[music]
So... I am officially on testosterone
Uh, yeah, I feel amazing
Uh, it's like, four-ish right now
I applied the gel, um, before noon
like, right when i got back home
I had an appointment this morning, like I said in yesterday's video
I'm gonna get back to that later
And [clears throat] I didn't have the email, like
I think I said that. Like, my endo sent me an email telling me whether it was okay or not
I didn't have the email before the appointment, but right when I got out I checked it and it was there
she said everything's fine
I can start with the gel
Um, so, I met my mom after that
we'd already made that plan
and we went and
picked it up
And, yeah, then, right when I got back home
I, um, applied it
And, um, well yeah. I am no longer pre-T
it feels amazing, honestly
I was like -- right after I finished the video, like when I applied the gel
I was crying
like already on the way here, like, in the bus i was-- I was just constantly tearing up
because I'm just really happy and really excited
and, um, my reference person, like, in the assisted living place, he's working today
So, like, after I'd applied it, it dried, I stopped crying and everything, uh, I went downstairs and I told him
and he's really excited as well and it's just... it feels really really great
Um, yeah I'm very excited
I can't wait for the changes to start happening
Um, I'm gonna have to be patient though, I'm aware of that
But just... yeah. I can't believe it
I'm just really happy
Um, yeah. Okay.
This morning, I had an appointment with a woman, who works at an organisation here in the city
it's basically
for, like, questions about AIDS and sexuality
but they also have, um
like, *in* it, uh, it's also for LGBT people
they also offer screenings for like STIs and stuff
and you can like go there with any questions you have any stuff like that
and they...
the woman I had the appointment with, she's a trans woman
and actually; turns out that I had already met her
um, in April I was at a trans day in Zurich
and she was there as well
uh, I mean we didn't really talk much then and she didn't remember me, but...
It's fine, I was just like-- when I walked in I was like "do I know her?"
and, yeah, I asked her, like, later on and turns out that was her
Um, yeah, anyway
She just gave me, like, lots on information
about, um, what it's like in Switzerland; the laws are kind of changing
It's getting more open and easier to get your gender marker changed
And... it's still kind of... it's not really *there* yet, but it's slowly getting there
And she said technically I could try to, um, do that with, like, um, the looser requirements, but
it's possible that I could get turned down
And I mean I'm not gonna do it, like, today or tomorrow, because I have to safe up the money first anyway
Which is gonna take me quite a while
But... you know, things are slowly starting to change and it's slowly getting easier
Um, for trans people to do that. Like, they...
can no longer require you to get any surgeries done-- or to get anything medical done, actually
they can't even require hormones anymore
but it might still make things easier
Um, but yeah, I am on hormones and I am planning on getting top surgery
--Oh, she also gave me, um, like, the name and, like, the address of a good surgeon in Switzerland
and I'm gonna check out the website
I mean, now I'm gonna have to wait because I just started T
and she said usually they want you to wait a couple of months
because, you know, T changes, um, your chest again, so...
you know. anyway.
Um, so, yeah. It was a really good talk
Um, she gave me lots of information
We also talked about my regular therapist, because, like, on the phone, she already asked me
what my experience is with her
because she's looking for a trans friendly therapist-- a woman -- here in the city
And... I mean I've only been with, uh, my therapist for a few months now
but I've had really good experiences with her
she's very open about it; she's not, like, a specialist for trans people
but she's very open and willing to learn
and she's not judgmental or anything
So, um, they're in contact as well, so... yeah.
it was-- it was a really good appointment
Uh, we talked a lot. -- Also at the end -- it was -- like, she reserved like an hour for it
And we were basically done with like, you know, the...
the reason why I got there, at like 10:45 or something
so we had a coffee and we just talked a little about, um...
I went to pride for the first time this year and we talked about that
she was there as well and she talked about-- I mean this wasn't her first pride; she's like
in her fifties I think
um, so she talked about, like, how it has changed, you know, in all the years she's gone to pride
and especially, um, they had like a float from the TGNS (the transgender network switzerland)
and she talked about how much it changed, like, there are so many more young people, um, there now
and... generally just *more* people
and it was just really great talking to her, because
I don't really get to talk to other trans people that much in real life
I mean I'm hoping to change that, I wanna go to, like, trans groups or something
But, I mean, this year has been like really chaotic, with being in and out of the mental hospital
and not having any money and just everything being... just... really chaotic, so
but yeah, I really wanna do that
I mean there is one other trans guy, um, that I know and that I talk to
but he's quite a bit older than me and...
He-- I mean, it's great talking to him, don't get me wrong, and i really like him
but he does not wanna get hormones, or surgery or anything done
so our experiences are really different
And obviously every trans person's experience is different, but it's just
you know
I-- I just wanna get to know more trans people *in real life*
and
while I do appreciate him, don't get me wrong, he's a really great guy and it's awesome talking to him
But still, I would kind of like to talk to people who are doing hormones as well, or who
Or-- yeah, who've been on hormones, or who are starting hormones
or who had surgeries, or are getting surgeries just who...
You know, it's different talking to a-- like *actually* talking to a person vs just reading
or texting with-- like, reading what they wrote on the internet, or just, you know, texting with them
It's-- it's-- it's different
Um, yeah
So, my first day on T
Um
I'm feeling great
I'm excited. Very happy.
And I can't wait for the changes to start happening
But yeah. I will keep you updated
Um, I don't really know when the next video will be
Depends on [yawns]
Um, depends on when things start changing
I guess
Um, I'm gonna put the voice comparison that I recorded yesterday at the end of it
It's quite a long quote, but I'm hoping that, with time, I'm gonna be able to make, like, a cool edit
Where I like, cut it together, like
You know, like, two lines from that month, two lines from that month- something like that
Um, we'll see. Maybe my editing skills will have improved by then
and I might actually be able to do that
But yeah, like I said that's from yesterday evening
Completely pre-T. Not even a few hours on T
Not that it makes a difference, but just...semantically
Anyway, yeah I'm gonna put that at the end and I will make a video soon
When I have anything to talk about
Yeah, that's actually all for now, so...
Yeah. I will see you soon.
Words. Mere words.
How terrible they were. How clear
and vivid; and cruel.
One could not escape from them
And yet, what a subtle magic there was in them
They seemed to be able to give a plastic form to formless things
and to have a music of their own
as sweet as that of viol or of lute.
Mere words!
Was there anything more real as words?
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