Hello my people I don't want to keep his intro too long, but essentially I've always wanted to do much all my life
I don't even know if they're relevant anymore
But I've told you guys a lot about my story from like my beginnings with social anxiety
And being diagnosed with that at a very young age and so on and I decided I wanted to give you guys a whole picture
And I thought it would be so incredibly impactful and I was just a playlist live
I met a ton of you and I heard your amazing stories
and I don't know
There are a lot of Tears but also a lot of mothers really kind mothers that were saying the sweetest thing so they shout out
To you guys, too. I'm a proud father
But anyways, I am giving away on top a gift card
If you follow me on instagram at Jesse page and extra entries
if you fellas just see trash and I'm doing that the whole entire month and
Can we get this to?
25,000 likes because this is probably when the videos have worked the hardest on and it really really really really really
Means a lot to me
I honestly all my videos mean a lot to me
But I think there's so much to be learned from this and I'm really proud of myself for opening up
And also I just know my people I know that you guys can do what I'm watching you. Yes, I love my people
I literally have your work hanging on my fridge. I'm a proud father a daddy. Yes
I was trying to avoid that word, but you know it always comes around
daddy
My boys gets like really low when I say it daddy daddy
Let's get started one day March 12th 1999
There was a little baby born and she had dark brown hair and green eyes. Her name was Jessica
Yep, my full name is Jessica
When I was little though, I was a little tomboy and I was like No, Jessie. That's gonna be my name
I was born Jessica pH Eisenberg. Yep, Eisenberg. I was born in northern northern, New Jersey
I was born a little Hufflepuff
We all admitted. I was probably the ugliest baby ever
I look at pictures and I'm like why and there's my mom and my dad my mom's blonde
And my dad is really dark hair. That's him and they both have pretty green eyes
That's where I got. My green eyes from green eyes are really rare
and I think it's really beautiful that they both have green eyes and my mom's name is Linnell and my dad is Mark with
C and I was born on March 12th 1999
So that makes me a Pisces when I was little I was like the easiest baby in the world
I barely ever cried and I just I was very very chilled and relaxed and then
Because I was so easy a year later. My parents decided to have another child who ended up being my mean brother
We stand him his name's Matthew Matt and growing up and it looked like either my parents directly
But I looked so much like my brother like everyone told us. We look like twins
Another thing when I was young I was diagnosed with selective mutism
Which essentially means that I was very very uncomfortable speaking in certain situations and in certain situations
I would be mute and if it was young, I literally only talked to about three people
It's essentially shyness to a new level to the point where you legitimately cannot speak in certain situations
And it was really hard growing up with that. I went to a special at preschool was super isolated
I was constantly tested they were trying to figure out what was wrong with me and so on
It was really nice awaiting. I was just insanely insanely shy definitely born with it from like the second I could talk
It was very selective with who I felt comfortable talking with because of that though. I was a super easy kid
I was just really friendly and nice and very very content with myself
I was very introverted from a young age very nice Hufflepuff vision and my brother was born and he was always the nicest boy
But the most outgoing kid on the planet he would just go into the doctor's office and like talk career offices for me
I couldn't even and we ran out and due to this. I didn't really have a lot of friends growing up in preschool
So my brother and I were kind of like best friends, which is really adorable. We essentially went all in on the fandoms
And so on especially because I was so shy and let me get resorted to these other worlds
because they allowed for me to
ski
I was one of the biggest Harry Potter fans literally dressed up for the midnight premiere read all the books four times
I loved anime from young age like Sailor Moon. And I remember I always thought the girls were so incredibly beautiful
I wanted to emulate them growing up anything that definitely was
Something that sparked my interest in colored hair later on my life was obsessed with Club Penguin
Never had a love interest growing up but have any love interest on Club Penguin. Yes
We stand love star wars Battlestar Galactica was obsessed with Pokemon
My brother is super outgoing and so on and then later on when he started to get older in school
He was always friends with a lot of girls and he was just a very nice
Sensitive boy and people wanted to pick on him for that reason and he was bullied tune in same extent
I remember one day coming home and like he had holes in his shirt
It was incredibly hard for me to watch as a sister and to not be able to do anything as for me
I personally when I was growing up didn't experience bullying but that's because they didn't even put myself out there in the first place
I think seeing what my brother went through. I feel like that ended up making my social anxiety even worse
I definitely had social anxiety a lot when I was little I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up
I never had any hobbies that my friends didn't have and it was really hard for me
I was an individual but anything that made me individual I was scared to
Communicate with the world and it was really really really hard for me. I couldn't even tell my friends they watched Pokemon
I was that insecure my brother and I definitely went through different struggles
Although my brothers were external and mine incredibly internal genuinely
