You
whatever people do they all he has to always have a reason they may not be
aware of the reason consciously but there's always a reason if someone tries
to commit suicide there's a reason if someone tries to hurt someone else
there's a reason if someone is willing to work 18-hour days there's a reason if
someone doesn't want to work there's a reason here's the good news having dealt
with literally tens of millions of people from hundreds of countries or
more than a hundred countries to be accurate
I could be an idiot at this point I have to see there are patterns there are
patterns that will make you angry and patterns it'll make you sad there
patterns will excite you the patterns will make you grateful the patterns
that'll make you completely worried all the time they're patterns that will make
you feel so absolutely certain you can run through an F in the wall once you
know what the patterns are you can get rid of the ones that don't work and
adopt some ones that do more often and that's good part of what we're gonna do
the next few day is to give you perspective but the most important
pattern understand is why people do what they do so as I told you I've had a
unique gift I've had the chance to travel the world at this stage of life
where literally the world is available all of us in a few hours but what I want
you understand is everybody has a reason for what they do but the good news is
there's only six reasons there are lots of different stories but I can tell you
by experiencing around the world there's only six reasons and those six reasons
are called the six human needs and I'm going to walk you through these now I
need you to manage your state them in a few minutes because we're going to go a
little deeper on content but we're going to do it only so in the future for the
next three days when somebody stands up you're going to look at them and you're
going to go what's driving them and I'm going to ask you which of these needs
are driving them because once you know what drives somebody you know to meet
their needs or you can predict their behavior and see whether or not they're
the right corporate match personal match intimate match because you have to
understand it so what are these six needs they are not goals they are not
desires if you travel with me around the world you'll see every culture of
different goals everybody has different desires but we all the same needs what
are they number one is the need for certainty certainty now what the hell is
certainty certainty is a survival need we all need to fill certain
that we can avoid pain and that ideally we can have some comfort
why because continuous pain would mean continuous damage continuous damage
eventually means death so the need for certainty is built into every human
being and I'm going to show you now in the next few minutes if you stay with me
and I really need to do so make sure you sit up in your chair and focus on this
area because after this we're going to kick in gear again but right now you got
to take this in it'll be so valuable not just for this weekend before your life
all human beings have the same six needs so why do we behave differently because
the only thing different in people is two things we all have the same six
needs but we don't value them equally some people certainty is the number one
thing they value if they're certainly driven you try to change anything they
freak out they get fearful or they can angry or they get pissed off because
what matters most of them is keeping things the same way where they feel like
they're in control raising as you thought that's an example some people
they value love much more than certainty some people value certainly more than
love so even though they love you if they don't feel certain they won't open
completely right just as one example so the difference in people with all the
same six needs the difference is which at the top to you value most out of
these six because these top two determine your direction in life and
direction and you keep moving in direction it leads you to an ultimate
destination or destiny so we want to understand what your top two needs are
and same thing with other people this weekend when somebody stands up often
I'll say what's driving in right now and I want you to see within a very short
time eight thousand people from 44 countries will all be seeing the same
thing because we'll be that obvious to you you'll be a practical psychologist
by the time we're done here so now if we know what these needs are and person
values them differently we also have to find out - people could have the same
need but they have a different belief about what it takes to be loved or a
different need about what it takes to be certain some people to assert need ten
billion dollars something there's a certain just need to pray to God
somebody to be a certain need to feel like f3c the perfect children and
they're there every day some people that feel certain feel certain because I've
always figured it out I don't know what's going to happen but I
I'll figure it out because I always have you can get certainty from your past you
get certainty from God you get certainty by working out intensely you get
certainty by eating food too much food especially will put comfort in your body
if you overeat all the blood goes in your stomach you start breathing again
so we all need certainty the only question is it number one two three four
or five or six on your list and the second question is what does your brain
say has to happen to be certain some people have certainty it's
impossible to meet the young lady over here who was sitting in the chair before
we intervened how to blueprint that's never going to be met
it's literally with maker unhappy regularly so we got to know what needs
you're after and what's your blueprint how many good at ceiling at least when
I'm explaining you right now it make some sense to you say ah awesome
so the first need is certainty how can we meet our need for certainty we can do
it ways that are positive neutral or negative I can get certainty in a
heartbeat if all I want to do is get really pissed off and freaked out about
something when you get angry you get certain yes or no you better believe it
so some people get angry all the time because it's their way to get certainty
