- Looks like we are live (giggles)
with Miss Danielle LaPorte.
I would say that we are Gemini soul sisters.
We just found out we have May birthdays
that we have just celebrated and so excited to
get cozy in a soulful conversation with you Danielle
today about really finding magic in the messy middle.
So transitions and trust
and of course White Hot Truth.
You are the author of a new book baby, White Hot Truth
which I have right here, Clarity For Keeping It Real
On Your Spiritual Path From One Seeker to Another.
But you are a bestselling multiple author,
you have multiple book babies.
You're also a speaker, a spiritual seeker, a poet,
a business maven, mama, muse to many
and also a member of Oprah's Super Soul 100.
Holy wow, you have a lot of claim to fame
and one thing that I'd like to ask you,
I didn't want to ask you but I think it's something
that is so important that is coming up for so many people.
We just completed a nine year, right?
So there's this transition, this fire that we are
just sitting in and I really feel this question that's
coming up is who am I, how do I introduce myself?
And so I am so curious for you today,
if you were in a room full of strangers
and someone asked you what do you do, what do you say?
- I wouldn't say much, actually.
I'd just say I write, I don't even say I'm a writer.
I write
and I leave it at that.
- And tell me for like not having that
label of writer or something for you,
why you choose not to say I'm a writer or an author.
- Well I actually don't feel like,
I mean of course sometimes I claim the title as
like I'm a writer, this is what I do for a living,
this is my gift, you know?
But I really feel like I'm more than that and I wasn't
a writer first, I don't think it's my original thing.
I think first I'm a seeker.
I'm a seeker, I'm devoted to figuring a few
things out and I want to share about my journey
and the language I've been given is writing.
- So for people who I think we are all multi-dimensional
whole women, which I love that you talk about so much
that there's the scale, the high and the low,
what would your recommendation be for someone who is
stuck in like how do I say who I am in a sentence or two?
Because you've got one word, which is amazing.
- Well sometimes if you're not
totally stoked about what you're doing,
if it's not totally true to who you are but
you still want to engage and tell people what you're up to,
I think it's really good to talk
about what you're interested in.
It's like you know, you could say
"I'm a ditch-digger but I'm really interested in
"raising money for Charity Water."
So it's like somehow you have to work into that
description like what you're really passionate about
without being victim-y. - Yeah.
- About like well you know,
by day I'm a tax attorney but by night...
Just like really own, have some pride
in everything you're doing and
don't, this is just my particular personal pet peeve
but I don't think saying things like "I'm helping women
"be liberated to their creator consciousness,"
like I actually don't think that serves anybody.
It's just really confusing,
it sounds inflated and super flaky and that may be
what you're doing but just like give people a minute
and if you're a coach, just say you're a coach.
Like all coaches are trying to not,
they're trying to come up with some other thing.
You're a coach and I can understand that and if somebody
wants to know more and really engage with you,
which are the only people you want to
engage with anyway are the interested ones,
then they'll ask a little more, you'll share
a little more and you'll get to your real purpose.
You'll get to say
"I'm really helping women be liberated to their truth."
- Yeah, awesome, so it's the tease intro.
- It's the gradual truth intro, yeah.
- I love that. - So yeah.
- And I'd love to just dip into this writing piece
because I actually saw you speak in San Francisco
and I'm excited to see you speak
in San Francisco again on June 16th.
- Yeah.
- So I saw you perform one of your poems,
raw, paper in hand but so soulful, so sensual
and I remember you saying that you
actually haven't performed your written
poetry out loud in front of an audience.
Can you tell me a little bit about that,
of just really that voice and those words staying on
the page and not sharing it in front of an audience?
- Well, there's a real practical reason.
One is, and thanks for this question, never been asked it.
I'm so stoked about questions I've never been asked.
(laughs)
- Yes.
- The practical answer to that is like
learning a spoken word piece is work
and
it's,
you know you gotta do your thing, you gotta memorize,
I got a lot going on, there's a lot.
You know, I'm not just a writer slash speaker,
I mean I got this whole business, I'm a mom
and I don't want to add any concern about whether
I'm gonna hit it and remember it to my talk.
I just really want to be present.
But I had to get over that and just really work on
embodying the poem that I'd written
and so now I open and close every talk with
a spoken word piece and I think I've crafted them enough
and I'm trying to be so pure in how I deliver them.
