I don't know how we almost made it to 500, when I basically neglected you for a month.
Thank you. Please don't leave.
Hey you guys, and welcome to my channel.
Happy new year! I hope all of you had a wonderful way to celebrate the end of 2017.
On the 2nd of January, my cousin and I were having a sleepover.
And we found this diary that we wrote when we were, like, 9 years old.
One of the things that really really struck me about us now and us then was that we were a huge fan of T-Swift.
That basically inspired me to make my resolutions revolve around T-swift title songs.
Creative. I know.
Take a leap of faith that comes from a place of security and maturity. Open your heart. Make an effort.
Love and accept love the way your characters do.
When I was 9 years old, I wrote in multiple pages across 2006 to 2010 that "I need a boyfriend."
Not that "I want a boyfriend" but that "I NEED a boyfriend."
And I feel the need... lol... I feel the need to talk about this.
Because I think that's a testament to the kind of kid that I was,
and the kind of culture that I was brought up in.
And this is not in any way shaming how I was raised or anything like that.
But I think, as a kid if in every social event the most asked question that you get is;
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
It kind of plants this idea in your head that having a boyfriend is an essential thing in your life.
So the idea of having a boyfriend to me from such a young age... came from a place of lack.
And I think for the longest time that's kind of how I believed it.
High school taught me things about hard work, commitment, and loyalty,
and all of the more serious stuff about being in a relationship.
In university, I kind of hit that curve of "I am a single, independent, wonderful, strong woman
who don't need no man. Ever."
I was really really comfortable with that phase because it generated a lot of self-growth.
So the Universe-- bless it-- last year, gave me a glimpse of the kind of person that I could fall head-over-heels for.
And I think that was the first slap in the face to me... where the Universe is like;
"Dude, look, I can make this kind of thing happen for you...
keep that in mind when you say that you don't want to be with anyone.
Does it include someone like him?"
And I started freaking out because I was like; "No, no, I want this dude. This dude is amazing.
I want another version of him, please, who's single."
I was hanging out with a friend of mine who I haven't seen for years and years
and she was asking me if I had a boyfriend.
Before I could answer if I had a boyfriend or not, she was like; "You know what?
You don't need a boyfriend. You're a strong, independent, single lady who does not need no man."
And that was the second slap that I needed to kind of go into this deep reflection mode
of really thinking about the kind of energy that I've been spreading out.
I don't think it's about desperately wanting someone... it's about feeling okay to want someone.
And that for me, personally, is really hard.
It may not be, I think, for other people. I don't know. In general people are just like;
"I want love, I want it so bad."
So, yeah. Kind of switching gears a little.
It feels very vulnerable, which is my least favorite word.
In concrete form, I want to challenge myself to go on a date once every month.
I honestly don't know how to navigate this whole millennial date landscape thing,
so we'll see how that goes.
Be alive. Be mindful. Kindness is a priority when you are stressed, anxious, lonely and lost.
Ask for help if you need to. Don't hesitate.
I'm really trying to practice this whole mindfulness thing, because I've realized
how much it changed me for the better... practicing that over the course of 2017.
It's been really helpful with my anxiety as well.
Ask for help if you need to is also another one that I always struggle with,
because with anxiety it's kind of like bugging the same support system
about the same issue over and over again
because you don't really know when it's gonna pop up.
I don't know.
I don't want to talk about it too much here because I'll have a whole video dedicated for it.
'Lost' is a really interesting word for me too.
I have this other journal-- not the mini diary-- that I keep to write thoughts down.
Like really philosophical deep thoughts about myself and the world.
Sometimes, I would go to my journal and the first thing I write would be that I feel lost.
I feel very directionless. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing.
What is the meaning of everythinggggg?
Some of the concrete goals that I've written for State of Grace is, again, daily meditation.
A proper morning routine.
I've been trying to implement that as well, and I've been doing really well this week.
It's basically waking up, doing meditation, getting caffeinated with, like coffee or tea,
eating breakfast, and having a solid hour with no phone.
Another thing that I've written here is also exercise.
So this year I really want to focus on boxing, yoga, a bit of swimming. And maybe soul cycling?
I don't know. I'm kind of curious about that, and I'm trying it... tomorrow morning actually.
So I want to see how that goes.
Another thing I wrote is actually from my little sister.
I can't really remember the exact thing she said because I was bawling my eyes out,
and she was giving me this really wonderful, encouraging speech.
She said; "you don't have to get up and conquer and be on every single day.
Sometimes you have down days. Sometimes you feel vulnerable." The big V word again.
"And that's okay."
Invite positive, fun, inspirational people into your life.
Deepen and maintain existing relationships.
Smoothen breaking bridges by putting aside your ego and unkindness.
I really want to push myself to meet more new people this year.