I give more power to my brother for putting himself out there
even if it meant he was getting picked on because it definitely was harder for me later down the line because I was such a
A Wallflower genuinely. So anyways, eventually I found very few friends
I was able to communicate with and internally I was always thinking about these things that I loved
But I was never able to share that with other people and I know they say this in every single draw my life video
But I'm gonna say it I discovered YouTube and genuinely it really did change my life
I didn't tell any of my friends when I first started watching YouTube that I watched these youtubers
It was always something I kept very secret. I was scared. They would judge me for that as well
And I really I don't know why I was like that
I remember watching bethany mota when she had like
100,000 subscribers and I remember loving watching Dan and Phil videos with my brother
Because we just both really really just connected to their humor
We had like similar interests and we loved you know
like similar video games and meme culture and stuff and Connor Franta
I really loved as well and Tyler Oakley, etc, etc
joey graceffa
And it was really really really really cool and seeing all these
individuals become so so courageous and
Seeing them speak up just made me want to speak up and I remember the first big thing that like really changed my life
I it's gonna sound silly but I started listening to music
I wanted to listen to versus what was on the radio and then I found out that I really do have a passion for
Alternative music I decided I wanted to switch from acoustic guitar to electric guitar and from that point on like I literally would practice guitar
An hour a day by myself would never let anyone see myself play likes your guitar because I thought I sucked at everything I was
Incredibly insecure to an insane extent
I even had an 8 growing up if she would follow me around in all my classes
Because one I would always stare off into space and I had issues with
Concentration like such serious issues that the school board was like she needs assistance
She needs a person to be with her and to because I had issues coming
With teachers and other students alike and youtubers really just enticed me to the idea of building my own
Hobbies and interest, so then eventually I moved on to high school and I started to become more of an individual
I found friends that were kind of nerdy and artistic, which is me
That's definitely me in a sentence
If you saw me in school
Like that was my friend group like the friends that like never went to the parties
We did weird artistic shifts in our free time
but when my brother is so severely bullied he had she moved to a very small private school and I went to move to the
same very small private school because it was too much for my mom to take both of us to
Two different schools that were very far apart and when I switched this school, it was so much smaller
and I didn't find any people I
Identified with there was no colored hair. They didn't even really support the arts very much
and that was when I was finally starting to find myself as an individual a little bit and then I
just backtracked and I started to get really just incredibly unhappy and I
Isolated myself from the world even more and I found myself getting into my old just socially anxious tendencies
I had finally started to really outgrow a bit. I asked for a camera
I was in seventh grade to start YouTube and my parents got me a picture camera and I was too shy to tell them that
I one of those 13 YouTube so asked for a camera again this time I asked for a video camera and I decided to
Start youtube at the time. I believed that girls had to be a part of the beauty community
I didn't think they could be portraying
anything comedic even though it was really ironic because some of the people that looked up to the most they were all
Personality channels it took me six months to hit 200 subscribers
At that point I felt incredibly defeated to have that on YouTube after making videos. We got your week
It really really hurt me my dad. I love him so much, but he didn't believe in it
He was like, oh, yeah, she'll probably give up after a year
But I continued to push through with it and just keep going and then I remember I uploaded my first DIY
Band video which was just me doing like my similar type of beauty guru content
But I started to show
my just love for alternative bands because I was
Huge part of my personality and it still is you guys know that I'm sure at some transfer bands. Yeah
You've never heard the word trash from me before I said your post
Yeah a bad video and I remember that first video was one of them about like it blew up and a DIY
Fandom room decor, which is essentially me. Just making like Doctor Who word decor and Sherlock inspired room decor
I was really far into fandom tumblr and I realized as I started to post more content that started to display my
Personality more people identified it that more and I felt like I identified with my audience in return as well
I saw myself and my audience and my audience saw themselves in me growing up
I always spent a lot of strength in these girl anime characters. I loved series that were centered around magical girls
They're essentially these girls that like secretly have powers and there were always like female
Superheroes almost and I wanted to be like that curry gut
But I also love their style and so on and one thing I always wanted to do was die my whole head pink
I always have like colored ends and stuff, but I decided to dye my whole head pink. I did it
Yeah, and from that point on I just kept on posting like personality based content
I started to do more comedy and just sharing my weird sense of humor, which my people get. Thank you
I love it
And I posted a video called him 17 and it's time for the truth where I really just talked about a lot of issues
