[CHEERING] - Thank you.
I am Samantha Bee, welcome to Full Frontal.
Summer starts today, which used to mean news when slowed
to a trickle padded out by gratuitous T and A reports
from the beach and stories about skunks with their heads stuck
in peanut butter jars.
Oh, I miss those days.
Come back, popped collar beach skunk.
This summer's news is a blur of terrorism,
hate crimes, and disasters.
And in local news, New York City is currently so disgusting
that our ABC affiliate has a whole sidebar
called Rats, with a link at the bottom for more rats.
Stop the Tourist Board slogan contest, we have a winner.
In criminal justice news, juries aren't sure whether serial rape
is a crime, but made it clear that being a black motorist
is still a capital offense.
OK, white allies, it is not enough to wear
a Black Lives Matter t-shirt.
You gotta answer your jury summons.
Don't wear the shirt to court, they won't pick you.
Oh, there you go, madam foreman.
Meanwhile in Washington, Senate Republicans
are hard at work on their super-double-secret,
written in invisible ink health care bill.
We have no idea what's being proposed.
There's a group of guys in a back room somewhere.
I know you want to go crash the secret meeting.
Can I come with you to crash that meeting?
I haven't seen it.
How can I put my support behind it or not behind it
if I haven't seen it?
[LAUGHTER]
No!
Stay back, old man.
Leadership must protect that bill.
It's their baby, a hideous mutant baby
that they've hidden away in the sewers
where none may look upon it.
Now it is hungry and must suckle, so run
along and make some viral videos while Mitch
unsheathes his teat.
Finally, congratulations to Georgia's Karen Handel
for winning the House seat vacated
by Republican representative and father-in-law
you'll never win over Tom Price, who joined Trump's cabinet
as Secretary of Health and Human Services
then immediately got to work studying
the health effects of smoke being
blown up Donald Trump's ass.
What an incredible honor it is to lead the Department
of Health and Human Services at this pivotal time
under your leadership.
I can't thank you enough for the privileges
you've given me and leadership that you've shown.
Wow, that is some good human servicing.
The Georgia sixth is a long time Republican seat once held
by Newt Gingrich, which would explain the thin film of slime
still stuck to the seat, but it was a coveted seat nonetheless.
VOICEOVER: Democrats have been seeing this race as their best
shot at a pick up.
Republicans are absolutely desperate to keep
that seat red.
All in all, more than $50 million
has been pumped into this race.
Get the fuck out!
Which, incidentally, is what Georgians would like
to say to every out-of-towner pouring their hopes and dreams
and money and hatred into the Georgia
sixth like all of America was that district's
overbearing stage mom.
And by yesterday, this pageant baby was ready to crack.
VOICEOVER: Neighbors are going into battle against the thieves
stealing dozens of their political signs
over the past few weeks.
Handel and other residents in the Roswell neighborhood
received letters containing a white powder
with crude, threatening language.
I had my 3-year-old on my back and people were screaming
at us, flipping the bird.
Holy crap, someone airlift some
go go juice down there stat!
Mama's baby needs to twinkle!
Inevitably, one stupid PAC crossed the line.
VOICEOVER: The unhinged left is endorsing and applauding
shooting Republicans.
When will it stop?
It won't if John Ossoff wins on Tuesday,
because the same unhinged leftists
cheering last week's shooting are all backing John Ossoff.
Oh, that must be why he lost.
The cheering last week's shooting demographic
is basically zero.
The unhinged left is even less powerful than the hinged left,
which is saying a lot.
But the right is kind of short on boogieman these days, so--
You've had an increasing intensity of hostility
on the left.
The vile hatred of the left, it's not going to end.
VOICEOVER: They behave like the American ISIS.
American ISIS.
that sounds like the second worst reality show ever.
[CHEERING]
Yes.
This clutch the pearls hysteria might have made sense in 1970,
when the Weather Underground was bombing buildings,
but that was nearly 50 years ago.
The violent leftist movement is so far in the past,
my millennial staffers are wondering why a weather
app would blow up a building.
It was a very angry app.
The radicals who took over your college's administration
building are long gone.
Well, not gone.
They're in your retirement home still hoping to get
free love off the ground.
The real enemy is art.
There was rapper Snoop Dogg in a music video,
oh, he was pretending to shoot President Trump with a gun.
Madonna literally threatening, fantasizing about blowing up
the White House.
A second act for protesters at Shakespeare
in the Park here in New York.
They interrupted the play depicting President
Trump's assassination.
That is appalling.
Protesters managed to get tickets for Shakespeare
in the Park?
[LAUGHTER]
I waited in line for like 14 hours
and I couldn't get tickets.
Listen, if you guys can get me into that treasonous play
where black founding fathers are rude to Mike Pence,
give me a call.
[APPLAUSE]
Shakespeare and Snoop Dogg are not responsible for last week's
shooting, just like Sarah Palin wasn't
responsible for the Gabby Giffords shooting.
The only violent assaults Palin has ever committed
were against moose, grizzly bears, wolves,
and the English language.
Look, can we all try to be vigilant without being
fucking idiots?
Guys, it's summer.
Please find someone you disagree with
and take them out to a goddamn sports ball game.
Our country will get through this, one
awkward shoulder pat at a time.
We'll be right back.
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