The sinking feeling that overwhelms you when you feel like you're not good enough for
someone can be sickening.
But no matter the reason for feeling this way, there are things you can do to overcome it
Hi ladies, Amy here.
If you're watching this video then it's safe to assume that you feel like you're
not good enough for a guy, or perhaps have felt this way in the past.
This feeling is awful, there's no denying that.
But, the good news is that in this video I will teach you what to do when you're feeling
undesirable or less than worthy.
Before we get started here though, I'd like to quickly ask that if you enjoy this video
then please take a moment to subscribe to my channel.
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Okay, now let's talk about what you can do when you feel like you're not good enough
for a man.
Well first things first, and that's recognizing the mistake it is to make a man that you have
feelings for your hero, or to put him on a pedestal.
The reason why doing this is so wrong is because heroes are those we look up to, and you should
be on level playing ground with any man or potential love interest.
This is the most basic truth for feeling equal and valued.
However, that's not to say that there aren't situations where you may find yourself feeling inadequate.
Maybe this feeling is a one-off thing, or maybe feeling less than enough is a regular
occurrence for you.
Whatever the case, if you do find yourself feeling like you're not enough, then the
first and most important step is to determine why you feel this way.
Now, there's a good chance that you won't be able to pinpoint the exact reason for this,
at least not right away.
So, if you find yourself struggling for an answer then grab a piece of paper and a pen,
and jot down anything in your life that you think may be feeding into these harsh thoughts.
For instance, did something in your life change recently, say a particular situation or the
dynamic in your relationship?
Are you unhappy in your career, or with your physical appearance?
Do you feel less talented, less intelligent or less attractive than those you surround
yourself with?
Do you have unrealistic or high expectations for yourself?
If you set standards for yourself that are bound to be missed, and do you go into self-loathing
mode and blame yourself when this happens?
All of these scenarios are products of your own thoughts and insecurities, and in the
grand scheme of things you're the only person in control of your feelings.
So then, when your inner nag tells you that you're not pretty enough, smart enough or
successful enough to approach the man you've laid eyes on, it's important that you debunk
those thoughts.
Why?
Because if you let them get the best of you, and believe that others are too good for you,
then you're missing out on what could potentially be an amazing connection.
Instead of putting others above you, stay on the same ground and believe that you are
worthy of any man's time.
And equally as important, radiate that belief.
When you can do this you will ooze with confidence, and that won't go unnoticed.
However, feeling not good enough isn't always initially caused by something you've personally
thought, it can also be caused by an action of someone else, say your partner or the man
you're romantically into.
For example, maybe he received a big promotion making him much more successful than you,
or perhaps other women have been giving him attention lately and you can tell that he's
enjoying it.
Or, maybe he's been hanging out with the guys more often, and doesn't seem to have
time to spend with you.
These situations can without doubt make you feel less desirable, and can easily stir up
jealousy and make you feel like it's you who isn't good enough.
This is especially common if it's not treating you with the love and respect you deserve.
What's important to remember here is that you are doing yourself no good by letting
these negative feelings bring you down.
In fact, doing so usually makes matters worse.
So again, to get past feeling not good enough the first step is to determine why you feel
this way.
Once you're aware with the reason for not feeling good enough, you can begin to fix
it.
Before I explain the steps you'll need to follow to do so, I want to share a quick story with you.
About a year ago, a woman named Lacey came to me, feeling like she wasn't good enough
for her boyfriend, Dave.
The two of them had been together for just over a year at that point, and while their
relationship was still loving, she was beginning to feel insecure, and as though Dave could
and would eventually do better than her.
Letting these negative thoughts get to her head, her feelings of worthlessness began
to get the best of her.
Before she knew it, she was questioning and comparing herself to every female Dave interacted
with, and on a regular basis she'd find herself locked away in the bathroom, crying
her eyes out, convinced that Dave was going to break her heart.
The reality of the situation though, was that Dave wasn't giving Lacey a justified reason to feel this way.
He'd never been unfaithful or dishonest, and the only real fault of his was a lack
of energy at the end of the work day.
