People are different, yet they ultimately want the same.
They are looking for happiness, harmony and recognition.
We will show you this in 7 lives, 7 days, 7 cities worldwide.
7 nagging questions about life and 7 times shared amazement.
the world in 7 days
the world in 7 days day 3: family
Nothing is better than to be in the bosom of one's family - Jean François Marmontel
In daily life we are looking for contact with friends, neighbours...
colleagues or fellow students.
During our life we start many relationships.
And we let go of many as well.
The only exception are family ties.
Kinship is the opposite of being noncommittal.
In our family we are tied inseparably to others.
The core family is where children are moulded.
In China, a family often has one child. By order of the state.
But in this country of 1.3 billion people...
...the curious mixture of family also colours the outcome.
No-one is free from their family.
Shibo, what time is Mama coming home?
I don't know.
She finishes at 12. What time is it? -The big hand is not on 12 yet.
So it's a few minutes before 12. And she finishes what time?
At 12 o'clock.
So dinner must be ready at 10 past 12.
I'm going to cook now, OK?
Do you remember your poem for school?
at birth everyone is good and has the same nature
without education they will change education means perseverance
Mencius' mother chose a nice neighbourhood to live in.
But her son didn't want to learn...
our country, our family, everything under the sun I carry in my heart
China's dream of being a strong country is also a dream of mine
What are you making? -Sanjing, tofu, soup and rice.
Very good.
Here you are.
Have you washed your hands? After making your drawings?
Do your hands smell fresh? Don't they smell of poo?
When I was still single, I didn't know better.
Family life was far away from me. I had no sense of responsibility.
When I got married I realised what family meant...
but I still didn't feel any responsibility.
It was like this until I had a son.
Then I started to feel responsible for my family.
You must eat everything. Finish your bowl.
Do you remember the saying?
Farmers work hard for their crop. A grain of rice costs blood and tears.
What does it mean? -Don't waste food.
As a father I think it's important to be able to provide for my family.
You have to earn enough money, stability comes first.
I want to be able to offer my children opportunities...
so they can manage in this world of strife.
That would be nice, right? Let's do a stunt.
Parents feel an unfathomable responsibility toward their offspring.
Handing over, passing on, offering opportunities...
and setting examples to give a child a sound basis.
Yet the child's identity is not makeable.
If there is one area which shows that life will not be dictated...
it's upbringing.
Family life determines our formation...
but we control it only partly.
Our happiness is reflected in our child.
She is the prettiest, sweetest and happiest child in the world.
An unhappy family can't produce such a child.
She's exactly as I had imagined.
Inside and out.
Her character, her behaviour... Exactly as I had expected.
This is what my child would be. I don't know if every parent can say that.
Rada is everything I can imagine in a child.
My Timo has always existed.
That's how you feel it.
He has always been here, he only needed to be produced.
Careful. What's in it? That's not it.
It's the Chinese hero, the astronaut. It's Yang Liwei.
As a father I sometimes am...
a bit too strict for my son.
I'm not only his father...
but also his friend, partner and teacher.
These are the first stamps I collected.
This is Lu Xun, the writer, and this is the president of Korea.
These are my two favourite stamps.
In the future you have to keep them because I will give them to you.
I support and guide him.
But he controls the way he develops.
I can show him the right direction but he has to find his own way.
How much are these stamps worth?
A lot. They are very precious.
These three albums are worth a lot of money.
It felt good, collecting them. I hope it will be your hobby too.
In my childhood, my father was very strict and tough.
He set the boundaries without argumentation. He didn't need it.
These were the rules: I am the grown-up, you are the child. So listen.
It was a tough upbringing. It gives you discipline.
This idea of hierarchy is now old-fashioned.
Now children are made conscious.
This is not allowed, for this reason. You can't stay up late, for this reason.
So you make them conscious.
Often, children don't think. They just want to stay up late.
Family is in essence a vehicle...
for giving values and standards to children.
DNA determines our biological qualities and talents.
Family does so with our social qualities and values.
Every human being is shaped by this combination.
The older generation is under the illusion...
that it is able to transfer its ideas and standards.
The younger generation thinks it doesn't need them.
My father is retired now.
During the day he repairs bicycles and he plays chess.
With the repairs he makes hardly any money.
Money is not important to my father.
He is from Yantai, Shandong.
When he was 8 he moved to the northeast of China.
There he lived for almost 30 years, but because of the bad weather...
and because he wanted a better future for my brother he moved to Hebei.
This is my uncle, my father's younger brother.
He was born handicapped...
and my father has been taking care of him since my grandmother died.
I think your parents won't always be there. Who knows what life will bring.
A sweet baby should never be alone.
With brothers and sisters and a family...
you will never be lonely. You can always go somewhere.
