Hi everyone, it is great to be back
I actually went on a ski trip this past weekend, and I tried my hardest last Friday to
Do a video and unfortunately
the connection was so poor that I didn't want to have it skipping on you or
have any technical difficulties, so I decided to
Do the video today.
And I am also going to be doing an interview this Thursday
Which I'll talk a little bit more about at the end of the video. So you get a two-for-one this week
and so today what I'm going to talk about is
Something that is not mentioned a lot when people first get diagnosed with dementia
Family members just hear that it's very depressing and there's nothing to look forward to and yes
I mean absolutely it is a time of struggling I learned that
Really the best way to get through my sadness was to get through it and not get stuck in it
So really letting those feelings flow through me letting the tears flow whenever they needed to even if it was at a random
Unexpected time because that's really your body and your mind getting used to the diagnosis
Realizing how it's gonna change your life
All those really great things and that is actually what leads to personal growth on this journey
so I highly recommend that if you do have those feelings of sadness of
Frustration let them flow through you when they do come and don't try to
push them down because that's unfortunately, you know when they come out in
Really unexpected places like at work or other places that you know, Society does not deem appropriate for those feelings
so I also wanted to mention that a
really positive thing about
dementia is
that while
you know people can decline they can also have good days, too and
Is the story I wanted to tell you today.
But first I want to introduce myself to anyone who has not met me before through other videos
my name is Laura Smothers-Chu and I am the CEO and founder of
Befriended Heart where I help daughters discover joy in dementia
so, I hope that if you like this video you will subscribe and
Welcome to new subscribers that I've gotten in the past week. It's great to have you here
So I mentioned in my past video that I
had a
Last Christmas with my parents at their house
And this year later this year they'll be moving closer to me
I mentioned in my last video which I will link here that I
used
physical touch for a
You know emotional connection with my dad since he has a hard time finding words now
That I put my head on his shoulder that I held his hand in the car
those were all really great things, and I also wanted to mention that I was so happy that
He really was so much more engaged in the conversations and you know opening presents in our case
More than he had been for months and years before and so I wanted to tell a quick story about
one of those things
that happened that really
Touched my heart and I hope that you'll understand that
When I tell it
So when I was a kid my parents used to bring
Me to art museums and when I say bring I really mean drag me
Because I was too young to appreciate art at that point and really just spent a lot of my time
Reading a book on one of the comfortable seats
But mom and dad I want to tell you that you did a good job
Because I do like visiting art museums now and I was kind of paying attention
but the point of that
is that when my parents saw a
famous art piece or one that they really liked or one with cats or dogs in it because our family loves animals and so so
Do I
We would say ooh
You know as if an audience was in the background of a talk show or something or a sitcom and
So when my dad opened a couple of his presents this year, he said ooh
And that was something that I had not heard from him in
many many years and so
it was
unpredictable and
What I did at that point was I really just soaked it in I was smiling and took advantage of that
Moment because as we know in life nothing is permanent
unfortunately, and so what we do have is those moments that we can appreciate because
everything is weeding, right and so
You know while we think that?
