When you look in the mirror,
do you like what you see?
Or do you automatically think of ten different things you could change?
Why is it that how beautiful we are is important?
When we were young children,
we didn't care about beauty, fashion, makeup, or how skinny we were,
but over the years that changed.
We began to focus much more on our physical appearance.
We started comparing ourselves to friends and models and celebrities,
maybe not even aware that we were doing so
or how it was affecting our self-esteem.
We do this for two reasons:
because we don't feel like we can love ourselves until we look a certain way,
and because we don't think others will love us unless we look a certain way.
To realize and accept the negative impact this has on you,
is to begin your journey toward freedom.
And that starts now.
We are taught that changing the way we look
will make us confident and happy.
This leads us to spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars on things
we don't actually need.
We buy concealer and foundation to cover up imperfections on our face,
mascara, eyeliner, and eye shadow to enhance our eyes.
We highlight our cheekbones and contour our nose to slim down our face,
and fill in our eyebrows to make them look fuller.
We purchase tanning lotion and teeth whitening kits
to try to fit into what society considers beautiful.
We straighten, curl, braid, highlight, and color our hair
and paint our nails because we think that this external change
will allow us to love ourselves more.
Some of us may even get lip fillers or breast implants to achieve a certain look.
This may be partly caused by seeing other people who we consider more beautiful than us
seeming so happy.
So we get this idea in our heads
that if our eyelashes were as thick as theirs or our lips as full,
then we too would be happy.
But just because someone looks happy,
doesn't mean it's because of the way they look or even that they are.
We're taught the opposite though from such a young age,
which leads us to feeling like
we need to buy tons of different products to change the way our face looks.
Not only does this drain our bank account but it also consumes much of our time.
and where does it ever get us?
Our makeup might make us feel good for the day
but once you wash it off...
is that confident still there?
If these things were truly the solution to our insecurities
they wouldn't only provide a temporary boost in self-esteem.
Making changes to our bodies doesn't address the problem,
Maybe we feel that makeup is a way of expressing ourselves,
and if that's the case, we have to look at a few things:
is that a conclusion we came to on our own,
or is it an idea we adopted after hearing someone else say it?
How does mascara, or highlighter, bronzer, blush, or eyeliner express who you are?
How are foundation, under-eye concealer, lip liner, brow gel, or eyeshadow expressions of your self?
Of course makeup can be a fun thing to apply
But just because something is enjoyable doesn't mean it can't have negative effects on us.
For many people, clothes jewelry and shoes are all things you can never have too much of.
We go shopping every other week to buy a new pair of boots or jeans because subconsciously,
we think these things will fulfill us.
But the truth, is they can only ever give us a short-term sense of fulfillment.
When it comes to accessories like earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and rings, what real purpose do these things serve in our lives?
It's great to wear jewelry as a reminder of,
say, a loved one or an uplifting message but
for the most part jewelry is used as a way to look more beautiful.
We must ask ourselves what the reason is for wearing the things we wear.
We may wear a necklace given to us by a friend because it reminds us of our relationship with them,
or we may wear multiple rings on our fingers because we like the aesthetic of it.
We may also wear items whether jewelry, purses, shoes, or clothes
because of the name-brand or designer.
We feel a sense of status when we go out in public with a certain name on our purse or logo on a shirt.
For some name brand might not matter.
There are many different reasons we care about fashion,
or at least there are many different reasons we tell ourselves we do.
It is common to hear someone say that, for them,
fashion is a way of expressing themselves or their creativity,
that it's an art, or that it's a hobby.
If you feel that way, I invite you to really analyze why that's how you feel.
Ask yourself:
'what specifically about it makes it a hobby?'
or 'why is it important to express yourself through clothing?'
along with 'what is being expressed?' and 'for who?'
It can be easy to just regurgitate what we hear other people saying so that's why it's important
to really figure out why we have these beliefs.
A more common reason we care about fashion is because we want to fit in.
