Welcome back my people. So first things first, I apologize for being gone for a very long time
I've been depressed. But also I've been watching my hero academia. I'm only on season two
So if anyone gives me fuckin spoilers, you're getting blocked. Haha. Just kidding. I finished it
Yeah, I'll just talk about my hair
I'm blonde hi, but also um
Its in a, its in a little, she's having her puberty moment. You know, she is a little awkward right now
She's a little brassy in some areas, but I'd rather have brassy hair then, then no hair to be fair
So, um this video we're going to be addressing
agoraphobia and what that is and what that means for me because guess what I
have it. I decided that first off I would start by introducing a panic attack
So I decided I would pull up the dictionary definition for what a panic attack is and then I'll give my own
Definition about like what what a panic attack looks like for me because anxiety is very relative to the person who has it
Also this might be a little more serious of a video. Um,
I'll try and make it fun and light because if I don't make it fun in life light for myself
I'll end up crying about it. So if you gonna laugh about it, or cry about it, I'm honestly
I've been fuckin crying for too long. So let's just laugh about everything. Okay
um anyway dictionary.com
Defines a panic attack as an intense attack of anxiety characterized by feelings of impending doom and trembling, sweating
heart pound-, pounding heart, and other physical symptoms
And yeah, I would say that's pretty accurate. You think it's the dictionary
dictionary.com girl.. god
That's what it feels like an anxiety attack scientifically is your body going to fight or flight response
I have high anxiety for a
Very very very long time. I think I really started showing symptoms of it
Since 10 years old like extreme symptoms when I feel like I'm always for my entire life had anxiety
I've had separation anxiety with my parents. I've had... now I have generalized anxiety disorder. Yeah. Oh, yeah also
We have a friend with us she blends right in, hello bish sorry for waking you up
Okay, go back to sleep. All right, Sorry
anyway
Yes, .... so I've always had anxiety
And anxiety is a very hard thing to explain to people who don't
Have it and who can never experienced a panic attack because it doesn't make sense right like a logical person
a logical brain goes "okay I
Know that I'm in a safe environment. I know I'm in a safe
space I'm comfortable nothing Bad's gonna happen" and
Logically, I also know this especially when I'm going through a panic attack. It's like
Mentally I'm there and I know
I'm safe, Nothing's gonna happen
You know
Nothing will happen to me I am safe I just
Said the same thing twice Wow, I should become a motivational speaker
Can you not lick me, excuse you?
This is not asmr. Okay, we'll have a whole asmr video with you in it
I just have to make money and buy a mic first. that would be preferable. My camera is dying
Okay, I'll pause this video and then I'll
God okay
We'll continue this video later after I've charge my battery. This is so annoying. I just want to
make a video, oh my god. everyones telling me to make a video. cant make a video. camera died. help
where I think I left off where I was talking about.. I'll just say finished talking about it
Anxiety in general
So there are different kinds of anxiety disorders one of those anxiety disorders is
Agoraphobia, and I have the dictionary definition for that too because a bitch is prepared
Okay
and
dictionary.com defines
agoraphobia as a
Pathological fear of being in public places often resulting in the sufferer becoming housebound. and this is what I suffer from
Well first off my anxiety and when I leave the house, let's saying like my anxiety right now
It's like a three, you know, two-three. I'm doing good a little anxious, but I I'm chilling, right?
I'm enough where I can sleep function as a normal human, get all my shit done
If I were to go outside, my anxiety would be a 7- 8 just by leaving my door already. So
And then you have what is called your realm of comfortability.
Also, can you stop licking me? you're very distracting. Thank you
small white dog
Anyway you have what is called a realm of comfortability. So I have a radius right around my home
Okay
A radius around my home, if I were to at least stay in that radius
I have a better chance of going out and functioning... and I thought math was never gonna come in handy..
well
I can function well within this realm of comfortability and a lot of agoraphobia sufferers also have this
But even then I'm still seven eight, you know
I'm still anxious but I'm able to function. If I were to go outside that realm of comfortability
There's a very high chance of me getting a panic attack, which is not fun for me
It's not fun for anyone I'm with. it's not fun in general
It's not fun in general. It's like a double-edged sword, right? So I stay outside because I want to
protect myself against having an anxiety attack
But that just makes me much more likely
For when I do go outside cuz I'm not used to it to have an anxiety attack, you know, so
Im unable to leave the house, so, yeah. and if I do I want to talk about what
an anxiety attack for me looks like so
so my kind of anxiety attack, which is, every anxiety attack is different for the person. I get extremely hot and then
once I move past that and I'm really starting to have an anxiety attack I
get nauseous and if I go full fledge like
Taking the anxiety train, toot toot bitch. It's uh, I throw up
Then I start shaking
I and then my mind it's just like and then I and my body goes on boots autopilot, and it's just like
I'm hyperventilating. It's like I can't
Help it anymore. And it's like I'm no longer Olivia, right? It's like my body is in
Protective mode protection mode and it's just *trying to get me just to a protected state. I forgot the word protected
I literally forgot the word protected.* to realize that I'm okay
You know
any who,
Yeah, so I want to make this into a whole series. I don't know if I'm going to interview
Others, keep that in this video? I'm probably gonna interview
my family
about how they view my agoraphobia and what it means for them in their life as well
Because this isn't just a disease that affects me, unfortunately.
Anyway, uh, I think I got what I needed to say out in this video
I probably didn't I'm probably gonna edit this and be like 'what the fuck was I saying'. I love you all so much
So so much. If you're suffering from anything know that you aren't alone. I know it's very very hard
Dealing with things like depression and anxiety and you just.. the disease also makes you feel so isolated
But you're not
Just know that no matter what,
You have at least one person who wants you to be here, who wants your input and believes that you are
important member of society, and that's me, and I believe everyone has a voice. And everyone has their own mind, which can
spread thoughtfulness and
Impact the world in a great way. And now I'm just going full fledged hippy dippy okay
I love your faces. Thank you. So
Much for watching me. I don't know why y'all do this. I'm literally a trash can hi
So I will see you guys next time on my nice. Okay that ended abruptly. I love you. Bye subscribe
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