*when love sets sail, it sails blindly*
*and is the one taking the helm*
*and when the tide rises to the heart, it knows that the wind blows in its favor*
*we can do nothing to change the course it set for us both*
Hi people! Sorry for the lack of a book video last week; my
router broke and I had to traver through the valley in search
of a new one, because tech support sent me to the world's butt and then I ended up
on a big shopping mall, and there I got a new router and now
everything works fine, I hope... Let's knock on wood.
You'll ask "Libertad, what's on your head?" See, the book we're treating today
is not only fitting for St Valentine's, but also quite
folkloric and Spanishy. So I've been rummaging all my house looking for a peineta
and a mantilla, but turns out we're not super folkloric in my family,
so I found no peineta or mantilla. What I did find
is a huge flower and a cute heart, so I just stabbed them to my head.
What book will we talk about today? Well, St Valentine's coming and
I still havent shown it to you properly, so today's the day.
I'll tell you about my romance novel THE LADY AND THE BANDIT (available in English). You'll see
it's signed as Adelina Rodríguez. It's still my name, technically. But this is
a pseudonym, because when I wrote it (it's my first
published novel), since there were PORRRNY scenes within, I was scared of people's reactions,
so, to keep it from mixing with my future fantasy novels,
I signed as Adelina Rodríguez, which I shouldn't have, because then,
after selling the book in my hometown and around, I realized
that elderly ladies don't really care it you write the dirtiest stuff,
as long as you don't use vulgar words.
And I was like "aaaah", but well, I'd already published it as Adelina Rodríguez, so
it stays that way. So we can differentiate Libertad's freaky fantasy novels from
Libertad's freaky porny novels. Beforehand, I'll give you a warning, since
some people aren't keen on this stuff. This is an erotic romance novel, but also
a parody of erotic romance novels; and if you don't like dick jokes,
don't read this book, or then it won't
be what you expected, you'll be morally and mentally offended, and then
I get your bad reviews on Goodreads or wherever, so I tell you beforehand:
this is not a serious book. I've said it a thousand times,
so don't be angry at me if you choose not to listen, okay? I'll read the synopsis: "WHAT DO I DO
WITH THIS RAGING LUST? Before being forced into a loveless marriage,
young Pepita Worthington manages to flee the church thanks to
a jinx that's haunted her since childhood. Rafael the Curly, a bandit,
finds her spread-legged and unconscious at the foot of a slope and, hoping to deliver her
in exchange for money, he takes her under his protection. During their journey
across Andalusian lands, both will discover the force of
a scorching, bodice-ripping passion that grows harder to ignore. Tragedy is after them,
though: Pepita's relatives have hired the
worst scum to find her and drag her back to the altar. Rafael's
nemesis, allegedly dead, has risen again and seeks revenge.
The memory of a bandit's loved one
stands between Pepita and Rafael. Will this Iberian romance
overcome so many obstacles, or will this turn into a Shakespearean bloodbath?"
The drama... Such passion, such lust... This is, briefly, the plot. Then
many more things happen, but I'd rather not go deeper into them, lest I
spoil the whole book for you; I'm terrible with that. Let's move onto the
protagonists, Pepita and Rafael. Pepita Worthington (actually Josefina Worthington)
was born from a British father and a Spanish mother, and has lived in England
her whole life. After becoming parentless,
she has no choice but to move to Spain for the first time,
(she'd never set foot in Spain, though she can speak Spanish) and
she's taken in by her aunt Eduarda, a total shrew, though
Pepita doesn't know that at first... So what happens? Eduarda
decides to marry Pepita to an eggplant-shaped idiot
thrice her age, so she can get access to the idiot's estate.
Sure, Pepita's like "Bitch you thought"
but she has no choice but to use her jinx. Pepita (She's adressed as Pepita,
though her name is Josefina) has a jinx
on her that makes her unable to be near anything "churchy". The moment she
steps into a church, strange things start happening: she begins to hear
satanic choirs in her head, Ave Satani and Rectus Dominus, and
stuff catches fire, stained-glass windows explode, candles fall off...
Pepita can't come near processions, effigies, priests,
churches... The poor girl would like to, but she can't. So, indeed,
they shove her into the church and something terrible will happen there that
makes her able to escape, but Pepita's wearing a wedding dress
four times her volume, so she trips off a steep slope and ends up spread-legged and knocked out.
