hey what's up you guys it's your boy Xavi for this update video I'm gonna be
doing some Q&A questions that I put on Twitter this is what I put on Twitter I
also got a snapchat messages so there's gonna be some snapchat messages and this
too
I'm sorry I look this way because I got a new camera I got 70d and has a
viewfinder and this is my first time with a viewfinder and I can see myself
now yeah but anyways we're gonna get started with
the questions oh and um my roommate is here to help me and I'm a link her
YouTube channel below she's barely got started so yeah lets get on with the video first question was
everyone supportive of you no, no because a lot of people were really
confused about transitioning and me being transgender in the whole shebang and
information about that so it was just really hard on them to really adjust to
everything and it's still there's still people who are still adjusting but I
mean it takes time so I can't complain do you feel that since your transition
you have noticed differences and how people treat you whether they are
strangers or close friends if so how. no not really
some people just ignore it which is kind of good because like there's like it's
not something to like some people ignore it because
well I mean there is two different types of ignore like they don't really mind it and then
there's that and then there's also the ignoring of like -they're not changing- they are yeah
I know one person who is like... okay but Ima
still gonna call you by this name and it's just like no stop its not my name
it's not me!--IT'S NOT ME!
next question do you feel more self love now then before
yeah so I actually
feel more confident about myself and I'm like loving myself more than what I used
to cuz back then I would just like fake it I would always fake it and and
just be like oh like you'll get through it and like tell myself it's it's okay
but I know inside like I wasn't okay and like I just it felt really wrong like I
knew it was something of me was missing and I just couldn't put my finger on it
and then when I started transitioning that's when I started feeling more and
more confident and then I love myself more than I've ever loved myself what
what were the best words of encouragement or relief that you got after or before your transition
before my transition
my mom told me no matter if you're a boy or girl black or white I'm still gonna love you
no matter what after my transition I had one person tell me being transgender
doesn't make them change the their point of view of me they're always gonna
support me next question-- next questionn when did you start
transitioning AND can you provide a before and now pic one here one here
yes please that would be cool in these pop-up
yeah so I started transitioning October 30th 2018 I'm now three months on T
this my voice three months on T. Drew asked-- bestfriend-- how do you feel about growing balls I hate you drew
I hate you Drew
*burp*
daamn
hey whats up, balls dropped
get out
alright next question
how has T affected those who are close to you
from the friends side a lot of people are very supportive
and they don't see me and differently and they just okay cool you're a boy now
my family members it's a little tough on that side tougher on that side only because-- I dont know I dont really see it but I guess its different because they grew up
with me being one one person and now I'm Xavi so it's just like it's it's
challenging for them but then there's also others of my family members who are
very supportive and they normalize it which is great cuz it literally is how has
testosterone affected your mood Oh about that I have a lot of patience um that's
the one thing that kind of keeps me at a calm level but early in my transition
when and I first started I was very moody and
very aggressive uh not aggressive but I had like anger issues but I always had
like that patience inside of me because it comes from my moms side you know I
thats about it uh
I've kind of relaxed so we chill due to the effects of taking
masculinizing okay due to the effects of taking
testosterone has your diet changed like are you eating more than you were when
you didn't take it who said that one-- Ariana-- my sister oh yeah
yes I am I'm eating a lot more and then especially
with that tip that you told me about the orange juice it helped me out that helps
out so I'm eating like a little piggy-- and you're gaining weight-- oh yeah I'm gaining weight
like weight weight
thank God I'm gaining weight what's the worst part about T probably
being on T I want to say I wish I was cis but I mean we cant all have what we want you know
at what point did you realize "this is it chief"-- how said that-- nayansi
I want to say I want to say in the middle of high school but
I didn't really put too much focus on it until like my first year in college towards the
ending of my first year in college but yeah cuz I was having major dysphoria
and I wasn't really comfortable with myself so I thought about it a lot and
so I made the decision to set up an appointment and to start the whole
process and now I'm three months on T so
it's been good
next question
so speaking of dysphoria we are going to snapchat right quick and it says what triggers your dysphoria
um a lot of things actually um my dead name
people still call me my dead name and it triggers me mmm that's not it's not me
pronouns I get misgendered a lot not recently but I used to get really bad
dysphoria because I was being misgendered sometimes whenever I'm like
going into when there's like no family restrooms or all gender-neutral
restrooms I go into the men's restroom and I kind of get dysphoria because I
feel like I'm not passing yet um and so like I get really bad anxiety and
then I just like I can't I think also something I've noticed it's
like like my family when you were over and you didn't know if they knew
oh yeah when people dont know yeah it's only because like I want to feel comfortable
with myself but if I'm not comfortable with the people around me then my
dysphoria kicks in and then I start to panic and then I'm like overthinking and
then it just creates this whole in my head so yeah I think another thing
that triggers my dysphoria is my
physical appearance cuz I'm not I'm not built or like I haven't had my surgeries
or like all that this still feels like I'm living in a body I'm not suppose to be living in speaking of surgeries another snap
question are you planning on doing any surgeries if yes which ones yes I do have one in mind
which is top surgery if you don't know what top surgery is it's just the removal of the breast I don't like that that triggered me
