hello my beautiful babes I am vlogging about something very very personal today
I am digging my makeup by the way today I'm digging it did a very like cool sort
of I actually I think on snapchat I said I did a warm eye but it's not it's cool
me making my sticks you guys the perfectionist me is like I said I'm also
like really digging my hair because it's just really nice and like a soft wave I
also have a tutorial on my channel make sure you guys check it out on how to get
this actual look I love it so much so I am on my way to an appointment so
this topic is very very dear to me very very personal and to be honest with you
guys I wasn't sure if I was even going to bring this up or ever even talk about
it I think being your true self and being
confident with you know your imperfections the good and bad in
yourself basically is I think something that I'm really learning now at this age
and again this has just been something that I just I really wasn't sure if I
was going to even talk about it because it's just all personal you guys and it
was it has been a little bit of a struggle I won't say it's been a huge
struggle because you know I've made it this far but it's definitely been
something that I've always questioned you know why why did this have to happen
or you know why me kind of thing I do believe that you were served the life
that you were served and you were served certain things certain imperfections
about yourself and especially with self-esteem these days it's like really
hard for people to accept imperfections about yourself and that's just what this
vlog is gonna kind of be about the reason why I decided to actually talk
about it was to be very honest with you to me I figured you know what people
need to hear this and there's people out there that have imperfections and
they're so insecure about them and I really just want to sorry where is my
toilet paper roll at anyways I just want you guys to know that you know everybody
is improv nobody is perfect and we all have our
imperfections I have my imperfections the whole point of me wanting to even
open up about this is basically about bullying self-esteem confidence
imperfections and I just really want to speak for the people that find it so
hard to talk about their imperfections and for the people that have been
bullied for their imperfections you know I really feel for you I have been strong
about the situation and to be honest with you like I said I've made it this
far so this isn't really for me I want to really really really help other
people just understand that don't let your imperfections get in the
way of living your best life like honey I am living my best life with
imperfections or not that's exactly what I'm doing right now so you're probably
wondering what it is some of you have probably noticed and I just want to say
one thing before I get started about what I'm gonna be talking about might
have noticed this imperfection in me but probably said to themselves
yeah that's an imperfection but you know what she's still beautiful and she just
still does her thing and I still love her you know I really want to take this
moment to commend you guys because you guys are real people you guys are loving
people caring people because if not you would have made a comment about it and
to those of you who have made a comment about it to be very honest with you I
have just never been raised like that if there's somebody that has this massive
scar in their face because just my mom did not raise me like that you just
don't go up to that person and go you have the big scar in your face I just
don't believe personally in my opinion that you should point it out you know
that person knows they have that imperfection I'm pretty sure they know
like I said my mom taught me you you just don't do that you know and you know
some of you have pointed it out and said you just want me to talk about it
because maybe you have this imperfection to you know those people I can
understand I just don't know with you know comments like pointing it
out I'm just like really I will see an imperfection in someone but I see right
past it and I go back to how they are as a person and their personality I've
gotten a few comments about it not a whole lot of them to be very honest with
you guys be another day my stand with it is my stand with it so whatever you have
to say about it to be honest with you it doesn't affect me so for the longest
time ever since I was born I was born with a lazy eye it's definitely been
something that you know it's always been an imperfection of mine I I do have a
lazy eye I want to open up about it I I know that those comments are coming from
a jealous place you know people probably wonder like damn she has a lazy eye but
she still you know what she still takes care of herself she's still beautiful
Haley I am so beautiful you think I'm gonna use this lazy eye as a crutch to
stop me from living my life absolutely not I refuse to so the appointment that
I'm going to is for you know the doctor to kind of go over what are the steps
that I can take I'm thinking of getting it is called the technical term is
called strabismus and a lot of people actually have this problem some more
than others I don't have it that bad and I'm very thankful for that I have been
operated twice I had it ever since birth something that my parents noticed right
away and they operated me I believe as soon as 19 months almost when I was two