in a life that's uncertain it is all kinds of negative side effects but it
works in the moment so listen to me now most people meet their needs in a way
that works in the moment but not long-term so they feel good for a short
time like a sugar high and then they drop emotional and they got to do it
again whether its food or smoking or drinking
or whatever it is so you can meet your needs in positive ways neutralize your
negative ways so if I came along here and I said what's your name sir
chase chase I want to make a deal with you how much do you weigh 246 we're
going to weigh you in five minutes he says he weighs 246 if you're within that
range I'm fine here's my deal I will give you I'm going to put fifty million
dollars u.s. cash tonight into an escrow account for you they're going to weigh
you if you lose 50 pounds tomorrow morning by 8:30 a.m. you will receive
that 50 million otherwise they get it back can you do it yes or no no sure you
can take off a leg take it on we can get you out there there's no question chase
is the goal attainable yes or no is it achievable is it attainable yes or no
but it's not sustainable and that's how most people meet their needs
they use a drug or alcohol or food or cigarettes or something to get
comfortable to get certainty back but the problem is that side effects
long-term works in the short term doesn't the long term make sure if you
follow say I so you could get certainty by overeating or smoking or drinking
what happens you smoke a cigarette take a deep breath in you blow it out nice
and long and slow full exhale when most of you are stressed I'm going to notice
that you either stop breathing or you breathe really shallow I'm going to
notice this in the past so you smoke a cigarette and the moment it meets your
need for comfort and certainties killing you but it works short term that's how
most people live their life you can get certainty by working out if you go on a
run really intensely or you go lift weights and you push yourself and all
that blood starts pulsing through you do you feel certain yes or no and what's
the downside zero so there are ways to meet your needs that are empowering
neutral or disempowering the parts of our life we don't like our problems why
would we keep a problem we're all capable of solving it why would we keep
a problem the only reason you have a problem that's stuck around is because
it meets some of your needs not all of them or you would want to get rid of it
but enough of them that makes it hard to give up it's kind of like who's ever
been in a relationship way too long let me see your hands
and how many knew what was wrong while you were there let me see your hands
so why the F did you stay there because of the uncertainty because well you know
I you know I'm not thoroughly happy I'm kind of unhappy but I might be worse if
I was totally alone what if this is the best one I'm never going to get I
screwed it up but what happened was most of you had that feeling talk to yourself
back down into the relationship multiple times until one day you had a threshold
where your brain when it was faint on the past and people in the process could
be people to pitch right out of here who's done this before say I
so there is a threshold that we can find and if we find that threshold we can
break through it pretty damn easily we can shift we can get to where we really
want to go so what I want you to get is of these six needs we all find a way to
meet them the only difference again is which are
your top two out of the six and I've told you certainty so far and what are
your beliefs or rules or what's your blueprint and how to get that her
blueprint was make please everybody which is impossible so it won't work
ready annex it's all okay so let's take a look what's the second unity well
first of all you can get certainty in so many ways
you get certainty by praying to God you can get certainty by doing a ritual the
same way every time you can get certainty by lowering your expectations
saying nothing ever works nothing ever will everybody screws things up you'll
lose your dream but you'll gain your need
by the way jot this down people will give up their goals and dreams to meet
their needs people will give up their goals and dreams they'll even give up
their own values to meet their needs I'll give you an example how many of you
in this room can see yourself to be an honest person very honest person raise
your hand if you can see yourself to be very honest so you have nice and high
okay drop your hand raise your hand if you lie
let me see your chance if you'll I can explain it to me later
here's how it works see in your mind you know who you are
why would someone lie who values honesty no one told you to be honest you want to
be honest because if you think being honest is going to cost you one of your
needs like love or certainty you'll lie you call it a light lie which a lot we
know what I'm talking about now there's some people that never lie
because they value certainty of always telling the truth so much I ask you with
their rules or their belief structures this make sense so tell me something you
can meet the need for certainty so many ways right so here's the question you go
ahead here's the question what if you were certain every moment of your life
what was going to happen before it happened what if you knew what people
are going to say before they're going to say
what if you could feel what they're going to feel what if you could what if
you knew every moment before it happened what people are going to say and do in
the beginning that would feel really exciting but after a while if you know
what's going to happen wisdom how it's going to happen tell me what you're
going to feel after a while what do you start to feel tell me what bored out of
your mind that's why God in her infinite wisdom gave us a second human need and
that second human need is uncertainty we have a need for uncertainty we have a
need for surprise we have a need for variety in fact what's the phrase
variety is the light of life spice of life now how many of you in this room
raise your hand how many of you in this room love surprises raising if you love
them say I both you love the surprises you want the surprises you don't want
