OK... So, we're making a film
I personally got involved at the request of Janek
What Janek?
That funny cousin of yours
Right
And where is he? - In Hawaii
Who will forbid the rich, right?
Please, a Hawaiian snack
He already made enough money in cinematography
You've already made me one film
It was a catastrophe
Don't speak too soon, Mr Chairman. It is important to let Mr Antoni act
Now it will be a blockbuster of all time
I'm not afraid to say, that it will be something on a global scale
and even European
"The Titan"
Oh... this one...
You're still thinking about making it?
One time
Piotrek acted out this whole film
There were five other screenwriters since then, each of them added something to the script
But they started to argue, withdrew their names, only your name remained
Typical of Polish film. It's just such an environment
What's important is that we have the main axis
I mean a character. - Rudder
Boat. - Catamaran
Superhero. - Avenger
You, sir
Hallo?
Hallo!
Hey, you!
Excuse me!
Hey!
Shit!
Carrots in Hawaii?
This film is pointless...
Do you even have money for this?
Even too much. Too much!
First of all, PIS... is ours
You mean mine
But... PISF
From the PISF, but also from the ministry, from my National Foundation
Well, all state-owned companies also gave money, every single one
They even outdo each other, which one will give more
PKN Orlen gave so much money, that petrol got more expensive
and hot-dogs
Yes. And that's why we'll make everything at once: film, series, musical, opera
and a monument, of course. - The scale!
The vision!
I do not want any film!
But Mr Chairman, people need to see your private side!
And they only know your public image: old bachelor
living with a desire for revenge. - But you are completely different privately...
Please, sit for a moment. - Please, please...
...A pleasant, witty, older gentleman
with impeccable manners
intellectually groomed
speaking English with an Oxford accent...
This needs to be straightened up! - And besides...
Besides, it's too late
So much money, well... we have to spend it
Or it will be wasted! It also has its expiration date.. - Right!
Give it to the disabled! - But, Mr Chairman... They'll eat it
Everything they get will go for food! And you'll never ever see that money again
Please sit down, sir. Just for a moment...
Because there's one... Please, sit down, sir
"Sid down!", "get up!"... Don't you even care for my knees!?
...important matter:
who is going
to play you?
Yes!
Mr Sebastian!
Come in!
Mr Sebastian is going to play me?
Well, there is a such a proposition
Remember your lines?
Go ahead
Front to the camera!
You are
an outside party...
You compromise Poland
You are against Poland
You are
and were
always
treacherous mugs
That's right
And this is the public version of Mr Chairman, used
for rallys. And now
Mr Chairman privately:
affectionate, gentle, caring...
Excuse me?
Please don't interrupt me! Umm...
Sensitive, gentle, caring! - Mhm
And if affectionate, can I ask for a chair?
There you are
Thank you...
Thank you so much
Marta, tell me, please, which baby is that?
He's good
Do you already know the name?
But I'm not
talking about the baby
but about the father
Funny, right?
I'm not sure...
I'm not sure...
Mr Sebastian is very pretty...
Exactly! If only I were a little younger...
A stupid joke
Like in the army...
Don't you think that the Chairman should be more... masculine?
More, like... - What?
I just... I don't know how to put it...
I mean... Mr Sebastian is normal. I guess
Ask him
I?
You ask him
Do you have a wife?
Of course
But generally I am bisexual
If anything
Mr Grzegorz!
Please, come in
Ehm... Over here!
Mr Chairman!
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
My grandmother loves you
Please say hello from me
Oh, that, damn it, might be a problem because she's deaf
She often mistakes you for the Pope
Interestingly, with John XXIII
And recently she even wanted to sleep with her cat in a litter box!
And this is the film version of Mr Chairman, that the Chairman is more
well-built
Women will go crazy! A hero who is carrying the whole country on his shoulders
Exactly
And all this will be filmed by a guy who made "Botox"
Can I show you something!?
I've trained the whole day...
Go ahead, then
You know what? Why don't you stand on that sign
There.... - Sign?