Since this seemed to be more of an issue that Lacey was struggling with internally and for
personal reasons, we decided to make a list of all the things that triggered her negative
emotions, ones like like jealousy, loneliness, clinginess and worry.
This lead us to realize that at the core of Lacey's insecurities was the need to feel
wanted on a regular basis.
From here Lacey and Dave talked about the issue and found ways to make sure both partners
were getting what they needed from the relationship.
What's interesting to note is that the real problem in their relationship could actually
be traced to Lacey's attachment style, which is something I want to talk a little bit about
right now.
You may or may not have heard of "attachment styles,"but everyone has one and it's
something that we develop at a young age and carry with us through life.
What an attachment style is, is the way we relate to other people.
People who often feel that they are not good enough for others, who are self-critical and
insecure, or who believe they are unworthy of love, usually have an anxious-preoccupied
attachment style.
Since there's a good chance that this is all new to you, I'm going to break it down
further, because this is important to know if you've been struggling with these feelings.
So basically, a person with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style feels that in order to get
close to someone and have their needs met, they need to be with that person all of the
time and get reassurance that they are good enough.
Rather than feeling real love or trust they act out of insecurities and become clingy,
and if for instance their partner decides to spend their time elsewhere or with others,
those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style will get jealous and may think, "He
doesn't really love me" or "This means he's going to leave me."
Even with reassurance and approval from others, they may still feel this sort of self-doubt
and will question things about themselves, often to the extent that it becomes exhausting
to those close to them.
The reason I'm bringing up this attachment style is because if you find yourself not
feeling good enough on a regular basis then this is an issue you'll want to address.
If this does sound like you, don't panic.
With some self-compassion and awareness you can successfully build loving, healthy relationships
with yourself and others.
But regardless of whether or not this is your attachment style, if you find yourself feeling
like you're not enough for a man then here are some important steps to follow.
1.
Pay attention to the way you feel in particular situations.
When thoughts of self-doubt or worthlessness start to rise, determine the reasons for it.
Is it something you've stirred up in your mind based on your imagination, or has someone
done something to make you feel inadequate?
Do you have a particular recurring thought, or are there physical triggers that bring
you down?
Is there a particular person who makes you feel low or undeserving?
By focusing on what thoughts and actions affect your emotions, you'll be able to better
handle them.
During this process it's also important to narrow down your emotions.
Meaning instead of just being "sad" decide the type of sad you are - for instance, is
it hurt, anger, guilt, or disappointment that you're feeling.
Do the same with your positive feelings too.
You're not just happy, you can be grateful, excited, energetic, and so on.
Being able to specifically break down your emotions will help when it comes to overcoming
and understanding the reasons you feel the way you do.
2.
Choose your thoughts wisely.
Often times you don't feel good enough because of the thoughts that you've created and
given energy and time to.
If a thought comes up that makes you feel less than amazing you can either choose to
ignore it or accept it as truth.
What you'll need to do now is to learn how to brush off these negative thoughts, and
instead practice self-love.
After all, most people believe what they think, so come up with a new outlook for yourself.
What's awesome is that this is actually much easier than it sounds.
Anytime your inner bitch some knocking find ways to kick her out of your head and instead
take on the belief that you are amazing and any guy would be happy to have you.
If you would like to learn some powerful tips for finding inner love and building the type
of confidence that will turn heads and make any man feel lucky to so much as even talk
to you, then pop on over to my site.
There you will find a free video presentation for your viewing pleasure, so check it out
and you'll be well on your way to upping your odds.
The URL is www.coachnorth.com, and I'll post the link in the description below.
3.
Don't surround yourself with people who bring you down.
There's a massive difference between having unrealistic expectations and overreacting,
and settling or putting up with inappropriate behaviours.
No person, man or woman, has the right to make you feel unworthy.
If you're letting the words or actions of others get the best of you then you are going
to find yourself feeling blue, more often that you should.
Simply put, don't waste your time with people who bring you down.
The reason they do so is because they're secretly insecure, and taking you down a notch
makes them feel better.
Or, giving those people the benefit of the doubt, maybe they don't realize how negatively
their actions or words are impacting you.