years old and that was a very difficult decision for my parents to make you know
I always every time you know I'm feel so grateful for you know the vision I still
do have and the talents that I have been given and gifted with I think about like
wow you have this imperfection but you have so much more to offer that this
thing doesn't even matter I just really think about all the stress and my
parents must have had to go under you know imagine you have this little baby
and this baby has this imperfection and someone tells you yeah we can fix this
but we have to operate hers I just think that I was very courageous
and my mom told me that she as soon as she got inside of the room at the
hospital she literally broke down she's like I didn't want to give you to them
because I didn't know you know what are they gonna do to my baby they must have
had to been extremely strong and I just really truly truly truly appreciate it
I know someone personally that they're you know their child has it and they
don't really want to do anything about it that's their choice but for me I'm
very thankful that my parents did something about it because when I was
born with it it was bad you know and they really were like no like I really
think that when she rose up she wouldn't want this you know taken care of but
again like every time I think about I just get super super emotional because I
just I cannot imagine you know having to do that to my child and making that
decision for them you know yeah so I was operated twice they fixed everything
everything was good I wore glasses at a very very young age but I would go to
school and like fight with my mom and say like I don't want to wear the
glasses because you're not cool like nobody else wears them I'm not pretty
with them now I don't mind wearing glasses it's just being like on YouTube
and an influencer of course like when I take my pictures and stuff I thought I
would rather not wear them I wear contacts like when I go out and stuff
like that just somewhere like fancy but on a normal day basis I wear my glasses
and funny enough a lot of people tell me that glasses do suit me and I feel like
they suit me so I'm very grateful that they actually suit me they look good on
me and I actually like picking out glasses I've always loved it it's
something that I've done ever since I was like a little girl so I don't mind
it like filming right now I'm not Halle I don't have any contacts on and when I
do like other videos and I don't have my glasses on I'm not even wearing any
contacts so I'm not even like seeing 100% when I'm filming for you guys so
that's a fun fact feel like no it's I don't know it's like the surgery is
wearing off but the reason why it's called the lazy iris for businesses
because lazy so if you are not you know exercising it or using it over time it
just gets weak and but has taken a long time it's only started to kind of like
show around I would say maybe like two years ago ish where I really started to
notice it back again so that's what this appointment is about I want to talk to
her about my options I've been to a spa years ago and that's why I kind of
scared me away from it because he said he had to like touch both of my eyes
which I'm not comfortable with I just really hope that you know some of you
guys can relate to this whether you have a lazy eye whether you get bullied you
know at school or outside or at work or wherever it is or if you have an
imperfection that you're uncomfortable with I really hope that you know what I
really get through this video and the message that I send is that just accept
you were born with these imperfections some of our imperfections can be fixed
some of our imperfections can't be fixed but at the end of the day like I always
say we always have two options we can sit here and we can be negative about it
like I can sit here and be like I believe the guy I don't want to YouTube
because people are gonna see it and I don't want to do Instagram because
people are gonna notice it there but what I did instead was said to myself no
stuff this is what you enjoy doing you know you're a beautiful girl inside and
out you have this imperfection yeah but who doesn't have an imperfection just
because you can see yours doesn't mean it's that much more
important you know one of the people who are who are ill inside letting you know
that that's what they're suffering with you know I feel for those people too
wasn't really a struggle growing up it was only it only started to kind of
bother me when I started to do YouTube and Instagram because I was like
physically out there and showing my face all the time but I just really realized
that you know I love what I do more than this imperfection basically is what I'm
trying to say and you have to just keep moving forward you really happy that I'm
opening up about it to you guys for a belly a story you can use your
imperfection as a crutch and as an excuse and as a band-aid to cover up all
your other talents that you have or what you have to bring to the world or you
can use your imperfection to help other people and that's what I'm trying to do
right now I want to come out and say it yes mama
no no if the options are kind of too risky to be honest with you guys I don't
think I will go for it but I'm just hoping that she says that you know she
can help me out and that we can do the surgery again since I've got
it before I am like when it comes to this I'm always like 50/50 I'm like
