[Please Stand By]
[BGM: Katanagatari OST - 22 月刀歌]
[Interrupt] [BGM: Clown Core - Hell] {I have no idea either.}
{D E A D}
[Beep]
[Continue BGM: Katanagatari OST - 22 月刀歌]
[Cut]
[BGM: LOK - Jätteklen] Misan: "Third time's the charm" is a strange (yet superstitious) idiom.
My intuition, however, suggests that whenever you are inclined to use this idiom,
it's probably at about the brink of the time when it is appropriate to fucking stop whatever the hell you are trying to accomplish.
A few good examples (as well as harsh truths) are:
• Being turned down by the same girl, boy or other, several times.
Otherwise you might end up with a restraining order.
Furthermore,
■ Going to a scheduled event with your real life acquaintances again.
Don't pretend like the last times were pleasant,
you're playing Warframe. You don't have friends. {;__;}
And finally,
▲ Creating 3 near-fucking-identical Excalibur variants with very little to distinguish them.
While the two first points are not something I am very fond of discussing
*for personal reasons.* {😂😂😂}
I would at least like to take a look at the available Excalibur variants,
[Sounding weirdly] as much variety as there is to find.
POI
If I'm gonna start a new review series,
I might as well fucking do it properly & make the FIRST installment about the FIRST frame
as the lore explains he is.
The first and regular Excalibur is given to you at the start of your journey (if you so choose)
and is for all intents & purposes a free beginner frame at best with very little use beyond getting rid of the fucking junction spectres.
The second one "Umbra" is pretty much just the aforementioned
with some of that 5-star Warframe AI shoehorned in when you're not using it
{Hey, HEY! The scarf man.} [[shut the fuck up, shiv, I don't care.]]
as well as a busted helmet {Woah!}
and a [Beep-Beep] inside it. {WOAHOWAHOWHAOWHAO}
Oh, right. Spoilers. {*Facepalm*}
And the third "Prime" is still is a top contender source of frequent 'lel'forum flamewars,
second only to criticizing other people's choice in frame colouring,
or complaining about Maiming Strike.
[Music Pause] Is that what you do on the forums?
I'm just guessing. I haven't visited in a while because that's all they seem to fucking do.
[Music Plays] And with the theme of idioms, and with all Excalibur variants in mind, {Umbra & Carrier fighting while he waves with potato.}
I can with no hesitation what-so-ever say "You get what you pay for".
Hence considering that both regular Excalibur as well as Umbra are free...
[Music fades to Pause]
[Yelling, away from microphone] WHY THE FUCK DID I BUY EXCALIBUR PRIME?!
[Cut]
[Music Play] Scott McGregor, Warframe's Lead Designer, {Scott wore it better than Reb hands down.}
said during NoClip's interview that the 2012 Vanilla version of Warframe,
that included the release of Excalibur, was very much a "minimum viable product".
Which very much reflects what I think of Excalibur as a whole.
Everything from the admittedly comparatively bland design to the very basic set of abilities provided,
even after reworks, resonates with the dawn of the game as a whole,
further enforced by Digital Extremes themselves by making Excalibur the proclaimed eternal "posterboy" for the game.
As much as it sounds like "biased bants", and as much as I don't personally enjoy Excalibur,
it pays homage that era in its own right & is still a cornerstone for the game,
and is innately an important "character" in the game, even in the lore.
Then again considering what playerbase I'm yapping at, {Rap God Drop inc.}
I know that lore is a lot of reading words & watching videos,
and considering we only have Twitch drops as opposed to Youtube drops, or Wikia drops, {Edit 5 pages on the Wikia to earn a melee dildo dangle.}
I know this might seem like a little too much effort to get that noggin' joggin',
you greedy wee basTARD
MOTHERF-
As for the ability set Excalibur provides
there really isn't too many redeeming qualities or much to discuss,
as is to be expected from a character designed by an almost bankrupt studio
deciding that there absolutely has to be a fairly generic playable character based on an unhealthy compulsive obsession with swords.