I really think that would be enough.
- Right.
- That's it, two pieces, that's your $50 worth.
And I also didn't want to,
I don't know, I just didn't want to be a cheesy
slam poet,
arrogant.
You know? - Yeah.
- But now I need to do it, I really need to do it.
Yeah, I need that bookend.
- Tell me around the need piece that you're saying.
Why do you need to do it?
Because it sounds like it's an inside--
- Yeah. - Expression.
- Because I feel like, I mean the beauty of poetry
is you can say things in these really abstract, fluid
ways
that convey so much.
Like I can really help you,
I can't get you to because there's no guarantees
but I can really help you feel something way more than
if I just give you an answer to the question or an opinion.
Those are cool and useful too but like
if I can just get that line and you go "Oh,
"I so relate,"
then I really feel like I've done my job
and I just really want to do my job.
- Yeah.
- That's why I do the poetry now.
- Love it, love it, love it.
I'm actually a spoken word poet and so I was so
intrigued when you shared that on the stage
and we got to witness that and excited to witness.
Now you've got top and bottom, so it's a new evolution.
- A sandwich. - Yes.
So I'm curious because you are on
the speaking circuit right now, right?
You're sharing your message, you're sharing your story
on the podcast, on blog posts and on stages but I remember
shortly after I saw you speak live in San Francisco,
you made an intentional trade-off.
You were on the no train of no speaking engagements,
no getting on a plane and I'm so curious
what your thought process was around that
and what were you saying yes to instead?
- When did you see me speak,
was that at the Yoga Journal Conference?
- Yes. - Yes, okay.
Yeah I had actually the year before said no.
I was just getting off the no train.
So sorry, what was,
your question was why I got on the no train?
- Yeah, so making that decision, that intentional trade-off.
- Because I was at a gig
and I didn't like my hotel room
and then I had to be to the stage
really early for a sound check and I was like
so resentful that I had to get up early and
they wanted me in the front row to listen to everybody else,
which normally I'm like super happy to do.
Then I did my gig and then for lunch they gave me
a fucking muffin and then I signed all these books
and hugged and kissed and did all these photos
and then I went and did this film thing.
They interviewed me on camera
and I was getting super cranky.
Everything I've just mentioned, it's part of the job.
Most of the time it's a joy, I want to be there.
I'm happy with the muffin,
I got some green juice in my purse, I am good.
But when I was getting bitchy about what it takes to do
what I do,
that which I love, that which I am born to do,
I thought it's time to take a break
and re-center,
rest and come back to it full-heartedly and now,
I'm on.
I'm on, I'm in, I do not, I don't have,
there's nothing to complain about.
I mean I get a little irritated with
the security guys in airports and that
authority attitude, I'm not into it.
That's my only complaint about being on the road
and pillows, the pillows in hotel rooms,
I don't understand why they're like three feet high.
Why can't I just have a pillow that is, you know?
Other than that, fuck, bring it on.
Bring it on, I want to transmit, I want to be with people.
I want to do my job. - I love that.
So it was an intentional pause and I love
that message of when it's not feeling
so good and it's like your soul's work,
it's like let's take the foot off the pedal for
a little bit and re-center and re-ground, that's beautiful.
- It was so great, I felt, ah, what a luxury.
Such a luxury, yeah.
- Was there any FOMO, right, fear of missing out
of taking the foot off the gas pedal for you,
to not have that consistent visibility and being
with your people and loving on your tribe in that way?
- Yeah,
I thought maybe it would take awhile to get back in.
Like who was gonna call me?
Who was gonna call me for a speaking gig
and would any speaker's bureaus be, I don't know
and but I knew, I knew I would be fine, I was fine.
The phone kept ringing, yeah. - Good.
So were you saying no or was your team
saying no as those opportunities were coming in?
What was that process?
- I had a really,
what's the word?
Ritualistic,
natural regular rhythm to no
because there's lots of opportunities for all of us.
I mean it's not just about where
you are in terms of visibility.
It's that there's the Parent-Teacher Meeting and there's
family holidays and there's are you gonna join this club
and are you gonna support your partner in this way?
There's always, we're all getting invites
and
my no is
always kindly of course.