She must never be alone.
I have two: Lucas and Timo. -And we have six.
I gave birth to two: Jonas, now 21 and Sarah, 19.
And two bonus children from a former marriage...
who had lost their mother and whom I raised as my own.
And I see them a lot.
In most families the man wants only one child...
and the woman wants more. With us it's exactly the opposite.
I want only one child and he wants more.
He wants our son to have a companion.
But I will hold my ground: only one child.
Research has shown that people are happiest around the birth of a child.
We are happiest during pregnancy...
and after the birth the euphoria slowly decreases.
Between 1 and 2 years after the birth our feelings are like before pregnancy.
And then it's one worry after another.
We got married in a rush.
Actually we got married because I was pregnant.
I didn't find out until after four months. Two months later we got married.
Dickran went to buy rings straight away.
I told him on a Monday and on Friday he showed me the rings.
Then he went to my dad to ask for my hand in marriage.
He told a beautiful story and everyone cried.
My father said he would only let me go if he would make me happy.
When we married, we had nothing. Not even a sofa.
We lived very frugal, unlike today.
We built everything bit by bit.
Money is good, of course. But it's not the most important thing.
Today, many elderly people in China don't live with their children.
We live as close as we can and help each other.
My mother is a very ordinary woman.
She does the housekeeping, she cooks and helps out with our son.
As long as I can remember in the 40-odd years of my life...
she has always given me everything without asking anything in return.
She learned to read later in life, mainly for her children's sake.
Sweet enough for you?
Actually we are lucky to have four grandparents to help us out.
We never really have to worry.
They don't have to take care of us and they help out with our son.
We can concentrate on our work and the rest has been taken care of.
I always admired my mother. After she got divorced...
she had a full-time job and three children to take care of...
and in the meantime she finished her English studies.
At a time when it wasn't a common thing to do.
So she was a shining example for me.
I have had two children.
My daughter when I was 16 and my son when I was 17.
At the time we lived with my husband's parents.
After two years we had our own home.
When I had Athos I still worked.
I had to go on maternity leave.
After that I taught my child...
to get used to a nanny.
I think Jonas and Sarah went out of bed a few times a night until they were 3.
I don't think I knew what it was like to sleep for 6 or 7 undisturbed hours.
This was stressful of course.
Add your job and you're left with a small world.
I've read books about bringing up children.
I especially learned a lot from Nana Nenem.
I took my children to my mother.
One child in each arm and some diapers in my hands.
I took them to my mother before going to the field to work.
I came back in the evening, after milking the cows and the sheep.
Then I gave the children their bath and I washed their diapers. It was hard.
But I've raised them and we're all still here.
I am happy.
No regrets? -Absolutely not.
Look at us when we were young.
Now we're a lot older.
How time flies.
There's no living-room in this world without a family portrait.
Any moment of the day we can watch it.
We can enjoy it and be amazed at how generation after generation lives on.
By documenting and framing our family...
we try to control this indescribable family happiness.
My mother and my mother-in-law meet every day.
Mainly because of our son.
Have you got everything? -Yes, let's go.
On weekdays we all lead our separate lives...
but every weekend the whole family come together.
My parents, my uncle, my in-laws...
my brother, his wife and children...
and me, my wife and my son.
You can't pick it up like this.
How can I help you? -I'd like to have a grass carp.
The big one. That's fine.
I'll take the small one.
We meet every week to see each other...
and to eat together.
That's the only reason: harmony in the family makes you happy.
A cheerful atmosphere makes everyone healthy and happy.
The ideal family, in China and any culture...
is a paragon of harmony.
And this harmony holds specific roles for everyone:
Wife, husband, child.
Harmony is not free of obligations: break your role and you'll disrupt it.
That's why roles are fixed for the sake of family coherence.
Dinner is ready. Come on up.
Wash your hands. Leave your toys where they are.
Is everyone here? Yes.
Now you can start your meal.
Are there enough chopsticks? Take these.
I'm a simple man. I don't dream of great things.
I want a stable job to provide for my family.
I work in Beijing so I'm only home during the weekend.
When he is home for two days, we have a good time.
As if we were newlyweds.
Everyone thinks it's important to be with their family. So do I.
But at the moment it's not possible...
so I have no other option.
I'm doing this to make sure that we can be together as a family later in life.
My company is a corporation which is more than my workers and I.
It's a big responsibility.
For my 100 workers, but their families as well.
I'm taking it very seriously. It's a big responsibility.
Clean the tip. Then it won't get stuck.
I fixed the clutch. -Which one?
I've worked hard for 13 and a half years. I lived to work.
I buried myself in my work. That was my priority.
I made mistakes. I didn't spend enough time with my family.