Either way though, only you have the power to make yourself feel what you do.
Sure, outside factors can play a part, but at the end of the day you're responsible
for your own happiness.
Don't settle for less than you deserve.
4.
Don't compare yourself to others.
One of the most common causes of not feeling good enough is comparing yourself to others.
If there's one thing that not enough people acknowledge though, it's that most times
others will only show or tell you what they want you to see and hear.
This means that what you think could be someone's "perfect life" is really only a small
glimpse or fragment of their real life.
It makes sense too.
Most people like talking about or posting on social media the highs in their life - be
it updates from a trip, news about a promotion, or photos where they look their best.
Just because you see these things it doesn't mean you're seeing the whole picture, or
that you should be comparing yourself or life to theirs.
In fact, chances are you're just seeing the version, or portion of their life that
they like best and are most proud of.
It doesn't mean that they have the perfect life and are happy 24/7, it just means that
they're choosing not to publicly post or openly talk about the things that they're
unhappy with, or what's bothering them.
Keep this in mind when you start to feel like you're not good enough or as achieved as
others.
That said, this doesn't mean you can't do the same thing!
By focusing on the good aspects of your life and choosing to make those the highlights
you'll not only start to feel amazing, but you'll also be encouraged to scout out more
of what makes you happy.
5.
Learn how to brush it off.
When you feel like it's the end of the world, ask yourself this: Is what's bothering me
now worth worrying or feeling down over?
Are my thoughts and feelings justified?
Chances are when you're caught up in the moment the answer will be yes, absolutely!
But be honest with yourself and try to remove yourself from the scenario and see the bigger
picture.
Will this still be a concern tomorrow, or even next week?
If there's a particular situation that upsets you, then try your best to get to the root
of why it does, and find a way to overcome it.
If it's a figment of your imagination, let it go.
Life is full of obstacles, so yes, you will have good days and bad.
When the bad days come knocking be sure to keep a positive mindset and do your best to
handle whatever problems arise.
6.
Live in the moment.
If you're caught up in thinking about the past, or worrying about what could happen
in the future, then you're going to miss out on the present.
What's worse about this situation is that the present is the only time you have immediate
control over, so don't let that opportunity go to waste.
It's so easy to focus your energy on something that's already happened, but again, when
you waste valuable time stressing or sulking about something that's already been said
or done, you're not doing yourself any favours.
If you find yourself doing this, then keep this in mind: the past is in the past, it
cannot be undone or changed so leave it be and move on.
As for the future, what you do today will impact it greatly, so choose your actions,
words and thoughts wisely.
A helpful way to keep a positive outlook on life and the future is by learning to appreciate
the little things you have in your life today, and by moving forward with that same grateful,
positive attitude.
7.
Love yourself.
At the heart of making these inner personal changes is self-compassion.
Since you're probably used to being self-doubting, critical, or downright nasty to yourself,
start treating yourself as you would a loved one who came to you for support, or someone
else in need.
When you can give yourself the same love and supportive-talk that you would give to others,
you'll notice a change in your attitude and feelings.
When working on you, be sure to set realistic expectations and standards for yourself.
For example, if you feel that you'd be more confident if you gave your body some extra
love and care, then do so.
Set some goals and make it happen.
Just be careful not to be fooled by media ads or photoshopped images, these can be discouraging
when working on your self image, so again, be realistic with yourself.
And remember, having ambitions and goals is great, but don't fret if you if you slip
up every now and then.
No one is perfect, it's all part of being human.
Well that's just about a wrap on this video, as always thanks so much for stopping by my
channel and checking out this video.
If you learning something new here or found what I shared helpful then please be sure
to hit the "like" button below and share this with all of your lady friends.
Also, if you haven't already done so then don't forget to subscribe to my channel
and check out my other dating and relationship vids.
As always if you have any questions for me, or feedback, you can post in the comments
section below and I'll do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.
Again, thanks so much for your support, it's what allows me to keep coming out with content
for you, so thank you thank you thank you So ladies, now that you have the tips you
need to feel worthy and loved go put them to use and I'll see you again next time.
Good luck!
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