't stop... from the start, I had a distorted common sense and trauma"
" A distorted common sense and trauma?"
"I was abandoned at this school and I grew up here"
I repeated her words
"When I became more aware around me, I noticed people around me felt better when they touched me, so I was often hugged and patted"
"All the girls who went to this girl were my sisters, and I'm their brother"
"I made everyone friendly"
"I was also happy with everyone smiling"
"To heal someone is not as special as you say, as to me it's a part of my daily life"
"... an angel"
I've been called that behind my back
I sneer at myself.
I "was" an innocent boy
Now, that name doesn't suit me
"When I grew up a bit, I was able to talk to girls about their troubles that they couldn't tell their friends"
"Rather than consultation, it was more complaints"
Every girl that actively came to see me, they would have some sort of anxiety or problem
"They would put me on their knees and hug me, forgetting their worries and become soaked in temporary happiness"
"Because I grew up receiving education as a priest, I listened diligently to such troubles"
"That was the ideal situation"
Then...
"A girl whose anxiety I could not erase by merely touching her pushed me down"
"It may be because she did not like my purity or innocence"
"In a winter like now, in pleasant sunny afternoon, in a quiet chapel - was my first experience"
"... You were forced?"
The girl's expression changed a little
I shrug lightly
"I myself didn't know whether it was forcibly or not. I didn't know anything about genders that time"
"There were no other men around, and I was raised without genders being brought up"
At one point I thought the thing on my crotch would someday come off so I could be the same as the girls
"During that sex, I knew that I could give others "Happiness" beyond just touching"
The girls knew about it
"Was it through rumors? By Chance? It went on and became an implicit "rule"."
Hold down. Regardless of reason and identity. Freely.
"An angel who gives us free happiness"
Our angel
Our sheep
"Even so, as long as they were happy I thought it was fine"
"I was raised and taught that everything that was given to me was by God"
"But..."
I sighed.
Using "but" or "however" to follow up a story isn't amusing
Maybe it is to the person listening?
"I refused once, some years ago"
"Don't misunderstand. Because I don't choose who my partner is, they wouldn't be as cute as you guys
I intended to compliment her, but I can't tell whether she's pleased or not
If I had said something bad, girls who had feelings of inferiority in appearance would become mentally unstable and make more opportunities to visit me.
And those girls would treat me roughly
It wasn't their fault
Those girls had little experience in treating another gently
Above all else, my powers probably loosened the others reasoning
"If you think about genders being reversed, then there would be a girl who's ready to do it in an all-boys school. Would be the same treatment right?
I brought out my special joke, but in the end she didn't laugh
Oh well
"When I grew up, I also wanted to be "normal"
"That's why, just once, I refused"
"And then..."
"Why did you kill me?"
"A few days later, she committed suicide"
The girl said nothing
This time silence became speechless
Suicide.
For a Christian believer like me and her, it was the biggest act of sin
"By a single refusal, I gave an evil miracle"
"That became an unending trauma"
I look again at the girl sleeping on the bed
If I refused to have sex with her, she might have crossed the line too
I know that it is an unlikely chance
However, unlikely doesn't mean "0"
"I only have one wish"
"What is it?"
"I want to be"normal""
"I want to live life normally, play with my friends normally, make love normally, embrace sufferings and troubles normally"
"... Even if it means losing the power to save people?"
"I know what you want to say"
The dilemma of losing one's powers and not being able to save people
It's common talk
"But to save people, you don't need special powers"
Humans are powerless on their own, but they can join hands and cooperating with others
That is a merit
This answer is also common talk
In the first place, religion itself is like being born to maintain morality of such groups
"I believe in the goodness of humans"
"... I'm sorry"
The girl said muttering
"I had you talk about painful story"
"There is no need to apologize"
"Even so... I'm sorry"
A girl lowers her eyes
Then, as she opened her eyelids again, there was something dark dwelling in her eyes
Ah... It's a dark flame I often see
"...Would you please have sex with me?"
"If I "refuse" here, It would only come off as a joke"
I laughed, I lowered my eyelids and didn't look at her face.
"Umm, but..."
The girl's voice began trembling again
"I, maybe shouldn't... I, I'm still I virgin, so maybe I shouldn't...."
"Alright, I won't insert it"
"I-I'm..."
She kept on repeating saying nothing else
I'll think on that
"Your name is... you don't have to say it"
"Sorry"
"AIthough can make you happy, I cannot give you love"
"...Yes. Likewise for me too"
She was still trembling, but I heard a clear voice
It was a very ear soothing, graceful voice
Because my eyes are closed, information other than visual sense is stronger
The softness of her skin I snuggled and the girl's cold sweet smell...
This boarding school has plenty of student from high social-standing families. Perhaps this girl is a young lady of high fame
Let's be gentle as much as possible.
I reached for her and hugged
The ladylike girl raises her voice
Just by touching by me, her fears and hesitations that I felt until now have disappeared
The nature of voice has changed
If her negative emotions have disappeared, it was natural that burning lust and excitement surfaces
A virgin's... first time
"Is it fine... if I kissed you?"
I whispered at her ear
"A-a kiss...?"
"Going back to her previous personality, she hesistated"
There was no reply through voice, but by hugging me more tighter, that was her answer
I finally opened my eyes, took her lips and pushed her down on the be
(Once again skipping to end of h-scene. Play the trial yourself if you're interested >_)
"... Are you really an angel?"
The girl muttered with sweet eyes
It seems like she is in a state of forced happiness. Even so, it was a question to answer to.
I could only but return a smile
Everyone thinks that my power is to give happiness
But that's wrong
"I'm not an angel"
This power does not give happiness
It only takes away negative feelings such as fear and anxiety. Therefore people will feel the happiness leftover more strongly
To give or take?
Even though the results are the same, the true nature of the power was the complete opposite.
In that case, where does the taken away negative emotions disappear to?
I have no influence
Am I human?
That, I don't know
One hour later after they left.
I decided to go out for a walk in the evening to cool my hot body and head.
I could have slept as it was, but I guess I wanted to avoid sleeping in the bed where their smell remained
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