I mean I don't even need to say that
and I often give a reason.
Not like a defensive reason but just like "Hey you know
"what, I'm up to my earrings in a book tour right now."
Or "You know what, I still want to be there
"every day when my kid comes home at three o'clock."
Or sometimes I just give the purest, most simple
response which is "It just doesn't feel like a fit
"and I'm really flattered that you asked and God bless."
And that's all true, yeah.
- Love that, love the simplicity in that.
So--
- Doesn't mean it's always easy though.
I say that for everybody, this is a muscle.
- So tell me about that, what's going on,
what's the script going on?
- Well the script is Danielle, remember your priorities.
Remember your health and your sanity and that it's okay
to be an introvert and that you need time to be creative
and then you want to be here for three o'clock.
That really, I mean my life revolves
around that snack I make my kid at three o'clock.
He's 13, I still have the snack although
he just gave me shit the other day, he was like
"You haven't really made me a good snack in awhile."
Like, you can make your own snack, anyway so there's that.
That prioritization and then mostly I'm cool.
I don't feel any rub, I'm just,
it's that kinda God bless vibe and there are some times,
and everyone will relate to this, where I'm just like ooh,
I could lose big on this one.
This one door closing could close a lot of other doors.
I'm okay,
or we could really use the money for payroll.
I should say yes to that lucrative thing.
It'll come.
Nine times out of 10, close one door, more doors open.
Or I just feel peaceful and healthy
and I can go make other good things happen
and if somebody thinks I'm a bitch because I said no
or that I've gotten too big for my britches, it's so,
it's not only their problem, it's their inaccuracy
and I'm good, I know who I am. - We need to Tweet that.
(laughs)
So,
I recently cut my dreadlocks
of seven years two months ago, so this is like
cut. - Yeah, I brushed mine out.
- Ah, I was going to do that but
it just got to this place of just release.
So I remember seeing pictures of you and your
previous business and with your business partner
and you had these like funky dreads and I was like oh,
she's so crazy cool.
I am curious of the story
of you deciding to release the dreads
and I guess for you, brush 'em out.
- Yeah okay, so I did the dreads for poetic expression,
artistic
reasons
and it's really hard for a white girl
with fairly straight hair to maintain dreads.
So they were difficult and with my five planets in Virgo,
I was just like this is a real pain and I brushed them
out with a dog comb while I was watching documentaries
and then I re-dreaded my hair
and I thought I'm gonna get them more perfect.
This was about a year later, I did it again
and also the dude I was with at the time thought
dreads were just really sexy and I was gonna go for it.
Then years later, so I just wanted to be free,
so I picked 'em out again and I was like I'm
never doing it again, I did it, this is me.
I'm just gonna go for my new version of long and sexy
and then years later,
I Instagrammed a photo of me in dread days,
it was like a throwback Thursday.
- Yes. (giggles)
Yes.
- And I got in a bunch of shit from women of color
about cultural misappropriation
and I was shocked
and
first of all,
it was my naivety, I didn't even know there
was such a thing as cultural misappropriation.
Although at the same time, I'd give a lot
of my friends shit for doing tattoos that were Celtic
or you know our native Indians in Canada are,
we refer to them, they refer to themselves as First Nation.
So I'm like "You're not even First Nation,
"so what are you doing with that tattoo?"
And they're like "Well I totally relate to the culture."
I'm like "Well that's offensive."
So I did a little homework.
The meanness that came across with some of
the women that gave me shit was not cool at all, at all.
That was inappropriate woman to woman, human to human.
So I do not stand for that or support that
and I did a little homework on dreads.
I was like was I really out of it and naive?
And dreadlocks do not exclusively
and solely
belong to
the African culture.
They have been used for other reasons,
practical and spiritual in other cultures.
There's the Vikings and lots of
other folks throughout history, so,
and I honor the hypersensitivity.
But let's call it, it's hypersensitivity
and I am really respectful about their reasons behind that.
- That's really good.
So,
when I-- - Wow.
That was-- - Choo choo.
- An enlightening conversation.
- Peeling the layers and I was expecting like oh,
I released them because this new woman, this new me.
- You asked, they're taken care of.
- Yeah, there is the crochet method
for those who want dreads and have more
white girl hair can totally like mock it up.