...there is a sign T: THERE
T...
A bit further...
Still further...
This T?
True. - True
Can you hear me? - We can
A moment
And, goddamn it, no screams
no cries will convince us
that white...
that white is white and black is black!
...Is black..? How did you memorize? It's full of mistakes!
But I only quote Mr Chairman! Mr Chairman, that's how it is in the original!
Did you say that, sir?
Once in the parliament... uh... I made a mistake...
Excuse me, excuse me!
I also have in my repertoire
a so... a song by Mr Chairman
Ah...
By me? - Go ahead. But you know what? Make it short...
Then... I will maybe...
a small stanza
March, march, Dabrowski
From the Polish land to Volska... - To Volska...
Such a big...
Pole doesn't know the anthem?
Mr Chairman, but...
I sing like you!... It's the original!
Did you sing like that, sir?
Yes... once I pondered... made a mistake...
But you're terribly out of tune! Come on
do you have a tin
ear... - A tin ear?
I will make you a tin ear if you want! Mr Chairman...
I sing note in note just like you, sir
Mr Chairman, I adore you! I know everything about you!
This is a souvenir for you. Yes...
Thank you very much
I also
have a dance routine for Mr Chairman...
Now, you see... Dance routines are after dinner
After dinner
March, march, Dabrowski!
But surely after dinner?
Certainly...
Okay
I will be back
For sure
Yes...
It happens
Oh, it's bad, it's not good...
He will reject this film
His leg hurts so he's taking it on us. For me, every single one was good
But he knows nothing about film industry. - Nothing? He played in a film
Which one? - Well, that... a long time ago...
A fantasy film...
I think the last time in a cinema he saw "Teutonic Knights"
This can be true
Janek, my cousin, called me. - And what?
Well, he said not to give up
We have too much to lose. - Well, he has, for sure
No, he was talking about...
a beautiful, noble idea. - I'm sure he did it for the idea. Yes...
Well, a beautiful and noble idea but at the same time you can earn a little
Earn a little? I know Janek a little too much!
You don't have to tell me that
Mr Czarek!
Come in!
Oh...
But... um... um... go ahead...
Good afternoon
Good afternoon
Mr Czarek?
Yes
Out of curiosity, Mr Czarek
how tall are you?
2,18 m
2,18 m...
218 centimeters...
Have you gone mad?
Do I look like a basketball player?
We wanted to show your size metaphorically
When we spoke earlier, you were shorter!
Yes, because I was sitting
You were sitting!? - Yes
Thank you very much. We will call you
I can always play you on a monthly anniversary without a ladder
O Lithuania! My country!
You are like good health
I never knew till now
how precious...
And this, in turn, was supposed to be a metaphor of modesty
...Now I see your beauty wh...
We can speak synchronously
We thought: twins - this may be useful
It's an uphill battle!
I liked the tall one the most
What: the tall one? 2.18 m for the Chairman? How?
When they chose Olbrychski for Kmicic, the whole Poland was cursing: how come? how?
And now Kmicic, is Kmicic!
Only he wasn't a meter taller than him... One and a half...
How many left? - One
Ace up our sleeve
We can always tell the Chairman, that he is helping cats from the shelter
This is Mr Eryk
A beast of an actor
Well, then...
if at all, then this one
seems the best
Yes, and that's why this gentleman
we left as the last one
Mr Eryk has prepared a special scene from our film...
I marked the spot with a candy
...when he
christens a ship
What ship? Where?
Well, in the brought to its knees by Platform
and put on its feet again by Mr Chairman, Gdansk Shipyard
Well, but there was no such event
Well, this is a film and the film is governed by its own laws
Especially one like ours. "The Titan - a ha... gio... graphical film"
OK!
Go ahead!
Christen now
I give you the name "Zoliborz Gift"
Sail the seas and oceans!
We're done here
Mr Eryk also helps cats from the shelter. - He already saved at least a thousand
Really?
Really
You wanted to make me the laughingstock
There will be no film. Forget about it
You can't even find a decent actor
Good afternoon. May I?
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