you don't want you call them problems don't you so don't tell me you like
surprises you like the surprise as you want here's my point
can you meet more than one need with the same action or emotion or belief system
yes or no write this down any time any time your
mind any time your mind proceeds that doing something any time your mind
proceeds that doing something believing something or feeling something meets at
least three of your needs so any time your mind perceives that doing something
feeling something or believing something needs at least three of your needs then
you will become addicted to that thought that feeling that emotion or that action
you can be positively dictate or negatively addicted but your going to be
addicted any time your brain perceives that something you believe do or feel
meets three of your needs you'll get addicted to it now I'm going to show you
why this is important let's look at two needs for a second is it possible to
meet your need for certainty and uncertainty simultaneously even though
they're opposite needs yes or no I give an example who here has ever rented a
movie that you've already seen let me see yourself hands
get a life now I've done it too why would it in a movie we've already seen
we ran it why because we've seen it before so we're certain it's good and
we're hoping it's been so long we forgot enough it'll be variety we watch it
again who knows what I'm talking about here say I so you can meet both needs
but if you meet three needs you'll become addicted to that behavior well
it's a good behavior bad behavior doesn't matter it'll be a positive
addiction or net addiction but you'll be addicted so let me give you how do you
get variety you get variety in positive ways negative ways or neutral ways you
get variety by learning growing taking on a new goal a new challenge you give
riding through a conversation with a friend
you get variety by praying to God there's so many ways to get variety
aren't that but you can also get variety and negative ways you can smoke a joint
and maybe that's not to make it away but it sure will change your state but
inside effects right during that time you're not going to function maybe at
the same peak or understanding or some people use other things cigarettes
alcohol anything there's so many ways to get variety the question is are your
ways positive neutral negative or empowering how many follow because we
all have ways for getting that variety that uncertainty so here's what I want
to do third human need is significance the need to feel unique the need to feel
special yes I hope that picture makes you feel special okay you need to feel
unique special important who has the need to be needed to feel special you
need to important who do you think has that need who has it tell me who what
about people say I don't want to be special do they still want to be special
yes or no you bet your ass they do house protest too much now they don't want to
be so special that you attack them they might want to stay undercover so to
speak but they still want to feel special they want to feel unique they
want to feel needed they want to feel important so there are lots of ways to
feel special you can do it by working your ass off taking huge risks and
achieving something to feel special or you can tear down everybody else that's
trying to build something because there's two ways out the tallest
building in town one is work your ass off take risk build the tallest building
the other one is blow up everybody else's building
and by the way which one's faster which one's easier which takes less
intelligence and less money carrying shit down happens faster so that's why
we've always had violence and we always will unless there's a consciousness
change if I live in a tough part of the community I'm in the hood and you can
walk through my community and you don't notice me and I feel insignificant I
might take things in my own hands to feel significant if all of a sudden I
put a gun to your head tell me on a 0 to 10 scale how certain am I you're going
to respond to me now when I put that gun to your head 0 to 10 10 is absolute zero
is not at all where would you put it quick yeah 100 it's a true but also when
I put my gun to your head how significant am I to you in your life
even if you didn't know me a minute ago if I got a gun to your head how
significant on my zero to ten hundred I'm the most significant thing in your
life and a moment ago you didn't know existed I don't need any intelligence on
any background on your education all I needs a gun and the will to do it oh by
the way just in case there's not enough there to be an addiction when I put that
gun to your head every time that happens it's going to be
a different game I know you're going to respond to me I know I'm significant but
what you're going to say and do is different so I get variety so you made
three needs but violence doesn't end there because the fork you need is
connection and love and most people are too afraid to love because they've loved
and been disappointed or they've loved and then lost the love you're so painful
that now they settle for the crumbs of connection because that's safer so it's
a form of the need but a low-level to me but it's still part of the need we got a
meeting so if you're going for connection and love if I cut my gun to
his head on a zero to ten I'm a can of certainty
I'm attentive significant to him I'm gonna have a ton of variety but are we
also connected in a sick way but deeply connected in this moment yes or no on a
zero to 10 how much connection is there between our lives at this moment to put
the gun there 100 how many follow this say I so violence meets for the human
needs and that's why we've always had it that's why Isis exists that's why people
give a stupe things they do is they do it to try to
meet their needs the biggest cause of violence so if
you'll notice is 95% of time when it's a terrorist it's a male why is that
because in the human nervous system if you're masculine testosterone is
probably large in you with your man or woman if you're more masculine you got a
lot of testosterone testosterone is about dominance
it's about significance it's about domination and the higher that idea is
