Welcome back to the Gentleman's Gazette!
In today's video I discuss how to speak and sound like a gentleman.
First of all if you haven't already done so I suggest you watch the video on What It Means
To Be A Gentleman Today because this video builds on it.
In a nutshell, we believe that being a gentleman is an aspiration that every man can achieve.
In this day and age it doesn't have anything to do with position, wealth or influence.
How you speak and sound is something that's within your control and you can change it
and perfect it even on a very low budget.
If you're watching this video chances are you know that there are areas where you can
improve and I'll share the areas where I think I should get better with you along the way.
So what are my tips to sound like a gentleman?
First, as just you seek out the person whose speech you admire and that you can analyze
and emulate.
That being said, public speaking and presenting are very different from conversational speech.
For example, here on YouTube I have to talk a lot faster than in person otherwise you
would fall asleep.
Also, public speech is often scripted or practiced and hence it's very different from conversational
speech.
It all starts with the tone.
In Germany, we have a saying that the tone makes the music and it is very true indeed.
The most warmly intended words can sound very cold if presented with the wrong tone.
At the same time, kind words may sound threatening simply by the way you modulate your voice.
First of all talking and laughing too loudly is just obnoxious and you should not do it.
When I'm abroad, I often meet Americans who speak very loudly.
And not only can I follow each and every word of their conversation they're having on their
phone or in person, but it also is a bit menacing and sometimes it can be ruder and impolite
because it implies that you think the other person is deaf or dumb and therefore you have
to speak louder and slower so they can understand you.
At the same time if you speak very loudly you may accidentally dominate a conversation
without it being your intention at all.
Sometimes people are tempted to speak more loudly when they try to bring their point
across or if they counter an argument.
It's very easy to follow the pattern and just move along with other people speaking loudly.
I suggest not to play that game because otherwise one person is louder than the other one then
you just get louder and louder as a conversation goes along.
That being said the ideal volume can vary with the culture.
In my experience areas closer to the equator where it's warmer also have a tendency to
speak a little louder.
On the other hand, if you're in Japan and you're very loud people think of you as threatening
and weird.
Apart from your volume and your tone, proper pronunciation is paramount.
It sounds basic but there's a large number of words that we often mispronounced.
And to learn more about that check out our video on commonly mispronounced words here.
A hallmark of a good education, upbringing and learning ability is to have a large vocabulary.
When you hear a word you don't know I suggest to keep it in mind and look it up in a dictionary
afterwards even if you can kind of guess what it means from the context.
Also frequent reading of novels will help to expand your vocabulary.
That being said, you should always adapt your words to your audience and having an extensive
vocabulary should not be a means to display your superiority over others.
Likewise, never try to impress others with newly learned foreign words especially if
you don't know how to pronounce them properly, otherwise it can be quite embarrassing.
The bottom line is always be genuine.
If I look back at my videos, there definitely some where I have used the word "dapper" a
lot in one video and I bet there's some people who will know which videos I'm talking about.
Because if you're very repetitive with your words, people will keep it in mind and it
has a negative connotation.
In a conversation it's a very important to stay on the subject and then move along.
Otherwise people will not be able to understand you, they will look confused and they don't
want to talk to you again.
Trying to hold a linear conversation with a perpetual subject changer is really a pain
in the bum.
Changing subjects is often used as a means to redirect to a different subject that is
of more interest or that's an area where you know more about.
However by doing so at the same time you express that what was currently talked about is not
of interest to you.
For some people changing the subjects may come less intentionally but it ends up in
a word salad with lots of thoughts and no clear finish which makes it very difficult
to understand and comprehend what you just said.
Because of that here are a few rules.
One, do not use run-on sentences.
Finish the sentence and the thought.
Two, don't insert different thoughts in the middle of a sentence.
It just complicates matters and listeners won't really be able to follow you.
Three, finish your train of thought and come to an end.
Give people a little bit of time so they can comprehend what you said, give them an opportunity
to respond and then move on to the next subject.
Good conversationalist will always have a well flowing discussion.
They will stay on one topic and then naturally progress to the next one because there's a
connection point.
It's not good to come up with a randomly new topic that's not at all related to what you
just talked beforehand.
If you abruptly change a subject even though the other topic has not been finished, it
shows everyone involved that you didn't really listen at all and that you have your own agenda
and you don't care really about what others have to say.
Sometimes speaking like a gentleman includes avoiding certain words or things.
First of all it's wise to not use superlatives unless you truly want to describe something
that is over-the-top.
Honestly, it's one of my pet peeves.
You'll notice we rarely use superlatives such as "best thing ever" because we believe that
by using it too frequently you're devaluing its meaning.
I remember when I came to the US.
First, I walked into a grocery store and I saw world-famous strawberries.
I just thought to myself, "What on earth?"
These are just regular strawberries.