I was facing at the time, but I remember I'm so nervous to talk about
I remember that video just blowing up talked about everything from my social anxiety to how I really you know
Used fandoms and so on as this form of escapism I even was invited to do a YouTube tour with youtubers
I met as fans which was so weird. I literally was a fan of them and I'm like to be on tour
That was so cool. I literally like still fangirl over them. I also decided I was going to play electric guitar on stage
We're just really scary for me. I never even played for my parents or my friends. I played this song
it's called Reapers my muse and I also played a
Plucky song and then after the tour my family moved to Florida and at the same time
I just say to move to LA at age 17 by myself
which is
Really scary cuz I was super shy and also super attached to my home life and my family and I was living a very sheltered
life, so to move right to LA was
Incredibly scary and honestly
I definitely did it too quickly a big misconception people get from my videos is that I've always had anxiety
I've always had social anxiety, but I never had generalized anxiety
It was only from social situations that I got forms of anxiety
but then when I moved to LA it was so great for me creatively like I
Truly as a creative feel like I was like flourishing
I had so many ideas and
opportunities to collaborate with
Incredible people and so on but it was really really hard for me because you'd be so used to living with your parents
Just living by yourself. It caught really lonely. Like I was so lonely and although I was collabing with youtubers
I didn't have any friends in LA for the first year anything
This is actually something I've never really talked about on my channel
but up until five months ago from today what I'm filming this I had no friends in LA it took me a year and a
Half to find people that I really identified with and I think it's really cool
I literally was at my birthday party this year and I was like, wow, these are all friends
I've made within the past five months. That's really cool
And another thing I think people didn't always realize is that I was super young 17 years old and I was as well
It's like a one-way viewers. I couldn't find anyone else to identify with and I didn't want to go back home
Another thing how I was able to
Move to LA by myself at 17 with like the schooling situation is that I switch to online school the last year of high school
which was a really big move for me because school was always incredibly important for me and I was so
Insanely hard on myself about my grades all the time, which my parents were never heard of me about my grades
It was always myself
Maybe it's because my parents weren't heard of me about my grades that I felt like they weren't pleased because they just never said anything
It's just when I didn't turn in work or etc. They didn't care and I wanted them they care more
Anyways, you guys might remember my backdrop edited and vinyls on it at this time and fairy lights
I had my pink hair and although YouTube wise is doing really well
I wasn't the happiest they didn't realize it and then at that point in my life, I formed generalized anxiety
and I didn't realize anxiety at the time and then I got cast for a show called guilty party and it was
incredible for me
I got to play a character that I really identified with because she was super shy and so focused on improving
Herself versus giving herself time to just breathe and exist. She was just insanely harder to herself and that's something about
I made such great friends of my set like Tiffany and Myles and Teela my favorite humans at that point
I realized wow I can still do my job yet
I can be social and have great friends and connections and I owe that to myself
I can't live this isolated life and I started going to a therapist and she told me a lot of my anxiety was formed from
Social isolation which is insane. I've never shared this on the internet, but I was insanely isolated
I was so focused in my career that I wasn't giving myself
Time to just have experiences and great friends and so on
I think a lot of it came from just feeling like I needed to
Constantly prove myself to my parents that I could but this new job could be
Sustainable and they ways then I listened to what my therapist said and I started to actually hang out with youtubers
I have to work a lot with them and I started to try to take acting classes
To get out of my comfort zone to meet new people and I dyed my hair blue around this time
So this is why whenever I talk about how like when I dyed my hair blue like things just really started to go up in
My life and it's really true
I started to like really form great relationships with people, you know
A lot of my friends are now like I have my best friend Tiffany. I have my best friend Frank
I have Ewa and Jacqueline and Steph and I just stand them all
I love my people and I'm really really fortunate for them
They're all really cool and unique and different and then they're all like intelligent and hilarious
There are ways that I just I love them during this time. I feel like my videos got even better
I started to incorporate music wore my videos like I to do my little ukulele songs and stuff
But it made me really happy and I was even getting more comfortable my videos essentially
We're no longer DIY based at all because I had such an incredible mental health journey
And I wanted my videos to be a betrayal of my life
I started to
Discuss mental health more from what I had learned on my channel and I wrote my book, which is so incredibly
Cool, and I just started to talk about identity through my own personal experiences and even things like stranger things
I became even more proud of my videos and my videos just became happier
And I think one really cool thing is that I always used to talk about mental health and there would be these sad sad videos
But then I realized that the video the tone doesn't have to be sad for it to be impactful