This is why we see clothing trends come and go.
When a certain item or style becomes popular we want to be a part of that.
When we see people we look up to wearing a beautiful swimsuit or pair of shoes
we want those items because we want to be like them
and have others look at us in the same way we look at them.
When we buy clothes
we pick out the items we think we will look best in,
will make our body type look the most appealing.
We do all these things because we think that wearing cute clothing
will make us look more beautiful and attractive to others...
which will bring us more confidence and happiness.
But it never will.
Weight is one of the most common insecurities both women and men experience these days.
When we see people in magazines, on TV, and on social media
with a flat stomach, long thin legs, a thigh gap, no apparent stretch marks, and a big butt,
we compare our bodies to theirs.
All the things we think are wrong with the way our body looks rise to the surface of our minds
and then we pick ourselves apart in the mirror because we hate the way we look.
We wear clothes that hide our shape because we are ashamed of it
and we believe that if others saw what we truly looked like,
they wouldn't like us.
For some, that might lead us to take action,
but in the wrong direction.
When we think that we aren't good enough
or don't deserve to be loved by ourselves or others until we are skinnier,
this can make us go to extremes.
Because of that, eating disorders are more common now than ever before.
Instead of wanting to lose weight to get healthy
we want to lose weight because we don't feel we can accept ourselves until our body looks a certain way. But
You must learn to be comfortable and confident
no matter what your body looks like.
Because if confidence had anything to do with how skinny you are,
models who many consider to have a perfect body
wouldn't fall victim to eating disorders,
but unfortunately, they do.
Another way we try to change our body is through exercise and fitness.
While these are both great things to do,
should we be doing them for the sole purpose of trying to attain a certain physique?
In any fitness magazine or social media page,
you'll see pictures and videos of people showing off their toned arms, legs, stomach, and butt.
If we're exercising for health versus aesthetics,
we would not have any interest in trying to sculpt our body or taking and sharing photos of it.
We might look up to fitness models and influencers as inspiration to get fit...
but that inspiration is coming out of a place of:
The only reason you can't love yourself now is
The problem isn't what you look like.
The problem is that you think what you look like matters.
That is what causes our low self-esteem.
But again, having a skinnier, more toned body is never going to bring you the true confidence you're looking for.
Making your face look flawless after 30 minutes of applying makeup
can only ever give you a short-term version of what you desire.
And wearing clothing that makes you look more attractive
is not the solution to your feelings of unworthiness.
no matter what jean size you are or what name brand they are,
how tan you are, how beautiful your jewelry is, how perfect your smile is...
none of that matters.
which again, does not come from those things.
But before we get to where it does come from,
there's something else that needs to be talked about...
Mass media is a big contributor to why we are taught
that our value lies in our external appearance.
Before there was TV or social media,
magazines were the main thing promoting the message that beauty is important to a large audience.
Now this of course started long before magazines,
but mass media is largely responsible for the recent influx of this issue.
Many fashion and beauty magazines push the subliminal message that your self-worth
lies in how beautiful you are by society standards.
They show a celebrity with a new hairstyle and everyone wants that look.
A model shares her top tip for a flat stomach and thousands of people are trying it out.
And then TV came along, and between movies, shows, and commercials,
there's hardly any escaping the promotion of what 'beauty' is.
Clothing companies use models with perfect bodies to advertise their products because they know
people are more likely to buy items they think will make them look prettier.
Makeup companies use certain effects and lighting to make the models skin look more flawless
than it really is.
Some brands will even use Photoshop to slim down their model or smooth out their face.
They exploit people's insecurities because they know that showing skinny,
conventionally attractive people that others wish they look like
will increase their sales.
Now in the past few years, social media has become another platform the same thing to thrive.
We follow models and influencers that post pictures of themselves
and those images can cause insecurities to come up within us
when we compare ourselves to them because our legs aren't as thin as theirs
or our boobs aren't as big.
We envy the way they look because we hold the idea that
But can we really tell someone's internal state based on their external appearance?
