[You see an odd fellow sitting before you]
[He is patiently waiting for his associate to arrive]
[He maintains awkward eye contact with you]
Hello.
How are you?
We hope you are doing well.
My associate and I would like to ask you
a series of existential questions.
If that's alright with you?
Great!
Please make yourself comfortable
if you have not already done so.
And we'll get started.
Who are you?
And we don't mean
your name,
your lineage, where you're from.
But who are you when you peel the layers off,
and you take away the makeup, the clothes,
the material possessions, the achievements.
Who are you, underneath it all?
And you can answer your best guess.
[Questioner writes down your answer]
[Questioner's associate continues to maintain awkward eye contact with you]
Next question:
Why are you here?
And we don't mean why are you here watching this video.
But, what is your purpose?
Do you have one?
[More pencil scribbling ensues]
[You begin to wonder if the Questioner's associate has seen things]
Speaking of purpose,
does the porpoise have a purpose?
Does the tortoise have a purpose?
Is the purpose of a porpoise
the same as the purpose of a tortoise?
Or do the tortoise and the porpoise
share a different purpose?
Next question:
Is Cthulhu truly benevolent,
or is he in cahoots with the Professor?
Next question:
What is the meaning of life?
And please, try to refrain
from responding with the number 42
or with lyrics from the song
from the Monty Python film of the same name.
What is the meaning of life?
Or
is there one?
Or is it up to you,
to give meaning to life,
to make life meaningful?
Next question:
Are we truly free?
Are you truly free?
[This space intentionally left blank]
Next question:
Is it possible for humans to live
without condiments, such as ketchup and mustard?
Join the Coalition to End Mayo & Mayonnaise Today!
Next question:
What is death?
What happens when we die?
Is there an afterlife?
Or is it merely a total cessation of consciousness and biological functions?
Next question:
Is there a god?
Is it one of the gods that we know
based on the current religions that exist?
Is there a god that exists beyond what we know,
beyond our human comprehension?
Or is there no god at all?
And everything in existence is just based on
science,
cause & effect,
randomness,
evolution, etc.?
Next question:
Why does Margaret wear a mask?
Is it simply because
she is insecure with her features?
Is she trying to run away from something?
Hide something?
Was there ever a beginning to the universe?
Was there something that happened before the "Big Bang"?
Next question, and this one's probably gonna test
your mind a little bit more than the others:
Out of all your toes, which is your favorite?
Was it merely escaping from its cage? From a predator?
Or was it
looking for something more?
I like that answer.
That's probably one of the most unique answers
that my associate and I have heard.
Next question:
Are we alive
or is this a
simulation?
Is the pain that you feel
merely something that you have been programmed to feel,
but it's not real?
Is death merely just the end of your program?
What are you thinking right now?
Next question:
Why is the Repairman so fixated with making repairs?
Is it just his job?
Or is he forever trying to repair something that he knows he will never be able to fix?
Next question:
Are you really in control of your own thoughts, words, and actions?
Or is your brain merely automatically responding to all of the various stimuli that it receives?
Are you making truly conscious decisions?
Are you in control of that?
Or are your decisions based on external forces,
and the inherent automatic system that responds to them,
more or less makes you act out, talk or think in a certain way?
Next question:
Can the humans all across the globe
truly coexist in peace and harmony
without violence and war?
That's a very interesting answer.
Next question:
Can you have your cake and eat it too?
I know, that's a tough question.
Just give it your best.
Next question:
Is there a right or wrong?
Is it just learned behavior?
Do morals truly exist, in our genetics?
Okay.
No we are going to complete the second and final half of the existential questionnaire.
If you need to take a moment to take a break, please do so now.
Okay.
Next question:
Why do some people experience ASMR and others do not?
Is there a correlation between ASMR,
being a Highly Sensitive Person,
and having Empathy?
Is there a purpose to ASMR?
Next question:
Are we alone in the universe?
Or
multiple universes, "universii", if there's more than one?
Are we alone on this planet?
Are there other species on other planets
somewhere in the universe, or,
different planes of "universii", universes?
Again, I like your answer.
I really like all of your answers.
[To associate] Don't you agree?
Yeah, my associate, he's an introvert.
Very camera shy.
So, don't really expect to much interaction.
Although,
[To associate] isn't it true that you want to start your own ASMR,
make your own ASMR video?
He is thinking about his own ASMR video.
But anyway, that's neither here nor there.
Next question:
Should they ever have made a sequel to Rambo?
Next question:
What do people need most in the world?
"Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric." ― Bertrand Russell
Next question:
Why does Charlie Carl enjoy scratching the carpet so much?
Next question:
Are you living, or are you existing?
Next question:
Are the humans headed in the right or wrong direction?
Again, that was an excellent answer.
Next question:
Blah blah blah, bip bip bippity bop.
Never thought of it that way.
Next question:
What is the true, objective reality?
Is it the reality the way humans perceive it?
Is it a construct of our minds?
Is it reality based on how a fly, dog, elephant, or whale perceives it?
Next question:
Does time exist?
What is time?
Is it merely another construct that humans have created
in order to comprehend life
and existence a little better?
Or is there no such thing as time, but merely
a constant state of "now"?
This is the final question:
Do we have a responsibility towards one another?
Or are we just animals,
and it's every person for themselves,
"survival of the fittest",
take advantage of one another,
do everything you need to get ahead, etc.?
[To associate] Do you have any other questions for them?
Well, my associate and I don't have any further questions.
So at this point, the questionnaire is over.
Thank you very much for taking the time to participate.
And we wish you our very best.
Take care.
[Nondescript conspiring whispering ensues]
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