the more they want it if they look at their life and they're not dominating
and they get really frustrated they'll do a final act men will die for
significance women will die for love now some men will die for love too so you
know but biochemically a female is wired to be able to nurture and to support
human beings we wouldn't exist if it wasn't for everyone in this room because
we all came through wonder we wouldn't exist
there's no man that can make this happen but the women have and the reason is
because they have that connecting power as their strength now can any man become
more loved driven yes can any woman be more significant driven yes but our
biochemistry leads us that way which is why a terrorist will come up and do what
they're doing and kill someone because all they give it about is domination is
that I'm significant and they want certainty in a world that they feel
uncertain and they want variety in life that is incredibly boring in the middle
of condensers where there's nothing and no one's working where you got 30
percent of population unemployed what I'm going to do work at McDonald's or go
kill people kill people feels more exciting right now how many follow what
I'm talking about here say I now can you get significance in positive ways of
course you can be significantly more generous than anyone else and that
generosity gives you a sense of significance because you know you're
really giving you're not trading you're not exchanging you really are giving and
it makes you feel full it makes you feel significant as you know the truth no
matter what you tell people verbally you know what's your inside and no one can
mess with that you can get significance by the way you dress you can have
significance by having more tattoos and earrings and more locations than any of
us want to know but the bottom line is there's a mint
you can know more about box scores and sports to be significant everyone finds
a way to be significant most people find a way to be significant by having a
significant problem why because if I'm really successful you might like me for
a while but after a while most people get
annoyed with someone who's always happy and successful hey easy for you who
knows what I'm talking about here is your head right but if you got big-ass
problems who's going to be upset with you you're not competing with them so if
you probably go I understand but if you're doing really well it's like easy
for you so most of us unconsciously learn to create big problems as a way to
connect because it's the safest way to connect and not be rejected some of you
do it like she does by trying to please everybody all the time thinking if I
pleased you enough then you'll come to me you'll give me what I'm really
wanting to which is what she wants but it doesn't work that way it works
sometimes but not all the time and not even the majority of the time how many
follow your say I so we have what needs so far number one is nice and loud
number one is certainty certainly you can be comfortable you can avoid pain
you can survive you can be comfortable second you may use the need for
uncertainty also need for variety or surprise what's the third human need the
need for to feel unique to feel special to feel important who has that need who
has that need everyone and the fourth need is the need for connection and most
people settle for connection because love is too scary because they loved it
was so wonderful and it went away and they don't want that pain anymore so
they want love but they settle for connections so if you can't get love or
connection anywhere else buy a dog don't get a cat they're independent get a dog
is it true you could be the dumbass owner you cannot even feed them you can
leave for five hours do you leave for five minutes and it's
like you've been gone for six months or so excited right so anyone can feel
connection and love you can do it through prayers you can do it too good
gifts you can do it by dressing special you can do it by having big problems the
only question in life is not whether you're going to meet your needs
the only question is how and is it obtainable or sustainable is it
empowering neutral or negative and if you want to change your life will power
never laughs but when something needs more of your needs it's effortless if
you want to know what the biggest addiction is in our culture it's not
alcohol it's not some form of prescription drug it's not an illicit
drug it's problems because problems allow us to try to deal with our deepest
fear that we're not enough and we won't be loud by saying it's not me it's this
problem it's just I have ADHD it's just that I've been through this it's just
too so most people meet their needs through problems unfortunately they
don't meet their deepest needs because up until now we've described the first
four needs which are the basic needs of your personality but what both of
everyone by the way finds a way to meet these first four needs even if they lie
to yourself if you got to work 20 hour days you will find a way to meet your
need for certainty uncertainty significance even assists you have worse
problems anybody else connection to yourself you will find a way but the
final two needs are the needs that create fulfilment and they are the
spiritual needs not religious but spiritually the fifth human need is
growth we've already said it we grow all we want there is no way around it if
your business isn't growing it's dying if your relationship isn't growing it's
dying there are no plateaus in this life whose whipping your say hi so growth is
life and if you want a one word key to happiness I'll give it to you right now
because it's real obvious having worked with millions of evil progress equals
happiness if you're not even where you want to be you're still overweight
you're still financially struggling you're still not where you want to be in
your career but you start working out you mean what's the weight yet but you
start feeling better you start making progress or you start to change that
business still not there yet but you're making progress or change that
relationship or change your body or change your health any time you start
making progress your happiness will go through the roof
anytime you achieve things and you don't set up something new to go for it