Then I went to Chicago and people told me the world-famous Blue Angels were in town
and I had never heard them before.
In the same vein, proclaiming something as being the best or the best in the world particularly
if it's related to something you do is simply a display of ego and nothing more.
Usually when people tell me, "Oh, this is the best thing in the world!"
I usually take it as, you haven't traveled the world otherwise you'd knew that you're
wrong.
When you're overusing superlatives what you say will become meaningless and others won't
take you seriously anymore.
The same is true for using words like love or hate.
Especially in American culture, words like love and hate are used to describe very ordinary
things.
"Oh, I really love ice cream but I hate this car!"
Really?
"I love my wife, I love my daughter but I simply enjoy ice cream."
It's always better to reserve those words for qualified situations because that way
they remain meaningful.
After all if you love everything, you in fact love nothing because everything is the same.
Another aspect that can be perceived as being very impolite is interrupting with a caveat.
In the US, constant interruption is considered to be very impolite and a sign of poor upbringing.
Of course this can be very different on a culture you are presently in.
Other cultures may consider interruption as a matter of course and if you don't interrupt
it means you don't actually take part in the conversation.
My dad's from Brazil.
I grew up in Germany.
Now, I'm in the US.
So I've been exposed to different cultures.
And in South America, if two men talk to each other for an hour it's very likely that they're
going to be loud.
They're gonna touch each other maybe 30 to 50 times throughout their conversation.
Versus in Great Britain, during the same amount of time people would have a steady volume.
They would let each other finish their sentences and they would certainly never touch each
other.
Some cultures have been more extreme.
Whenever I'm in Japan, it always takes a while to adapt to their pace because they simply
talk very slowly.
They think before they say something.
And sometimes, if they say yes they may just mean that they understood your question but
they haven't really replied to it yet.
It's just very different from the US and any other place I've been so far.
That being said, no matter what culture you're in using interruption as a way to dominate
a conversation is never desirable.
Speaking like a gentleman also means to avoid filler words.
Uhm, uh or like are all words you better not use.
Even though it may not be the case but using those words seems like you lack the confidence
to deliver what you have to say.
At the same time, it's much more difficult to follow you and what you have to say.
In my experience President Obama often times was just silent which was much better than
just using an uh, uhm or like.
It helps a listener to follow him better and it has just a more sophisticated appearance.
So when in doubt, a pause is always better than a filler word.
A gentleman will never swear excessively in a conversation.
Let's be honest, we all swear sometimes.
Even though not so much on YouTube, but sometimes even filming when I'm frustrated with something
or from disappointment.
We're all human beings and if someone tells me that they've never used a swear word in
their life, I simply don't believe them.
The problem is some people can't control it.
They use it almost subconsciously and it reflects very poorly on them.
If you constantly use swear words, people will stop listening to you because they'll
either find you obscene or they think you can't find a better way to express yourself.
That aside, it can impact others.
Just the other day, I overheard a three-year-old saying, "Where is my fucking toy?"
Followed by the mom challenging and questioning the father
saying, "See what your language did to our son?"
Another aspect but sometimes hard to suppress for people is sarcasm.
Personally, I'm a sarcastic person.
However if I'm meeting new people and they don't know me I stay clear of it because they
won't be able to understand what I really mean and they may take what I say for face
value which couldn't be further from the truth or my opinions.
The better people know you, the more able you are to use sarcasm.
For example, with my best friend we use sarcasm in every second sentence because we know exactly
what our stances are and what our beliefs are and no one takes it for something that
it's not.
If you use sarcasm with the wrong people it can very easily make you sound mean and unpleasant
to be around.
So my suggestion would be to use sarcasm in moderation and always keep in mind that it
might not go very well and that you may be misunderstood and mislabeled for the future.
If you enjoyed this video, I'm certain you'll love the other videos we have on our Channel
and I urge you to subscribe by hitting that button followed by the bell so new videos
will always come right to your inbox.
In today's outfit, I'm wearing a combination out of two suits.
I used the pants and matching vest from one suit and paired them with a jacket of another.
In my opinion it's very easy to create an entirely different look without having to
invest in new garments.
It looks particularly handsome if you combine a patterned suit with a solid jacket.
In this case I'm using pants and vests made out of a houndstooth flannel paired with a
navy solid worsted.
I chose to go with a white dress shirt in a classic collar for a crisp appearance.
I paired it with a white pocket square and a white and yellow boutionniere lapel flower
the ties together the white of the shirt as well as the buff pale yellow tie with a bolder
larger paisley pattern in red and black.
All of these accessories are available in our store just like my shadow striped socks
in cotton which are gray and light gray.
It worked very well with the pants but the scale of the pattern is different.
For my shoes, I opted for a reddish-brown pair of double monk straps which go well with
the red tones in my tie as well as the silver ring with carnelian on my finger.
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