I think you always have a sense of what you are, People often say we have no idea,
for example a teenager has no idea, has no notion of what he or she is.
But we do know from a very young age. It has to do with the education they give you, what
they tell you and how you see yourself in other people.
In my case, I saw myself in my cousin. And when you have that shock, when you see that everything is
upside down, is when you went to school. Because at home we end up not having great
references, everything is fine - more or less - but then you get to school and have that separation.
When people talk about this, people say " she feels like that because
she was playing around with dolls," but it's not just that. Because you feel, you feel that you don't belong in
a place that does not identify you; and you identify what you are in other people, but don't get
a chance to be what you are.
This is frustrating for a child.
You feel that, and even when you play with other kids... With the separation of boys and girls,
it's already discrimination from childhood. If you are a girl, you're only close to the girls, not
close to the boys.
But you had been living like this for many years, because only came out as trans in adulthood.
I had an education a little more... maybe my mother was afraid of reprisals
that she could suffer from my father.
Until a certain age, I felt that there wasn't that much
judgment from my mother, But when my father was close,
there was another behavior. A boy has to be a boy.
My father never had openness and then the psychologists,
society with rest of the family said "man-up". You end up internalizing that and you try to be a man.
As a teenager I still had a double life, my mother would go out,
I stayed at home alone and I dressed with her clothes, with the clothes
of my grandmother and it was like throwing a party.
But at the same time, you have the devil and you have... the angel. Don't do this, you are a man,
accept yourself as such and I-don't-know-what ...
And then you get to a part of your life that is, in the beginning of adulthood
... in which there is such frustration and so it begins: my homophobia, my transphobia, despite being
a homosexual man.
I did not accept that men were more effeminate, and that was because of the [emotional] baggage of that I received
throughout "make yourself a man", "men are like this"," women are like that "and so on and so forth...
And there was a certain time, already in my late twenties, entering my thirties in which
if I stayed still nothing would denounce me. And then it was such a frustration
because I did not want to be effeminate and so on.
And all these things ...
And then at 38 I did it!
Why?
If there was so much homophobia and internalized transphobia, how did you begin to break this
barrier?
I needed to be alone and in 2012 I went to live to Germany. After 4 months
I saw myself in an psychological institute, psychiatric actually, closed
and obliged to sign a term of responsibility that I could not leave because I thought too much
about suicide. I never talked about my issues, what was there for like...
5 months, more or less.. and after those months of appointments and so forth, I still didn't speak up
because I never thought it necessary do something here, I've never seen myself as
woman. I mean I saw myself as a woman. But it was preposterous, it was a totally
unthinkable.
The doctor put me in another hospital, in another clinic and told me: "If you do not accept yourself,
then you die! "
But accept me how?
I never talked about this issue and he [the doctor] started to speak, very subtly, and I did not even realize it.
He said "you have to accept yourself, otherwise you will die,
you will kill yourself. "
What do I do? What am I going to say?
Where do I go?
I had my first consultation with my family doctor who makes an internal request,
that an internal request is now made, and I've been waiting since January, we're in March
April!
April and I'm still waiting but I'm attending a private clinic.
I don't have the money to really pay for it, so I will pay for the appointments as we go.
My hormones were unbalanced, now it's all falling into place. But meanwhile,
people become very fragile.
I think I'm better but I think there is a very big gap. To say "Take it!"
and then there isn't a psychological follow-up, there is nothing... the National Health System
has to work better, in my view.
How was it, the first time that you went out with make up and dressed as a woman?
It was this weird thing (laughs)
happiness mixed with agony.
I started slowly, I only put a little foundation and a very discreet brown mascara on my eyes
When I started, I said 'now I want to be me, now there is no going back'.
But the people said "take it easy". I don't want to, I don't want to be calm, leave me alone!
Then they said 'dress up like this' and don't wear that, don't use that make-up...
But then it was the way around, I walked away. Many people walked away from me, but
others started to give me a lot of grief, started to criticize me because "you have a certain age,
don't wear that make-up or those clothes" and so forth... But then I said 'leave me alone,
I want to live it all now.'
I was experiencing everything. I was 38 years old, not 20, I wasn't just getting started.
So I wanted to try everything.
But I would really like to go outside without makeup, for example.
I still can't, because I still have a beard. I'm still doing the laser treatment, unfortunately
hormonal treatment does not completely remove facial hair.
I'm doing it slowly, I have friends, two friends, who are paying
for the laser treatment and this is incredible! People don't usually...
... live this way, we are friends, but it's not like this, you know?
When she told me she was starting to go out dressed up, I almost
panicked because I was afraid of the prejudice and I was afraid that they would do her harm.
I didn't expect it at that age. To happen at the age that she had at the time.