super positive about it and then I'm just like yeah but what if that's just
kind of my way of dealing with it and being prepared for the good or for bad
news you know what I mean at the same time and I think that's important and I
think that that's mature because this is a very serious topic you know it's not a
joke oh I don't want to risk anything kind of just who I just kind of like
telling you guys you know the truth I want you guys to know you know that I'm
not perfect as everybody has something everybody has something that they're
going through and you know what regardless of good or bad news you know
I know that I will leave there and with more information more knowledge and I've
always felt guilty if I wanted to do something to my eyes I feel like I'm
being like greedy like just you know keep your imperfection and don't ask for
too much stuff and don't be greedy you know and try to make it perfect but I
don't think I'm asking for much so I just feel so good that I'm going to
somebody that really knows this sort of issue and has dealt with this so many
different times and has you know fixed it for many people at different times
I'm gonna go and I'm going to recap you guys after about what she said and kind
of what I decide and then I'm just kind of curious to see if it's something that
I'm actually gonna go through with and if not you know what I'm just going to
continue to live my life the way I've been living it you know I know I've said
imperfection so many times in this video but it is it's an imperfection and I
think it's important to accept imperfections you know whether it can be
fixed or not like I mentioned and if it's something that it's too risky to
fix I'm not gonna do that I'm not going to to risk the beautiful life that I
have for something like that you know and I think that when you are forced to
do with something that's not 100% perfect I think it only makes you
stronger you know I think that sometimes fixing every single thing sometimes can
teach you that okay everything has to be perfect you know and I'm like that but I
want to accept that not everything has to be perfect and you're going to be
okay if not everything is perfect that's what I want to know you guys I have to
just show you this balm of it so look at this
hello put on my boohoo fercho I mean this is a little bit off-topic but it's
okay wanting to take a photo with this outfit
because I didn't take a photo yet with this chop that I got from forever 21
absolutely love it this blouse I tie it up on the front here and we can do the
one in one shoulder thing let's just bow okay one-one second guys
yeah nope yep just be cool just be cool put it over the one shoulder yep that's
it okay this is when things go wrong so I'm actually like filming two pugs right
now right now I'm doing a grocery vlog for you guys but I also wanted to catch
up on how my appointment went yesterday first I had to do a couple of tests with
the assistant and then the actual doctor sees you afterwards but when the doctor
first came in and started like talking to me I felt to be very honest with you
guys I felt a little bit rushed I didn't like that this is a very serious issue
to me and it's probably I mean the most serious issue to me in my life
personally so I just felt like I wasn't my issue wasn't important I honestly
felt like that there just wasn't a time where she was like do you have any
questions or concerns it was kind of just like okay well this is what I see
here are the options and you can come back and let me know like what you kind
of want to do it just like I said to her I'm like I came to you to get your
opinion like based off of what you see and if this was you like what would you
do would you even do this you know do you think that it's something I should
do do you think there's gonna be a massive improvement here's what she told
me she told me that depending where I look and depending how far an object is
that it'll do different things you know and and I already had that idea in my
mind but and I'm not gonna give up because I just don't something is just I
don't know I'm just not like fully content with what I heard she basically
was saying that she can't fix one way without sacrificing another thing so
basically if I'm looking to the side and she fixes that problem then when there's
a camera far in front of me that there might be a slight change that way so she
can't just fix it as a whole I'm no doctor I don't know
if it's just because of how you know after all these years if maybe what
it's just resulted to now so conclusion is my decision right now is still very
indecisive I'm not I'm not ready to just be like yeah okay let's do this so she
told me to book an appointment so I did I went ahead and booked another
appointment to see her this appointment would be for me she's saying look at
your pictures look at your videos and stuff like that and kind of see what's
important to you and if it's important to you when you're looking over here or
looking over there and that's more important to you than I can fix that and
for me I'm just like hmm what I got from it is you I have to choose I have to
choose if it's more important for me in far pictures to fix something or when
I'm filming and I'm big for me if that's gonna be the case I'm just gonna stay
the way I am I'm going to look into another doctor I found another one in
Toronto I think I'm going to contact him but again it's gonna take months for me