For the most part, no.
What we don't see is that they likely experience insecurities just like us.
They may struggle with restrictive eating patterns or negative self-talk.
They may take dozens of photos before they get the perfect one from the most flattering angle
and they may have touched up spots on their face or added a filter to alter the way they look.
Something unique to social media is that it gives everyone with a phone or computer the power to share.
You no longer have to be a model featured in a magazine or an actor and a commercial
to take part in creating content.
And while this has amazing benefits like giving us the ability to share
an inspirational message or connect with people from all over the world,
too many people fall into sharing for validation.
We post selfies because we want others to see this version of our appearance
or take a picture after we go to the gym because we hope people will comment on how good we look.
We place our self-esteem in the hands of others and let numbers and praise control our happiness.
We think that others will value us more if we look more attractive
So we post images of ourselves that we think will achieve that... but
Your self-worth does not lie in what your face, body, hair, or clothing looks like.
Don't let the content of these platforms convince you otherwise.
It's important to know that these forms of mass media
are not the cause of any self-esteem issues we have,
but rather,
If social media is a place we go to compare our body to others
or seek social approval about our appearance,
then we need to step back and look at how this is affecting us...
and how we can make a change.
Think back to the question at the beginning of this video.
When you look in the mirror,
do you like what you see?
Or do you tell yourself:
Does how good you look control how good you feel?
One day you think you look bad and because of that let it get you down,
but the next you feel prettier and therefore 'happier'?
When we let our appearance control our emotions
what we are really doing is forgetting the fundamental truth that
Surprisingly, this is a controversial thing to say
because many of us want to be able to blame our problems on something else.
But once you understand that you are the creator of your internal reality,
you no longer have to wait on getting a flat stomach or curves to be confident.
You won't have any reason to change or show off your appearance because you will see that
Life will no longer be a competition of who's the prettiest or who has the best body.
Your self-worth won't be determined by what you look like.
You can love yourself no matter how ugly or beautiful society considers you to be.
You will see that
If you want true confidence,
don't go to the people who look like they should have it.
Don't look to those who want everyone to know that they are pretty and skinny and have nice clothing.
You're not gonna find it in them
because they are still searching themselves.
Confidence is not found in a tube of mascara or a cute outfit.
It's not in a certain number on a scale or dress size or perfect teeth.
Don't look in the mirror to find it.
Don't tell yourself that you're beautiful just the way you are.
Now that's certainly better than putting yourself down,
but you won't find confidence by associating it with your physical appearance in any way,
positive or negative.
Realizing this is the first step on a path to liberation.
If you want true confidence,
you must close your eyes.
You must release the belief that you are your physical body.
Confidence is dependent on whether or not you can understand
that what you look like is not important.
Not just saying 'oh I don't really care about how I look today',
but no longer attaching any feelings to your physical appearance.
No longer identifying with or deriving a sense of self from it.
When you see your body in the mirror, don't say:
don't say,
What is beautiful about our bodies is what they allow us to do,
how perfectly everything works together when we are healthy.
Our bodies are beautiful in the same way that the physical form of any other being is,
whether a lion or monkey or tree.
Negative self-talk keeps us from having appreciation for our bodies.
And the more gratitude we have in our lives,
the less we tend to focus on what we perceive to be 'wrong' or not 'good enough'.
So why are we not the body?
Think of the body like a vehicle you are driving.
It does not define your being,
but you do need it to get from one place to another.
Scientifically,
you cannot possibly be your body,
since the atoms that made up your body just five years ago
are completely gone now.
Yet we exist now and existed back then too.
If we are not the body... then what are we?
Well it's easy to identify with the labels we are given such as our
which all make up something we could call our 'life story'
but that does not define what we are either.
Those things do play a role in our behavior, thoughts, emotions, and feelings,
but the things we experience during this life
only add to our life story,
they don't point toward the true nature of the self.
What we are is
But to get it
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