I became
super comfortable and happy
and had so many great friends in a line even people were meeting me and telling me like they thought I was
Extroverted which is so crazy never in a million years
Did I ever think I'd hear that I was so confident going into 2018 and then eventually I had a lot of issues happening
So I had a family issue that was incredibly harmful
And then I also went through a breakup and I also had my puppy passed away within three weeks
Having that much heartbreak in three weeks. It was insane. I didn't know my body could cry so much after that happened
they took a little break from social media and I didn't know how I was gonna portray myself online afterwards because my whole entire
Theme on my channel. It's all about being authentic and real and promoting positive mental health
And I decided that I would show myself
Recovering and I thought that could help a lot of people that were going through some more things
So I decided to make videos all about recovery
My blue hair that once made me incredibly happy
started to
Remind me of a lot of negative energy in my life and it wasn't that I thought dyeing my hair blonde would make my life
Better but I thought that it would just feel like a new era
My hair color just really genuinely reminded me of a time in my life
That wasn't happy and also my mom and I had to talked for a while and we really like
Reconnected after I went through all that heartbreak and she was just an incredibly strong person to me and she's blinded
I've never looked like her daughter growing up, but I've always just felt like her daughter and I really identify with her
So I just I wanted to externally show that growing up because I always thought my mom is so beautiful and turtley
I also thought she was the most beautiful
Externally, like whatever if you were like, who do you think is the most beautiful woman?
I'd be like my mom
so because of that I wanted to be blonde because I viewed looking like my mom as being something beautiful because I thought she was
Beautiful and since then I've been getting so much happier
I've been taking care of myself a lot and
I've stopped crying every day, and I've started to recover and my friends have been there for me so much
I'm so grateful. And after I found out about my puppy, I didn't even think I'd be able to go into a puppy store
I tried actually and I almost threw up fun fact and then about a month and a half later
I was visiting shelters with my mom and I fell in love with this one copy and I decided to adopt him
And I named him something symbolic to the whole situation that I went through
I view this puppy is a spiritual successor. And for me puppies are just they really are a legitimate way of healing
I remember when my mom had breast cancer
My dad got her a puppy and I really do truly believe it affected her mental health
Which could have potentially affected her physical health? Yeah. I don't know. He makes me really happy currently
he's with my mom and she's taking care of him until he gets all the shots and I was also
super super happy to be able to give a puppy at home from a shelter and
Now I'm in a really happy place
I feel the most confident have ever felt with my videos and I feel like I've such balance in my life
I love my audience so much. I got loves my people. I tell you all the time and I've stopped overthinking everything
I'm just gonna keep working really really really really really hard so that we have been amazing 2018. I'm just proud of us
Okay, I feel like this journey. It's not about me
it's about us and no matter when you came in whenever you subscribed you're just as much of a part of this as
Anyone else that's really important to me. Thank you for giving this little Hufflepuff go for New Jersey a chance
It's so incredibly incredibly cool. I'm just really really really really really really appreciative
it's the world's like it can be so incredibly negative and I hope that one of my videos even just brightens your day and I
Hope my videos allow for you to be comfortable and happy with your identity
I hope that seeing myself become comfortable within my own identity hopes you I always tell people my channels
Essentially myself being the advice that I wish I had growing up when I was sad and insecure, I don't know
I just love my people so much and I'm just appreciate you all and I don't want to get corny
but I never felt like good people that connected with me growing up is really hard for me to find people to connect with and
I hope that I can give other people that connection that I wasn't able to have just know if you're super lonely or
Insecure or shy or anxious or you're not comfortable within your own identity
whether it's
sexuality gender
Anything just know that life's a journey and it's gonna have its ups and downs but in faith in you
And I know that you're incredibly strong and didn't think I was ever strong
I would never have described myself as being strong. But now that's something that I proudly say that I am I feel strong
I hope you guys enjoy it
I grew up loving hearing just even like stories from Troye Sivan or draw my life videos from bethany mota
So yeah, this video really just hits hard to home and it's for all of you
I'm so soft. And shy in this intro and outro Jessi what's going on? I love my people a lot. Hello
I stand you all I
Basically could make a fan account for all my people and I met so many of you guys this weekend and you were also kind
I'm just like constantly proud. I just want you to know I'm proud
Proud of you. We stand in this household
I might be a broke father from giving so many things away to my kids probably
Spoiling my kids a little bit too much, but it's all out of love
I'm gonna feature your pages. I stand your usernames and also some of your Instagram and Twitter posts. Thank you. Thank you
Thank you, and I will see you guys in the future. Okay?
You
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