can't breathe um so yeah just um removal of chest area
um I dont know about any other surgeries yet I'm still debating if I do want to or not
only because my main point here when I first started T was just to take the
shots and then within a year or two get my top surgery and then I'm still on the
waiting list to see if I will do another surgery or not what did you feel right after taking
your first shot I felt really hyper yeah I felt really a hypered
I mean first it was like a normal shot huh hyper hypered hyper hypered hyper hypered vehicle hyper vehicle vedicle no vehicle vehicle vehicle okay
hy-hy-what, hadidi-- what was the word hyper hyper
anyways
yeah I was really hyper-ed and
it was like a normal shot it's like normal shot you would really usually get
I was really hungry afterwards we went to go eat Wendy's no yeah we did
Chick-fil-a was it Chick-fil-a no was it Wendy's okay Chick-fil-a Wendy's I was hungry next question what made you
finally go through your transition I didn't like how I was feeling I want I
wanted the feeling to end so it was just okay this is it mm-hmm it's a go time
no but really what really made me start all this was um not like start all this
but like what really set me was I get I kept being called a girl and I I
cringed all the time and I couldn't handle it and then
no. nonononono
going off of that when did you realize you once wanted to transition and how
has your experience been so wasn't really a want it's not a choice
it's not like oh like let me go take the shots because I don't want to be part of
the community you know it's more like I've always felt this way so it was
something I- had to do- I had to do it it was only right
sorry, has your transition affected you mentally or caused you to mentally
feel different yes or no only because like my mentality was always like
different yeah it was different I don't always see myself like one of the guys
rather than one of the girls I always had the mentality to be like oh I'm a
guy like I'm gonna go hang out with the guys even like I had my my aunt told me
I just visited her in Sacramento and she told me I knew you were going to find
yourself one way or another because I saw you hang out more with the guys
rather than the girls you always played with cars rather than Barbies you always
had your shirt off rather than your shirt on she was telling me how like she
saw the little things and she pointed it out and she's just she she always like
accepted me no matter what she still loves me and like and then there was if
one when there was one thing I told you whenever she dropped me off of at school
and I want to say in elementary and I had always lay on top of her boobs and
then she'd be like oh okay and then she'd be like okay whatever and she hold
me tight and then that's what she was like actually noticing a little thing
about me no like if anything I'm the same my mind is the same I probably
think more about like fitting in now because like what if I'm not passing
what if like people know like what if I say one thing and then like everything
goes wrong you know like I get and then my dysphoria triggers and it's just like
a mess when I was in high school or started taking T I was very sensitive
and I would cry a lot a lot I was little but now they're like when everybody
would usually cry I just don't feel like crying or having a motion I just I'm
just blank or i just like try to hold in my anger cuz I get angry pretty
easily now are you seeing like muscle growth that is similar to men's um yes
growing muscle is actually way more easier now and that um we got a gym
membership we've only been to the gym once but like I feel like if we keep continuing to go
you can get BUILT
Im going to get more built
you going to get YOKED
okay
but yeah it's gonna be way more easier to build muscle I know make me feel more
confident about myself too muscle muscle
and now for the final question final question
drum roll please would you say your transition brought you closer to your
family or made you become more distant and how so I want to say with my mom
we got way closer more closer than we've ever been only cuz like in high
school we had a really pretty rough patch and now that I'm transitioned
it really bought us together and honestly I can't thank my mom enough because she's been
there since day one through thick and thin and ride or die
hell ye and she is my support I love her thank you for caring about me and
sticking by my side-- hi mom-- Arielle says hi-- and for just defending me whenever people got in the way
and then for the rest of my family I love them very much but there has been some
people some people not all some people that it's really hard for them to accept
it and so they keep calling me my dead name and they keep referring me to a girl and I just
nah I'm just kidding but like fight that hoe I mean time is what
it is it's gonna take some time and I know that I just have to be patient with
it but I also have to be on top of it-- you have to be vocal and um remind them-- yeah I have to be vocal and
reassurance is key right now it's it's hard for me to keep to keep myself um
stress-free mm-hmm when I'm over here stressing about like them not accepting me but to
those who are very accepting and they see what I'm going through and
understand what I'm going through and how my life has been thank you for accepting me and loving me
for just me I want to say me and my brother's got a little bit closer I know me and my little
brother have always been close my little really likes to wrestle me even more now
so um also speaking about my little brother he has a twitch
here is your shoutout here is his twitch account he's really good at playing
Fortnite he's quick and shit with his keyboard and it's like mind-blowing cuz
I even like I look at the screen and I am dizzy I am dizzy I cant even focus on it I dont know how he does it but totally check him out he's
really good and you'll love him um also go check out my best friend's account
this would be his Instagram and his Twitter and don't forget to check out Arielle's
channel she's barely new at youtube so go ahead and check her out she's pretty
good at it she only has one video but that's okay go check it out it's pretty funny
it's her being high okay that's it for todays video please like comment share
subscribe if you want click the notification bell down below so you know
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oh my god-- notifications-- stop oh my god-- this must be an IE thing-- okay im Xavi peace-- stop-- okay-- okay peace
you know what-- oh I have to press
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