And that's when our handsome Rafael enters the scene, and says "This girl's worth money.
I'll take her and see if I send her back to the ones looking for her."
We have a conflict right there, for she'll
try everything to escape back to England, and
he'll try to stop her, because the
girl has no idea about Andalusian lands or where she is,
and is capable of cracking her skull down a cliff as long as he loses sight of her.
Rafael, the poor man, thought that Pepita would fix some of his problems,
because he's starving, has no money;
he's too noble and doesn't want to kill people for money, at worst he
smuggles stuff , and he's alone most of the time, bored, feeling like
"GOD TAKE ME SOON screw my life", and now this crazy girl falls on top of it
to make things worse.
"She could hardly see her own feet. A whole collection of botanic samples
was caught in the skirts and the sleeves were so twisted that
moving her arms was near impossible. And yet she didn't stop even to get some air.
'Lord, I ask just one more thing of you today: don't let the corset blow up in this run
and the whalebones stab me like happened to my friend One-Eyed Mary.' Since her
pleadings were heard that day, it would've been more fruitful to pray for the
harshness of the land. Pepita slipped when a handful of dirt
collapsed under her heels, and, suddenly, she found her feet hanging above the edge
of a bank. Distant thunder clashed, announcing the end of her luck.
Frightened, she tried to step back to avoid the fall, but the sodding dress weighed more than
a drowned donkey. Even if that day the laws of logic had bent for her benefit,
she wouldn't be so lucky with those of
gravity, so Pepita plunged down the slope
rolling like a barrel out of control, gaining speed the longer she tumbled.
Weeds scratched her face, and her body shook with pain every time she
found a rock on the way. Unwillingly, she opened her mouth just when she was
rolling over a bunch of poppies. She swallowed half of them and
the other half snuck into her nose. The ground mercilessly hit the runaway bride
until a rocky, spiteful bump happily ran to meet her face.
A last thought tore fiercely through Pepita's mind before
the clash knocked her out: 'Spain, I curse you, including your hams and
potato omelettes!' Everything went pitch black."
As in any cheesy romance, we'll have gratuitous nudity,
disappearing shirts, clumsiness with erotic results, word
games, absurdly ellaborate metaphors to avoid saying "penis", clapping clams,
pulsating boners... Everything! All of it spiced with
a Spanish Andalusian air that I'm sure will delight the local readers...
and those who've never been to Spain, but want something different and funny. As you'll
imagine (said it many times, you're surely tired of seeing this book)
I made the cover, see? The back too... and there's also
an English translation, THE LADY AND THE BANDIT. Both can be found
on Amazon, or if you live close to me, just talk to me and I'll deliver it straight into
your hands, also signed. Since it's unlikely that you live that close to me,
yeah, Amazon's the best choice. I'll put the links here below, both
for English and Spanish versions; and it you're interested, what are you waiting for?
Get the book for Valentine's Day and enjoy it! I'm doing a giveway of this novel
on Twitter: if you follow me by @LiberLibelula, there you'll find the
pinned tweet. The prizes are a dedicated copy of THE LADY AND THE BANDIT,
plus 2 prints of Pepita and Rafael around the book's width
for you. Past 100 retweets, I'll extend the shipping to LatinAmerica, so if you're
Spanish-speakers and are in Spain or Latin America, go ahead!
Follow, retweet the post, and may the Luck be with you! And also the power
of ham and potato omelettes. There it is! I finally made a video of my book,
I can stop nagging you with it (I'll probably keep on nagging subtly,
because damn it, that's my only way to sell and a girl has to earn a living, right?)
Anyway, Happy Valentine's day, and if you don't like Valentine's day, well,
screw it! It's not really that cool of a celebration,
to be honest it's kind of tacky, everything's coated with those red hearts and lingerie
that people seem to find super risqué, and I'm like "No, it's rather plain, Victoria's Secret, don't fool me".
Anyway, enjoy Valentine's Day and if not, you can stay home eating ice-cream and
watching horror movies, which is a plan as cool as any other.
I hope you liked today's video. Remember, if you're keen on the giveaway,
jump on and come to Twitter. The link is below. And if not... well... buy my book?
I hope you liked today's video,
and see you next time! Thank you so much for watching. Bye-bye! :D
*When love sets sail ~~ *
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