- And there was a lot of threading for me
and I don't know, if I had curly hair,
I might still have them because I really did love them.
- I have someone for you in San Francisco.
- I wanted butterflies to land in it all the time.
But I will tell you, the spiritual part of doing it
was this like I can be powerful without this.
I don't need birds to land on
my head to feel like I'm a goddess.
- Yes. - I'm good.
- Yeah and you know I think that was
one of the reasons why I was holding on.
My husband actually thinks they're really sexy too
and I'm like aren't they scratchy or itchy?
And it was like exactly the same for you of just
stepping into sensuality with, not needing that
to be the defining of how I identify with sensuality
or creativity or being a little different.
- And I mean, your dreads are part of your brand too.
That's another kind of thing to throw off is like
I'm still gonna be of service and I'm still gonna
be able to prosper without identifying with this.
I get to change and a lot of people in our space get so
over-connected, over-identified with their own brand
and you need to evolve as a person.
- I want to go deeper with this because
it will be soul food for me to hear into that
because that was definitely something.
All my photos are like dreads and so
let's talk about this attachment to
identity and brand and how to evolve.
- Well in the days when I used to do one-on-one work with
clients, so I never called myself a coach because I wasn't.
I was very clear, I'm a strategist.
I'm just gonna give you my opinion,
take what you want and leave the rest.
I saw a lot of people
outgrow their offering.
They didn't want to talk about that anymore.
They wanted to talk,
they didn't want to like discredit what they'd said.
They hadn't even changed their mind,
they just wanted to talk about something new.
They wanted to offer a new kind of service.
But they have this following
of people who expected them to talk about weight loss
or intimacy in relationships or whatever their shtick was
and listen, you cannot work to please your people.
You have to work to be self-expressed
and then set out to give service and please them
and give them everything that you want to give them.
I mean there's a super cheesy, over-quoted saying
from Henry Ford, you know, inventor of the car
where he, I think it's something like
"If I would've asked them what they wanted,
"they would've said a faster horse."
So if you want to be like really empowered
and truly an artist which we all are,
you gotta make what you gotta make and some people
come with you and some won't and that's cool.
There's somebody else who can meet their needs, yeah.
- So could you tell your story?
Because it sounded like you were going into it with
the one-on-one work, strategist and really
move us through your story on just what you
talked about of I'm no longer doing this,
I'm doing this over here.
- Well the short version of before that was
I'd started this company with a friend.
It was a consultancy and we had this formula
for how you can identity like your brand
and
use that moniker to design your life
and make decisions and everything and I got fired
and we raised a bunch of money from a bunch of
dudes and Oprah called and I didn't get on Oprah
and there's was lots of betrayal and it was
a big mess and I write about it in Fire Starter Sessions
and I'm grateful for everything I learned.
That's really clear.
So I left the company with a huge
amount of debt and my fucking Blackberry.
That'll tell you how long ago,
it actually wasn't that long ago.
Yeah, a Blackberry and my office chair
and I said well, I need money, I gotta work
and I knew that I could help women and some men
start online businesses and really rock it.
Like I knew how to grow it, so I did that.
I called them Fire Starter Sessions,
they started at $300 an hour.
Eventually they were $600 an hour.
I worked on supply and demand.
Eventually, it didn't take that long,
$1,000 an hour, I was booked six months in advance
and I was telling people how to grow their Twitter
following and I got tired of it, I got tired of it.
I can't say the same thing all the time
and I also realized like I'm not build for one-on-one work.
I gave those women value, I think most of them would say.
Like I was giving them $10,000 ideas and really
helping them make some chiropractic adjustments.
But I needed to go write books
and be of service in this more kind of,
I'm a broadcaster, I'm wired for broadcasting.
Every time I go for therapy, I would say to my therapist,
"I don't know how you do this one-on-one work."
I mean we should just record this so we could
get this out to like 10,000 people at a time
and you could really help a lot of people.
Some people are wired to just do that.
And so that was that transition
and there's been lots of transitions.
- So I'm curious in that transition,
was there identity crisis of like who am I, who do I help,
any of those pieces that were coming up for you?
Because I feel that's where everyone is in this completion,
nine year and now we're in a new
one year but it's still a little fuzzy.