Then again a lot of people at DE seems to like anime so that could potentially explain a few things. {Megan alone proves this lmao}
[Tape Recorder Button Sound]
Slash Dash can be utilized for mobility, which in itself is innately useful at the cheap energy cost,
but this also requires the abscence of enemies in front of you at a total area the length of fucking Norway,
or you'll just slide up to enemies like a greasy, backslick-having, pink shirt-wearing, roofie-armed twat spotting a lone girl in a club.
Admittedly, I don't have much experience with clubs,
[BGM: Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You, fades over] because the club isn't the best place to find a lover so the bar is where I go.
[Mhm! Me-] {REE-}
Radial Blind, or... you know...
{If you're deaf, or became deaf, just imagine Pain as a noise.}
In Umbra's case is... yeah, it's good. Pretty good.
I find myself using this ability more-more often than any other because a successful utilization ultimately relies on {Wait for it...}
LITERALLY ANYTHING
that isn't excalibur's abilities.
Preferably, ironically, a melee weapon. Such as a sword. {Facepalm.gif}
[Music Pause, whispers] God damn it, there's no getting away from it, is there? {You did this to yourself, good luck with Nezha's vid.}
On the other hand, I wish to address both Radial Javelin and Exalted Blade simultaneously, because I hate them both.
Relentlessly.
Because for us to have Exalted Blade, we had to move Radial Javelin from being the ultimate to being the third ability,
to make room for Exalted Blade being Excalibur's new ultimate ability.
Hence we replaced the former third ability, which was undoubtedly the best and most fun ability in the entire game.
I pity you new-comers who will never experience the pure joy that was trying Super Jump with Intensify, Blind Rage and Transient Fortitude the first time.
Rest in peace, Super Jump. You are unfathomably missed.
[Snaps fingers] Queue the Sad Violin.
[Sad Violin Plays]
[BGM: Evanescence - Wake Me Up Inside (Earrape)] {You ARE watching a Misanthroplonker video afterall.}
Ehmm... Other than that, Exalted Blade has (okay) potential damage output at the time of writing this script, I guess.
And I can see... insane damage potential and entertainment value in flinging energy waves in all directions with the Chromatic Blade augment,
but I'm not gonna go contradict myself after writing 4 pages of script explaining how boring I think Excalibur is.
As for Excalibur's stats, there is potential in armour values and passives,
with Umbra's independent-acting being a plus.
[Sounding weirdly as previously, along 56k Modem SFX] As long as his AI is agreeable, but knowing Warframe, this might not always be the case.
Alas, Umbra renders base Excalibur fairly useless being more impressive, both stat and lore wise.
Which says a whole fucking lot, given that you could draw an accurate comparative measure between Excalibur's lore investment compared to other frames side by side
with the New Testament compared to my entire list of reasons not to get drunk when I get off work & it would be (frighteningly) proportional.
[BAZINGA]
For the purpose of the review I put up with playing each variant of Excalibur,
and my general experience with Excalibur can be compared to inflating a bouncy castle with your farts by directly administering the nozzle to your ass. {Wait, what?}
Yes, it is uncomfortable. Yes, it takes forever to get anything done.
And yes, the only thing you really have to show for it is a plastic monument full of farts erected in your glory, {Honestly I'd be impressed.}
not unlike what you achieve by trying to making sense of Excalibur.
And walking away from Excalibur can be compared to deflating the fucking thing afterwards. {Oookay...}
Because you're gonna want to either huff all those several thousands of litres of farts either way, {Litres of farts...?} [[Yes, shiv. Gases are measured in litres.]]
because I suspect that in order to play Excalibur you are probably the kind of person to inhale methane gas for a high,
you're already huffing your farts for being apologetic towards this frame,
or you want to die by asphyxiation because you spent several days playing Excalibur.
Final verdict is 2.5 A N I M O B E A C O N S out of 7.
Not excellent.
[Cut]
[BGM: Joshua Swindle - Western Guitary] CC by Shiveranna. Supervised/corrected by Misanthroplonker.
Regardless, if you didn't pick up on that detail, this isn't really-
[Fan Noises]
My fan just fucking started outta nowhere, hold on.
[Fan Noise fades]
[Misan giggles]
My-My house is fucking haunte- {Just like that one Nezha Plushie that su-}
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