If it's not obvious enough, I'm a proud lone-wolf.
I love spending time alone. I'm happiest when I'm alone. I'm most productive when I'm alone.
But I also really like it when I meet people who have, like, this zest for life.
They're passionate, or they're really good at what they're doing,
or they're just generally a fun person to be around.
So I really really want to attract more of those kind of people into my life.
I think one of the things that I've realized when it comes to socializing is
that it's always more bearable when you're present in that moment for them.
That you want to listen to what they have to say,
that you want to know things about their life, their dreams and aspirations.
When I hang out with people... when I go home I just feel so dead.
I need to recharge and just recuperate in my own space.
But as soon as I shifted the focus, I didn't feel that way at all.
The concrete goal that I've written is to go to two social events per month.
And I wrote down things like public lectures, events, festivals, and other things.
Another thing I've written under Blank Space is also to reply quickly to people.
I'm the type of person that takes, like, two weeks to reply to people.
So I've been trying to get better at that.
Self-discipline and scheduling inspiration is key.
Writing is not just your hobby now, it's your job.
You've got this ma'am, dreamer, and girlboss.
Writing is a tricky thing, I think, to be an occupation because it's not something that you can force.
It's something you can train yourself to be good at, and to do regularly.
But sometimes you just don't feel it. Which is why I wrote here... scheduling inspiration is key.
Watching movies, reading books, and doing everything I can to keep my inspiration tank full all the time.
So I can produce the best quality stuff that I can... produce? What am I saying?
And the title girlboss is, like, one that I've really really tried to internalize last year.
Dreamer-- it's the kind of person I've always been.
When I'm lying in bed, I take the time to properly dream.
As in, I visualize the things that I want.
I'm a Disney kid as well so I really really believe in wishing.
I believe in hustling too, but wishing is just as important.
Like, you can't hustle for nothing, you know? You've got to imagine it all first.
For Wildest Dreams, I've basically said work hard-work smart.
Hello dot-dot-dot, which is the project that I'm working on, which is launching next month. I'm dying.
Finish the first draft of Wonderwall, which I totally should have done last year but I totally didn't.
Begin An Empire of Benches and Hand-holding. First draft.
And also publish dot-dot-dot, which is also another project that I've been working on for a hundred years.
Elevate your happiness and self growth by trying new things. Be silly. Be fearless.
There's this general vibe and idea that... when you turn into an adult... you kind of become boring.
You become these stuck-up middle-aged pricks,
that are just so desolate and crabby about absolutely everything.
I've been very very fortunate that I've met so many wonderful adults
that I'm like; "this is how I want to be when I'm 45" or "this is how I want to be when I'm 67."
And I've realized that that spark... that they still have is that they didn't truly grow up.
They still do all of these crazy pointless things that some people would think;
"Why would you do that? Doesn't give you any benefit. Doesn't bring you money."
But they just do it because they want to do it.
And I think that's the kind of drive that I never want to lose
I always want to do things because it makes me happy.
Study Argentinian tango... I really want to go on a hot-air balloon ride.
Another thing that I am focusing on primarily on this year is modeling.
When I moved to Melbourne, I made a pact with myself to learn a new skill every single year.
When I first arrived, I did an archery class, bartending, boxing-- which was amazing.
Last year, I acquired the skill of traveling solo.
Starting with Gold Coast-- which was local. It was only two hours away.
And then stretching it to the US which is 14 hours away,
and then stretching it to Tanzania which is 28 hours away.
And so this year I was thinking; "okay... what's something else that really really pushes me out of my comfort zone?"
And that's modeling.
Because even though I love speaking to you.. because I feel like I'm offering something if I'm speaking...
I don't like it when people take pictures of me because I don't know what to do.
I feel just... awkward.
So this year I have committed to doing five photoshoots.
The first photoshoot, we're actually doing on the 31st.
Another thing that I've listed for Never Grow Up is Movie Nights with Bubud.
Bubud is what I call my sister and what she calls me.
In February, she's gonna be moving here. I'm just excited to force her into the whole Harry Potter universe.
We're gonna do Disney Nights.
We're gonna make popcorn, we're gonna string up some fairy lights, I don't know... build a fort...
and just hang out with all of our doll crew.
So yeah! That's basically it.
Let me know if you have any New Year's resolutions for 2018,
if you have any goals that are more specific for 2018.
Thank you, so much, again for subscribing to my channel.
It makes me very very very happy.
So this year, I'm thinking I'll still do three videos every month.
But I'm gonna post it on the three last days of that month.
And if you're not cool with that, if you're like, "NO, I need videos to come out every single week."
Then that's totally cool. It's been nice meeting you and having you chill out with me.
But if you're cool with that then, yeah, I'll see you in the next two days.
Be kind. Be happy. BeYOUtiful. And bye!
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