It takes sacrifices. That was the price I paid to give my family stability.
That was the positive side of it, but there was no balance.
I must offer stability and I must be there for them.
We started to fight.
And the fight was so fierce that I didn't want to stay with him anymore.
It didn't get through to me.
That's why I broke up our relationship.
He made a bouquet of roses that he had stolen somewhere.
He had wrapped them in soft paper. -Which came from a shoe box.
He had put a pink ribbon around them and there was a letter.
He wrote that I was important to him and that he loved me.
And if I stayed, he wouldn't make the same mistake again.
It was a beautiful statement of his love so I gave him one more chance.
We will see each other on Friday, right?
Will you wait till Papa gets back?
Wait till Papa comes back to Mama.
Oh no, I'm hit.
It's time. -Time to go.
Don't cry. Papa will call you. Come, put on your coat.
The most important feelings a person can have...
he has when he's saying goodbye.
When you're saying goodbye, your true feelings will surface.
My son always used to sleep when I left.
Sometimes he waved from his cot.
He didn't make a fuss.
He was small and didn't understand these feelings.
Now he's older and he understands a lot more.
Come, let's go.
Life is complex and demanding. We make mistakes, we reproach.
We sacrifice ourselves and unwittingly hurt one another.
The worst thing to happen to a marriage is divorce.
Just like in the West, in Beijing 40 percent of marriages end in divorce.
Judging by the child, parents are the source.
Even if their lives are hard and difficult.
It is like it is, life is a gift.
Literally one might say that when the ties with the parents are ruptured...
so are the ties with the source of life.
I don't think my parents' divorce hurt me all that much.
I guess I didn't know better.
But when I visited friends I saw homes with a father.
But I didn't see the added value of a father.
At the time, anyway.
Of course I saw my dad regularly.
I think my brothers suffered more from the fact that there was no father.
Many people suffer from childhood traumas from the upbringing they had.
Some people grow up and overcome their traumas...
because you learn from them and they make you who you are.
I think children really want their parents to stay together.
If they split up, the children experience great insecurity.
I'm certain they suffered but I think they might have if I hadn't had the divorce.
In China it's not unusual to live separated in two towns or regions.
We live in a small town...
so many people are looking for jobs in the big city to get ahead.
They leave early in the morning and don't arrive back till late.
Many leave on Monday and don't return until the weekend.
Getting married means you double your duties and halve your rights.
Being loyal to your family means to accept oppressive responsibilities.
Vital necessities need to be fulfilled: a roof over one's head...
food, clothing, education. But this is not enough.
Partner and child deserve to get love and attention.
This is complicated when both parents work and want to climb the social ladder.
For two years I've been trying to focus more on my family.
Family is important for a structured and harmonious life.
Many social problems come from a lack of love...
and structure within the family.
There is no sound basis to develop oneself further.
We work at maintaining our family ties.
That is the way to happiness.
Since the birth of our son we don't quarrel all that much.
Everything revolves around my son.
Now we have accepted our shortcomings.
After having children I have changed my outlook on life.
I had responsibilities I never felt before.
And I thought, now I have something and if I lose it...
not a day will be the same.
Now I find my happiness within my family.
Not only in my husband and my child...
but also in my mother, my sister and the rest of the family. That is happiness.
It may occur that if you're at the table with your family and friends...
and you look around and realise how rich you really are...
and everyone is healthy and doing great...
that that might be happiness.
Our current situation is temporary.
Our goal is to always be together as a family.
We are still young. You can't always get what you want. You must make choices.
Is this enough? -One more sandwich.
I'm going. -Bye.
She has a hard time, being alone.
I see a lot of things outside this small town.
It's quite tough for her to go to work every day.
The only thing I can do is to try...
and make her a little happy.
I want to make it up for her.
Do you miss your dad? -Yes.
He will be back on Friday. Then he will teach you more.
Have you said goodbye?
Did Daddy say goodbye to you?
Next time I will bring a present.
Every time I leave...
I feel I'm letting him down.
In the years that he is growing up I'm not there for him enough.
I'm not fulfilling my obligations as a father. I feel guilty about it.
We're going.
God, we praise you and thank you for your blessing.
We thank you for our health, our life and our family.
We thank you for the food that you give to us in abundance.
May you bless our family and have mercy on us. Amen.
Family is a coherence of interdependencies.
Delicate.
You're a mother solely because of your child.
A grandmother because of your grandchild.
You're a child as long as your parents are alive...
a daughter-in-law because of your husband...
an uncle because of your nephew.
Who you are is determined by your family.
It causes dependency that may be crushing.
But it also gives strength.
Recognition of who you are and what your place is...
doesn't need to be won. It's given.
And this recognition is the source of our happiness.
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