quickly you'll lose momentum and in a short time you won't be so happy because
the law of familiarity will come in and this thing that once with this big dream
will now just be something that you're used to so the purpose of a goal is not
to get the goal the purpose of a goal is who we become to achieve it what you get
will never make you happy who you become will make you very happy or very sad to
think about how you approach it and what you do with your life so our approach
here is we want to grow and then the six human need is the need for contribution
the need to step out of ourselves see how many of you in this room when
something great happens how many of you can't help yourself you immediately want
to share that with somebody you love how many immediately that's your first
thought say aye why because you can only feel so much yourself I don't care if
it's sex drugs rock and roll whatever it is there's only so much pleasure you can
internally have you want to share that concert with someone you want to share
that experience with someone because by sharing it becomes more it's more than
just you growth and contribution our fifth and sixth needs they are spiritual
needs they are the needs to fulfill us everybody finds a way to feel somewhat
certain some variety some significance you have to go to tear people down some
connection but very few people grow continuously and contribute continuously
which is where all the joy is how many follow here say I so we're going to make
a couple distinctions but first of all can you meet somebody in a few minutes
start to pick up which needs might be driving the most yes or no yes or no of
course you can in fact I'll give an example I was
flying I don't notice by five six seven years ago I was flying the small plane
across the country I was being the pilot and I landed it in Kansas City and I
landed Ken's excuse me I live in Kansas and I'm in this little airport in Kansas
and I get out of plane and this young man comes running out and he's like so
enthusiastic and so just such a sweet good soul you know you just meet guy
great hit off this kid and he says what can I do for you I told him I'm just
flying through it's me to refuel because how much do you need I said just
fill her up he was no proud of my leave as I leave him come around the plane to
walk up the steps to go into the FBO the fix based operation while stopping for
the moment I woke up using the facilities and there's a young girl
sitting on the stairs here and she looks really intense
she's gothic you know that goth makeup she's got I don't have an exact number
but like 15 earrings on one year one through the nose really intense looking
little character so I noticed her on the way in and as I walk up the steps I walk
but you know by her go inside and when I came back out the steps are really wide
so I sat on the step just beside her she's like one person away and she looks
at me goes what do you want I said were you up she's nothing I said nothing
let me just sat there she's like you know in her space and I said actually
there is something I'd like to know I said you don't have to tell me but I'm
gonna leave here in a few minutes you're never gonna meet me again send your
boyfriend out there she goes Wolfe sorta like she wants him to be right it's not
nice I said he seems like a really really nice kid he's not nice he's
strong she tells me I say okay well I think he's strong in nice so well maybe
he is I said you know I'm gonna leave in a couple minutes but I'm just curious I
said how old you she goes what does it matter I said it doesn't I'm about to
leave so honest tell me she said I'm 13 and I about fell over I'm in this girl
I mean 17 be the youngest I put her totally made me a make up made up in
every detail right so I'm like wow she goes are you surprised and said yeah I'm
really surprised she goes did you think I was older I said yeah I said and that
kind of saddened me a little bit for you she said what I don't know I said I'm
curious I'm going to lead here in a few minutes it's because you're curious
about a lot of things listen I am I said how come and I'm making up a number of
Maven 13 but it was more than 12 outcomes 13 or 15 earrings and she says
to me because everybody else has five now if I don't tell you anything else
about this young lady what would you say is the number-one need to driving her at
this stage of her life right now nice and loud go which one nice and loud how
many said significance raise your hand absolutely right you can see it easily
but people are driven by more than one thing and as I'm watching her in this
really tough house approach and thinking about how she's adapted to be unique and
significant I look down and I see she has a keychain and it's a taker keychain
you know Tigger the Disney character we need the Pooh ticker and I go cool
keychain and she goes yeah and also nice a little girl there for a second and I
said Kiger I said where'd you get that she goes well my dad got it for me and
she all of a sudden there's a 13 year old girl there it's totally amazing and
I said really she goes yeah I really love to go I even have Tigger curtains
and I have a Tigger sheets I Madison barest thing but I love Tigers so tell
me something this moment's need she meets her need for significance by doing
what being gothic being different than everybody else
15 earrings tough-ass makeup but she's still a little girl and she has another
need called certainty and comfort and whereas you get that Tigger and her dad
and you can see it right there in front of you after this weekend you will never
see the world the same way if you stay awake instead of seeing people's
behaviors you're going to see their attempts to meet their needs and when
people do stupid things they're just starving to meet their needs and they're
finding something that isn't very effective or it's effective short term
but hurt some long-term and because you've done this you can have compassion
how many of you have something on the list more than one or you're doing
dumbass things to meet some of your needs and even though it doesn't meet
all your needs and meet some of them and so you keep doing it let me see your
hands here say I so we want to shift that
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