But when I knew... it's your way to be happy. If you're happy, that's okay,
but I can't deny that I was terrified. I even warned her "do not go out much at night,
pay attention to the the places that you go to, because we we know that there are people who do not accept and
who may harm her.
It's a fear that I still have, I still have that fear.
And then there was the he/she, him/her, the feminine and the masculine.
You had to train a lot.
Because it was Miguel and then, suddenly, "Miguel," then "Angela,"
"Miguel "," Angela ".
I told my siblings and then, little by little, to other people.
I'm still telling it to people.
Sometimes I'm talking and I say "my daughter"and people are like... 'what?'
'Yes, I have a daughter now' because she's trans, but she's my daughter.
Sometimes people are surprised, but oh well.
For more infomation >> "Prepara a tu hijo para la vida, no la vida para tu hijo" - Duration: 5:00. 
For more infomation >> *NEW* GUMSHOE SKIN SHOWCASE WITH ALL 60 FORTNITE DANCES & EMOTES! (Fortnite Item Shop July 1) - Duration: 10:11. 
For more infomation >> Patricia Conde experimenta la mayor caída en picado de su fama, mientras aumentan las deudas - Duration: 4:38. 
For more infomation >> La portavoz adjunta de Podemos airea un vídeo de Pedro Duque para hundirle y lía | Noticias De Hoy - Duration: 1:46. 
For more infomation >> Meghan Markle nos ha revelado su truquito para llevar pitillos negros en verano sin morirse de calor - Duration: 5:48. 
For more infomation >> Ne faites surtout jamais ça à vos parties intimes ! - Duration: 5:31. 
For more infomation >> Errejón se vio envuelto en una trifulca que acabó de madrugada ante la Policía | Noticias De Hoy - Duration: 1:53. 
For more infomation >> Un bon exercice de diction : je veux et j'exige... - Duration: 4:27. 
For more infomation >> Remedios caseros para la laberintitis - Duration: 5:26. 
For more infomation >> Remedios naturales para quemaduras - Duration: 9:35. 
For more infomation >> Bronca en el Congreso: Cs se va del hemiciclo para huir de la "cacicada" en RTVE - Duration: 2:19. 
For more infomation >> CUENTO DEL PERRO GRANDE Y GORDITO - Duration: 5:27. 
For more infomation >> To musiało boleć. Lewandowska poniżona w LIDL-u - Duration: 2:42. 
For more infomation >> 2 INCREDIBLE ANNOUNCEMENTS-Liamazing - Duration: 3:58. 
For more infomation >> Audi Q2 1.4 TFSI CoD 150pk S tronic Sport - Duration: 1:07. 
For more infomation >> Audi Q3 1.4 TFSI CoD 150PK S tronic - Duration: 1:08. 
For more infomation >> Audi Q2 1.4 TFSI CoD 150pk S tronic Design - Duration: 1:07. 
For more infomation >> Trump: I've interviewed 4 potential Supreme Court justices - Duration: 6:04. 
For more infomation >> Charcoal & Clay Cold Process Soap - Duration: 6:36. 
For more infomation >> Seat Arosa 1.0i Stella 46.000 Km !!!! - Duration: 1:09. 
For more infomation >> To Już Pewne! Martyna Wojciechowska I Przemek Kossakowski Dostali Własny Program! - Duration: 3:10. 
For more infomation >> Acqua di chia e limone eliminano i depositi di grasso e depurano l'organismo in 3 giorni - Duration: 3:19. 
For more infomation >> Wilma Lee Cooper - Shake My Mother's Hand For Me/Interview/I Dreamed About Mom Last Night - Duration: 12:44. 
For more infomation >> „M Jak Miłość" Nareszcie Zabrał Głos W Sprawie Zarzutów Olgi Frycz I Kacpra Kuszewskiego! - Duration: 3:26. 
For more infomation >> Barbara O' Neill, hormonální nerovnováha - Duration: 51:01. 
For more infomation >> Don G - Cara (Feat. Deezy & Telminha) [Áudio] - Duration: 4:12. 
For more infomation >> Barrado de Coração em crochê modelo # 136 - Duration: 34:01. 
For more infomation >> Versión completa. "Ayudamos y recompensamos con demasiada facilidad a nuestros hijos". Tim Elmore - Duration: 37:40. 
For more infomation >> Túnel de desvio de águas pluviais do Parque Albany estará operacional em abril - Duration: 2:20. 
For more infomation >> Em busca de reforços, Flamengo encontra mercado 'inflacionado'|x3and1baller - Duration: 2:29. 
For more infomation >> Segredo exclusivo! Novo SUV da SsangYong é flagrado durante testes - Duration: 4:30. 
No comments:
Post a Comment