Dementia in you know with people that with dementia, they're always declining. That's really not the case
You know, it's sort of like a time machine in the sense that it can
You know have the person progress to dementia and be worse and not being engaged in the conversation
but then you have some really good days where you see, you know, I saw my dad that I
Remember, I remember the phrases. I remember his behaviors. You've got a glimpse of that and
scientists referred to this as a moment of lucidity and you know
There's no knowing how long it's gonna last but I think in this journey
with dementia that tends to be very
Depressing and as society really sees it as depressing for me. It was the hope that
Got me through and continues to get me through
So in the beginning it was the hope that maybe my dad doesn't really have dementia
Maybe it's one of these other things that you know could cause the symptoms
And I have a previous video on that as well. So I'll link that here
you know, then once I realized that the you know dementia diagnosis was not going to change I
Really had hope that
There was gonna be a good day at some point and I think you can continue to have that
hope you know my dad is in the last stages of dementia and
Um, you know, I really think you can continue to have that hope that it is gonna be a good day
Maybe one one day, you know
Whatever next Sunday or who knows your dad will remember your name your mom will remember your name
and so that is what gives me hope because
While dementia is depressing. It's not the same thing every day and
That can actually be comforting as it has been for me. I
also
wanted to
talk about
I've mentioned this before but I really think that it deserves repeating. So these moments of clarity
show you
That the person is still there
So I've talked in past videos about how you know
some people feel like it's the the core of the you know,
The empty core of the person and that person is no longer there. I don't believe in that. I think that having that
belief, actually
changes your attitude towards that person with dementia that you don't really
Show the love and care that you would if you knew that it was still your parent
And so I think that these moments of lucidity are really evidence
That the person is still in there and they just can't
They're not able to communicate because of what's going on in their brain, and that's not their fault
You know, it's it's no one's fault. So, um, I believe that love is the universal
communication and so as I said in the past even though my dad
Can't you know put words together in a sense or even you know, can't express any words
Sometimes I know that he loves me and I still love him in my interactions with him
so I think that's really important and
I wanted to also mention that
I was quoted a few times in an a
AARP article
That is a really well-known
Publication for elders in the US and so I'll put that link down below
it's talking about the different changes that occur when
driving so
Change is not in behavior
But physically with your eyes and your perception and I think it's a lot of information that people don't
normally
Know, you know offhand and so it's been shown through research that these changes actually do happen
So I love it if you could check out that article. I also wanted to
Link you to my friend Vicky Noland Fitch
She has a book out called to mention with grace and I actually read it
I highly recommend it once I add a resources page on my website
I will put that in there because it really speaks to what I was looking for
When my dad was first diagnosed which is a positive and practical approach to dementia
I think it's super helpful for not only daughters who are you know, the secondary caregivers like me
but also for your parent who is
caring for and your other parent with dementia just in how to
Interact and communicate and cut down on those behaviors that can be a little bit irritating for you
So they're really great tips. I will put a link down to her youtube channel below and
I also wanted to just add that this year. I am going to be bringing in
Person a I guess expert to interview once a month in 2019
And I'm excited to share again that I will be bringing in Julie Wendt from the
GW Center for Integrative Medicine and GW is George Washington, so it's kind of a big deal
It's the George Washington University
Medical Center here in in DC area and she is a nutritionist and
integrative health coach and she will be sharing with us the
five pillars of health and that matters to you because
she has come up with a program in how to
Try to prevent dementia as much as possible for you
Especially if you have a parent or a close family member with dementia
What can you do today to?
Make a difference in your risk of getting dementia
so I have actually
implemented some of these things once I saw Julie speak at an event that I went to and that is actually what connected us and
I said I would really love you on my channel join dementia
I think you can help so many daughters and what you have to say, so I've been
Implementing some of those changes and I've absolutely, you know noticed a difference. Of course. I'm not going to know like, okay
is this absolutely gonna prevent me from getting dementia, but you know
all of these things are something that is gonna help your health in general and also,
Your quality of life and your happiness, so, you know, why wouldn't you try that?
so I
Hope to see you. It's going to be the interview with Julie is gonna be this Thursday
And I hope to post the video this Thursday
Um, and just to let you know, I am going to be changing my schedule a little bit for these videos
So I will be doing a live video on the first Thursday of the month and then my third
Thursday of the month is going to be an interview with a brand new guest expert so this month is with a nutritionist and
Next month, I'll be bringing in my friend Lindsay to talk about how to communicate with someone with dementia
In March, I'll be bringing in
Heather who will be talking about the importance of
Palliative care for someone with dementia if you are in the the later stages with your parent
what are the things that you can do as a daughter, so
Very excited and if you would like to be the first person to see these videos, I hope that you subscribe below
I hope you have a wonderful week and I will see you in two days
Bye
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