to get this on appointment it took me months to get this one so I should have
like done this before there's this thing inside of me saying
like you don't really want to do this because I've been living with this for
such a long time you guys and it's it's been you know a little bit of a
challenge for me but at the end of the day I have overcome it in so many ways
you know the fact that I'm even putting you know this imperfection out in the
public world where everybody can hear that I have this problem is is huge and
it tells me how confident I am with it leaving that appointment these were the
thoughts that ran through my mind so the first thing I thought to myself was okay
well you heard what she said stuff you know it's uh it's not what you really
wanted to hear you wanted to hear that she could fix it not a problem and this
wouldn't be that big of a deal that's what she wanted to hear but you didn't
hear that the other thing is I thought automatically is okay well again the
reality is that you've been dealt to this card yet since birth this is the
cards you know this is the cards I've been dealt and I said to myself you know
you've accepted these cards they've been dealt for years regardless if you guys
have an imperfection or whatever it is that you are unhappy about yourself that
you were dealt whether it can be fixed or not from me what helps me is I'm just
like you know what you make the best out of it which is what I
am currently doing or you can sit there and dwell on it you know I I'm not gonna
lie there's there's been some days where I can dwell on it you know every every
human can't help to be like why why did it have to be like this you know it's
just human nature this is what it is by dwelling it's just like stressing
it's just like worrying about something worrying about something never helps you
in any way at all at the end of the day there's a physical problem right so
there's a problem worrying is literally like a something orbiting around the
promis'd and around and the worries never going to fix this issue right here
it's never going to fix it and I think that naturally we worry and naturally we
stress of course you know when I heard that answer I was like okay great like
here we go again the end of the day I'm comfortable with the fact that if I go
ahead with this and this new doctor says yep I can make it a lot better
cool I'm comfortable with that this one said that it will improve but I just
didn't like that she's like you have to be very particular about what you want
to fix because something else might get a little bit worse that I don't like I
would rather to stay the way if by any chance he says you know you know is this
risk there's at risk whatever I probably wouldn't do it I'm comfortable with that
and if I choose even if he says that he can make this so much better but I
choose not to because I just my heart just doesn't feel right or my intuitions
telling me no no no stuff to stay the way you are I'm okay with that decision
- I'm okay with the fact that I'm not perfect
always been a struggle to make everything perfect in my life but I've
learned that it's not challenged to understand that not everything is
perfect - so powerful you guys and it's helped me grow so much not everything is
perfect nothing nothing and there's actually beauty in and recognizing the
imperfections because it's only made me stronger and when I talk to people
sometimes it's uncomfortable because you know I can feel personally when my lazy
eye comes out I can feel it and or if I'm nervous or uncomfortable or or tired
that's I know it's gonna come out more so if some of you do have it I know
that you sometimes experience social anxiety and the people who do have it we
know that there is techniques and things that we do that we know helps you learn
tricks on how to do certain things it's just it comes with every every
imperfection everything that you have to deal with or if someone has a scar in
their face and they they've they've learned to weigh how to cover it so good
with makeup that's just that's just something you learn based off of your
imperfection it's just like that I think I'm gonna cancel this appointment and I
think I'm going to get in touch with a new one and my sister doesn't even
notice it when I'm talking to her but again it's because I'm comfortable with
her so I know that it doesn't even like it doesn't even happen I don't know how
to how to explain it for those of you who have it I know you guys I know you
guys are feeling me through the camera right now I know you guys are feeling me
and I try someone new and see how that works out for me and overall I'm still a
happy person I'm still you know gonna go off my life
and do what I love and the last thing I want to do is is risk anything and just
because of this imperfection if you guys enjoyed this video make sure you guys
give it a thumbs up and also don't forget to subscribe I am gonna be doing
more advice videos cuz you guys love my last one thank you guys so much for all
the love that you guys gave to me so thank you guys so much for watching I
really hope that my story was somehow relatable to you guys and if you guys
want to share your experience down below make sure you guys leave a comment I
would love to hear your story and thank you guys so much for watching
I will see all of my babes next time
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