What was that, can you like really bring us back to that,
the dark, the hallway where you're
just kind of straddling two worlds?
- Well I've never had an identity crisis.
So there's that, I've been clear, I've been clear.
It's all what am I gonna do with my identity
and
how do I sell this?
- Yeah.
- Am I gonna sell enough?
Am I gonna make enough to pay off my $10,000 website,
my $800 website, now my million dollar website?
Yeah so does that answer your question?
- Yeah, I mean it's like the cash projects and the heart
projects and trying to get them to combine and I think
that's where a lot of people get stuck is around that.
- Well here's how I can refine that.
For me, everything is a heart project
and it's how to make cash off of it in the smartest way.
So now that I have a team who is really logical,
so I am constantly like this is what I wanna make
and I go to them and say "Can I make it?"
Because we're a team now and they say
"Yes, but not this year."
And I go "Come on.
"Come on, come on, I mean we can launch it."
And they're like "Okay, maybe in eight months."
Or sometimes I say "Okay" and sometimes they
come to me and they say "D, you should do this because
"that would support this and more traffic with that."
And I go "Fuckin' love it, it's great, let's do it."
And other times it's like "I don't wanna do that."
So lots of you know,
co-creation. - Yeah, I love that.
- But we make some tough decisions,
like let's come out with it in digital first
so we can make some bank and then we'll print it.
Because you know, I had to take out a second
mortgage on my house to print my White Hot Truth books.
- Which is beautiful, the gold and everything.
So I know we're wrapping up on the 30 minutes
and I want to honor your time and just
thanking you for this cozy, cozy conversation.
This last question I want to ask you,
I actually heard it last week and it's
a little bit morbid but also very intriguing.
But if you were to,
knew you were going to die in three months--
- Three months? - Yes.
What,
the unsung song, what is that wish?
What would you be doing?
- This is hard, when you have kids,
answering this question is really hard.
That's the first place you go.
Because you know there have been times,
there were times in my life,
I'm gonna give you the long answer to this,
we'll go overtime, where
I've always been happy to be here but before I had my son,
it could've gone either way.
Really just like I'd be okay if life got called short.
Then that being comes in and you want to see them
up and out but you also just really love being with them
and until my son was born, I really didn't get that
human love is just the best thing,
it's the reason to be here.
What would my unsung song be?
Well I have a lot of really fierce,
somewhat angry things to say
about corporate America right now
and
economics
and
yeah,
I would have some things,
I'd want to say more about materialism I think.
So there would be that and it would be pretty harsh
and true and therefore liberating and empowering.
That's how that works and at the same time,
I would
want to say
just be a good friend.
Be a good friend and then I would just blow town.
I think I would, I don't know,
I think I want to die in France.
So I'd probably go off and eat a lot of baguettes.
- Yes, and cheese maybe. (giggling)
- There would be Brie involved and I'd die happy.
- And I'd love to just create a full circle
because I know you just pulled your son into
this last moment and I am just curious,
what's your favorite way to connect with your son?
- The 20 second hug
because we read a little piece about this, that
you have to hug for 20 seconds to get that,
I think it's the oxytocin or is it serotonin or
the dopamine, I don't know, the love chemical
and so we do like 20 seconds and we hug,
we hug a lot in the kitchen and he's 13,
so now I have to put my head on his shoulder.
It's really weird, I'm like I need a boyfriend
and you can actually feel it.
Everybody tonight or the next hug you give,
find someone you can do the 20 seconds with
and you'll feel it and you'll be like, we count
and I go there it is and you feel,
you get it before 20 seconds is up
and you feel that little warm rush.
That's the best way and at night,
always at night putting your kid to bed,
part of it is they're more open
because they want to extend it.
I've mentioned he's 13 years old but I still
tuck that dude in and we have a conversation
about what's going on in our lives.
- I love that. - That's the magic time.
- Yeah, I shared the side-by-side and in the dark
allows that vulnerability to really open up
and you're so close and just in contact.
So I think we are wrapping it on the perfect,
cozy conversation.
Thank you Danielle for sharing your love,
your light, your expression in the world, it's such a gift.
- Thank you, you are radiant, radiant and really present.
So yeah, this is a great way to spend my lunch hour.
Thank you. - Yay.
Bye.
- Bye, thanks everybody. (blows kisses)
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